Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Worst lines ever

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  • #91608
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    It was a cast of unknowns. Young, brazenly beautiful and all endorsed the emerging 90’s New York lifestyle and played out their character quirks to the full for the first two series.

    The writing was good and the storylines had a natural flow to them.

    By seasons seven and eight, they were playing themselves in their 30’s still trying to pretend they were in their 20’s. The female cast members had become tanned, drastically thin, quite disturbing looking creatures and the men became, tanned, recently released from rehab, slightly plump sods who clearly wanted movie careers and were locked into this lumbering, dying beast that used to be funny called ‘Friends’.

    #91609
    Carlito
    Participant

    Most jarringly of all, the male cast all had obviously fake tans that stopped at their hairlines.

    #91610
    Carlito
    Participant

    Especially Chandler, who from around series 6 onwards looked consistently orange.

    #91612
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    ‘Twas hilarious for college flashback scenes, watching a bloated Matthew Perry play his 19 year old self.

    #91614
    Carlito
    Participant

    On the one hand, feel bad for Matthew Perry and his ‘issues’. On the other… makes it very easy to tell which series you’re watching when you’re channel surfing.

    “Which series is this?”
    “How’s Chandler looking?”
    “Boney, deathly pale, with a goatee?”
    “Series 3!”

    “What about this one?”
    “How’s he looking?”
    “Well he put on about 4st and grew his hair long between the ‘Previously on Friends’ recap and the first scene of this episode which supposedly takes place just seconds later.”
    “Ah! Series 6!”

    And so on…

    #91615
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    “What series?”

    “The colours are a little off and pictures smears when the camera pans”

    “Oh… all of them”

    #91616
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    >IMO this is utter drivel.

    While you cannot convince me to like it, I would like to know, what is it about Friends for you ‘works’ and what doesn’t? Personally I liked it early on and just grew frustrated with some of the elements (esp the Ross/Rachael stuff), and after that didn’t understand what people saw in the show.

    If what I wrote sound sarcastic I don’t mean it to be, I genuinely am interested to hear your perspective on the show.

    #91625
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >OK 5% is an exaggeration, but take away Jennifer Aniston and the will-they-won?t-they-well-they-did-but-then-they-were-on-a-break-and-that-bint-from-Cold-Feet etc etc Ross/Rachel fiasco and that?s the end of MOST of the interest in the show.

    It will end some intrest but it will still be a bloody good show, Chandler and Joey are the funniest in the show anyway. I always thought they did better Comedy than Drama, thought? No, they do better Comedy than Drama, fact!

    >Friends was always sold with the good-looking cast angle, then the whole Rachel hairstyle thing, coupled with the fact that she was fucking Brad Pitt, helped propel that into the stratosphere. Obviously that?s not why EVERYONE who watched it watched it, but it?s what made it such a massive show.

    The people who watched it for the reason of her fucking brad Pitt are rather odd, especially since Brad Pitt was only in 1 episode of the show (though I did love what they done with him in that, made his the co-founder of the “I hate Rachel” club with Ross).

    #91626
    Andrew
    Participant

    > While you cannot convince me to like it, I would like to know, what is it about Friends for you ?works? and what doesn?t?

    It’s an extremely well-built show. I’m not here defending it as the best thing ever written, and I’m not saying it didn’t have peaks and troughs, it’s just this ‘5%’ thing is total garbage.

    But hey, just from a writing point of view the thing screams class. I’m not just talking about the gags – though the hit rate was phenomenally good – but the strength of the character work. The pilot is terrific, you know who the all are SO quickly. And the back-stories are incredibly intricate. Even before the retro-fitting of some stuff (Chandler causing Monica to lose weight), there was a lot of stuff on paper in the writers’ room. That kind of planning I find massively admirable – not because they stuck to it, but because it worked, it was useful. They got laughs and character beats out of it.

    Yes it’s ‘aspirational’ rather than ‘identifiable’, to the point of being patently unrealistic. That’s often been the American sitcom way, and in itself is not automatically ‘bad’. But the over-paid-ness and attractiveness of the cast shouldn’t put anyone off the fact that they are, for the most part, incredibly gifted performers. Lisa Kudrow can take a line and find a reading of it that you’d never expect, yet totally suits the character AND still makes the joke work.

    The success of the Ross/Rachel thing in series one is undeniable. (In fact series one as a whole I think represents such a ridiculous level of high-quality that it should be taught in schools.) The whole may have become too twisted and over-sustained as it went along, but The One With The Prom Video is proof that it worked. As many others probably felt, though, I was far more taken with the Chandler/Monica story as it developed.

    Far from the histrionics of will they/won’t they, not saddled with a need to fit a genre mould, where Ross and Rachel were a 20-something wish-fulfilment, Chandler and Monica were a 30-something relationship that seemed organic, credible, and relatable. The show succeeded in having a third of its cast lose all ‘dating’ storylines in favour of a (TV version of an) adult relationship. That it was bold is obvious; that it worked is more surprising. And that, again, all comes down to well-built characters.

    I see a stack of scripts every year – top names, commissioned shows – and I’ve never, ever had anything come through that sings the way the Friends pilot sings.

    #91633
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    What about ‘The End – Original Assembly’?

    Hmm, I’m going to watch that tonight for the 21st anniversary.

    #91634
    John Hoare
    Participant

    Hmm, I?m going to watch that tonight for the 21st anniversary.

    Now that is a BLOODY good idea. I shall do likewise.

    #91636
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    I’m going to find Doug’s number, call him, ask him what pub he went into to get people for the recording of The End* and go and have a drink there while watching it on my iPod.

    *If anyone knows, feel free to save me the trouble.

    #91638
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    The Aigburth Arms.

    #91639
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    They went 40 miles to find an audience? They really were desperate.

    #91640
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    Doug could only find a Liverpool supporters bus.

    #91641
    John Hoare
    Participant

    Back to Friends for a moment – it’s obvious, but it’s still interesting how the retooled the character of Joey in that first season. He’s the only one that they hadn’t quite got right from the start.

    #91644
    James
    Participant

    Joey, tool, resist….

    #91648
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    Joey was the only likeable character from the beginning.

    Back To Friends – The Tw… er, Three part finale.

    #91652
    si
    Participant

    Friends is one of those shows that I will sit and watch AND LAUGH AT if it’s on.

    Yes, it’s talked up, and the american audiences are annoying as hell, but it can be v. funny.

    #91659
    pfm
    Participant

    > there was a lot of stuff on paper in the writers? room. That kind of planning I find massively admirable – not because they stuck to it, but because it worked, it was useful.

    If only they had managed this on Galactica. They’ve basically just rewritten the show’s entire mythology, fucked over characters by either killing them, making them act totally out of character, or bizarrely not giving them screentime (Baltar) etc. all because Ronald D Moore and the others obviously just shit themselves when they realised they had around 7 episodes to wrap up this whole thing and they DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Not that it isn’t still brilliant or anything…

    #91686
    Jo
    Participant

    >worst line ever ? any line in friends

    >Friends is shit, people are shit for liking it

    Fuck off.
    You may as well have said ‘Ah! I don’t like this really popular show which ran for 10 whole seasons and I’m going to say it was shit. HA! Didn’t expect me to have that opinion did you?’

    Personally I love Friends, to me it’s on a par with Red Dwarf – this is mainly for personal reasons I have a small group of really close friends and it it wasn’t for the show we’d never have met. Aside from this it’s a feel-good show, it’s well written, not always consistent but overall it’s great. If I ever want to put something on to cheer me up I just grab one of the DVDs and watch, Never fails.

    >By seasons seven and eight, they were playing themselves in their 30?s still trying to pretend they were in their 20?s.

    Um, no. They were getting married, settling down, having children, moving into family homes. They still had the same essential personalities and similar characteristics as when the show first started, but by the end they had all grown up and matured and if you don’t think so then you weren’t paying attention.

    #91714
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    I’m all for the maturing of characters and their relationships with one another…

    But when I can sit through an entire season of Friends without so much as chuckling, then it’s dead to me.

    A show that lasts for ten seasons does not make a good show, that’s like saying a Michael Bolton album is better than a Pink Floyd album because it sold more.

    I’ll say it again, with no fear, Friends is fucking crap.

    #91720
    si
    Participant

    Woah there.

    #91722
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >But when I can sit through an entire season of Friends without so much as chuckling, then it?s dead to me.

    Why did you sit through 22 episodes if you didn’t like it?

    #91724
    si
    Participant

    Friends is one of those shows that, even though you?ve seen them all before, you sit and watch it and have a chuckle.

    Like The Simpsons.

    #91729
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    >Why did you sit through 22 episodes if you didn?t like it?

    I’ve got to wonder this, as well. Two or three episodes, maybe. Four, five, six, even. But twenty-two? An entire season? What, did you just REALLY have a thing for Jennifer Aniston, or something?

    #91731
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    Oh you know what I meant, episodes that I’ve seen from the later seasons are absolutely cringeworthy.

    #91732
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    It’s better than Red Dwarf VIII.

    #91733
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    I like Series VIII.

    #91734
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >Oh you know what I meant, episodes that I?ve seen from the later seasons are absolutely cringeworthy.

    So you like ones from previous seasons?

    #91735
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Oh, I see.

    I?ll say it again, with no fear (?), Red Dwarf VIII is fucking crap.

    #91736
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >Red Dwarf VIII is cucking frap

    I fixed it for you!

    #91737
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    I adore the first two seasons, but it immediately went downhill from there.

    Once Ross and Rachel had got together, it was inevitable that the rest of the characters would swirl around in increasingly tired storylines.

    Don’t even start me about Chandler and Monica.

    Can we talk about something else now?

    #91740
    JamesTC
    Participant

    One comment –
    >It?s sad to see that Friends made it past three episodes. It became almost incestual when they all started fucking and having babies together.

    Another comment –
    >I adore the first two seasons

    #91741
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    Yes, I adore the first two seasons but looking back, I wish it had been halted in its tracks given how macabre and utterly unfunny the later seasons were.

    #91751
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    I find Friends to be like popcorn. I wouldn’t say I was a big fan of the show (I used to poo-poo it actively), but I feel compelled to watch it whenever it’s on E4 (every other hour, then) as it warms me. Good, gentle humour, satisfying storylines and well drawn characters. I’ll take that any day.

    #91759
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    “Arrested Development had 53 episodes and it was NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH.”

    I want your babies. Most under-rated show ever!

    Friends? Hmmmm… The only thing I’ll say about Friends is I’ll happily watch it if nothing better is on and even laugh once in a while, but I’ll never own it on DVD.

    Now the correct order you’ve all been waiting for:

    V > II > III & IV (difficult to split) > I > VI > VII > VIII

    #91763
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    How is that like popcorn? You feel compelled to buy it every time you go to the cinema do you mean? (Takes note)

    #91766
    si
    Participant

    >III & IV (difficult to split)

    Three and a half.

    #91768
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    > How is that like popcorn? You feel compelled to buy it every time you go to the cinema do you mean? (Takes note)

    I throw knobs of butter at the TV when it’s on.

    #91770
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    “Three and a half”

    Assuming of course we’re not dealing with five-dimensional objects in a basic Euclidean geometric universe and given the essential premise that all geo-mathematics is based on the hideously limiting notion that one plus one equals two…

    #91772
    si
    Participant

    Smart arse.

    #91775
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    I throw knobs of butter at the TV when it?s on.

    Ha ha, knobs.

    Also: you’ll be lucky to find butter in a cinema these days. Yellow Vegetable Oil, maybe.

    #91826
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    I bought a coke at the cinema- it cost me $4, but it was HUGE- must have had like, 4c worth of postmix in there.

    #91828
    Carlito
    Participant

    I bought a popcorn, a drink and a bag of sweets at the cinema, and I was quite embarrassed. I told the cashier “sorry, I’ve only got a ?50 note”.

    He said, “well you better put the sweets back then hadn’t you?”

    Fucking liberty.

    #91904
    ChrisM
    Participant

    I used to buy popcorn before entering the cinema (you know the butterkist toffee kind?) Partly due to prices. (I do like the popcorn with sugar they do in the cinema though.)

    I brought some along with a girl once and she told me it wasn’t allowed (cos they want you to buy their stuff.) Obviously they’d prefer you to buy their stuff, but I didn’t think there was a rule against bringing in other stuff. Not that I care that much. It’s not that they go checking everyone, is it?

    #91907
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    I bought a popcorn, a drink and a bag of sweets at the cinema, and I was quite embarrassed. I told the cashier ?sorry, I?ve only got a ?50 note?.

    He said, ?well you better put the sweets back then hadn?t you??

    I lolled.

    #91909
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    I was gave a written warning when I not only let in punters with their own pop and sweets, but actively discouraged them from buying it at the stall and pointed them at the supermarket nearby.

    The supervisors all had that weary look on their faces, knowing there was another bloody pseudo-socialist amongst the ranks.

    #91914
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    I brought some along with a girl once and she told me it wasn?t allowed (cos they want you to buy their stuff.) Obviously they?d prefer you to buy their stuff, but I didn?t think there was a rule against bringing in other stuff. Not that I care that much. It?s not that they go checking everyone, is it?

    Vue used to do that lots. Cineworld and ODEON don’t have any rules against it, but it used to be in Vue’s terms of admission IIRC.

    #91915
    Phil
    Participant

    Last time I went to a film I was with a girl who smuggled tacos in her sleeves.

    She has much to teach me.

    #91916
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    Smuggling peanuts is quite popular, I hear.

    #91934
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Real peanuts? Where’d do you get em?

    #91935
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    Nah, he was trimming his verrucas.

    #91945
    pfm
    Participant

    My mates and I used to go to the McDonalds across from the Vue (well, it was Warner Cinema then), stuff the fries and burgers in our coats and then go in to watch the film! This was only if we were in a rush, of course. Otherwise we’d just, well, sit in the fucking McDonalds.

    You’re a mug if you buy food INSIDE a Vue cinema. Yeah, I’m calling you, you, you and especially YOU a mug for doing so, MUG! You’re also a sadist cunt for wanting to eat popcorn during the film and pissing other people off with your crunching sounds, screwing up packets, nagging like fishwives as though nothing important’s happening when the greatest movie ever made is about to start.

    #91946
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    I normally finish the popcorn by the credits (I normally don’t buy it) because I’m a FAT CUNT

    #91947
    JamesTC
    Participant

    I generally just buy a bag of sweets from Asda or something before hand, I don’t go the cinema much anyway, people piss me off, when I went to see The Simpsons Movie a guy shouted during the start “Spider Pig”, I wanted to stand up and applaud and call him a dick head but, well, I’m a coward.

    #91949
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Going to see Clerks II was nice, me a friend and 2 other people (who were quiet) in the entire room and it was on switch island (just down the road from where Lister loses his virginity in the future, I remember mentioning it to my mate as we passed the golf course and he didn’t give a fuck)

    #91950
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    I went to a 3D movie as part of a science class (it was at IMax and it was about fish). There was a primary school class and they were doing the dumbass thing of reaching out to grab the optical illusion. So me and my friends threw paper at them.

    #91956
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    and it was on switch island (just down the road from where Lister loses his virginity in the future, I remember mentioning it to my mate as we passed the golf course and he didn?t give a fuck)

    Two things :

    1. Oh, God, Switch Island. *shudders*

    2. Did you also notice that it’s not actually called Bootle Municipal Golf Course, but just “Bootle Golf Course”?

    #91958
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Doesn’t ‘municipal’mean you don’t have to be member to join? Thus ruining the whole joke?

    #91979
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    1. Oh, God, Switch Island. *shudders*

    I always thought “wow, an Island. Obviously not a real island, but it does sound rather nice”

    Then I found out it was a roundabout.

    #91985
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    >Doesn?t ?municipal?mean you don?t have to be member to join? Thus ruining the whole joke?

    Yes. It is still a municipal golf course, that’s just not its name.

    But yes, you don’t have to be a member. Not that Rimmer would necessarily know that. Except Lister uses the word “municipal”, so he should.

    #92140
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    In Confidence and Paranoia- “I bet five”- what the fuck does that mean??? (when Rimmer’s talking to Paranoia, a bit before “stabbim!”)

    #92155
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    he’s playing Poker (presumably with holly)

    #92183
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    Is he? I didn’t notice that

    #92185
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Then you are not a Red Dwarf fan and should be burnt immediately.

    I never noticed it either.

    #93850
    Stabbim the Skutter
    Participant

    Hey there, resident lurker here.

    I noticed this one in Emohawk: Polymorph II (Chelsea Nil) the other day – after Cat says his classic line “This came from a bow, alright!” he quietly adds “I was expecting to get more than that…” which is totally unnecessary…it seems a bit like the “Ion storm” line from White Hole in that it’s as if it were just forced in to make the character seem less stupid. And I never noticed it before now…

    #93852
    si
    Participant

    “Impact April 10th” is more than a little cheesy, but maybe that’s just me…

    #93857
    ChrisM
    Participant

    >?Impact April 10th? is more than a little cheesy, but maybe that?s just me?

    I guess if they’d added “…on Dave, cos BBC are total corduroy bell-bottoms, man!”, that might have been more in character. Bit of a mouthful though.

    There are a couple of times in Red Dwarf where they seem to feel the need to explain the joke further. (One example. The monologue in the bunkroom scene in Back in the Red where he gets the old man and the baby mixed up. It’s like, “Yes! We got it!”) Mind you it’s usually Lister, and it seems in character somehow.

    #93858
    si
    Participant

    That “…man!” makes me think more of Neil than The Cat, to be honest.

    #93864
    Richey
    Participant

    Pete Part Three

    I can?t really think of any aside beyond ?What?s an Iguana??.

    Jeez…I always find that line hillarious. Just love it as an example of Lister’s utter ignorance. And Craig delivers it beautifully. Guess I’m out of touch with what’s funny in Red Dwarf. Anything from series VIII and lots from series VII would’ve been my vote for worst lines.

    #93871
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    “What’s an iguana?” only seems quite jarring to me because the audience seem to miss the line.

    #93878
    Carlito
    Participant

    Yeah, twice. Both recordings.

    #94023
    Richey
    Participant

    “Gelf ship. Somehow they’ve found a way to infiltrate non-space.”

    *cringe*

    #94024
    John Hoare
    Participant

    I noticed this one in Emohawk: Polymorph II (Chelsea Nil) the other day – after Cat says his classic line ?This came from a bow, alright!? he quietly adds ?I was expecting to get more than that?? which is totally unnecessary?

    Yes, I’ve always been struck by that too. Not too awful, because the audience laughter drowns most of it, but definitely an unneccessary line.

    And I’ve become more and more convinced that the iguana stuff just stands out at me because of the lack of audience reaction…

    #94026
    Richey
    Participant

    Lines aside, I think we can all agree that Bobby Llew made a huge mistake with the introduction of Whiney Kryten in series VII. Every line he does in that voice is just appalling.

    #94027
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    Oh fuck yes.

    While the series 8 storylines make me shake my head in appalled disbelief, only Whiny Kryten has the power to make me reach for the remote and shut the damn thing off.

    #94037
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    “So you haven’t heard about Kochanski and her ex-boyfriend Tim?”

    You might have missed it, it’s a fleeting line.

    #94066
    si
    Participant

    It’s “Miss Kochanski” isn’t it?

    #94083
    Phil
    Participant

    >You might have missed it, it?s a fleeting line.

    I 3> U

    #94086
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    > Lines aside, I think we can all agree that Bobby Llew made a huge mistake with the introduction of Whiney Kryten in series VII. Every line he does in that voice is just appalling.

    The first time he does something approaching that whine isn’t series VII. It’s earlier. I can’t remember exactly where, but I’ve been re-watching a lot of episodes recently and something along those lines defintely cropped up in one of them, albeit briefly.

    #94088
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    No before then.

    #94087
    si
    Participant

    The first time he does something approaching that whine isn?t series VII. It?s earlier. I can?t remember exactly where

    “What a senseless waste!” – Out of Time, series VI, of future Lister (brain in a jar).

    There, it’s funny.

    #94124
    ChrisM
    Participant

    I thought it was funny to start with in series 7, but it grated after a while.

    It was funny when it go explosive in Beyond a Joke though. (Well, I found it funny.)

    #94125
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    The bad edit on the head blowing up annoys me, big time.

    #94128
    ChrisM
    Participant

    I find the dodgy affects tend to add to the humour.

    #94130
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    ?So you haven?t heard about Kochanski and her ex-boyfriend Tim??

    What news?

    #94131
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    Actually, that says a lot, doesn’t it? We’ll happily sit here and go “A *White* Hole?” for 30 odd posts. We might even go “See ya in 10 minutes?” for an ironic laugh, but I’ve never heard anyone ever quote that.

    Robert forgot the lines, I told him not to worry and just to make it up as he knew the gist of it.

    Oh yeah. That’s why.

    #94137
    Ridley
    Participant

    Lines aside, I think we can all agree that Bobby Llew made a huge mistake with the introduction of Whiney Kryten in series VII. Every line he does in that voice is just appalling.

    I disagree.

    #94155
    Carlito
    Participant

    The first time he does something approaching that whine isn?t series VII. It?s earlier. I can?t remember exactly where.

    Camille.

    When he’s unable to lie in front of the Cat.

    “Hey, you taught him that?? You two should audition for ‘What’s My Fruit’!”

    #94159
    John Hoare
    Participant

    The bad edit on the head blowing up annoys me, big time.

    Which is fixed on one of the music vids on the DVDs (I forget which). Which is fantastic.

    #94161
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Carl, you might want to use quoting tags when you post. like [blockquote], [/blockquote] (replace with “<>” angled brackets)

    Otherwise it looks like you’re answering your own questions. :)

    #94171
    Carlito
    Participant

    Oops, oh yeah, just an oversight on my part.

    #94180
    Dave
    Participant

    >The first time he does something approaching that whine isn?t series VII. It?s earlier. I can?t remember exactly where.

    He has a massive whine in the blubbery piscine scene in Polymorph

    #94201
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    That may have been it yeah.

    #94202
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    > Camille. When he?s unable to lie in front of the Cat.

    And that. Blimey he had been whining for years and we barely noticed.

    #94204
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    Yeah, but it wasn’t nearly as extreme or frequent as it was later on.
    The Polymorph blubbering seems practically understated compared to the “YOU’RE LYING!” nightmare.

    #94207
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    So it’s like at the start of new series they took a previously touched on character trait and expanded it.

    #94208
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    In theory.

    #94211
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    Forgive me. I’m being a bit facetious today.

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