Worst lines ever

[Seb Patrick]

For reasons too tedious to go into, I decided to put myself through watching “Only The Good” yesterday.

“Talia! The nanobots must have resurrected you, too!”

Topic

[locusceruleus]

>In the new episodes they should SEE an iguana (I don?t know, they end up at Chester Zoo or something?) and Lister should be like ?oh, so that?s an iguana?. It would be well funny.

Yup, all seventeen of us will be in hysterics.

[locusceruleus]

“Two weeks of hell would become…potato paradise!”

“See you in ten minutes?
See you in ten minutes?
See you in ten minutes?
See you in ten minutes?
See you in ten minutes?”

“This machine’s amazing! Do you think it can do boob-jobs too?”

*facepalm*

[Phil]

I don’t actually dislike “potato paradise…”

[locusceruleus]

Well, its not the very worst. The laboured delivery combined with the baffling amount of studio laughter really kills it for me though.

[Carlito]

SICKBAGS ON STANDBY

[Carlito]

VIII had some great lines too, though.

“Goddammit, Rimmer! I wanted that! I mean… the lab boys wanted that…”

[locusceruleus]

Well, I definitely think Mac did great with what he was given.

[ChrisM]

>?See you in ten minutes?

I didn’t like that either. If they’d done it a couple of times, three at most. And then in the next scene we find out they somehow managed to still leave the wand on the captain’s desk (if I remember correctly. I can’t be bothered rechecking right now.)

I didn’t mind the ‘boob job’ gag though. It was so, her.

[ChrisM]

Her being Kochanski I mean. Not the generic ‘her’ although it is a very female oriented gag. Not that I’m suggesting all girls are out to augment their plumpies, but.. oh… never mind…

[locusceruleus]

>I didn?t mind the ?boob job? gag though. It was so, her.

I never really thought of Kochanski as especially self-doubting or superficial…maybe I’m forgetting things. Though to be honest I think one of the biggest let downs of VII/VIII is that we didn’t really get to know her properly.

She could have been a great character if a plot device had been found to expand on her past like Lister and Rimmer’s were so effectively in the early episodes.

[Dave]

“But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!”

Actually it’s the delivery that ruins this forgettable line

[CleverAndKnowsIt]

With regards to the AR night; everyone is aware that both that episode of Futurama (I think it was “Kif gets knocked up another notch”) and I dare say this episode of Red Dwarf were parodying Star Trek’s holodeck episodes, aren’t they?

[Pete Part Three]

>I didn?t mind the ?boob job? gag though. It was so, her.

The very problem with that line is it illustrates that we have no idea who she is in Series VIII. Her character in Series VII may have been annoying, but at least she had some definable characteristics beyond “woman”.

[Phil]

>this episode of Red Dwarf [was] parodying Star Trek?s holodeck episodes

I’m all for a good parody, but when the knight’s escape is used by one character to explain to other characters about the death of somebody they’ve been traveling with for 200+ years, and for some reason they ACCEPT that without followup questions, the “parody” then has real, ugly, Dwarf-universe repercussions.

[ChrisM]

>I didn?t mind the ?boob job? gag though. It was so, her.

The very problem with that line is it illustrates that we have no idea who she is in Series VIII. Her character in Series VII may have been annoying, but at least she had some definable characteristics beyond ?woman?.

That’s a good point actually. She did show a vulnerable, paranoid side in series 7, when she sensed Kryten didn’t like her, doubting herself. So she has her insecure moments.

I didn’t take her as being overtly superficial though, but I think she would worry about her appearance to a degree. Probably not to the extent of getting an actual boob job (implants, lifts etc.) but the idea of a time-wand returning them to an (ahem) perkier incarnation, may have been tempting. Not that she looked to me like she had any problems in that dept (now I sound like a perv), but I’ve noticed that a lot of girls who undergo surgery were hardly auditioning for ‘Miss Sahara Desert’ to start with. Hence the esteem thing.

I’m sure it was just a passing thought she voiced, and she wouldn’t have carried it out if the wand hadn’t been wrecked.

[Ridley]

I?m all for a good parody, but when the knight?s escape is used by one character to explain to other characters about the death of somebody they?ve been traveling with for 200+ years, and for some reason they ACCEPT that without followup questions, the ?parody? then has real, ugly, Dwarf-universe repercussions.

What should they be asking?

———-

“No offence-“
“None taken, ugly.”

[Phil]

>What should they be asking?

Some likely examples:
“Huh?”
“What?”
“How?”

Or alternatively, if they’re feeling more verbose:
“Is that possible?”
“How did you arrive at that conclusion?”
“Are we still in danger?”

Or in terms of continuity/interest:
“Why has this never been a danger before?”
“How did a hologram die?”
“Can’t we just bring him back like the countless other time’s he’s shut down?”

As an experiment, lock a friend of yours in the closet. When people start asking where he is, tell them that Dr. Wily escaped from your Mega Man cartridge and killed him. Record for us, please, whether or not there are then any followup questions.

[Ridley]

Cat (probably) doesn’t care and what reason would Kryten have to believe Lister’s lying?

[Phil]

>what reason would Kryten have to believe Lister?s lying?

The fact that he’s been established as our only reliable in-universe reference point? Kryten ain’t no foo’.

[hummingbird]

>The very problem with that line is it illustrates that we have no idea who she is in Series VIII. Her character in Series VII may have been annoying, but at least she had some definable characteristics beyond ?woman?.

Yes, this is the main gripe I have about VIII Kochanski. I really liked her in VII – even though I hate most of VII, I still like her character – there was real potential there, and Chloe was great.
Is it that Doug can’t write female characters? Or was was she simply neglected in VIII? Both?

[Ridley]

The fact that he?s been established as our only reliable in-universe reference point? Kryten ain?t no foo?.

It’s a knight. I think he can come up with ways that one of those he saw earlier could kill a man he’s been told is under quarantine and ill. Having seen a hologram in Langstrom die. Having known they all have died. Having been affected by a virus that required the AR to fight it.

Kryten doesn’t need to see a knight step out of a smoky AR door because we already have. Even though it turns out to be Lister you don’t need a reason on how it was there because you were told why it was there. There’s nothing wrong with the process working in reverse.

So what would your resolution to that scene be?

[Phil]

>So what would your resolution to that scene be?

I can assure you the scene would have been abandoned long before I needed to decide on a resolution.

Besides, I’m sure nobody’s interested in Phil’s Totally Awesome Alternate Fan-Scene. Whether or not I come up with something “better” is immaterial. It’s just a question of which Dwarf moments resonate with us, and which seem clunky.

[Ridley]

Well I wasn’t asking for something better or a scene, I was trying to find out what you thought could be done with what was there to be satisfied.

[Phil]

I know better than to seek satisfaction in series VII.

[Lonely Among Us]

In less time it takes a Norwegian to buy ski boots. Cringe.

[Seb Patrick]

Well I wasn?t asking for something better or a scene, I was trying to find out what you thought could be done with what was there to be satisfied.

Given that there’s already an earlier scene where Rimmer, as “Ace”, says that “Rimmer” is quarantined in the bunkroom with “a rather nasty holo-virus”, I’d say there’s a pretty fucking obvious solution right in front of them.

[JamesTC]

Given that there?s already an earlier scene where Rimmer, as ?Ace?, says that ?Rimmer? is quarantined in the bunkroom with ?a rather nasty holo-virus?, I?d say there?s a pretty fucking obvious solution right in front of them.

The pan-dimensional liquid beast from the Mogodan cluster killed him, it is so obvious.

[pfm]

If Back To Earth feels worse than VII when it airs I’m not even gonna come on here because I know I won’t want to read the comments and I won’t trust what I will write either. If it’s on par with VIII or above (in terms of quality, not how it looks or anything, which I’m guessing is gonna be closer to VII) then I’ll be happy. I reckon it would be too much to expect for BTE to be up there with the best of Dwarf. Of course, it would be amazing if it was.

[Ben Paddon]

But VII is better than VIII.

[Phil]

>If Back To Earth feels worse than VII when it airs I?m not even gonna come on here

Actually, if this is the case, I will come RIGHT HERE in the hopes that the G+T admins/commenters can at least provide me with some hilarious disappointed review.

[JamesTC]

VIII is greater than VII.

[Carlito]

VIII > VII

[Rad]

That line ‘you have all the wit and sophistication of an alsatian dog after a headswap operation’ is terrible.

Also, II, IV, V, VI – the great Red Dwarf series.

[John Hoare]

No III? SACRILEGE.

[Danny Stephenson]

VIII > VII

[Walter Raleigh] Only numerically speaking, we do not count VIII, as none of those have spoken favourably of VIII, and lived. [/Walter Raleigh]

[Carlito]

[Walter Raleigh] LOLz, just kidding [/Walter Raleigh]

[ChrisM]

>But VII is better than VIII.

I agree. And I wanted to even the numbers since it was 2-1 in 8’s favour.

[Anonymous]

And just before I scoot off on a long weekend I’ll tip the balance and also champion VII over VIII.

Stroke me a slipper. I’ll be back for iftar.

[pfm]

If you count the BITR complete cut then VIII > VII. A handful of sequences in VII are impressive – some of Tikka (‘it’s that man we found’, the scene with Lister and Kennedy in the van)), the end bit of Stoke (sadly marred by the shit CG), the Rimmer Experience, the kiss, hand pick up the ball (OK I’m lying about that one, I just don’t like it), ‘it’s an obscene phonecall…’, ‘Kryten, what have I done?’ ‘Well, you’ve brought the 20th Century to the very brink of extinction, sir. Gum?’ (I only like that one because it made me and my mate start saying random sentences and ending them with ‘Gum?’ e.g. ‘I’ve been sleeping with your wife for the last 6 months and she’s loved every fucking second of it. Gum?’ ah…)

Thinking about it they’re probably on par with one another. Nanarchy is shit, godawful. So is Only The Good… Each has one decent episode, Tikka and Cassandra (though Cassandra is the best of both series’). Each has a mostly wank one focussing on Kryten – Beyond A Joke and Krytie TV (though each provides at least some laughs). VII has less laughs though, it’s a fact.

[Ben Paddon]

VII may have less laughs, but it has a more solid foundation than VIII does and, I think, contributes more to Dwarf lore as well.

[Dave]

>Also, II, IV, V, VI – the great Red Dwarf series

I thought that was the rule for Star Trek movies?

[Pete Part Three]

V > III > II > IV > VI > I > Herpes > VII > A Terminal Disease > Death > Reincarnation as a pigeon > VIII

[Anonymous]

I’m not so sure about VI as a great series. It has some great episodes. III most certainly is a great series.

[JamesTC]

They are all great series if you ask me.

[peas_and_corn]

>I agree. And I wanted to even the numbers since it was 2-1 in 8?s favour.

we need a poll.

[Jonathan Capps]

> V > III > II > IV > VI > I > Herpes > VII > A Terminal Disease > Death > Reincarnation as a pigeon > VIII

I like this game.

V > II > I > VI > III > IV >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> VII >> VIII.

[peas_and_corn]

A single or two ‘greater than’ symbols > a long line of ‘greater than’ symbols

[Jonathan Capps]

Neither makes any sense. It’s for EFFECT, man. EFFECT.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

Sod your numerals

5 > 2 > 6 > 1 > 4 > 3.

Sod the others.

[si]

I’d put VIII over VII, myself, but I don’t want to get into a big argument.

Even though that’s clearly exactly what I’m doing.

[Author]

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