Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Norm’s post-Dwarf tell-all

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  • #97535
    JamesTC
    Participant

    He will put it on his CV.

    #97554
    littlesmegger
    Participant

    > I don?t know what Norm?s problem is. He was in Back To Earth!

    Don’t let him know about that, he’ll add it to the Movie payments he’s apparently owed!

    #97555
    Phil
    Participant

    Maybe it’s wrong of me to say this, but I would definitely buy his memoirs at this point.

    #97559
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    Yes, but you’re a cunt Phil.

    #97581
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    You’re a jerk, Phillip Reed. A total kneebiter.

    #111374
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I can’t wait for this book to come out, y’know. I imagine a passive-aggressive rage seething from the spine of the book like a black oil. Books placed beside it on the shelf will rot and corrode, the pages becoming charred and damaged, the characters in the book becoming miserly and embittered about elements of the plot that they have no control over.

    #111376
    Carlito
    Participant

    That could be a Stephen King novel. The Book of Bitterness.

    #111377
    Carlito
    Participant

    Or at the very least, a plot from an episode of Charmed…

    #111378
    Phil
    Participant

    How long does it take to write this shit?

    #111379

    Hey now. Norm can write his spiteful, petulant book-length tantrum quickly, or he can do it well; but he can’t do both. Have you no appreciation of craft?

    #111380
    Ridley
    Participant

    “How long does it take to write this shit?” – Philip J. Reed, Three-time NaNoWriMo Winner

    #111873
    Jo
    Participant

    I am amusing myself this evening by re-reading old threads such as this one :o)

    #111890
    hummingbird
    Participant

    So, has he published that book yet?

    #111893
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Yes, he’s currently travelling round the country and pushing it, unsolicited, through peoples’ letterboxes.

    #111895
    Jimboid
    Participant

    Are we still talking about the book?

    #114757
    Phil
    Participant

    :-O

    #114759
    Alex
    Participant

    But, as Norman points out in this fascinating inside look at the world of comedy, not everyone in the industry is as pleasant as their image would suggest. He is ready to spill the beans about those comedians and actors who he has found to be arrogant and rude.

    Needless to say, Norm had the last laugh.

    #114760
    A Bailey
    Participant

    Red Dwarf is only mentioned three times, I’m disappointed.

    #114761
    Phil
    Participant

    Not counting the unsubtle reference in the title itself.

    I’m genuinely looking forward to reading this.

    #114765
    Phil
    Participant

    Additional: More info and cover here…
    http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/pubdetails.aspx?Num=266

    As well as a few unique links from their main listings page:
    http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/publicationlist.aspx?list=all

    …including one to a book extract, which leads to a placeholder pdf right now but could be replaced by something much more interesting soon.

    #114766
    pfm
    Participant

    Could he look more miserable on the cover!

    Maybe he should titled it ‘Bitter and Bald – The Norman Lovett Chronicles…Plus, Red Dwarf’

    #114771
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    “But, as Norman points out in this fascinating inside look at the world of comedy, not everyone in the industry is as pleasant as their image would suggest. He is ready to spill the beans about those comedians and actors who he has found to be arrogant and rude.”

    People in glass houses…

    I hope G+T get the serialization rights.

    #114772
    si
    Participant

    Wonder if he’ll be spilling the beans about those actors he has found to be legit?

    #114773
    Alex
    Participant

    He is ready to spill the beans about those comedians and actors who he has found to be arrogant and rude.

    #114774
    Phil
    Participant

    Needles to say…Craig took drugs.

    #114775
    anniescribe
    Participant

    WHAT?! Comedians aren’t pleasant and friendly in real life?

    STOP THE PRESSES. THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION.

    Maybe England has a different breed of comedian (??), but here in the U.S., I’ve really yet to see one that *isn’t* somewhat of a jerk and rude. (Come to think of it, I don’t know too many human beings who can’t be rude.) It’s just a matter of degree.

    #114776
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    From Amazon’s “About the Author”:

    Norman Lovett was born in Windsor just after the end of World War II but moved to Essex as a small child. He was bullied at school[…]

    Yes, I fucking bet he was.

    #114777
    Jo
    Participant

    Publication Date: 22 September 2012

    Not that he’s hoping to take advantage of the new series in any way…

    #114778
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    Norm’s lack of self awareness is astounding.

    The man who took to Myspace to publicly berate his former co-stars because he didn’t find their Breakfast TV appearance funny enough – a man who replies to Tweets of videos that were neither about him or sent directly to him with the comment that he’d ‘rather drink a load of ink’ than watch them – is going to tell you which comedians he finds ‘arrogant and rude’…?

    Also – G&T Interview, 2003, on the possibility of an autobiography:

    “I think if I was offered the chance I would love to”

    MySpace, 2009:

    “I have been asked to write an autobiography on many occasions”

    #114781
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    So Norm v Iain Lee. Which side are you on?

    #114782
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Whoever wins… We lose.

    #114787
    Jonsmad
    Participant

    Extract from Talking head…

    “…and number 2479 concludes my list of comedians and people in the media that I dont like. Conversely I do find the broadcaster Iain Lee a wonderful man, I particularly like his efforts of seeking out people online who indirectly reference him as a cunt, and then putting them right about how wrong their opinions are, particularly when he does that to Red Dwarf fans.”

    #114788

    > who indirectly reference him as a cunt

    Indirectly? Didn’t we have a forum post called “Iain Lee is a Cunt”?

    I’m not saying he isn’t one, but how much more direct can you be?

    #114789
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    >Whoever wins… We lose.

    Whoever wins…they’re losers.

    #114790
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    > Indirectly? Didn’t we have a forum post called “Iain Lee is a Cunt”?

    Yeah, pretty much.

    I’m really looking forward to this book, actually. I do wonder how vitriolic he’s going to be. Despite the recent and public disagreements with GNP, his DVD interviews weren’t that bad and I get the impression he still likes and respects his former co-stars.

    #114791
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Yeah, I’ll probably buy it. I expect it’ll be in the same vein as I, Partridge but slightly more delusional and fictitious.

    #114792
    si
    Participant

    Being the RD completist that I am, I imagine I’ll get it. I just really don’t want to have to pay for it. :/

    #114795
    ori-STUDFARM
    Participant

    I won’t. I’ll just wait to see whats actually in it on this thread. But that’s because I’m a cheap bastard!

    #114796
    Phil
    Participant

    Can we expect a G+T review?

    #114797
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >Can we expect a G+T review?

    I’m sure Norm will review G&T in one of the later chapters.

    #114798
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    > Can we expect a G+T review?

    For sure.

    #114800
    Mr-Stabby
    Participant

    I’m still waiting for…

    NORMAN LOVETT – THE ULTIMATE DISASTER MOVIE!

    STARRING BRUCE WILLIS AS NORM, A MAN BROUGHT TO THE EDGE OF INSANITY BY HIS DETERMINATION TO GET HIS BALL BACK! ALSO STARRING ANGELINA JOLIE AS DONA DISTEFANO, THE POCKET DYNAMITE SECRET AGENT WITH A HEART OF GOLD POSING AS AN ASSISTANT FLOOR MANAGER!

    COMING TO THEATERS 2012!

    Hell i’d go see it!

    #114801
    Carlito
    Participant

    He’s fairly complimentary with his view of Dwarf on his newly revamped website http://www.normanlovett.co.uk/reddwarf.htm

    Even series VIII….

    #114802
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    The bulk of that was written long before BTE.

    #114804

    >NORMAN LOVETT – THE ULTIMATE DISASTER MOVIE!

    This summer…he will get his ball back. Or die trying.

    #116673
    Phil
    Participant

    Cancelled?

    Specific release page no longer works:
    http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/pubdetails.aspx?Num=266

    And it’s no longer listed among past and future releases (it previously was):
    http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/publicationlist.aspx?list=all

    Wha happen!?

    #116674
    ori-STUDFARM
    Participant

    He wanted to turn in a book half the length of the one he was contracted to do. they were okay with this, but wanted to reduce the payment of the book appropriately….Norm wasn’t having any of this. Besides, why does Stephen King earn more than he does. It’s not fair…

    #116675
    si
    Participant

    I’m not saying owt. He’s already blocked me on Twitter.

    #116676
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >He’s already blocked me on Twitter.

    Was that when you complained about him moaning on the Series VIII commentary?

    #116678
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Nah, it’s from when Si took his ball.

    (That’ll never get old.)

    #116679
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORMAN LOVETT AND ADOLF HITLER?

    HITLER STILL HAS ONE BALL.

    #116680
    Ridley
    Participant

    Hitler got his book published?

    #116682
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Hitler was in Series III and IV?

    #116683
    si
    Participant

    > Was that when you complained about him moaning on the Series VIII commentary?

    Yup. I wouldn’t mind if I’d @mentioned him, but his daughter just found me talking about him, told me off, and since then, on the odd occasion I’ve looked, I can’t see Norm’s tweets.
    Hence I never actually say “Norman Lovett” on Twitter. I usually just mention ‘Norm’ when necessary.

    #116691
    Phil
    Participant

    He searches for that, too.

    #116692
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Oh, it seems I’m blocked by him too. I have the “Loading Tweets seems to be taking a while.” on Chrome when logged in but when I use IE when I’m not logged in I can see his tweets.

    #116693
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Sorry, you can’t follow this user (because they’re blocking you).

    My guess? Norm searched for us all individually on Twitter just so he could block us.

    #116699
    redhead85
    Participant

    > My guess? Norm searched for us all individually on Twitter just so he could block us.

    N’aww. Sweet.

    #116708
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Truly, he cares a lot.

    #116709
    ori-STUDFARM
    Participant

    Bastard! Now I have Faith No More buzzing around my brain!

    #116711
    Alex
    Participant

    Oddly I’m not blocked by him. What is the world coming to when Ian makes up with Iian Lee and me and Norm seem to be on ok terms?

    #116712
    si
    Participant

    It’s because of the Jubilee, I imagine.

    #116730
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    You’re not missing much, guys.

    #116638
    Phil
    Participant

    Possibly just delayed.

    Thanks Philip. Hopefully we will get to publish this title sometime next year.
    Best regards
    Chris Cowlin
    Production & Publishing Manager
    Apex Publishing Ltd

    #116641
    pfm
    Participant

    Norman Lovett’s Bald.

    #117294
    Cloud Strife
    Participant

    I tweeted norm asking him when “his book of all the people he hates” was out. But he blocked me haha.

    #117295
    Alex
    Participant

    I’d imagine he’s more concerned with finiding somehwere to live at the moment to be honest, what with having set fire to his flat and all.

    #117297
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Wait, what?

    Edit: Oh! Well then!

    #117298
    HelloMabel
    Participant

    What does “all processions ruined” mean?

    #117299
    si
    Participant

    I saw that he’d blocked Robert Llewellyn as well.

    But yes, sorry to hear about his fridge and everything.

    #117343
    ori-STUDFARM
    Participant

    The same fridge that was a gift from Tony Hawk!He Tweeted that it looked a little ‘battered’

    #117349
    si
    Participant

    You’d think any Red Dwarf cast members would get at least a discount on Smeg fridges.

    #117351
    ori-STUDFARM
    Participant

    They can…But Norm refused his discount and paid full price after discovering his discount was less than the other cast members.

    #117359
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I think he set his own fridge on fire, personally.

    #117362
    ori-STUDFARM
    Participant

    When the packet says “Cook from frozen”, that isn’t quite what it means….

    #117367
    pfm
    Participant

    I heard he gives good head.

    #117371
    mick
    Participant

    Took some trawling through my old photobucket account to find this gem:

    #126307
    Mr-Stabby
    Participant

    For the first time in a long time i decided to listen to the commentaries on the Series 8 DVDs. I can’t believe i’ve never noticed how negative Norm is being in these commentaries. The thing is, a lot of the time he actually has a point with what he’s saying. Mainly with the whole ‘this used to be a sitcom, now it’s panto’ type stuff. Even sighing the occasional ‘Oh my god…’ at points in the shows when i was doing the exact same thing for it being stupid or crap in some way.

    But he’s just being pointlessly antagonistic towards the rest of the cast at various points. They occasionally bite back at him. I love it when Chris does his impression of Norm, then when Norm says his career as an impressionist is over, Chris says ‘Well maybe you should be more famous Norm then i’d be back in business’. Classic :D

    #126308
    JamesTC
    Participant

    I wonder if Norm will be in the new series.

    #126311
    HelloMabel
    Participant

    > I wonder if Norm will be in the new series.

    Yes. That memorable guest appearance everyone’s talking about?

    George Wendt.

    #126315
    Jo
    Participant

    Blimey, the publishing company REALLY likes quiz books!
    http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/latestnews.aspx

    #126316
    HelloMabel
    Participant

    1. Norman Lovett’s favorite hobby is:
    A. Moaning
    B. Moaning about Red Dwarf
    C. Moaning about his ball being taken away

    #126324
    Ridley
    Participant

    I can’t believe i’ve never noticed how negative Norm is being in these commentaries.

    I believe it was Mr. Paddon who pointed out his disappointment – not in these words, mind – that the crotchety old man schtick doesn’t appear to be an act.

    #126329
    mick
    Participant

    I realised after seeing him have a mental rant at a barman in Peterborough, that he was in fact a massive cunt.

    #126333
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    He’s like Larry David, but without all that natural charm.

    #126347
    Mr-Stabby
    Participant

    I realised after seeing him have a mental rant at a barman in Peterborough, that he was in fact a massive cunt.

    What about???

    Barman: Here’s your drink Mr Lovett
    Norm: Where’s my umbrella?! Give me my umbrella! If i don’t get my umbrella, you won’t get another line out of me!
    Barman: You’ve had one too many lines already!

    #126351
    Phil
    Participant

    Norm walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” Norm spends 10 years slagging off the bartender personally, the bar itself, the town in which the bar is located, and everyone who’s ever enjoyed themselves at the bar, then moans about not be invited to the anniversary of its opening.

    #126353
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Excellent.

    #126355
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I nominate etc.

    #206589
    Phil
    Participant

    Hi, no its not going ahead.

    best regards

    Chris Cowlin
    Production & Publishing Manager
    Apex Publishing Ltd

    #206591
    Ridley
    Participant

    She said “I’ll take the tell-all.” And she took the tell-all and hid… And locked it away in a cupboard.

    #206592
    Sam Johnson
    Participant

    Clearly we’re not going to get another line out of Norm…

    #206622
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    I guess they’re not interested in the audience Norman has.

    #206886
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I had a good long chat with Norman tonight. He’s very much aware of this thread, and both its general and specific content. We each conceded that regrettable things had been said on both sides, and that (especially around Back To Earth) there was bad blood between Norman and Red Dwarf fans, and that this was a sad state of affairs. Norman and I shook hands, and we both expressed a desire to draw a line under things.

    He also mentioned that he’d taken a break from writing his autobiography, but is back on it now. And incidentally – he likes Series X!

    #206889
    Phil
    Participant

    If it’s any consolation, there was no period during which I didn’t want to read this book.

    #206890
    Jonsmad
    Participant

    You had a photograph taken shaking Iain Lee’s hand. Now you are expressing desires to move on from anti-Norman sentiments on G & T.

    God fucking dam it Symes!!! Stop being so fucking mature. We are running out of obvious formulaic but of the joke shared gag references around here man!

    * sigh* ok ok. I’m onboard. Well done to you. And Well done to Norm. Bright new future.

    But if you ever, AND I MEAN EVER, have a nice little chat and photograph opportunity with Chloe’s vaginal entry, and agree that the future direction is that we all no longer discuss it’s frothable capabilities. Then I’m fucking out of here.

    #206891
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Thanks to Jonsmad, i’ve just discovered what might well be the most interesting word to say out loud in the English Language next to ‘egg’, ‘sponge’ and ‘pebble’: Frothable. Thanks for that.

    #206892
    Ridley
    Participant

    Stop being so fucking mature.

    More like self-preservation while he continues to encroach on their professions. :p

    #206893
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    For the record, I’m not asking anyone to change their opinions on Norman, or to feel restricted into what they can or can’t post here. I explained to Norman the difference between G&T’s editorial comment and what the community says on the forum, and that we would never censor or moderate anyone’s opinions.

    All I’m saying is that I, personally, don’t want to be involved in any sort of feud, which you may remember I also said in one of our Series X Instant Reaction Dwarfcasts – around six months before I’d even considered doing standup, let alone found out that I’d be on the same bill as him! I think Norm has acted like a tit at times in the recent past, but I’m willing to forgive and forget. Same deal with Iain Lee – between us, we called an end to the aggression online about a year before that reconciliation photo was posted.

    #206895
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I think he needs to do an interview about this (and G+T is the obvious place for it). I agree with a lot of his criticisms of recent Red Dwarf but don’t think he, as a former cast member, has acted very professionally in being so vocal about them.

    He *may* have been badly treated but I think he’s been very misguided in expecting fans to side with him over Grant Naylor, and I hope he realises that now. If Series VIII told us anything, it’s that RD fans are a forgiving bunch (Well, some of them. Well, one of them. Maybe) so if he put the record straight, it would probably do him a favour. The alternative is waiting for his autobiography, but I don’t know how many fans would buy that with the way things are currently.

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