Home › Forums › Ganymede & Titan Forum › Idea for an episode.
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cwickham.
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September 27, 2016 at 3:00 pm #216500
smoke me a kipper
ParticipantHere is my idea for an episode.
The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.
That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.
Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.
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March 16, 2018 at 7:23 am #229506
Dave
ParticipantBACKWARDS II: GGEB
The crew visit Backwards-world and meet a BEGG. He starts to look a bit flustered and out of breath. Suddenly a man grabs him from behind and starts performing the Heimlich Manoeuvre on him. Shortly afterwards, a large piece of half-chewed food jumps up off the floor and flies across the room, lodging itself in the BEGG’s throat. The BEGG immediately starts violently coughing, and the man releases him, before the coughing subsides and the BEGG begins chewing the food normally, before regurgitating it into a fully-formed chocolate eclair.
Delighted at having seen such a crisis averted, the crew bring the BEGG back to Red Dwarf where he promptly chokes to death.
March 16, 2018 at 7:26 am #229507cwickham
ParticipantBACKWARDS FORWARDS BACKWARDS
Backwards Forwards, but played backwards. Widely criticised as pointless.
March 16, 2018 at 7:53 am #229508Warbodog
ParticipantEMOHAWK: POLYMORPH II BACKWARDS
Emohawk choppily edited into reverse-word order to finally reveal what the Space Corps External Enforcement Vehicle was saying, even though that was already clear on first viewing and patronisingly explained by Rimmer after we’d already got it.
March 16, 2018 at 8:06 am #229509Warbodog
ParticipantBETTER THAN LIFE NOT BETTER THAN LIFE
Better Than Life is played Not Better Than Life.
March 16, 2018 at 10:08 am #229510Dave
ParticipantGHANDI, MEAD AND FIGHTIN’
Sequel to LEMONS. After travelling back in time to India again, the boys from the Dwarf get Ghandi pissed, and he starts a ruckus after Rimmer accuses Ghandi of ‘eyeballing’ him.
March 16, 2018 at 10:09 am #229511Dave
ParticipantOr Gandhi, even. I blame my phone.
March 16, 2018 at 10:10 am #229512Dave
ParticipantONLY THE GHAND
Gandhi and his mirror-universe counterpart, Ghandi, have a massive fight while a destructive microbe devours India. The episode ends with both of them choking a BEGG to death.
March 16, 2018 at 10:13 am #229513Dave
ParticipantGANDHI PLEAD IN BRIGHTON
When the boys from the Dwarf take Gandhi on a pub crawl in modern-day Brighton, he begs for one more drink at closing time.
Not to be confused with a BEGG having one last drink, which would lead them to choke to death, obviously.
March 16, 2018 at 10:15 am #229514Dave
ParticipantSHANDY NEED ENLIGHTEN
Lister invents a magical mixture of beer and lemonade that makes him super-smart when he drinks it. However, he becomes so smart that he rightly refuses to never drink shandy again.
March 16, 2018 at 10:54 am #229515Ben Saunders
ParticipantBINKS TO ENLIGHTENMENT
Jar Jar goes on a metaphysical odyssey to discover week he really is, his place in the universe, and what it all means. Meanwhile, the crew start inhaling The Cat’s urine in an attempt to get high and reach a rather different kind of enlightenment.
March 16, 2018 at 10:54 am #229516Ben Saunders
Participantwho he is
March 16, 2018 at 10:57 am #229517Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantALPHABEGGY SPAGHETTI
Lister does some weird shit with a BEGG and alphabetti spaghetti, annoying Rimmer in the process for some reason. The BEGG, as we all know, chokes to death on the spaghetti.
March 16, 2018 at 11:08 am #229518Dave
ParticipantBEGG & TAKE
Lister needs a new kidney after he is attacked by a crazed medical droid. A nearby BEGG turns out to be a perfect donor match, but refuses to give up one of his kidneys. So they give him a crisp and he obligingly chokes to death.
March 16, 2018 at 11:20 am #229519Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantCURED
The crew come across a research station that is looking for a cure for choking to death. The revived scientist has 3 BEGGS that are able to eat a meal without choking to death. Success!!
But all is not as it seems. The BEGGS are just robots and when real BEGGS arrive to take advantage of the cure, the scientist gives them a placebo which they promptly choke on.
March 16, 2018 at 11:31 am #229520Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantWAITING FOR GOD EXTENDED
Rimmer finds a stow away BEGG in the garbage pod which choked to death on a roast chicken.
Meanwhile, Lister gives the Cat Priest a lovely little funeral, declaring him an honorary slob. The ceremony is attended by no-one except the two Scutters who struggle to carry the coffin.
March 16, 2018 at 11:36 am #229521Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantMe2 EXTENDED
On the other side of the cinema aisle as Lister and the two Rimmer’s argue over who should be switched off, two BEGGs are trying to watch the film. They turn to shush the commotion by choke to death on their popcorn. No-one notices.
March 16, 2018 at 12:01 pm #229522Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantPETE: DRAFT 1
In an early draft of the script, the crew inexplicably turn Pete the sparrow into a BEGG. It eats all the food in the cargo hold, chokes to death and shits everywhere.
March 16, 2018 at 12:16 pm #229523Dave
ParticipantTHE BEGG-BEGGING
Remastered version of The Beginning in which Hoagie the Roagie is replaced by BEGGbie the BEGGie BEGG, and as he challenges the crew to a duel across time and space he promptly chokes to death on nothing but the very air itself.
March 16, 2018 at 12:20 pm #229524Dave
ParticipantBACK TO THE END
As Doug Naylor sits down to script a new series of Red Dwarf, he finds himself struggling to come up with an idea for yet another ‘final’ episode of the show to put at the end of the series, which will effectively serve as the last Red Dwarf ever, if no further series are subsequently commissioned.
Having used up some of his best ideas with Back To Earth, The Beginning and Skipper, he wonders whether he should maybe devise a new crowd-pleasing finale that revolves around BEGGs choking to death, as that’s all that the fans on G&T seem to talk about any more.
March 16, 2018 at 12:30 pm #229525Warbodog
ParticipantBINKS TO ENLIGHTENMENT
The Enlightenment crew are getting sick and tired of Binks being a prick to everyone, so they beam him down to the next planet they come across and scarper. He sits under a fig tree to collect his thoughts and he only goes and becomes a Buddha doesn’t he.
March 16, 2018 at 12:35 pm #229526Warbodog
ParticipantLISTER TO RED DWARF
Lister writes a heartfelt letter to the ship that’s been his home for most of his life. Unfortunately, Red Dwarf never receives it because, oh I don’t know, the BEGG postman chokes to death before he can deliver it.
March 16, 2018 at 12:37 pm #229527Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantBETTER THAN LIFE – LOST DELETED SCENES
Long lost deleted scenes from BTL are discovered showing the news reader as a BEGG that chokes to death upon reading the news that the bible is a work of fiction dedicated to the authors darling wife, Candy.
March 16, 2018 at 12:44 pm #229529bloodteller
ParticipantCURSED
lister only goes and summons a bloody amanojaku so they decide to seal it inside rimmer forever.
March 16, 2018 at 12:53 pm #229530bloodteller
ParticipantBEGG BROTHER
the boys from the dwarf host an amusing reality show where they seal a load of BEGGs in the garbage hold and watch them choke to death
March 16, 2018 at 12:55 pm #229531Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantBEGG ECHOS
As Red Dwarf approaches light speed, the crew start to see echos of all the BEGGs that they will witness choking to death over the coming years. It’s really quite depressing for them.
March 16, 2018 at 12:55 pm #229532Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantFUTURE BEGGs
The same premise as BEGG ECHOS but with maybe a slightly better title.
March 16, 2018 at 12:56 pm #229533Ben Saunders
ParticipantBEGG FOR YOUR LIFE
Game show in which BEGGs have to convince Dermot O’Leary that they deserve to live and have the Heimlich maneuver performed on them as they choke, potentially to death
March 16, 2018 at 12:58 pm #229534Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantOUR BEGG OR ROSS
The crew have to choose between their BEGG, or a new bloke called Ross. They choose Ross of course … then kick him out the airlock out of spite.
March 16, 2018 at 1:00 pm #229535Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantTHE WEAKEST BEGG
Anne Robinson presides over the choking to death of 15 BEGGs. Who will die first and thus be the weakest BEGG?
March 16, 2018 at 1:02 pm #229536Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantBEGG FOR YOUR WIFE
The crew need a new O/G Unit so Lister marries a BEGG in a trade with a local tribe. The new Mrs Lister chokes to death on their wedding night, but Dave won’t tell them on what.
March 16, 2018 at 1:35 pm #229538Dave
ParticipantMAROOGGED
When Lister and a BEGG crash-land together on an arctic wasteland of a planet, the BEGG must choose whether it’s the Pot Noodle or the dog food that he’s going to choke to death on.
March 16, 2018 at 1:37 pm #229539Dave
ParticipantGUNMEN OF THE BEGGOCALYPSE
When rogue simulants lash out at Starbug in their death throes by infecting the navicomp with a virus, everyone has to pretend to be a BEGG and simply eat the computer until the problem goes away. Unfortunately this results in Lister and the Cat choking to death.
March 16, 2018 at 1:39 pm #229540Dave
ParticipantBEGGARCHY
It turns out that the crew didn’t lose Red Dwarf, it was just eaten by BEGGs. By dissecting the corpses of a load of BEGGs who have choked to death, the boys from the Dwarf manage to find all the pieces of their mothership lodged in their gullets, and reconstruct Red Dwarf.
March 16, 2018 at 1:40 pm #229541Dave
ParticipantHOLOBEGG
When one of the many BEGGs that have choked to death on Red Dwarf is resurrected as a hologram, Rimmer has to keep out of his way to avoid being eaten.
March 16, 2018 at 1:41 pm #229542Dave
ParticipantQUEGG
Holly plays a prank on the crew and replaces himself with a cruel, strict BEGG. Luckily they don’t have to endure this torture for long as it almost immediately chokes to death.
March 16, 2018 at 5:47 pm #229544Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantPOLYBEGG
Many BEGGs inevitably choke to death on Lister’s sharmy kebab deablo. Yes, he really does like them that hot.
March 16, 2018 at 6:32 pm #229548Dave
ParticipantBEGG, BORROW OR STEAL
When a BEGG stows away on Red Dwarf, his attempts to get food by asking the Dwarfers to lend it to him – or by thieving it outright – seem doomed to failure.
He doesn’t have long to sulk about this, however, as while contemplating his misfortune a piece of his own hair falls off his head and into his mouth and chokes him to death.
March 16, 2018 at 6:40 pm #229549clem
ParticipantOUR-SOPH-OR-GUS
The crew meet a BEGG couple who are trying for a baby and have decided on the names Sophie for a girl and Gus for a boy. Tragically the long, muscular tubes that connect their mouths to their stomachs become blocked and they choke to death.
March 16, 2018 at 8:57 pm #229550bloodteller
ParticipantYOU NEVER HAD THE RIGHT SET OF PENS FOR YOUR G&T DRAWING
rimmer decides to illustrate the largest moons of saturn and jupiter but despite his love for cartography he cant seem to find the a pen with the right shade of turquoise to do his shading
March 16, 2018 at 9:01 pm #229551Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantYOU NEVER HAD THE RIGHT BEGGY BACKGROUND
Lister confronts Rimmer with the cold hard truth that he never saw enough BEGGs choke to death whilst growing up.
March 16, 2018 at 9:07 pm #229552bloodteller
ParticipantTHEY BROKE MY BEGG
after a wild party on a gelf-inhabited starship, the posse wake up three days later to discover the windpipe of their BEGG slave has been blocked and it has of course, ceased to be able to breathe. there’s a half completed jigsaw on the table opposite as well. eventually the boys discover it was them who choked the BEGG to death after discovering lister had dated it and then given rimmer the memory of said relationship. “the BEGG i loved most in the whole world had it’s tongue down your ear” rimmer remarks sadly. as they go to erase their memory of the whole affair lister completes the jigsaw only to discover its a picture of sue milliken.
March 16, 2018 at 9:20 pm #229553bloodteller
ParticipantDAVID BRENTANGLED
the posse discover ricky gervais in a stasis booth onboard a space station. they let him out and are initially okay with him until they discover hes a horrible transphobe. they are finally pushed over the edge when he makes that remark about monkeys and decide to flush the git out of an airlock. but was it an accident? no.
meanwhile the cat watches both versions of the Office and declares them to both be shit anyway
March 16, 2018 at 9:55 pm #229554Pete Part Three
ParticipantTHE INN SOLICITOR
The crew are transported to Bethlehem 0BC, where Kryten uses his expert legal skills to defend a case of defamation against an inn-keeper. Meanwhile, I’m not even trying any more.
March 16, 2018 at 11:02 pm #229555Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion
ParticipantA BEGG EATS PETE PART THREE
A BEGG eats Pete Part Three because his “idea for an episode” didn’t involve a BEGG choking to death. The BEGG subsequently chokes to death on Pete Part Three and normality is restored.
March 16, 2018 at 11:10 pm #229556Warbodog
ParticipantOUME
“Have we got any chance of winning?”
“Their craft is greatly upgraded, we have no chance whatsoever.”
“Then I say fight.”
“Mr Rimmer?”
“Begg.”
“Hang on, now you want us to plead with them?”
“No, I was saving time due to the urgency of the situation. ‘Begg,’ it’s an abbreviation I made up, double G actually, it means ‘better dead than smeg.'”
“How does it save time if you have to explain what it means? It’s not exactly a well-known-”
Lister’s console explodes and he dies. He got better.March 16, 2018 at 11:33 pm #229558Warbodog
ParticipantBETTER CZECH THAN SMEG
Lister observes that if you want to copy-paste some Red Dwarf dialogue, CervenyTrpaslik.cz is more reliable than the well-meaning but often ludicrously wrong transcripts at PlanetSmeg.com.
March 17, 2018 at 8:35 am #229560Dave
ParticipantWAKE UP YOU BEGG-ERS, IT’S CHEGGERS
When the time drive accidentally zaps one of the BEGGs back in time to the mid-1990s, he is surprised to find himself doorstepped by Keith Chegwin on behalf of the Big Breakfast at half-past seven in the morning. Startled, the BEGG immediately eats Keith Chegwin but chokes to death halfway through swallowing him. Happily, this prevents Naked Jungle from ever being broadcast.
March 17, 2018 at 8:37 am #229561Dave
ParticipantCAPTAIN BEGG-LER
One of the BEGGs stars in a naff pirate-based sitcom for Channel 4. He doesn’t choke to death, but his career almost does.
March 17, 2018 at 10:34 am #229562Dave
ParticipantBEGGORAH
Special St. Patrick’s Day episode of Red Dwarf in which a Biologically Engineered Garbage Gobbler insists that he is a quarter Irish and so is entitled to wear green clothes, drink dyed-green beer and say “Top a’ da’ mornin’ to ya” and “to be sure, to be sure” in an excruciatingly bad Irish accent on March 17th, while actual real Irish people look on in horror.
Luckily, the festivities are short-lived as every single witness to the BEGG’s behaviour chokes to death out of embarrassment.
March 17, 2018 at 1:03 pm #229564bloodteller
ParticipantTHE BEGG EMPIRE
chris beggie stars as the incompetent manager of a leisure centre who chokes to death but then wakes up and it was all a dream and he is on a train. then he chokes to death
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