Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

ROO DETECTIVE

Asso moves to Australia.

[cwickham]

SOO DETECTIVE

Asso steals Sooty’s girlfriend.

[cwickham]

VUE DETECTIVE

Asso goes to the cinema.

[cwickham]

WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU LOOK LIKE CLIVE ANDERSON

Lister likens Rimmer to a chat show host.

[cwickham]

WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU LOOK LIKE CLIVE JAMES

Lister likens Rimmer to an Australian critic.

[cwickham]

WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU LOOK LIKE CLIVE MYRIE

Lister likens Rimmer to a highly respected newsreader.

[cwickham]

WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU LOOK LIKE CLIVE SINCLAIR

Lister likens Rimmer to a computing entrepreneur.

[Moonlight]

CTRL C & V

Cwickham fails to notice the “paste without formatting” option so that the text isn’t surrounded by a white highlight in dark mode.

[Frank Smeghammer]

WHITE TEXT

So that thing’s spewing ideas into the thread?

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-TWO

Lister drives his space bike so far into Red Dwarf’s cargo decks that it runs out of fuel, but fortunately he discovers some cans of fuel. However, all of the cans have different amounts of fuel, and only the fullest one contains enough for his return journey. The amounts of fuel in each can are (expressed as fractions) 2/3, 25/33, 10/13, 7/9, 3/4, 16/21 and 9/13. Which can does he need?

[Flap Jack]

Can No. 4.

Although he could just take from multiple cans. If none of them are full then I assume they’re resealable, so it wouldn’t be a waste.

[Dave]

THIS IS A WHITE TEXT SITUATION, END OF CONVERSATION

Stubborn G&T users refuse to follow attempts to move the Idea For An Episode thread on to a new topic before they have wrung every possible gag out of the latest meme.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-THREE

Lister’s bath water brings in enough waste to fill Red Dwarf’s recycling tank in five days. Kryten’s mechanoid wash brings in enough waste to fill the tank in seven days. The purifying machine can pump out and purify an entire tankful in four days. Will the machine be able to cope and, if not, how long before the tank starts overflowing?

[Flap Jack]

Between them Lister and Kryten add 48/140 of the volume of the tank per day, while the purifying machine removes 35/140 per day. If the purifying machine works in a discrete fashion – only purifying after Lister and Kryten have both washed on a given day – then the tank will overflow on day 9. If the purifying machine operates in a continuous manner (which I guess is more likely), then it may last up until day 11.

If the amount being added to and removed from the tank at any given moment is always perfectly uniform, then the overflow would occur 18 hours and 28 minutes into day 11.

[cwickham]

18 hours, 27 minutes and 42 seconds into day 11 to be exact, but very good

[Moonlight]

MY COCK RACING

Kryten takes Archie on the racing circuit to compete for the crown champion of Fastest Penis in the Universe.

[Frank Smeghammer]

MECH KILL-CRAZY

Snacky is reprogrammed by Killcrazy and goes on a rampage

[Moonlight]

I just realized Mech Cock Racing would have made more sense. Goddammit.

[Flap Jack]

MMM-CORP

After installing a ship wide system update, Lister finds himself unable to hear any music that isn’t by Hanson.

[Formica]

MMM-CORP
After installing a ship wide system update, Lister finds himself unable to hear any music that isn’t by Hanson.

I THINK WE’VE EXPERIENCED THIS PERIOD OF TIME BEFORE, SIR

A G&T user makes a joke that has been made many, many times before to point out that another user has made a joke that has been made before.

[Formica]

I THINK WE’VE EXPERIENCED THIS PERIOD OF GRIME BEFORE, SIR

Lister further extends his boxers’ wear length by turning them inside out a second time.

[Formica]

I THINK WE’VE EXPERIENCED THIS PERIOD OF RHYME BEFORE, SIR

The Canaries reach the chorus of the song.

[Formica]

I THINK WE’VE EXPERIENCED THIS MYRIAD OF MIME BEFORE, SIR

Lister discovers Red Dwarf’s mime deck, home to thousands of mimes who, much like the cats, evolved over million years following the accidents. As he informs the crew, they all come to suspect that they’ve discovered the mime deck before,  eventually realizing that they must wipe their memory to protect the mimes.

[Flap Jack]

My bad. 😕

But in my defence, nobody ever said they needed to be new ideas.

[Flap Jack]

BACKWARDS

The Dwarfers crash land on a planet what where time is running in reverse.

[Ian Symes]

PETE (PART TWO)

A dinosaur eats some food and shits everywhere.

[Dave]

TIKKA TO RIDE

Lister wants some curry, leading to the assassination of JFK.

[Frank Smeghammer]

TIMEWAVE

Doug Naylor writes a script and shits everywhere and on everyone

[Formica]

BACKWARDS

The Dwarfers crash land on a planet what where time is running in reverse.

[cwickham]

BACKWARDS

The Dwarfers crash land on a planet where David Cameron is in frontline politics.

[Formica]

DAVID (PART TWO)

A dinosaur eats some food and shits everywhere.

[Moonlight]

CASSANDRA 

[Boy Was I Suckered… Into Using my Kidneys as a Full Stop]

An episode where we see in flashback the full scene from Dimension Jump of what Kalli Greenwood’s character decided to do to Simon Gaffney’s one ;)

[cwickham]

SMEGGY THIS CHRISTMAS

Unproduced Christmas special from 1988 which was just scenes of the cast walking around the ship whilst “Lonely This Christmas” played on an endless loop. Abandoned when it was deemed pointless and depressing.

[cwickham]

I BELIEVE IN FATHER CHRISTMAS

Unproduced Christmas special from 1989 where Lister uses the memory recorder to will Father Christmas into existence. Abandoned when Grant Naylor insisted this had to be actually accomplished in real life.

[cwickham]

DECK THE DECKS

Unproduced Christmas special from 1990 where the Dwarfers aim to decorate Red Dwarf from top to bottom. Abandoned when the title was deemed too confusing.

[cwickham]

WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME²

Unproduced Christmas special from 1991 where Rimmer attempts to teach his duplicate the true meaning of Christmas. Abandoned when it was pointed out Grant Naylor’s plan to broadcast it live on Christmas Day was impractical.

[cwickham]

A SPACEMAN CAME TRAVELLING

Unproduced Christmas special from 1992 which was abandoned when by December 17th Grant Naylor still hadn’t gotten any further than coming up with the title.

[Moonlight]

THE YEAR WITHOUT SKUTTER CLAWS

After being flipped off one too many times, Rimmer has the claws removed from every skutter, thus rendering them unable to assist in decorating for Christmas.

[Unrumble]

[Nick R]

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE KRISTINEMAS

Unproduced Christmas special from 1997 which would have seen the crew encounter a GELF device that turns their hair a variety of festive colours; Kochanski’s was going to be white as snow. Abandoned when Chloe told Doug that this plot was already planned to be used in the second series of Crime Traveller.

[Dave]

MISSILE TOE AND WHINE

Lost Series VII Christmas special. When a jealous Kryten discovers that professor Mamet secretly designed his feet to be filled with advanced weaponry, he uses it to constantly disrupt Lister’s attempts to plant a Christmas kiss on Kochanski.

[Dave]

FELIS (SAPIENS) NAVIDAD

Cat dresses as the Riviera Kid to sing a special Christmas song.

[Dave]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS U

Deleted scene from Bodyswap. During a festive Scrabble game with Cat, Lister gets stuck with a Q and no vowels.

[Dave]

BLUE CHRISTMAS

Series VII episode 5, but with some jingle bells added to the opening theme.

[Dave]

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

Alternative festive take of that scene from White Hole where the engines stop.

[Dave]

SILENT KNIGHT

Audio-free alternative cut of Stoke Me A Clipper.

[Dave]

THE HOLLY AND THE IV

Compilation of Hattie’s best moments from series 4, set to a festive accompaniment.

[Dave]

DIESEL DECK THE HALLS

Rimmer goes on a Christmas holiday.

[Dave]

FUCK MY ARSE IT’S CHRISTMAS

Noddy Holder gets a bit too exuberant during his traditional exclamation during Slade’s famous Christmas hit.

[Author]

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