Worst lines ever

[Seb Patrick]

For reasons too tedious to go into, I decided to put myself through watching “Only The Good” yesterday.

“Talia! The nanobots must have resurrected you, too!”

Topic

[Danny Stephenson]

Real peanuts? Where’d do you get em?

[peas_and_corn]

Nah, he was trimming his verrucas.

[pfm]

My mates and I used to go to the McDonalds across from the Vue (well, it was Warner Cinema then), stuff the fries and burgers in our coats and then go in to watch the film! This was only if we were in a rush, of course. Otherwise we’d just, well, sit in the fucking McDonalds.

You’re a mug if you buy food INSIDE a Vue cinema. Yeah, I’m calling you, you, you and especially YOU a mug for doing so, MUG! You’re also a sadist cunt for wanting to eat popcorn during the film and pissing other people off with your crunching sounds, screwing up packets, nagging like fishwives as though nothing important’s happening when the greatest movie ever made is about to start.

[peas_and_corn]

I normally finish the popcorn by the credits (I normally don’t buy it) because I’m a FAT CUNT

[JamesTC]

I generally just buy a bag of sweets from Asda or something before hand, I don’t go the cinema much anyway, people piss me off, when I went to see The Simpsons Movie a guy shouted during the start “Spider Pig”, I wanted to stand up and applaud and call him a dick head but, well, I’m a coward.

[JamesTC]

Going to see Clerks II was nice, me a friend and 2 other people (who were quiet) in the entire room and it was on switch island (just down the road from where Lister loses his virginity in the future, I remember mentioning it to my mate as we passed the golf course and he didn’t give a fuck)

[peas_and_corn]

I went to a 3D movie as part of a science class (it was at IMax and it was about fish). There was a primary school class and they were doing the dumbass thing of reaching out to grab the optical illusion. So me and my friends threw paper at them.

[Seb Patrick]

and it was on switch island (just down the road from where Lister loses his virginity in the future, I remember mentioning it to my mate as we passed the golf course and he didn?t give a fuck)

Two things :

1. Oh, God, Switch Island. *shudders*

2. Did you also notice that it’s not actually called Bootle Municipal Golf Course, but just “Bootle Golf Course”?

[Danny Stephenson]

Doesn’t ‘municipal’mean you don’t have to be member to join? Thus ruining the whole joke?

[Mr Flibble]

1. Oh, God, Switch Island. *shudders*

I always thought “wow, an Island. Obviously not a real island, but it does sound rather nice”

Then I found out it was a roundabout.

[Seb Patrick]

>Doesn?t ?municipal?mean you don?t have to be member to join? Thus ruining the whole joke?

Yes. It is still a municipal golf course, that’s just not its name.

But yes, you don’t have to be a member. Not that Rimmer would necessarily know that. Except Lister uses the word “municipal”, so he should.

[peas_and_corn]

In Confidence and Paranoia- “I bet five”- what the fuck does that mean??? (when Rimmer’s talking to Paranoia, a bit before “stabbim!”)

[Danny Stephenson]

he’s playing Poker (presumably with holly)

[peas_and_corn]

Is he? I didn’t notice that

[JamesTC]

Then you are not a Red Dwarf fan and should be burnt immediately.

I never noticed it either.

[Stabbim the Skutter]

Hey there, resident lurker here.

I noticed this one in Emohawk: Polymorph II (Chelsea Nil) the other day – after Cat says his classic line “This came from a bow, alright!” he quietly adds “I was expecting to get more than that…” which is totally unnecessary…it seems a bit like the “Ion storm” line from White Hole in that it’s as if it were just forced in to make the character seem less stupid. And I never noticed it before now…

[si]

“Impact April 10th” is more than a little cheesy, but maybe that’s just me…

[ChrisM]

>?Impact April 10th? is more than a little cheesy, but maybe that?s just me?

I guess if they’d added “…on Dave, cos BBC are total corduroy bell-bottoms, man!”, that might have been more in character. Bit of a mouthful though.

There are a couple of times in Red Dwarf where they seem to feel the need to explain the joke further. (One example. The monologue in the bunkroom scene in Back in the Red where he gets the old man and the baby mixed up. It’s like, “Yes! We got it!”) Mind you it’s usually Lister, and it seems in character somehow.

[si]

That “…man!” makes me think more of Neil than The Cat, to be honest.

[Richey]

Pete Part Three

I can?t really think of any aside beyond ?What?s an Iguana??.

Jeez…I always find that line hillarious. Just love it as an example of Lister’s utter ignorance. And Craig delivers it beautifully. Guess I’m out of touch with what’s funny in Red Dwarf. Anything from series VIII and lots from series VII would’ve been my vote for worst lines.

[Danny Stephenson]

“What’s an iguana?” only seems quite jarring to me because the audience seem to miss the line.

[Carlito]

Yeah, twice. Both recordings.

[Richey]

“Gelf ship. Somehow they’ve found a way to infiltrate non-space.”

*cringe*

[John Hoare]

I noticed this one in Emohawk: Polymorph II (Chelsea Nil) the other day – after Cat says his classic line ?This came from a bow, alright!? he quietly adds ?I was expecting to get more than that?? which is totally unnecessary?

Yes, I’ve always been struck by that too. Not too awful, because the audience laughter drowns most of it, but definitely an unneccessary line.

And I’ve become more and more convinced that the iguana stuff just stands out at me because of the lack of audience reaction…

[Richey]

Lines aside, I think we can all agree that Bobby Llew made a huge mistake with the introduction of Whiney Kryten in series VII. Every line he does in that voice is just appalling.

[locusceruleus]

Oh fuck yes.

While the series 8 storylines make me shake my head in appalled disbelief, only Whiny Kryten has the power to make me reach for the remote and shut the damn thing off.

[peas_and_corn]

“So you haven’t heard about Kochanski and her ex-boyfriend Tim?”

You might have missed it, it’s a fleeting line.

[si]

It’s “Miss Kochanski” isn’t it?

[Phil]

>You might have missed it, it?s a fleeting line.

I 3> U

[Tarka Dal]

> Lines aside, I think we can all agree that Bobby Llew made a huge mistake with the introduction of Whiney Kryten in series VII. Every line he does in that voice is just appalling.

The first time he does something approaching that whine isn’t series VII. It’s earlier. I can’t remember exactly where, but I’ve been re-watching a lot of episodes recently and something along those lines defintely cropped up in one of them, albeit briefly.

[Tarka Dal]

No before then.

[si]

The first time he does something approaching that whine isn?t series VII. It?s earlier. I can?t remember exactly where

“What a senseless waste!” – Out of Time, series VI, of future Lister (brain in a jar).

There, it’s funny.

[ChrisM]

I thought it was funny to start with in series 7, but it grated after a while.

It was funny when it go explosive in Beyond a Joke though. (Well, I found it funny.)

[Danny Stephenson]

The bad edit on the head blowing up annoys me, big time.

[ChrisM]

I find the dodgy affects tend to add to the humour.

[Mr Flibble]

?So you haven?t heard about Kochanski and her ex-boyfriend Tim??

What news?

[Mr Flibble]

Actually, that says a lot, doesn’t it? We’ll happily sit here and go “A *White* Hole?” for 30 odd posts. We might even go “See ya in 10 minutes?” for an ironic laugh, but I’ve never heard anyone ever quote that.

Robert forgot the lines, I told him not to worry and just to make it up as he knew the gist of it.

Oh yeah. That’s why.

[Ridley]

Lines aside, I think we can all agree that Bobby Llew made a huge mistake with the introduction of Whiney Kryten in series VII. Every line he does in that voice is just appalling.

I disagree.

[Carlito]

The first time he does something approaching that whine isn?t series VII. It?s earlier. I can?t remember exactly where.

Camille.

When he’s unable to lie in front of the Cat.

“Hey, you taught him that?? You two should audition for ‘What’s My Fruit’!”

[John Hoare]

The bad edit on the head blowing up annoys me, big time.

Which is fixed on one of the music vids on the DVDs (I forget which). Which is fantastic.

[Danny Stephenson]

Carl, you might want to use quoting tags when you post. like

,

(replace with “<>” angled brackets)

Otherwise it looks like you’re answering your own questions. :)

[Carlito]

Oops, oh yeah, just an oversight on my part.

[Dave]

>The first time he does something approaching that whine isn?t series VII. It?s earlier. I can?t remember exactly where.

He has a massive whine in the blubbery piscine scene in Polymorph

[Tarka Dal]

That may have been it yeah.

[Tarka Dal]

> Camille. When he?s unable to lie in front of the Cat.

And that. Blimey he had been whining for years and we barely noticed.

[locusceruleus]

Yeah, but it wasn’t nearly as extreme or frequent as it was later on.
The Polymorph blubbering seems practically understated compared to the “YOU’RE LYING!” nightmare.

[Tarka Dal]

So it’s like at the start of new series they took a previously touched on character trait and expanded it.

[Pete Part Three]

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In theory.

[Tarka Dal]

Forgive me. I’m being a bit facetious today.

[Pete Part Three]

It’s ok, I do that everyday.

[Author]

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