Norm’s post-Dwarf tell-all

[Ben Paddon]

They took his ball. They took his ball away.

[Blisschick]

>Is that a euphemism?

Umm…yeah, sure. *blushing and whisting innocently*

>They took his ball. They took his ball away.

Bastards. Why?

[Ben Paddon]

At the time they’d come out with these little leather footballs. So Norm bought one so that they could have a kickabout in the studio. Everyone loved football. Chris, Craig, everyone. Doug, everyone.

‘Til one day when some snotty… madam, she knows who she is, she took his ball. She took his ball away. And Norm walked up to her and he said (he’s told us he was difficult back then), he said, “If I don’t get my ball back, you won’t get another line out of me.” And it worked. He got his ball back.

[Blisschick]

>he?s told us he was difficult back then

Well, thank goodness he finally grew up and acts so much more professional. *coff*

[Pete Part Three]

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

[si]

Yes, it’s sad the *cough* budget won’t stretch to include him in the specials.

[Mr-Stabby]

Norm’s a douche

[Dax101]

apparently something new from norman…

“So far there have been 3 reasons in the press why there is no Holly in these programmes that are being shown over Easter on the Dave channel. 1 No budget 2 Didn’t want the crew dragging a computer around with them on earth 3 A water leak caused a short circuit and caused the computer to break down.

This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like and you will be able to read all about them and the cast in my auto biography which I am working on as I speak. I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.

I will be watching the shows but I really don’t see how it will be any good because it’s not shot in front of a studio audience and they’re not trapped on board Red Dwarf which was it’s main strength when it was character comedy.

Everything is done by one man (Naylor) and he can’t do everything well. Bring back Grant and get a good director (Bye) and it might have stood a chance. And Holly with some good gags of course.

Not one of the cast have got in touch with me which just shows how self centred they are. I’m not bitter just unhappy about the way I have been treated by them. By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals.

Happy Easter everyone, Norman”

[Phil]

That’s funnier than anything I’ve seen in the trailers. Is that a myspace bulletin or did you grab it from somewhere else?

[Dax101]

according to the rd.co.uk forum its a bulletin

[JamesTC]

>And Holly with some good gags of course.
Must mean Hattie since he said he will not be working on any more Dwarf.

[JamesTC]

>By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals.
And you owe them money for all their advertising of your stuff on the site plus the use of Holly in that comedy show.

[Dessie]

Thats not nice to read. Norman was my favourite when i was younger but after reading what he’s like i’ve gone right off him. Why should the cast get in contact with him? You don’t hear Hattie moaning about it all.

[Dax101]

i think norman watch the breakfast show this morning and was angered by it greatly and decided to take a dig at show today.

im sure if it was up to norman all the cast would just to his side in protest

[hummingbird]

You can’t really blame any of them for not getting in touch, can you? Not when he slags them off on a regular basis.
But it baffles me why he doesn’t seem to understand that.

[NitroChrisUK]

oh piss off norman please

[Jonathan Capps]

That’s utterly incredible. I love how it’s moved from slight digs to an all out insult flinging strop.

[Pete Part Three]

Is this genuine? It’s incredibly unprofessional if it is. Perhaps Norm would like to come round mine on Friday evening and we can moan together.

>and you will be able to read all about them and the cast in my auto biography which I am working on as I speak.

Now that’s multi-tasking.

[si]

What Cappsy said.

That really is terrible. What a bitter old twat he’s become.

[locusceruleus]

>I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.

That’s the worst part of all. I can’t imagine why the cast wouldn’t want to get in touch with him. Could it be, perhaps, because he’s a two-faced old git?

Fuck off and sort your ‘career’ out Norm. GNP don’t owe you a living.

[Mr-Stabby]

You know what makes me laugh the most, the fact that if a series does eventually get commissioned after these specials, that Norm has probably lost any chance of actually being in the show again. If he’d have kept his big gob shut and not burned bridges, he could have been looking forward to some new Dwarf work in the near future. Fat chance of that now Norm, well done!

[JamesTC]

What is Hattie doing these days?

[locusceruleus]

Busy having dignity*, last time I saw her.

* Yes, she’s a lovely girl.

[bountyhunter]

>”By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals”

If that’s the case then why so willingly work with GNP again for Beat The Geek?

What a gimp, should any more RD ever be produced I strongly hope it’s with Hattie and not him.

[Blisschick]

There’s an old human proverb that I think applies here…it goes: “Don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out.”

[Seb Patrick]

So far there have been 3 reasons in the press why there is no Holly in these programmes that are being shown over Easter on the Dave channel. 1 No budget 2 Didn?t want the crew dragging a computer around with them on earth 3 A water leak caused a short circuit and caused the computer to break down.

This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like

What, that they come up with a plot-based reason (water leak) to explain the production-based reason (budget) for not having the character? Those BASTARDS!

[Ian Symes]

Norman Lovett can fuck off.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

What a cunt.

[Nakrophile]

That’s amazingly hilarious. Fuck him and the ball he so desperately wants back. Hopefully they’ll be more from Hattie in some form or other in the future.

[Danny Stephenson]

That’s pretty bad, even for Norm.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

> Hopefully they?ll be more from Hattie in some form or other in the future.

I’m still hoping for Bill Bailey. He’d look great as a floating head.

[Danny Stephenson]

Bill Bailey would be fucking very welcome addition to Dwarf, he could come to DJ and do funny renditions of the theme. Cockney version, perhaps.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

“It’s cold outside…’av a banana”

[Nakrophile]

Bill Bailey’s inclusion would also perhaps annoy Norm even more, since I guess the two are friends or at least on good terms.

“I feel I can no longer wok with Bill Bailey.”

[Danny Stephenson]

Didn’t know he was into chinese food… :D

[Phil]

Wok with Bill Bailey would immediately become my favorite cooking show.

[Jonsmad]

I almost understand his bitterness against not being in the show, but his direction against everyone as if they should take his side is just utterly low. He should be nice, but if he cant be, he should only be mad at not being included, shouldnt be taking it out on the cast, I hope they never ring him again, I hope he never comes to DJ and I hope red dwarf fans stop going to his comedy shows that he constantly plugs as Norm from the dwarf. And i’d like Red Dwarf to make a short online episode called “holly Re-booted” in which the crew manage to turn Holly back on and it’s chris barrie in a bald wig, and fake nose, doing a norm impression and Holly starts moaning like a bitter bastard about Lister, Kryten and Rimmer and so they promgramme quegg back to erase him forever properly this time and reset holly permanently as hattie.

[Danny Stephenson]

Wok with Bill Bailey would immediately become my favorite cooking show.

I would call it “Wok This Way”

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

> I hope he never comes to DJ

I’d love him to come to DJ. I’d ask why he’s such a mardy old git.

> I would call it ?Wok This Way?

We need to make this happen!

[Turk Thrust]

> You can?t really blame any of them for not getting in touch, can you? Not when he slags them off on a regular basis.

Norman did go to Danny`s trial recently though didn`t he and was prepared to be a character witness? It is strange if there has been no contact at all imo.

[Alex]

Perhaps if we take away his ball we won’t get a single line of text from him…

[TheLeen]

“I?m not bitter” is a quote worthy of being added to the creepy site header.

[si]

>>I would call it ?Wok This Way?

>We need to make this happen!

Until a few weeks ago, I honestly used to live just down the road from a chinese takeaway by this name. I was suitably amused.

[Alex]

[Danny Stephenson]

Until a few weeks ago, I honestly used to live just down the road from a chinese takeaway by this name. I was suitably amused.

Do you have any pictorial evidence of this?

[si]

Here we are…

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/2967_153931580461_798285461_6347638_7158413_n.jpg

(Question – how DO you post pictures as part of comments? Haven’t worked that out yet.)

[si]

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/2967_153931580461_798285461_6347638_7158413_n.jpg

[thomasaevans]

what a knob!

[Tanya Jones]

Good work, Venture South!

[TheLeen]

Yeah. That picture really talks to me, too. It kind of says, “Norm wants YOU! … to hate all things dwarf except the bits where you see his head.”

[hummingbird]

You forgot to include the words “Red Dwarf”, large and prominently placed.

[Andrew]

I especially like the extra T at the end of ‘Lovettt’.

[locusceruleus]

I don’t expect TOS will have anything to say about this?

A ‘thankyou to Norm for 3 series of enjoyable work. We’re sorry to hear he’s decided not to have anything more to do with the show, and wish him all the best with his future endeavors’ would put a smile on my twisted face.

[clem]

Norm’s a cunttt.

[Pete Part Three]

Brilliant, VS.

[Mister E]

I only recently found out that Lovett was a bit of a prick regarding these kind of incidents, but his latest whinge just comes across as bitter and unprofessional. Picking on the guys for not being funny on Breakfast is completely unecessary and a bit of a cheap shot, and taking it as an insult that he’s not on the specials is just a bit silly. If they really wanted Holly and didn’t want him back, surely they would’ve just got Hattie in to do it.

[Alex]

I especially like the extra T at the end of ?Lovettt?.

Oh… Bugger. Still, that’s what I get for rushing it then not saving the master.

[ChrisM]

I only recently found out that Lovett was a bit of a prick regarding these kind of incidents, but his latest whinge just comes across as bitter and unprofessional.

The irritating thing is some people are taking what he’s said on Myspace as fact*. I came across a website today where someone left a comment stating they would be boycotting the shows over Easter as a result of ‘how unfairly Norman Lovett was treated.’ (To be fair it was a comment response to an article not the views of the article writers themselves.)
I left a comment of my own to leave that thread in a more positive note.

*Although I’m sure he sees it that way. Ok, it probably was a bit unfair to just send him an email telling him he wasn’t required (if that is true) but the reasons for leaving him out were valid.

[hummingbird]

He’s been this way for a long time, not just since BtE was announced.

[Alex]

Corrected version here:

[locusceruleus]

>Ok, it probably was a bit unfair to just send him an email telling him he wasn?t required.

Personally I think it’s more presumptuous of Norm to think he would be included in a revival. I mean, he doesn’t appear in the majority of Red Dwarf, though of course he is a substantial part of it’s legacy. All the same, an e-mail seems perfectly adequate to me, especially considering he clearly has such a low opinion of his RD co-stars and creative team. He seems to have a very strange view of the world. None of his castmates called him? So what? Clearly he’s not friends with them. Do you call everyone who ever did a stint at your place of work when you’re given a new assignment?

I wonder if the way Norm is being will affect the way anyone sees his performances in the old episodes. I know rationally, it shouldn’t affect anything, but I’m reminded of the fact that I’ve never seen the more Kramer-heavy episodes of Seinfeld in the same light since Michael Richard’s racism ‘incident’ (not that I’m by any means comparing what MR did with Norm’s whingey-old-fartedness).

It’s bizarre, because Craig’s problems certainly didn’t affect my perception of Lister. I think I find this more disappointing, personal and distracting RD-wise because he so clearly either greatly dislikes or is jealous of everyone else involved.

If anyone has a right to be pissed at GNP, I’d argue it was Hattie. I’ve already posted a lot about my preference for her Holly performances over Norm’s, but aside from that (and I admit I may be making a few assumptions here) she took on the role he willingly left behind, was quite suddenly written out in series 6, and when the character was reintroduced, was passed over in favour of the person who’d already turned his back on it once. Despite this, she continues to attend fan conventions, put in RD appearances (i.e. Beat The Geek) when requested, and has to my knowledge never voiced much in the way of bitterness about her tenure with the show.

When all’s said and done, almost every franchise has one. Norm’s ours.

[hummingbird]

> I wonder if the way Norm is being will affect the way anyone sees his performances in the old episodes.

Funny you should say that. I’ve been watching series 1 tonight, and it’s hard to watch him without being constantly reminded of his attitude.

[Nakrophile]

Yeah, it does colour your attitude somewhat when you watch them again.

[Nick R]

It’s disappointing to see he feels that way about the programme and its crew. But compared to the sort of things musicians say about each other after their bands split up, Norman’s comments are pretty mild.

[JamesTC]

Nah, watching Series 1 and 2 yesterday I still think he is funny, I mean he didn’t write the lines. Lines like “Be grateful for what you’ve got because frankly I’m fantastic” still have me laughing like an idiot.

[Ben Paddon]

Appreciate. Basically.

[Pete Part Three]

pwned.

[Pete Part Three]

I nominate Norm for Stasis.

[Alex]

You forgot to include the words ?Red Dwarf?, large and prominently placed

Better?:
http://img24.imageshack.us/my.php?image=pensionplan2.jpghttp://img24.imageshack.us/img24/1058/pensionplan2.jpg

[curtis]

Wow, so much hate in this thread. I too find it sad that Norman’s posted these things, however, he might have legitimate reasons for his grievances. I think its awful to see such nasty character assassinations about him when people aren’t in possession of all the facts.

[hummingbird]

He may well have legitimate reasons for everything he says, but why does he have to act so unprofessionally? Why does he have to publicly criticise everyone connected with RD while simultaneously cashing in on his association with the show? Even without being “in possession of all the facts” that much is patently obvious from what he, himself, has posted on his own site.

I don’t hate Norm, but I do find his attitude objectionable.

[locusceruleus]

>he might have legitimate reasons for his grievances.

When he chooses to publicly air ‘grievances’ like the fact that Doug came up with an in-plot idea to explain Holly’s absence and punctuates it with “This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like”, as if it’s some personal slight to him, we can gauge enough to have an opinion, I think.

“I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.” is just nasty and unnecessary.

“Not one of the cast have got in touch with me which just shows how self centred they are.” Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

>I think its awful to see such nasty character assassinations about him.

I think it’s awful to see a supposed professional post a myspace bulletin slamming his former co-stars for not being funny on breakfast TV.

[Tanya Jones]

Norm’s been unfair about GNP for a while now, Curtis; his comments about GNP finding film funding are particularly objectionable and self-serving.

[si]

I don’t hate Norm, I just think he’s a bitter old twat.

[Alex]

He’s been slowly burning his bridges for years now. You can hear it on the DVDs, in interviews, in his comments about the film and GNP apparently lying to people etc etc etc. As si says, it’s not that we hate him, it’s more like being a parent disapointed with a small child for throwing a moody.

[curtis]

Ah well, Im not intending to fall out with anyone, especially on today of all days, and you do make some good points. I say we lay down our weapons and have a fantastic weekend.*

*First person to call him a bald cunt after the specials air though gets a slap ;)

[Dax101]

norman will be watching tonight im sure, lets wait for his review tomorow or monday :)

[Jonsmad]

He’s probably already written it Dax101.

[locusceruleus]

>Ah well, Im not intending to fall out with anyone, especially on today of all days, and you do make some good points. I say we lay down our weapons and have a fantastic weekend.*

Indeed, no point letting one miserable git with a chip on his shoulder spoil the party.

[si]

A microchip, him being a computer and all.

Ohmysides! Nurse!

[Mr-Stabby]

>norman will be watching tonight im sure

I believe he’s actually written that he will be watching, green ink poised.

[hummingbird]

Tweet from Bobby in reply to someone asking if Norm had a twitter account:

Don’t know if Norman has an account. Don’t know if he’ll speak to me ever again, hope so, he’s brilliant https://twitter.com/bobbyllew/status/1497704463

The man is far too generous for his own good, if you ask me.

[Alex]

Here we go:

norm said to me on Myspace that he’s disappointed. “where were the jokes?” and “no one was on top form” were some of his comments

[Dax101]

(sarcasm mode)

wow see if we had norman back he would be on top of all forms everywhere :P

just look how top form he was in series 8 after 10 years since he left in 1988 :P

[Mnoooah]

Putting up with Norm: YR DOIN IT RIGHT:

“@MimFox Don’t know if Norman has an account. Don’t know if he’ll speak to me ever again, hope so, he’s brilliant”

:P

[si]

This is best from Robert:

@MacabreMagpie Have seen Norm's comments. Think his claim to 'not being bitter' is a little….. bitter. He's always been a lovely old grump

— Robert Llewellyn (@bobbyllew) April 11, 2009

[Zombie Jim Undead]

> just look how top form he was in series 8 after 10 years since he left in 1988 :P

Ah, yes. Norm in Series 8. All the comic talent of a man with head injuries reading a tired joke off a distant beer mat.

[Nakrophile]

I’d love to kiss Robert in his face.

[Jo]

When was Norm’s bulletin posted on MySpace? – I’ve just looked and not been able to find it.

[si]

Maybe it’s all part of the BtE storyline, and now it’s been taken down, so that when it turns out that he’s not a miserable twat after all, we’ll all be particularly guilty.

[hummingbird]

If you’re right then all the whinging he’s done since 1988 is all an act.

[ori-STUDFARM]

With Hatty confirmed for DJ XV, would we see Holly ever return in his female guise?

[Jo]

>With Hatty confirmed for DJ XV, would we see Holly ever return in his female guise?

I can confirm that we at the Fan Club have no insider knowledge when it comes to GNP’s casting decisions and so this has no bearing on the guest bookings. Hattie was invited as she is a lovely lady who always tries to stick around for as much of the weekend as possible.

[Dax101]

something someone post on imdb about normals final verdict of BTE

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t150/Caboose_1991/Norman.jpg

[Carlito]

So will Norman still be getting invited to DJs in the future?

[si]

I don’t think he should be invited for budgetry reasons.

[Ian Symes]

They should tell him his hotel room is waterlogged.

[Seb Patrick]

“I’m glad I wasn’t involved”.

Yeeeeeah, you sound like it. Good luck selling all your stuff without using the words “Red Dwarf” on it. Oh wait, you still will.

[JamesTC]

You see now we know why Norman was so adamant about his face appearing on screen.

[Ben Paddon]

I don’t know what Norm’s problem is. He was in Back To Earth!

[Author]

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