Norm’s post-Dwarf tell-all

[Phil]

Posted as a bulletin on his myspace, subject line “thanks”:

I’ve had loads of nice messages from myspace friends since I posted a bulletin about not being involved in the new Red Dwarf stuff for the Dave channel.

I want to say thanks for your support and thanks to those who bought a copy of my DVD. I also had around 80 people who decided not to be a myspace friend anymore and I found that rather sad really.

Here’s something else that will probably make a few more of you depart. I will not be involved in any more RD and have decided to write a book on my experiences with Red Dwarf. It will be truthful, entertaining and give you an insight into my life which has not been very ordinary. I have been asked to write an autobiography on many occasions and I now feel the time is right.

Thanks again.
Norman

[peas_and_corn]

Wow. That sounds like an interesting book…

[hummingbird]

Yeah, Norm. Whatever.

[Pete Part Three]

He could call it: “Grant Naylor Owes Me A Career”

[Tarka Dal]

> I have been asked to write an autobiography on many occasions and I now feel the time is right.

Now the bridge is burnt. I’m not sure how I feel about all this. To start with I was pretty pleased he’s been a grumpy old sod, slagged off attempts to get the movie made and generally been a bit of an arse.

Despite all that though, he has been a very big part of Dwarf’s history. So part of me does feel a little sad that it’s ended badly.

[NitroChrisUK]

i guess we may not know the true story … but the fact of the matter is as iv and others have said before .. its 2 episodes holly is not going to get hardly any screentime anyway .. and if they opend the door for more specials ( i see a series unlikely sein as budget is soo small for this ) then i think it would be same story ..shame he sayd he will never be involved though ..

[Ian Symes]

What a tit.

[Pete Part Three]

He left, they had the good grace to invite him back, the budget won’t stretch to involving him in this, he moans.

He needs to get a grip.

[Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc]

>What a tit.

But do tits really deserve to be compared to Norman Lovett?

>He needs to get a grip.

But if he got a grip, he’d be denied such a fine chance to moan about it on the internet.

Frankly, if he’s going to be like this it’s probably better for everyone else involved with Red Dwarf that he’s burnt his bridges. It’s a future opportunity for Hattie Hayridge, I suppose.

[Tarka Dal]

> But do tits really deserve to be compared to Norman Lovett?

He does a damn fine tit impression.

[Dave]

>He does a damn fine tit impression.

Now I wish I knew how to use photoshop

[ChrisM]

>He does a damn fine tit impression.

Are you thinking of the moon impression? ;)

I am rather sad he’s decided he’ll not have anything more to do with Dwarf though. Surely, he understands there were just the two episodes with a limited budget. Should it have been successful, it’s quite possible he’d be invited back for a full series. That being said, I’d welcome Hatty again. She didn’t have as much material in her years on Dwarf, but she did well with what she had. (Oo-er. You know what I mean.)

I can understand his offence at the email though. They probably should have called him.

[Seb Patrick]

I hope he either has a bloody good editor, or works on his writing style, if his Myspace posts are anything to go by.

[Seb Patrick]

Oh, and I bet you anything it’ll include the story of Donna DiStefano taking his ball away.

[Pete Part Three]

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

[JamesTC]

He should just write a book around the Ball fiasco.

[James]

April fool?

[hummingbird]

I loved him in I and II, but Holly as a character was pretty redundant by IV, anyway.
There was no real necessity for him to be in VIII, either.

So, I really don’t care either way. But I do wish he’d STFU.

[JamesTC]

Has anyone got a link or a quote of what Norm said about Grant Naylor productions? I heard he was having a go at their attempts of a film.

[Jonathan Capps]

> Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

I was just on my way to this thread, hugely pleased with myself that I was going to make this joke. Damn you.

[ChrisM]

>There was no real necessity for him to be in VIII, either.

His material wasn’t as great in that series, it’s true.

A couple made me laugh though.

The rodent-bottomed gag. (Cheap but snigger-worthy.)

The “I’ve hacked into the system and you’re due an inspection in 10 minutes” gag.

and the gem:

“It’s times like this I’m glad I’m just a head.”

[NitroChrisUK]

” theres stuff down there that will make your hair stand on end ……… brill cream its called “

[locusceruleus]

>He could call it: ?Grant Naylor Owes Me A Career?

That certainly seems to be a succinct summary of his outlook. Sure, we may not know the whole story, but how anyone can take his side over GNP’s is beyond me. He left, they had him back. He’s traded on his Red Dwarf character and reputation for most of his work over the last couple of decades. His website, his standup tours…And yet he seems to have no respect for the people who provided him the opportunity in the first place, shit-talking them at every opportunity. I’ve yet to figure out in what way he’s been so mistreat by GNP over the years.

Writing a grubby little tell-all book seems wholly in keeping with his attitude, and I’m sure that’s what we’ll get.

Just saw this comment someone left on his MySpace:

“ah well im sure you could get into another good show.”

Oh yes indeed, I’ll bet the offers are flooding in. No wonder he was so pissed off about being asked to set a few days aside. The mind boggles to think of the great offers the much in-demand star of ‘I Lovett’ turned down to accommodate those backstabbing evil-doers at GNP.

[JamesTC]

It could be that he wasn’t even set or asked to be on the specials and just made up the story for more sales of his DVD which seemed to be successful since he mentioned more people got it.

[locusceruleus]

I wonder how many copies a Norman Lovett DVD has to sell to be considered successful…

Double figures?

[JamesTC]

4 1/2

[NitroChrisUK]

thats pushin it …does anyone here actually own a copy .. a family freind of mine was forced to go see him live once and he walked out after about 20 minits he said ” was just some old guy talking bollocks ” considein this family friend of mine is about 2 years younger than norm .. says alot haha

[Pete Part Three]

I’ve only ever seen his stuff on Smeg Outs and it seemed lazy, observational stuff.

[locusceruleus]

>I?ve only ever seen his stuff on Smeg Outs and it seemed lazy, observational stuff.

Same here. If his ‘hilarious’ dog shit story was really chosen as the clip because it was the highlight of his set, I pity anyone who had to sit through the whole show.

[NitroChrisUK]

he shudnt get in a shitty and start slaggin off gnp ust because h wont be in these 2 episodes .. if he was in it and he travelled however many miles to a studio and did 1 or 2 lines then was told to go home .. he would moan at that .. ad now he dosent want anymore to do with red dwarf .. but wants to make money slaggin it off .. go away please

[Squeaky Gibson]

it’s going to be ashort book considering he was only in I, II & VIII (inc VII’s cameo). it’s a pity he has lost the love of Dwarf, but it’s still nice that he went and supported Danny a few weeks back at court. I wonder if he will take part in the Documentary that’s being made as well or will that only focus on the 4 main players?

[Jonathan Capps]

I really enjoy Norman’s stand-up, actually, and I have the first version of his DVD. You know, before he released it again.

[JamesTC]

>You know, before he released it again.

With less material I believe.

[ChrisM]

>? theres stuff down there that will make your hair stand on end ??? brill cream its called ?

Heh. That one, I wasn’t so sure of. Although I’m forgiving.

[Mnoooah]

Never saw his standup, unfortunately my whole impression was coloured by the ‘everything’s shit’ fiasco and previous dwarf-related sour grapes.

[Mr Flibble]

Oh, I don’t think it’ll be a short book, somehow.

We’ll get at least a chapter about the ball incident and how unfair it was, no doubt we’ll get a lovely account of how he left and was assured someone like Hattie wouldn’t take over – that’ll take up a few hundred pages. We can expect the first third of the book to be a detailed account of how he pestered Ed, Doug and Rob to be seen on screen, rather than just as a voice, and then wrap it all up with a tedious rant about how under used he was is Series VIII, and whether he likes the moon gag or not.

[NitroChrisUK]

hmm talking of ed .. i wonder if hes involved in these specials ??

[Mr Flibble]

His last show with Nicholas Lyndhurst has recently been cancelled… (Which is odd, because from the little I saw of it, it looked… OK)

[Carlito]

Maybe Norman’s deeply depressed.

[locusceruleus]

>Maybe Norman?s deeply depressed.

I would imagine that goes with the territory of being a whinging git who never seems to see the good in anyone or anything.

[hummingbird]

Yep, that’s about it.

[Carlito]

Maybe he’s a whinging git BECAUSE he’s deeply depressed and self-destructive and emotionally wounded by the rejection of losing the only light at the end of his bleak tunnel over the last decade… reprising the role of Holly in a movie or new episode of Red Dwarf.

His recent months have been spent walking on air at the thought of a reunion with his old friends, a new chance to appear on TV and revive his career, his chance to once again be a part of the role that has defined his career and in many ways his entire life, and it was cruelly snatched away from him by budget restraints at the last second, leaving a gaping hole in his existance which he will now fill with bitterness and misery.

Well… maybe not. But you can’t just say “no”, coz you don’t know.

[locusceruleus]

Well, firstly he’s been a whinging git for years, but…

>His recent months have been spent walking on air at the thought of a reunion with his old friends, a new chance to appear on TV and revive his career, his chance to once again be a part of the role that has defined his career and in many ways his entire life, and it was cruelly snatched away from him by budget restraints at the last second, leaving a gaping hole in his existance which he will now fill with bitterness and misery.

This is the same role/light at the end of the tunnel that he left once before? The one delegated to him by people who he’s been none-too shy about slagging off recently?

I know what you’re saying, but I find it difficult to feel sorry for someone so willfully negative about so many things.

He just seems like an opportunist: Takes the job, leaves after two series, thinks he should somehow have say over who takes over, complains when he doesn’t, returns, show ends, cashes-in on the character and popularity, complains again ad infinitum, expects to be asked back, complains when he isn’t, writes a book about it…

[Mnoooah]

Indeed. If that’s how it is, well, couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

[Carlito]

You do know I was joking, right?

[locusceruleus]

>You do know I was joking, right?

Of course! So was I!

Ok, no I didn’t.

[Carlito]

Thing is, he’s a clown to burn the bridge when he must know how tight the budget is, and I’m sure that unless the new script actually writes Holly out for good (which, even if it did, doesn’t mean anything anyway because artistic license can always resurrect a character from any situation, just look at Tony Almeida) then if any further Dwarf projects get the green light, chances are he’d be a part of them…

and the only chance of that happening is if the new ones are a success…

and the new ones won’t be a success if the budget is squandered on making sure everybody gets their lines in at the expense of any kind of quality in the dept of costumes, sets, effects et al. A great script won’t mean much to a casual viewer who’s expected to accept that the office block corridors the witty banter is conducted in are meant to be the corridors of a technologically advanced space ship.

ie. he should be willing to take the hit and the smarting botty of not having a role in these new episodes knowing that ultimately it will be helping the cause and in the long-term possibly provide him opportunities to play Holly again. And hopefully again, and again.

What does he have to lose by keeping a dignified silence? Stiff upper lip, see how things progress once the new shows air, rather than throw all his toys out the pram and say “never again”?

[locusceruleus]

>What does he have to lose by keeping a dignified silence? Stiff upper lip, see how >things progress once the new shows air, rather than throw all his toys out the >pram and say ?never again??

It seems particularly daft on his part to take things so personally when he’s said himself it was a budget-constraints issue rather than a GNP conscious decision to exclude him. And I wonder how many of the DVDs/tickets sold on his recent tours are thanks to the no-doubt free promotion on RD.com?

If he’s hoping to divide the fans into ‘Norm supporters’ and ‘GNP supporters’ I think he’s going to come up sadly short.

[Carlito]

I can understand he’s miffed… if you keep a space in your schedule for a work offer which is then taken off the table just a week before you are due to begin production, yes I can see why he would be a bit annoyed… but he’s going over the top.

Maybe it’s just a ruse anyway, maybe he will still be in it… we’ll see…

[NitroChrisUK]

i wonder weather doug will change the script now to purposly write him out for good … or maybe not even mention holly at all … tho me thinks kochanskis absense will have to be referenced in some way … bye norman *waves*

[Ben Paddon]

Isn’t this the fella who said recently that there was more to him than just Red Dwarf?

[hummingbird]

Maybe he’s just pissed that Roswell 1847 didn’t receive the critical acclaim that it deserved.

[Steve Harris]

I think it’s fair to say that Norman is best known for Red Dwarf, there’s no getting away from it..
His stand up is good but not brilliant and there’s far far better than him out there, his other TV work has been sparce and not notable of late.
The best thing I’ve seen him in on TV was one of those historical costume documentaries on the Beeb and that was a serious role.
If you look at his work over the last couple of years, it’s all had a Dwarf slant and far from getting away from it, it has all used Dwarf to promote it.
His ‘memorabilia’ appearances, ‘beat the geek’ and even the ‘Double Header’ tour were all Dwarf related and promoted.

He may not have made a lot of dosh from all this, but it does look like he’s cut himself off from a source of income and cut any ties with future ventures.
It goes without saying that any biography will use the Dwarf name at some point to push it.

Hmmm, watch this space.

[NitroChrisUK]

the only other time iv ever seen him on tv was standing in a post office in the young ones i mean star cameo or what ….

[Danny Stephenson]

That was the first time I EVER saw Norman Lovett, and that’s when my Dad mentioned that he was Holly in Red Dwarf, even though as far as I was concerned, Holly was a woman, and a girl’s name at that.

I found the first series, and lo, a fan was born.

[hummingbird]

I recently spotted him in an old ep of Rab C
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ojp6xCaf2V4&feature=related

[peas_and_corn]

Lister: You’re female again, Holly?
Holly: Yes, and I deleted that other face from my database. You won’t see him again.

[ChrisM]

Heh heh heh.

Actually I think your new avatar should be the new Holly face.

[pfm]

> doesn?t mean anything anyway because artistic license can always resurrect a character from any situation, just look at Tony Almeida

We all knew Tony wasn’t dead! He never got the silent clock FFS!! (OK maybe Michelle didn’t get it either…can’t remember, leave me alone…) The explanation of him being alive was pretty funny. He was simply wheeled into another room and resucitated. Glad he’s back though. By the time of season 6 the number of old characters that had been killed off was seriously affecting the show.

[Pete Part Three]

I think the writers’ strike actually helped 24 in regards to the Tony-revival too (as well as being able to plan Day 7 to minute details). The trailer with a revived Tony was released well over a year ago, so the audience was actually pretty used to the idea by the time Day 7 premiered last week.

[Jonathan Capps]

These first 7 episodes were actually all filmed before the writer’s strike, too, so it’ll be interesting how things move on in the new direction from episode 8.

[Pete Part Three]

Didn’t they refilm some bits too? And am I right in saying they’ve finished filming it all now?

[Phil]

Posted to his myspace today. (Perhaps this is becoming a monthly tradition.)

I will not be involved in the Red Dwarf Specials and will not be taking part in any further RD projects as I am unable to work with these people any more.

I am currently writing my autobiography and provided I am not stopped by lawyers, intend to tell all about my RD involvements over the years.

Thank you to all the people that have got in touch and for all your kind words. I will always have time for the RD fans.

Norman

[Danny Stephenson]

Wow.

[Ben Paddon]

Norman’s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace’s “Yes Man”.

[NitroChrisUK]

>as I am unable to work with these people any more.

the people that gave you the only thing your known for. and because you wont be involved in a special your going to throw the toys out the pram and then write a book to make money out of this situation by slagging these people off

i wont be buying it ..norman crawl back into your hole please .really enjoyed him as holly but why does he have to get shitty because hes not gettin his way,youve already stated you wont be involved so go away.

if this is all a joke and he is in it. this comment is going to look pretty shite

[Danny Stephenson]

This isn’t a joke, it never is with Norman. Doug sums up the situation with Norman succinctly on the Bodysnatcher documentaries.

and then write a book to make money out of this situation by slagging these people off

Yet another way of making money on the back of Dwarf.

[Jonathan Capps]

> Norman?s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace?s ?Yes Man?.

So it will be brilliant, then?

[Ben Paddon]

Fuck off. The book was brilliant.

[Dave]

>Norman?s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace?s ?Yes Man?.

As is his first name.

[peas_and_corn]

>Doug sums up the situation with Norman succinctly on the Bodysnatcher documentaries.

What did he say?

[Ben Paddon]

He said, “You don’t have insurance with us, so stop calling.”

[Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc]

I am currently writing my autobiography and provided I am not stopped by lawyers, intend to tell all about my RD involvements over the years.

Perhaps it’s just me, but do I detect a hint of martyr complex in that phrase? “They’re gonna try and shut me up, but they’ll never get rid of the truth!!1!111!1!!!!1!“

[Pete Part Three]

What a Smee Hee.

[Danny Stephenson]

What did he say?

It came about when Norman decided, because he’s moved up to Edinburgh, he wanted to not turn up for rehearsals, and just do the studio recordings. With the same pay. Of course it wasnt’ viable, so Norman decided to leave, but he said he was told that no-one would play another Holly. and Doug says something along the lines of “we’re not gonna leave this hallowed piece of ground for you, Norm, because you’ve made this idiotic choice”.

IN all, i’d rather Hattie was re-cast. It’d be nice to see her fill the screen of Holly again. I can’t see it happening, but it would be a good time to bring her back.

[peas_and_corn]

Ahh yes, it comes flooding back now. Yeah, I remember agreeing with that one when I watched it.

[locusceruleus]

>IN all, i?d rather Hattie was re-cast. It?d be nice to see her fill the screen of Holly again. I can?t see it happening, but it would be a good time to bring her back.

I’d love to see her back. She’s an often overlooked talent in the franchise, and has sat patiently by while Norman’s been given a second chance to prove himself a stroppy little madame once more. An appearance in Back To Earth could go a long way to redressing the balance.

If not, I’d love to see her in the Unplugged thing, improv being a forte of hers I believe.

[Danny Stephenson]

If not, I?d love to see her in the Unplugged thing, improv being a forte of hers I believe.

Thats’ a brilliant idea. I’d quite like to her in more Dwarf please.

[Jonathan Capps]

It’s probably best if I don’t mention what I’d quite like Hattie to do.

[Tanya Jones]

She must be around your mum’s age, surely?

[Ian Symes]

Yeah, but you should see the things his mum can do.

[Jonathan Capps]

> She must be around your mum?s age, surely?

It’s likely that Hattie’s older, actually.

[Phil]

Aaaaand baby makes three:

I’ve had lots of messages asking if I’m in the new RD programmes.
I sent a bulletin recently
explaining my position on this but to those who missed it, here’s the answer.

I will not be in the programmes and will not be in any future RD projects as I am unable to
work with these people anymore.

Best wishes, Norman

Posted today.

I wonder if Norman can work with these people anymore.

[JamesTC]

More to the point is Norman in these new Red Dwarf specials?

[Pete Part Three]

And when are tickets available?

[Phil]

Hold on, I’ll email him.

[peas_and_corn]

I sent him an email for shits and giggles. Subject: a few questions

Hey,

I heard from a friend that there are new Red Dwarf specials being made. Are you going to be in them? Also, where can I get tickets?

Cheers,
-Dave

[Anonymous]

I Lovett.

[si]

>Norman?s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace?s ?Yes Man?.

“Yes, as long as I can have my football back, man”.

[Carlito]

>Norman?s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace?s ?Yes Man?.

No Woman? But he’s married, isn’t he?

[peas_and_corn]

I think all the photos of his wife are just him in a dress.

[locusceruleus]

No-one else could, or should be allowed to play the role of Mrs Lovett.

[Carlito]

Norm will not be involved in any future Mrs Lovett projects because he feels he can no longer work with himself.

[locusceruleus]

I think by himself you mean ‘that person’.

[Carlito]

I could have said that, but it would rely on the reader having the understanding that by ‘Mrs Lovett’ I was referring to Norman himself, and that requires the reader to have actually read other posts in this thread before contributing themselves, which isn’t a safe assumption to make on these boards or so it appears.

[Phil]

Daddy horny, Michael.

[peas_and_corn]

Interesting quote from the Norm interview on this site-

Have you ever considered writing an Autobiography covering your time during Red Dwarf or even in the periods before and after?

I think if I was offered the chance I would love to because I have a few interesting stories about my time in Red Dwarf plus other programmes I was involved with such as my own series I, LOVETT.

[JamesTC]

Exclusive image that will featue in his book!

http://i368.photobucket.com/albums/oo121/SoundableObject/Ball.jpg

[Blisschick]

I hate to beat a dead horse, but what is the story with the ball?

[Dave]

>I hate to beat a dead horse

Is that a euphemism?

[Author]

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