Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

BLANKS FOR DE EMMONY

Heroic doctors save his life, but at the expense of his fertility.

[Dave]

SKANKS FOR DE EMMONY

To celebrate his recovery, the director hires a couple of prostitutes.

[Dave]

BANKS FOR DE EMMONY

After successfully pursuing a damages suit against his attackers, the director pockets his hefty compensation payment.

[Dave]

PETANQUES FOR DE EMMONY

The newly-wealthy director retires to the south of France, where he joins a local Boules team.

[Dave]

DANKS FOR DE EMMONY

The director’s happy retirement is interrupted after he is relentlessly teased by being made the subject of bizarre memes on line.

[Dave]

TANKS FOR DE EMMONY

To distract from his online turmoil, the director treats himself to a couple of Airfix sets.

[Pete Part Three]

DEAR DAVE

Andy De Emmony pens a letter to a Red Dwarf fan who seems slightly obsessed with him.

[cwickham]

TANKS FOR THE ANEMONE

Lister gets a pet anemone and buys a fish tank to keep it in.

[cwickham]

BANKS FOR THE ANEMONE

Lister hires Gordon Banks to make an appearance at his pet anemone’s birthday party.

[cwickham]

WANKS FOR THE ANEMONE

Lister wanks off his pet anemone.

[ARossiEsquire]

SPANKS FOR DE EMMONY
Obvious joke writes itself with less than humorous results

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TABBY RANKS FOR DE EMMONY

Danny dresses up as his one time alter ego for Andy De Emmony’s birthday

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TABBY RANKS FOR THE MEMORY

To lift Chris’ spirits after he realised how badly his new sit-com character Gary Prince is, Danny gifts him his memory of playing Tabby Ranks to remind him it could be worse.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TABBY RANKS FOR THE MAMMORIES

Rimmer fantasises about making love to a female Tabby Ranks, so that he can experience making love to a woman with 6 breasts.

[Dave]

ANKHS FOR THE MEMORY

Lister decides to cheer Rimmer up by giving him a piece of jewellery with the Egyptian symbol for life on it, not realising what a tactless present this is to give to a dead man.

[ARossiEsquire]

CUTTY RANKS FOR THE MEMORY

Lister is declared “much worse than Hitler” after playing jungle music at 3 o’clock in the morning.

[cwickham]

CABBIE RANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

Lister reminiscences about all the taxicab ranks he’s ever seen.

[si]

YANKS FOR DE EMMONY

Andy De Emmony has a castful of Americans in his latest project.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ANKH-MORPORK FOR THE MEMORY

To cheer Rimmer up for his birthday, Lister downloads all of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld work into Rimmer’s mind. Rimmer gets suspicious when he realises he read Weird Sister’s twice and was disappointed to discover they weren’t “weird” in a way he was hoping.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CABBIE FREQUENCIES FOR THE MEMORIES

The crew recount how the Skutters were interfered with by taxi radio frequencies, and then bludgeon themselves unconscious out of sheer desperation for having to re-tell the same stories over and over again.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CUTTY SARK FOR THE MEMORY

Lister gifts Rimmer the memory of an 19th century tea clipper. Rimmer, suspicious that he already visited the ship, but never drunk before going for a curry in Greenwich, accuses Lister of having also visiting the ship and pretending he hadn’t.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CUTTY SARK FOR DE EMMONY

Craig purchases and gifts the Cutty Sark to director Andy De Emmony much to the consternation of the Royal Museums Greenwich.

[cwickham]

SECOND WAVE

Everyone takes Chris Barrie’s advice on the COVID-19 pandemic.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF MIND

Chris Barrie opens his mind up so much he completely loses all of it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE LAST PLAGUE

A newer updated version of a fatal virus arrives to replace the worlds current, old, worn out virus.

[Flap Jack]

WAIT, WHO SAID WHAT NOW?

No episode pitch, I’m just genuinely concerned about this combination of Chris Barrie and bad pandemic advice being a reference, in this thread of all places.

[Jonathan Capps]

THANKS FOR THE LINKY

G&T admin provides context for why people are a bit perturbed by Chris Barrie: http://www.chrisbarrie.co.uk/

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GIVE SOME CONTEXT

Forum poster breaks thread etiquette to quickly address what is being referenced.

He hasn’t actually said anything altogether bad, there isn’t anything wrong with keeping an open mind about anything. And there is something of a genuine worry, especially from groups such as Liberty (https://www.libertyhumanrights.org.uk) that emergency laws drafted in to help control the virus by limiting freedoms won’t be revoked and will remain on the books to be used as in ways they weren’t intended (It took 10 years to overturn over zealous section 44 of the anti-terrorism act which allowed for blanket stop and search on the grounds that someone looked a bit terroristy, and was basically used as a free for all to harass innocent people).

But he equally has avoided re-enforcing all the things we ought to be doing (wearing masks, social distancing etc), which is probably worse, and why the former comes across as … “well perhaps we shouldn’t be doing all the things scientists and medical experts say we should” in the name of freedom.

I think that single paragraph of his comes with all the good intentions, but because it is only a single paragraph, there’s a lot of reading between the lines you have to do, and given there are a scary number of people who do believe we should basically be ignoring all sane advise, it can be too easily read as such.

More egregious than this is probably when Paul Jackson publicly stated on a live stream he was going to go and hug his grandkids because fuck everyone. But that’s another story.

Now, back to shit posting terrible puns for the 7671st time!

[Ian Symes]

THE MAN IN THE NON-EXISTENT MASK

Adaptation of Chris Barrie’s autobiography.

[Dave]

OFFICIAL RIMMER

Red Dwarf fans realise that a statement written by actor Chris Barrie reads much better if you imagine it being read in the voice of his fictional on-screen counterpart.

[Dave]

JACK(SON) IN THE RED

Paul Jackson incurs the wrath of Red Dwarf fandom due to his perceived insouciance in the face of COVID lockdown rules.

[Dave]

BACK TO NORMALITY

A leading Red Dwarf actor starts talking warmly about overcoming the current COVID pandemic before rapidly going off on a tangent to suggest that maybe what we are being told isn’t the truth after all and we should keep an open mind about this whole thing all being a highly convincing total-immersion video game.

[Jonathan Capps]

QUARANTINE 2: CHRIS BARRIE 0

Chris Barrie contracts the rona and, driven mad by his own wishy washy attitude to medical advice that lead to his infection, forcibly quarantines the rest of the cast with hilarious consequences.

[Flap Jack]

OK, that’s a bit disappointing from Chris, but not as bad I was worried it might be. Thanks everyone.

[Ian Symes]

JACK IN THE DREAD

Forum user Flap Jack spends a few hours worrying about Chris Barrie, but it turns out to be fine in the end.

[cwickham]

BARRIE ACK OBAMA

Chris Barrie turns out to have a mortal phobia of the 44th President of the United States.

[cwickham]

BARRIE CRYER

Chris Barrie takes a new job as a town crier.

[Dave]

BARRIESWAP

Chris Barrie is replaced in the role of Rimmer for Series XIII by Barry Chuckle.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HE’S DEAD DAVE

One forum user has to break the unfortunate news to another than Barry Chuckle passed away.

[RickLee84]

TO ME, TO BLUE

The ghost of Barry Chuckle auditions for Doug and impresses him so much, he gets the role of Rimmer in Series XIII over the able-bodied Chris Barrie. The cast watch a “best of Chris Barrie” showreel and promptly decide they never actually liked him.

[Dave]

HOLOCHUCK

When an episode of Chucklevision entirely populated by holograms arrives on Red Dwarf, Barry Chuckle considers leaving his crewmates for good.

[Dave]

CHUCKLELEGION

Barry and Paul Chuckle fuse together to become a gestalt entity that looks to all the world like a Chuckle Brother in a green leotard.

[Dave]

FUTURE CHUCKLES

Paul and Barry Chuckle begin to receive visions of a future in which Mr No Slacking reveals that he was the third Chuckle Brother all along, with a fourth Chuckle Brother waiting to appear. Paul wonders how all this could come to pass without a Chuckle-woman on board.

[Dave]

CHUCKWARDS

Barry and Paul Chuckle are mystified when objects are first passed to you, then to me. Meanwhile, an abrasive stranger urges them to increased their slacking.

[Dave]

TO ME²

Paul and Barry Chuckle decide to move into the same bunkroom together, and get along just fine.

[Dave]

CHUCKILLE

When Paul Chuckle gets the chance to meet his perfect ideal life partner, it turns out it’s just Barry.

[Dave]

CHUCK TO EARTH

When proud enterprising entrepreneurs the Chuckle Brothers are transported to an alternate Earth, they are crestfallen to discover they are little more than buffoonish caricatures created to amuse children.

[RickLee84]

CHUCK TO REALITY

Paul and Barry Chuckle die in a Chucklevision sketch gone wrong, only to wake up and find their entire careers have been fake and they are actually two piss-poor celebrity impersonators on the run, hiding out in a total immersion video game. Paul deduces he must be a Freddie Mercury impersonator given his moustache and newly discovered prominent teeth.

[Dave]

CHUKA TO RIDE

Paul and Barry Chuckle travel back in time and accidentally have sex with a prominent Labour MP, changing the course of history.

[Pete Part Three]

OH DEAR, OH DEAR, OH DEAR DAVE

Paul and Barry take it in turns to review a Series X episode.

[Author]

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