Misheard lines

[Danny Stephenson]

Does anyone have any quotes from Red Dwarf that they’ve misheard and took it as read, only to find that years later you’ve got it all wrong?

Now i’ve wrote this topic starter I can’t think of an example. Bollocks

Anyways…

Discuss.

Topic

[Warbodog]

It is about the sand imprint, Rimmer says “competition the next day.” Both cheeks, man.

[bloodteller]

maybe lister is still there the next day, face down in the sand

[Dave]

Logically of course the imprint on the sand would be deepest around each buttock, and would actually form a small peak at the point of contact with Lister’s buttock crevice.

Of course, you could argue that Rimmer is actually referring to the indentation made by the buttocks, but those would be more craters than crevices.

Perhaps it’s best not to overthink these things.

[clem]

I’ve always thought “Lister’s buttock crevice” meant his actual bum crack, but now I think Warbodog’s right about bloodteller having been right in the first place. Just looked it up and a niblick is a golf club used especially for playing out of bunkers, so I think Rimmer’s saying that Lister would make the bunker deeper/a big “crevice” in the sand with his big arse. Crater would be a better word though, I agree. Also, that would mean Rimmer assumes the girl went on top, which I suppose makes sense if he imagines she’s older and more experienced than the 12 year old first-timer Lister, and therefore took the lead?

[Ben Saunders]

I always thought it meant his arse crack, and never knew what a niblick was, but now my outlook on life has changed immeasurably

I think it does indeed mean the imprint in the sand, now that i think. About it

[Dave]

I do like the interpretation of it actually being his physical arse crack though, as silly and unlikely as that seems.

As though the golfer would be irritated, but would still have to go through with playing the shot to the best of their ability, despite being perched atop Lister’s (presumably) still-shagging body.

[Ben Saunders]

The more time goes on, the less shocking it becomes that somebody would lose their virginity at twelve, meaning modern audiences might view Rimmer’s exclamation as more of him being some kind of square who didn’t lose his until the ripe old age of fourteen. People below me as i was leaving school certainly wouldn’t bat an eyelid at such a story. Doesn’t make the punchline any less funny, though.

[bloodteller]

>I do like the interpretation of it actually being his physical arse crack though, as silly and unlikely as that seems.

yeah, i think it’s funnier that way.

[RickLee84]

I believe he said “soda bread” which is a famous Irish bread.

[RickLee84]

Jesus, why is the editing of posts borked on this site?

I was responding to bloodteller’s post (#230660)

[Ben Saunders]

Edit/quoting has never worked on the forum posts, only the articles, correct me if I’m wrong. Can still quote if you know HTML or whatever but I always fuck that up so don’t bother anymore.

[Dave]

You just do this.

quoted text

But with pointy < > brackets instead of square ones.

[bloodteller]

again, not a misheard line but when I was younger I assumed the ending of Quarantine was implying that Lister, Cat and Kryten had all caught the holovirus too and Rimmer would have to watch them slowly die from it. this genuinely horrified me and for ages i wondered how the hell they got out of that situation

but it’s actually just them basically trolling rimmer for a laugh, isn’t it? it still seems unclear

[Pete Part Three]

[Mind blown]

[Dave]

The big question is where they got the exactly matching gingham dresses from.

[International Debris]

Danny always looks uncomfortable in that scene. Bobby and Craig really go for it, but Danny just sort of sits there, bouncing a little bit, with an awkward grin on his face.

[Warbodog]

A bit of luck virus could rustle up the three exact costumes you’re wishing for no problem, just try not to accidentally bump into a go-back-to-Earth-in-our-own-time-and-Kochanski’s-alive drive while you’re doing it.

I only just realised that Rimmer finding the luck virus in the crashed Starbug in VIII means they had it all along when they were trying to catch up with Red Dwarf for 200+ years and it could have been handy. VIII keeps on giving.

[International Debris]

The viruses were handily stored in Starbug’s cockpit.

[Ben Saunders]

They used the luck virus, but they didn’t find Red Dwarf. They found each other. Because it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey, and the real Red Dwarf is the friends you make along the way.

[bloodteller]

>means they had it all along when they were trying to catch up with Red Dwarf for 200+ years

somewhat unrelated, but do the events of Rimmerworld technically mean that Red Dwarf is a further 600+ years away? no wonder they’d lost all trace of it by Out Of Time

[Ben Saunders]

Do they not specifically mention that? I can’t remember but i always got the feeling they knew

[Dave]

somewhat unrelated, but do the events of Rimmerworld technically mean that Red Dwarf is a further 600+ years away?

I don’t see why. Time runs much faster inside the wormhole, so although Rimmer has to live through 600 years of relative time, the rest of the universe runs at normal speed.

Presumably they only spend a few hours on Rimmerworld and then get back out of the wormhole, where only a matter of seconds will have passed.

[Moonlight]

In America, Cluedo is called Clue.

I always heard it as: “Clue, though? You can be Colonel Mustard.”

[RamesesNiblickTheThird]

Craig’s accent is really hard to understand at times in the early series. Then he left Liverpool and sold out like the Beatles and I could understand him better.

[bloodteller]

when i first watched Dear Dave, for some reason i thought “slag” meant the same thing as “slog”, so i took the punchline as lister just moaning that the whole thing was an absolute waste of time since he wasn’t the father.

[Ben Saunders]

That would describe the episode itself rather well x

[Moonlight]

As a child I thought Rasputin was Jesus and describing him as “the most hated man of his era” was a slam against Christianity, and so I was afraid to ever watch the episode when family were around.

[Jimboid]

> again, not a misheard line but when I was younger I assumed the ending of Quarantine was implying that Lister, Cat and Kryten had all caught the holovirus too

That’s surely what’s supposed to have happened, no?

I always assumed that to be the case. Though it’s confusing how they appear with a hologrammatic “shooom”, though…seeing as how they’re not holograms. Or is it supposed to be a viewscreen rather than a window?

Who’s eating this chicken?

[Jimboid]

(and yes, Danny is a bit shit at acting mental).

[International Debris]

The ‘shoom’ is the lights coming on. How could they catch a holovirus?

[bloodteller]

surely them catching the virus makes more sense, though? lister, cat and kryten deciding to kit up in identical gingham dresses, seal rimmer in quarantine and then troll him for a laugh because he was mentally unwell doesn’t really feel like something the characters would do.

[bloodteller]

there’s no way Cat would wear such an ugly dress out of his own free will, for example

[International Debris]

I think the joke is “you put us through hell, so this is your punishment”, although frankly he deserves it after putting them in single berth quarantine with only sprouts and minimal entertainment. He’s extra cunty in the opening part of the episode.
But yes, although visually amusing it’s conceptually a pretty weak joke, it has to be said. But it still makes more sense to me than Lister and Cat effectively catching a computer virus.

[Jimboid]

Surely the joke is that the virus has somehow transferred to them? I mean …surely?

That’s what I’m sticking with. Otherwise it’s an VIII level gag. I won’t let Quarantine be ruined for me, damn it.

[bloodteller]

yeah, i think it works better if you assume they caught the virus as well. it’s a darker and better ending to the episode than “they dress up in gingham dresses for the lulz”

[bloodteller]

*The observation window depolarises, revealing CAT, LISTER, and KRYTEN dressed in identical white labcoats, mopheads and comically large false teeth in their mouths.*

KRYTEN: But don’t worry.
LISTER: We’re here to entertain ya!

*LISTER assualts Kochanski as KRYTEN pulls some silly faces and CAT does a tapdance.*

[Warbodog]

There are other “how did they survive that?” endings (Polymorph, Legion), so I can sort of see that interpretation. But it seems clear it’s a “payback lol” ending (Marooned, Meltdown, Demons and Angels), only more elaborate.

Does anyone remember being too young and innocent not to know what “the all-time number one” meant? I saw it when I was about 13, so very much aware.

[Ben Saunders]

>troll him for a laugh because he was mentally unwell doesn’t really feel like something the characters would do.
Well when you put it like that it sounds horrible. But when you remember what Rimmer put them through, they’re just getting revenge on him with a little bit of banter. I’m sure they let him out again shortly after. They definitely didn’t catch the holovirus and that wouldn’t even be a joke, imo.

[Ben Saunders]

The ending of Meltdown isn’t the IV ending I’d depict as cruel, it’s the one where they watch Lister fall down a manhole probably several feet onto a metal surface, and look down on him as if ready to spit on him and close the hatch, because he deserves it for rambling a little.

Is there any other point in the series where light-bees without their hologram are depicted as having sentience/speaking? Or is it just for that one (pretty horrible) gag. Can Rimmer see what’s going on, feel or smell it in any way? Can holograms smell? That bit with Lister’s moon boots suggests they might, but then he could just be turning his nose up because he remembers what they smell(ed) like.

[Plastic Percy]

He can smell the smoke of Lister’s fire in ‘Marooned’ and recognises it as burning camphor wood.

[bloodteller]

>they’re just getting revenge on him with a little bit of banter. I’m sure they let him out again shortly after.

earlier in the episode they were so sick of Rimmer that they were perfectly willing to turn him off forever so they could have Lanstrom onboard ship. chances are if they sealed him in quarantine they’ll be keeping him there for a long time, which is rather an unpleasant thought. they do the same in Mechocracy, where they just leave him in the garbage hold for days (for some reason?)

[bloodteller]

>it’s the one where they watch Lister fall down a manhole probably several feet onto a metal surface

you hear the splash of water a couple of seconds after he falls, so presumably it was actually a sewer. still, either way it’s a pretty dodgy ending to the episode.

[bloodteller]

there’s also the ending of Demons & Angels, where Rimmer and Cat decide to rob Lister of his free will and manipulate his body via a spinal implant for “just one week”. what are they planning to do with him?

a fair few episodes seem to end with one of the main characters getting tortured in some way or another, don’t they?

[Lily]

>a fair few episodes seem to end with one of the main characters getting tortured in some way or another, don’t they?

This is one reason I’ve never understood the upset over the end of Tikka. Violence between the guys isn’t new, especially when in Quarantine you see they’ve beaten the crap out of each other.

[Ben Saunders]

I think it being actually shown almost-explicitly might bother people. That, and the fact that it happens in VII, and I absolutely -do- think there is an element of forgiveness given to older episodes which is not applied to later ones, although to what degree it’s hard to say.

>you hear the splash of water a couple of seconds after he falls
I re-watched it before I commented and I am 100% sure it is the sound of metal, not water. Let me check again. [checks] …

Alright, he hits metal [twice] and THEN hits water, so it must have been a LONG way down.

Also, the ending of Justice contains the most painfully obvious running up-and-back-down of the same corridor the show has seen since… DNA? There’s at least one pretty obvious moment in V as well, and of course several in X, XI and XII.

[RickLee84]

Justice was on the other day and I remember seeing the end and not noticing before the obvious re-use of the same corridor, but they did disguise it well with the boys walking around some stuff on the floor and the camera panning around as they did it to make it look like they were going down a different corridor. Until watching it that time, I never really registered that they walked down the corridor they just walked up from.

[bloodteller]

>This is one reason I’ve never understood the upset over the end of Tikka.

honestly, out of all the occasions where the posse have beaten each other up, Tikka To Ride is one where I think lister deserves it. he tricks the crew into using a machine that previously got them all killed just so he can have a curry, destroys civilisation from 1963 onwards, forces JFK to commit suicide-and after all this, he hasn’t learnt a thing and just moans about curry again. what a bastard

[Dave]

I remember a friend of mine not having a problem with the beating per se, but being upset that Rimmer instigated it, which didn’t feel in keeping with his cowardly nature.

[International Debris]

The only problem I have with the Tikka one is that that amount of beating would pretty much have killed him.

[Ben Saunders]

>Until watching it that time, I never really registered that they walked down the corridor they just walked up from.
But it’s so obvious! They show the little bit they turn around in clearly in the shot of them going back up and it’s plain as day that there is only one corridor there

>Cowardly nature
With Out of time having just happened i think Rimmer is perfectly capable of the extreme display of bravery that is beating up Lister

[Author]

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