Norm’s post-Dwarf tell-all

[Phil]

Posted as a bulletin on his myspace, subject line “thanks”:

I’ve had loads of nice messages from myspace friends since I posted a bulletin about not being involved in the new Red Dwarf stuff for the Dave channel.

I want to say thanks for your support and thanks to those who bought a copy of my DVD. I also had around 80 people who decided not to be a myspace friend anymore and I found that rather sad really.

Here’s something else that will probably make a few more of you depart. I will not be involved in any more RD and have decided to write a book on my experiences with Red Dwarf. It will be truthful, entertaining and give you an insight into my life which has not been very ordinary. I have been asked to write an autobiography on many occasions and I now feel the time is right.

Thanks again.
Norman

Topic

[Blisschick]

>Is that a euphemism?

Umm…yeah, sure. *blushing and whisting innocently*

>They took his ball. They took his ball away.

Bastards. Why?

[Ben Paddon]

At the time they’d come out with these little leather footballs. So Norm bought one so that they could have a kickabout in the studio. Everyone loved football. Chris, Craig, everyone. Doug, everyone.

‘Til one day when some snotty… madam, she knows who she is, she took his ball. She took his ball away. And Norm walked up to her and he said (he’s told us he was difficult back then), he said, “If I don’t get my ball back, you won’t get another line out of me.” And it worked. He got his ball back.

[Blisschick]

>he?s told us he was difficult back then

Well, thank goodness he finally grew up and acts so much more professional. *coff*

[Pete Part Three]

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

[si]

Yes, it’s sad the *cough* budget won’t stretch to include him in the specials.

[Mr-Stabby]

Norm’s a douche

[Dax101]

apparently something new from norman…

“So far there have been 3 reasons in the press why there is no Holly in these programmes that are being shown over Easter on the Dave channel. 1 No budget 2 Didn’t want the crew dragging a computer around with them on earth 3 A water leak caused a short circuit and caused the computer to break down.

This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like and you will be able to read all about them and the cast in my auto biography which I am working on as I speak. I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.

I will be watching the shows but I really don’t see how it will be any good because it’s not shot in front of a studio audience and they’re not trapped on board Red Dwarf which was it’s main strength when it was character comedy.

Everything is done by one man (Naylor) and he can’t do everything well. Bring back Grant and get a good director (Bye) and it might have stood a chance. And Holly with some good gags of course.

Not one of the cast have got in touch with me which just shows how self centred they are. I’m not bitter just unhappy about the way I have been treated by them. By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals.

Happy Easter everyone, Norman”

[Phil]

That’s funnier than anything I’ve seen in the trailers. Is that a myspace bulletin or did you grab it from somewhere else?

[Dax101]

according to the rd.co.uk forum its a bulletin

[JamesTC]

>And Holly with some good gags of course.
Must mean Hattie since he said he will not be working on any more Dwarf.

[JamesTC]

>By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals.
And you owe them money for all their advertising of your stuff on the site plus the use of Holly in that comedy show.

[Dessie]

Thats not nice to read. Norman was my favourite when i was younger but after reading what he’s like i’ve gone right off him. Why should the cast get in contact with him? You don’t hear Hattie moaning about it all.

[Dax101]

i think norman watch the breakfast show this morning and was angered by it greatly and decided to take a dig at show today.

im sure if it was up to norman all the cast would just to his side in protest

[hummingbird]

You can’t really blame any of them for not getting in touch, can you? Not when he slags them off on a regular basis.
But it baffles me why he doesn’t seem to understand that.

[NitroChrisUK]

oh piss off norman please

[Jonathan Capps]

That’s utterly incredible. I love how it’s moved from slight digs to an all out insult flinging strop.

[Pete Part Three]

Is this genuine? It’s incredibly unprofessional if it is. Perhaps Norm would like to come round mine on Friday evening and we can moan together.

>and you will be able to read all about them and the cast in my auto biography which I am working on as I speak.

Now that’s multi-tasking.

[si]

What Cappsy said.

That really is terrible. What a bitter old twat he’s become.

[locusceruleus]

>I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.

That’s the worst part of all. I can’t imagine why the cast wouldn’t want to get in touch with him. Could it be, perhaps, because he’s a two-faced old git?

Fuck off and sort your ‘career’ out Norm. GNP don’t owe you a living.

[Mr-Stabby]

You know what makes me laugh the most, the fact that if a series does eventually get commissioned after these specials, that Norm has probably lost any chance of actually being in the show again. If he’d have kept his big gob shut and not burned bridges, he could have been looking forward to some new Dwarf work in the near future. Fat chance of that now Norm, well done!

[JamesTC]

What is Hattie doing these days?

[locusceruleus]

Busy having dignity*, last time I saw her.

* Yes, she’s a lovely girl.

[bountyhunter]

>”By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals”

If that’s the case then why so willingly work with GNP again for Beat The Geek?

What a gimp, should any more RD ever be produced I strongly hope it’s with Hattie and not him.

[Blisschick]

There’s an old human proverb that I think applies here…it goes: “Don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out.”

[Seb Patrick]

So far there have been 3 reasons in the press why there is no Holly in these programmes that are being shown over Easter on the Dave channel. 1 No budget 2 Didn?t want the crew dragging a computer around with them on earth 3 A water leak caused a short circuit and caused the computer to break down.

This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like

What, that they come up with a plot-based reason (water leak) to explain the production-based reason (budget) for not having the character? Those BASTARDS!

[Ian Symes]

Norman Lovett can fuck off.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

What a cunt.

[Nakrophile]

That’s amazingly hilarious. Fuck him and the ball he so desperately wants back. Hopefully they’ll be more from Hattie in some form or other in the future.

[Danny Stephenson]

That’s pretty bad, even for Norm.

[Smeg4Brains]

> Hopefully they?ll be more from Hattie in some form or other in the future.

I’m still hoping for Bill Bailey. He’d look great as a floating head.

[Danny Stephenson]

Bill Bailey would be fucking very welcome addition to Dwarf, he could come to DJ and do funny renditions of the theme. Cockney version, perhaps.

[Smeg4Brains]

“It’s cold outside…’av a banana”

[Nakrophile]

Bill Bailey’s inclusion would also perhaps annoy Norm even more, since I guess the two are friends or at least on good terms.

“I feel I can no longer wok with Bill Bailey.”

[Danny Stephenson]

Didn’t know he was into chinese food… :D

[Phil]

Wok with Bill Bailey would immediately become my favorite cooking show.

[Jonsmad]

I almost understand his bitterness against not being in the show, but his direction against everyone as if they should take his side is just utterly low. He should be nice, but if he cant be, he should only be mad at not being included, shouldnt be taking it out on the cast, I hope they never ring him again, I hope he never comes to DJ and I hope red dwarf fans stop going to his comedy shows that he constantly plugs as Norm from the dwarf. And i’d like Red Dwarf to make a short online episode called “holly Re-booted” in which the crew manage to turn Holly back on and it’s chris barrie in a bald wig, and fake nose, doing a norm impression and Holly starts moaning like a bitter bastard about Lister, Kryten and Rimmer and so they promgramme quegg back to erase him forever properly this time and reset holly permanently as hattie.

[Danny Stephenson]

Wok with Bill Bailey would immediately become my favorite cooking show.

I would call it “Wok This Way”

[Smeg4Brains]

> I hope he never comes to DJ

I’d love him to come to DJ. I’d ask why he’s such a mardy old git.

> I would call it ?Wok This Way?

We need to make this happen!

[Turk Thrust]

> You can?t really blame any of them for not getting in touch, can you? Not when he slags them off on a regular basis.

Norman did go to Danny`s trial recently though didn`t he and was prepared to be a character witness? It is strange if there has been no contact at all imo.

[Alex]

Perhaps if we take away his ball we won’t get a single line of text from him…

[TheLeen]

“I?m not bitter” is a quote worthy of being added to the creepy site header.

[si]

>>I would call it ?Wok This Way?

>We need to make this happen!

Until a few weeks ago, I honestly used to live just down the road from a chinese takeaway by this name. I was suitably amused.

[Alex]

[Danny Stephenson]

Until a few weeks ago, I honestly used to live just down the road from a chinese takeaway by this name. I was suitably amused.

Do you have any pictorial evidence of this?

[si]

Here we are…

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/2967_153931580461_798285461_6347638_7158413_n.jpg

(Question – how DO you post pictures as part of comments? Haven’t worked that out yet.)

[si]

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/2967_153931580461_798285461_6347638_7158413_n.jpg

[thomasaevans]

what a knob!

[Tanya Jones]

Good work, Venture South!

[TheLeen]

Yeah. That picture really talks to me, too. It kind of says, “Norm wants YOU! … to hate all things dwarf except the bits where you see his head.”

[hummingbird]

You forgot to include the words “Red Dwarf”, large and prominently placed.

[Author]

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