Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Rubber]

ID ARTHUR: AN EPISODE

Keen to bring the median viewer age for Dave-era Dwarf below 57, Doug writes a crossover script in which Kryten asks cheerful Canadian kids’ TV cartoon aardvark Arthur for some identification when he tries to purchase hard liquor at Parrots.

[Rubber]

ID-R4N EPISODE

Butler’s uncouth Australian cousin, Brucebot ID-R4N, unexpectedly comes to stay the night before Butz is due to be interviewed by Melvyn Bragg at the opening of his new play. Can our favourite metal polymath keep the embarrassingly off-brand beer-swilling, arse-slapping, dingo-munching swearbox away from the luvvies, the critics and the cameras, and maintain his reputation for refinement?

[Rubber]

I DEAR FOR AN EPISODE

Rimmer finally succumbs to the constant pressure of his peers and becomes an extremely expensive holo-prostitute for half an hour.

[Rubber]

IDEA: FOUR ARN EPISODE

Inspiration strikes Doug once again: an entire episode about the Rimmer barbershop quartet!

[Rubber]

HIDE EAR FOR AN EPISODE

It’s April Fool’s Day! Two cheeky Skutters remove Kryten’s left ear while he’s distracted and conceal it behind the Piney Shine in the cleaning supplies cupboard, leading to 30 minutes of Kryten desperately roaming the ship trying to find it. Meanwhile, Lister has a wank. In a rare post-credits scene, Kryten eventually locates the ear and furiously smashes the sniggering Skutters to pieces with a sledgehammer.

[tombow]

I FEAR FOR AN EPISODE

Doug tweets that hes working on a script for Timewave 2 that should “trigger the PC snowflakes pretty hard”

[cwickham]

BANANARCHY

The nanobots come back, and turn Lister into Bananaman.

[cwickham]

CASSANANA

New version of Cassandra which replaces the titular computer with Bananaman.

[Pete Part Three]

1 TEAR FOR AN EPISODE

Doug gets a bit sad when he watches Timewave back and realises it’s a pile of irredeemable shite.

[Pete Part Three]

TOO DEAR FOR AN EPISODE

Plans to recast Holly with Jennifer Lawrence hit a snag when the budget for the next episode won’t stretch to her asking price.

[Pete Part Three]

TWO DEER FOR AN EPISODE

Doug runs out of ideas for new stories and decides to adapt Red Christmas for TV.

[Pete Part Three]

1 DEAL FOR AN EPISODE

Jennifer Lawrence agrees to be Holly on the condition that she is given Norman’s football as well.

[Rubber]

EYE DEE or FOR A NAPE, I SEWED

Absolutely exhausting boundary-pushing Coupling-style split-screen episode in which two A-plots run side-by-side with overlapping dialogue and no pacing concessions made to those poor non-mechanoid viewers who can’t process two separate stories happening simultaneously. While Rimmer and Lister spend an uncomfortable half hour covertly watching Kochanski’s bubbly, much less discerning cousin Dee via the CCTV spycam they placed in her private shower, Cat becomes absolutely obsessed with the fit of all his suits where the collar sits on the back of his neck, and demands that Kryten restitch every single one or face death by disintegration. A humorous silent background plot involving Holly developing computer acne ties the two storylines together. Guest starring Sally Lindsay as Dee.

[Rubber]

I’D EEYORE FOR AN EPISODE

Unusual episode with a fairly downbeat, existentialist plot which would probably make me quite depressed for the duration but would nudge the show out of ‘heritage sitcom’ status and back into some sort of temporary relevance again, I suppose.

[tombow]

A MERE TAD AN EPISODE

Doug lays down some rules about how much the cast and crew can drink while taping.

[si]

DOUBLES OR NOTHINGS

Rimmer, Lister and The Cat are confronted by doubles of themselves: Gary Prince, Captain Butler and That Bloke Out Of The Crouches.

They quickly decide that their doubles are complete losers, and abandon them in the vacuum of space.

[Dave]

DOUBLES OR QUITS

Robert Llewellyn leaves the show after “that bloke from that episode of Bottom” fails to appear in the previous episode.

[tombow]

THE LAST GAY

Ian McKellen as Bent Bob in the episode that won a Stonewall award

[Dave]

A PRANCE AMONG MEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in this lacklustre generic sitcom about a male ballet star.

[Dave]

APHIDS AMONG MEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in this lacklustre generic sitcom about an entomologist.

[Dave]

A4 PRINTS AMONG MEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in this lacklustre generic sitcom about a photocopier salesman.

[Dave]

A PRINCE AMONG WOMEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in a biopic of Prince Andrew.

[cwickham]

A RINSE AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie washes his hair at his local hairdresser’s, which has a lot of male customers in it at the moment.

[cwickham]

A LYNCH AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie joins a lynch mob.

[cwickham]

A CINCH AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie accomplishes a really, really easy task.

[cwickham]

A WINCH AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie operates a hand-crank.

[Ian Symes]

A PRINCE AMONG WOMEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in a biopic of Prince Andrew.

“Women” implies they were adults.

[Dave]

SHE’S NOT JAILBAIT

Alternative title for A PRINCE AMONG WOMEN suggested by nervous BBC lawyers.

[Dave]

PINTS AMONG MEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in a UK remake of Cheers.

[Dave]

PRINTS AMONG MEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in a CSI spinoff set in Dagenham.

[Dave]

SPRÜNTS AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie describes that scene from the KMKYWAP episode where he meets Hotpants.

[cwickham]

A BLINTZ AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie gives an eccentric old man a couple of blintzes to paint his fence.

[Dave]

A PINCER AMONG MEN

Chris Barrie sets a live crab loose on the set of Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

A PIECE ‘A MUNG BEAN

Chris Barrie turns vegan and starts banging on about his diet.

[Dave]

A PUNCH AMONG MENHIRS

Chris Barrie auditions for the role of Roman legionary #2 in the new live-action Asterix movie.

[Dave]

A PIZZA RUNG BEN

Chris Barrie orders a takeaway from Dominoes and accidentally places it down on top of his phone, inadvertently dialling the last person who called him – none other than former alternative comedian Ben Elton. He must therefore endure a tortuous hourlong conversation that he is constantly trying to get out of while his Meat Feast gradually congeals as it cools, uneaten, on the table.

[cwickham]

A PUNCH AMONG BUFFOONS

Dave commissions a docudrama on Jeremy Clarkson’s dismissal from Top Gear.

[si]

‘APRON/SARONG: MEN’

Chris Barrie poses for a clothing catalogue.

[Dave]

A PRUNE SARPONG MEME

When June Sarpong clumsily eats a dried plum live on T4 while interviewing Chris Barrie, the resultant moment is immortalised in internet history forever.

[Dave]

A PINCH O’ BUM AMEN

At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in this misguided Carry On-style take on the sex abuse scandal within the Irish Catholic church.

[Dave]

APE RINSE ARM, HUNG MEN

A big monkey cleans one of his upper limbs before executing several humans by hanging, then verbalises this in broken English, all for the purposes of an extremely contrived and barely-even-amusing pun.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG BENS

Chris Barrie is named the best person out of himself, Ben Whishaw, Ben Affleck, and Ben Miller.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG UNCLE BEN’S

Chris Barrie is declared better than all brands of rice.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG WEHN

Chris Barrie is declared better than a German comedian.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG NEWS AT TEN

Chris Barrie stands in the background of a live news report, pulling silly faces.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG CERN

Chris Barrie is trapped in the Large Hadron Collider.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG VENN

A circular diagram is drawn to show what Chris Barrie is and isn’t better than.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG YEN

Chris Barrie is declared better than the currency of Japan.

[cwickham]

A PRINCE AMONG ZEN

Chris Barrie is very calm when reminded of that 90s sitcom he used to star in.

[Dave]

A PRINCE AMONG BEGGS

Desperate for fresh Red Dwarf scripts, Doug Naylor retools a few storylines from a largely forgotten 90s sitcom in the hope of providing some Rimmer-centric episodes for the next series. He then chokes to death unexpectedly.

[Author]

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