Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Frank Smeghammer]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS BLUE

Sequel to the popular Series VII episode, the crew fail to loot anything good from the derelict ships to give each other for Christmas. Instead, they spend Christmas day reminiscing about all the times Lister spent reminiscing about all the times he spent with Rimmer.

This is extremely odd as Rimmer is actually in the room this time

[Frank Smeghammer]

MISTLETONY AND RINE

Taiwan Tony displays his most cringeworthy and grossly offensive moment to date when he butchers the classic Cliff Christmas track in a bad vaguely Asian accent

[clem]

MELLIE KALIKIMAKA

Bongo’s secretary spends Christmas in Hawaii.

[clem]

I WANT AN ALIEN FOR CHRISTMAS

Unproduced festive special. Abandoned at script stage when Doug remembered the ‘no aliens’ rule and couldn’t get ‘gelf’ to scan.

[Nick R]

GOLD, FRANK INCENSED, AND MYRRH

Unproduced series VIII festive special in which the Tank’s inmates must put on a nativity play for the ship’s officers. Hilarity ensues when anything that can go wrong does go wrong, making Captain Hollister more and more enraged through the course of the episode.

[Dave]

G-ELF

Will Ferrell stars in this festive special as a human being who was adopted as a baby and raised by GELFs, but who returns to the human world to find his long-lost father, Arnold Rimmer, and fill him with Christmas spirit.

[Nick R]

HE’S MAKING A LISTER, CHECKING IT MANY TIMES

On board a derelict ship, Lister stumbles into an automated cloning chamber, which creates an identical duplicate of him that is both physically and mentally indistinguishable.

Back on Red Dwarf, Kryten drives himself mad obsessively performing tests on the two Listers, attempting to learn which is the original. (Even the trick they did with the Psiren doesn’t work this time!) Meanwhile, Rimmer is jealous that the two Listers get along so well, in contrast to every time he’s met one of his other selves.

The episode concludes when one of the Listers accidentally dies. The crew plead with Holly to bring him back as a hologram, but Holly can’t do that, because it was the clone Lister that died, and that one didn’t have his mind backed up to a hologram disk. Kryten asks if Holly had, using this method, always known which Lister was the clone – “Yeah,” replies Holly. Kryten, exasperated, asks why he didn’t tell him earlier. “Well,” replies Holly, “you seemed to be having such great fun trying to figure out out for yourself.”

Kryten announces that he’s going to use [amusingly specific-sounding tool] to perform [amusingly vicious-sounding procedure] on Holly.

The status quo restored, our crew happily flies off in search of more exciting and hilarious adventures!

[tombow]

HIS SHIT ON HER FIST, SHE’S WRECKING IT TWICE

flash back episode to how some misheard sexual advice from his teen years led Rimmer into the underbelly of Red Dwarf’s fetish scene

[cwickham]

THE GUSSET CHRISTMAS CAROL

Kryten is scrubbing Lister’s long johns all night on board Starbug when he is visited by three ghosts.

[Frank Smeghammer]

RONREY THIS CHRISTMAS

Follow up to the vastly unpopular MISTLETONY AND RINE proves even more unpopular.

Meanwhile, posters on the Red Dwarf fansite “Ganymede and Titan” begin to wonder if referencing a poor taste racist gag for a cheap giggle to themselves is basically just as bad as the original racist gag

[Frank Smeghammer]

FOR YELLOW AND RED ONES

SmegHammer decides against another Taiwan Tony episode about a Festive Lennon & Ono classic even though an idea came to him

[Frank Smeghammer]

SANTA CLAUS, WHAT A BASTARD

3 million years in the future, Santa Claus has now become a robot who has a warped sense of morality and considers everyone to be “naughty”, punishing them every Christmas night with extreme prejudice.

When he comes aboard Red Dwarf, everyone is filled with terror, except Kryten who remarks “hang on, didn’t Futurama do this?”

[Frank Smeghammer]

SPACE PILOT 3000

David Lister gets frozen in time and wakes up in a future he doesn’t recognise. Although he had a lowly job back in his own time, the future gives him an opportunity to do something different and explore outer space.

Only problem is, he is browbeaten at every opportunity by his neurotic underachieving colleague who uses their superior rank on the ship to make his life a misery and mask their own insecurities.

Although lazy and generally slobby, Lister displays his heroic qualities from time to time and shows that he has qualities that make up for a lack of academic or professional achievement. Despite this, his colleague and superior aboard the ship, who incidentally has double letters in the middle of their name, continues to have to drag him kicking and screaming into doing his duty.

The episode ends with the memorable line “Look out World of Tomorrow, the slime’s coming home!”

[Captain Bollocks]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN 

Rob Grant clenches his buttski. 

[Captain Bollocks]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN 

A particularly enterprising fan cobbles together a significantly shorter edit of Back in the Red with as many of the shit bits removed as possible and bungs it on DailyMotion. 

[Nick R]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN

[Dave]

RED DWARF: THAI TON

Lister bets Rimmer that he can eat a ton of Thai curry in a week.

Meanwhile, Kryten and Cat are brutally tortured in graphic detail.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED DWARF: TIE TONGUED 

The crew are attacked by a giant knotted tongue.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN 
A particularly enterprising fan cobbles together a significantly shorter edit of Back in the Red with as many of the shit bits removed as possible and bungs it on DailyMotion. 

In fact, there’s quite a few of them about now. Hell, two editors are already on this forum.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN 
A particularly enterprising fan cobbles together a significantly shorter edit of Back in the Red with as many of the shit bits removed as possible and bungs it on DailyMotion.

 

In fact, there’s quite a few of them about now. Hell, two editors are already on this forum.

I assumed that was the joke

[Frank Smeghammer]

RED DWARF: TITS ON

Uncensored cut of Krytie TV with all of the non-shower scenes removed and maximum sex crimes added

[Dave]

RED DWARF: M’AIDEN TY-TAN

In Red Dwarf: Titan episode two, Rob inevitably introduces the agonoids as soon as possible.

[Nick R]

In fact, there’s quite a few of them about now. Hell, two editors are already on this forum.

RED DWARF: HARRISON

Lister is depressed about not being able to get back to Earth. Kryten asks why they don’t try fixing and reusing one of the previous plot devices that past episodes have been based around: the Holly Hop Drive, the Matter Paddle, the Rejuvenation Shower, etc. After Kryten names each one, Lister simply replies: “It’s been done.”

[Captain Bollocks]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN 
A particularly enterprising fan cobbles together a significantly shorter edit of Back in the Red with as many of the shit bits removed as possible and bungs it on DailyMotion.

 

In fact, there’s quite a few of them about now. Hell, two editors are already on this forum.

I assumed that was the joke

Indeed. That’s twice this year I’ve had a possibly too-subtle/referential joke explained back to me on here. 

Might just have to start repetitively posting low quality Smeg kitchenware memes and asking if anyone would like any toast instead of being quite so niche, I guess. 

[Moonlight]

RED DWARF: TIGHTEN 
A particularly enterprising fan cobbles together a significantly shorter edit of Back in the Red with as many of the shit bits removed as possible and bungs it on DailyMotion. 

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

If I had a nickel for every time this year this year I’ve had a possibly too-subtle/referential joke explained back to me on here, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[tombow]

THE MIDDLE 

a short adventure about the crew between the events of Stoke me a Clipper and Ouroboros, the 38th and 39th of the show’s 76 episodes.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

THE PIDDLE

Someone doesn’t reach Talkie Toilet in time and Kryten’s left to clean up the mess.

[Nick R]

THE RIDDLE

In an attempt to prove the superiority of human lateral thinking skills, Rimmer challenges Kryten and Holly to a game of MindTrap (The Game That Will Challenge The Way You Think).

[Dave]

THE GRIDDLE

Kryten has to clean up the kitchen equipment after cooking a space weevil.

[Nick R]

THE LIDL

The crew get back to Earth and go shopping.

[Flap Jack]

THE MIDDLE 
a short adventure about the crew between the events of Stoke me a Clipper and Ouroboros, the 38th and 39th of the show’s 76 episodes.

[Moonlight]

Counting Bodysnatcher and Identity Within. Or Phwoooarrrr and Earth, whatever.

[Formica]

Red Christmas, Parts I and II.

[Frank Smeghammer]

That is the entire point of the thread to be fair

[cwickham]

PHWOOO-ARRR

Abandoned Series VIII episode where everyone speaks in stereotypical country bumpkin accents that was still somehow much better than most of the actual VIII episodes.

[Flap Jack]

That is the entire point of the thread to be fair

[loadoftottnumb]

Red Dwarf 14: Repurposed 

A series of episodes that sort of do exist a bit, now with pencil ship CGI shots and extra skutters

Body Snatcher 

Dad 

Identity Within 

Red Christmas 

Red Dwarf USA 

Into The Gloop 

[si]

[Formica]

THE AIRBNB I STAYED AT 4 MONTHS AGO

Had a red fucking Smeg fridge in it

[cwickham]

ACTUALKRYTIE TV

Robert Llewellyn offers in-character commentary over episodes such as Ouroboros and Pete (Part Two).

[cwickham]

THE QUINN DILEMMA
G&T Admin ponders finally killing this bloody thread now that the number of active participants is down to one.

Well who’d have thought it

https://www.bigfinish.com/releases/v/doctor-who-the-sixth-doctor-adventures-the-quin-dilemma-2873

[Moonlight]

I JUST HOSED HIM DOWN AND GAVE HIM A PAT

The butter pun thread from early 2010s G&T is unexpectedly resurrected.

[Dave]

JIM/BEXLEY SPEED

Lister’s two sons get trapped on board a Blue Midget with a bomb attached to it. Once the ship hits 50 light years per hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. Luckily the initial triggering circumstance never comes to pass.

[Dave]

GYM BEXLEY SPEED

One of Lister’s sons times his morning gym routine, then the next day challenges himself to beat his own personal record.

[Dave]

JIM, BEXLEY’S PEED

Lister talks to his two newborn sons and notes to one that the other has just urinated.

[Nick R]

ACCORDING TO JIM, ACCORDING TO BEX, ACCORDING TO SPEED

When the crew discovers a set of old sitcom videos on a derelict ship, they have a bet about who will be able to watch them the quickest. Lister thinks he’ll easily be able to watch all 8 episodes of Jessica Hynes’s series quicker than Cat can finish watching all 8 seasons of Jim Belushi’s. But in the end, Lister can’t bear to watch any further than the third episode, so Cat ends up winning.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF BEX

Series guest-starring Adlington, Black, Front, Gethings and Hall.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF SEX

Alternative title for Red Dwarf VIII.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF FUCK MY ARSE WE’RE ON THE TWO HUNDRED AND SIX

…ty-third page

[Author]

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