Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[evilmorwen]

YOU’VE GOT DRAINS, MAN. DRAINS YOU’VE NEVER USED.

The Inquisitor, as Lister, points out to Lister that he could very well just have a shower occasionally.

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT TRAINS, MAN – TRAINS YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister ponders why the Red Dwarf metro system described in the novels has never been seen in the show

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT PANES, MAN – PANES YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister ponders why the series didn’t begin with french windows behind a sofa.

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT DANES, MAN – DANES YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister ponders why Petersen was never promoted to series regular.

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT HAYNES, MAN – HAYNES YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister ponders why the graphics from the Starbug and Red Dwarf user manual T-shirts have never been seen on-screen.

[evilmorwen]

YOU’VE GOT WEANS MAN, WEANS YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister ponders whether Jim and Bexley might not make an appearance in the next Red Dwarf special, since they’re the most significant loose end.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’VE GOT TRAINS MAN – TRAINS YOU’VE ONLY USED IN SERIES VIII

A forum user would like to remind Dave that we do in fact see these trains in series VIII a couple of times.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’VE GOT STAINS, MAN – STAINS YOU’VE NEVER USED

Cat can’t believe Lister hasn’t published his dirty laundry basket as a novel as he is adamant an exciting crime drama resides within.

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT SERIES VIII DVDs, MAN – SERIES VIII DVDs YOU’VE NEVER USED

A forum user acknowledges his earlier mistake and offers mitigating evidence.

[evilmorwen]

YOU’VE GOT MEMES, MAN – MEMES YOU’VE NEVER USED

A forum user marvels at the ability to generate novel snowclones on a 4 year old thread.

[cwickham]

BINMEN TIME!

Gordon Kennedy assaults Danny John-Jules’ binmen.

[cwickham]

HO CHI MINH TIME!

Gordon Kennedy travels to a city in Vietnam.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BUYING TIME SHARES!

Gordon Kennedy is suckered in to an 80s holiday home scheme.

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT QUATRAINS, MAN – QUATRAINS YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister berates Craig Charles for the lack of variety in his poetry.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’VE GOT LANES MAN – LANES YOU’VE NEVER USED.

Inquisito-Lister gets stuck behind a driver hogging the middle lane of a motorway and shouts out the window at him.

[Dave]

YOU’VE GOT STAINES, MAN – STAINES YOU’VE NEVER USED

Inquisito-Lister wonders why Lister never stayed in a flat he owns in a town just off the M3.

[Dave]

GRIND THOSE BALLS SIR, GRIND THEM!

Kryten encourages Rimmer to become an exotic dancer.

[Dave]

FIND THOSE BALLS SIR, FIND THEM!

Kryten encourages Rimmer to find his pétanques set.

[Dave]

MIND THOSE BALLS SIR, MIND THEM!

Kryten encourages Rimmer to become a goalkeeper.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHINE THOSE BALLS SIR, SHINE THEM!

Kryten encourages Rimmer to polish his bowling balls.

[cwickham]

BIND THOSE BALLS SIR, BIND THEM!

Kryten encourages Rimmer to tie a rubber band around his scrotum.

[Joe]

GRIND THOSE BALLS SIR, GRIND THEM! PART 2

Kryten approves of and encourages Warden Knot’s unusual methods of punishment.

[cwickham]

SKINNER

The quantum skipper comes back, and takes Rimmer to a variety of parallel universes where he is a stand-up comedian, an elementary school principal in America, the star of the sitcom Outnumbered, and a useless ex-politician.

[cwickham]

SKIMMER

The quantum skipper comes back, and takes Rimmer to a universe made entirely of skimmed milk.

[cwickham]

SLIPPER

The quantum skipper comes back, and takes Rimmer to a universe where everyone always wears slippers.

[cwickham]

TELLYSNATCHER

Rimmer steals the body parts of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TUBBYSNATCHER

Rimmer steals the body parts of Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La and Po.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HUBBYSNATCHER

Rimmer has an affair with someone’s husband, who runs away with him.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHIPPER

The quantum skipper comes back and takes Rimmer to a universe composed entirely of people wishing different TV characters would get together.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GRIPPER

The quantum skipper comes back and takes Rimmer to a universe where he is the Grip on the Red Dwarf TV show.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NIPPER

The quantum skipper comes back and takes Rimmer to a universe where he is a small child.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHITTER

The quantum skipper comes back and takes Rimmer to a universe where he really needs a shit.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE SHITTER

Rimmer dimension-skips to a world where it’s Series VIII again.

[Dave]

SLIPPER

Rimmer dimension-skips to somewhere with really cosy footwear.

[Dave]

MR HAT

Rimmer dimenson-skips to a world where Lister didn’t leave a cat or a rat behind when he went into stasis, but his Series III-V leather deerstalker hat. Nothing evolves from this but a space-crazy Lister keeps it around and talks to it like it’s alive.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MR GUITAR

Rimmer skips into a universe where Lister’s guitar evolves into a humanoid with sentience

[cwickham]

SAVALAS AND PARANOIA

Lister has hallucinations of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TELLYFORM

The Dwarfers crash-land on a psi-moon created from the mind of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

THANKS FOR THE TELLY

Lister gives Rimmer his memories of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TELLYMORPH

The Dwarfers encounter a genetically engineered life-form that takes the form of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TELLYSWAP

Rimmer swaps bodies with Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TELLYSLIDES

The Dwarfers travel into the past using the family photo album of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

THE LAST TELLY

Kryten learns he is to be replaced by Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

BACK TO TELLY

The Dwarfers wake up to realise they are all really the cast of Kojak.

[cwickham]

TELLY TO RIDE

Lister uses the time drive in an attempt to save the life of Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TELLY TV

Kryten starts up a TV channel that only shows repeats of Kojak.

[cwickham]

TELLY THE GOOD…

New version of Only the Good which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Telly Savalas turned up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

TELLYJAN

Rimmer’s brother is really Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

FATHERS AND SAVALAS

Lister’s father is really Telly Savalas.

[cwickham]

TELLYTICA

The Dwarfers discover a parallel version of America populated solely by Telly Savalas.

[Author]

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