Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART EIGHTY-FOUR

Kryten has prepared his famous Mechissipi Mud Pie for dessert. Just as he has made two cuts of the pie, cutting it into four equal quarters, the Dwarfers’ future selves turn up from a parallel universe. Without missing a beat, Kryten makes just one more cut and instantly creates eight pieces of pie. Since he did not cut four stacked pieces and he certainly did not make a horizontal cut, how did he do it?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’M GOING TO TAKE THE CHEFS EXAM

Since you didn’t specify the 8 pieces need to be equal in size, he makes a circular cut around the inside of the pie somewhere, making 4 outer crust pieces and 4 inner triangle pieces.

[cwickham]

HOW DID YOU DO, MR DRUMMER, SIR

Correct.

[Warbodog]

STYLE ME A KAPPA

Ace Rimmer adopts a sports-casual look.

[Warbodog]

GIVE ME VOICE CONTROL ON THE REEBOK COMMAND

Rimmer gets frustrated when Holly keeps swapping his trainers as a prank.

[Warbodog]

WHY IS IT WE NEVER MEET ANYONE NIKE?

Lister’s athletic wear tribalism is triggered when they keep meeting Adidas-clad GELFs.

[Warbodog]

JUSTDOITS

Sponsorship of Justice World sees the escort boots get an upgrade.

[Dave]

OURADIDAS

Lister goes back in time and leaves a pair of trainers in a cardboard box under a pool table for his past self to find.

[Dave]

THEY CLEARLY HAVE HI-TECHS WAY IN ADVANCE OF OUR OWN

Lister envies the footwear sported by the Albanian State Washing Machine Company.

[Dave]

WHAT THE SMEGGING SMEG’S HE SMEGGING DUNLOP

Rimmer steals Lister’s body, and by extension his trainers.

[Dave]

OH NO, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BUY ME SKECHERS

Lister upsets Kryten by giving him uncomfortable footwear.

[Dave]

BREAD VANS, MEAT VANS, FOOD

A marooned Lister gets so desperate that he starts eating his trainers.

[Jenuall]

PARALLEL CONVERSE

The crew meet their parallel selves who are all sporting the opposite colour footwear to them

[Jenuall]

SOME COUNTRY THAT’S BIG ON CURLY SHOES AND PUMAS

Lister gets confused about the brand of footwear worn in a famous Turkish legend

[Jenuall]

NEW BALANCE OF POWER

When Lister attempts to pass the chef’s exam to outrank his bunkmate Rimmer decides to distract him by turning up wearing a pair of Kochanski’s trainers

[Warbodog]

SIR, YOU ASICS

Kryten momentarily forgets his disgust by noticing Lister’s new trainers.

[Warbodog]

IT’S RAINING, GET AN UMBRO

Lister dreams of wet-look activewear.

[Jenuall]

WE DON’T ASICS HERE ANYMORE!

After being erased from history it seems that the biggest worry on Listers mind is that he left his favourite pair of trainers behind

[Jenuall]

SMOKE ME A KICKER, I’LL BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST

Ace Rimmer introduces the crew to his strange habit of enjoying smoked footwear with his breakfast

[Warbodog]

SOAP SUD SLAZENGER

Slippy tennis?

[Jenuall]

SEE YOU IN SILICA GEL

Rogue simulants threaten to wipe out the crew by drowning them in millions of those little packs of gel that you always find in trainer boxes

[Dave]

SURELY YOU’VE HEARD OF NIKE AIR JORDAN?

Has it got anything to do with being stuck opposite Katie Price in a packed lift?

[Dave]

SCHUH’S HAVE SOLES

Lister goes shopping in Red Dwarf’s only footwear franchise to see if he can get some replacement bottoms for his worn-out boots.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LETS HAVE A GUCCI

When Starbug flies into a rip in space time that opens up into a high end fashion clothing and footwear store, Lister orders a pair of luxury Italian shoes.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIMBERLAND TO RIDE

Lister is distraught that all of the ships supply of Timberlands have been destroyed so hatches a plan to travel back in time to order some more.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STITCH THAT JIMMY CHOO

Rimmer orders Lister to hand make a pair of shoes for him.

[Warbodog]

DIADORA DAVE

Lister is caught in a compromising position with an amorous running shoe.

[Warbodog]

WIZADORA DAVE

Lister learns that a benevolent witch he used to date was cheating on him with the scarecrow.

[Jenuall]

15,000 REEBOKS AND CLOSING!

Lister is pleased with his haul of branded trainers from a recent discount sale

[Jenuall]

JUST BUY A POTION FROM WIZADORA, THAT’S WHAT I USUALLY DO!

Cat offers Lister some advice on how to deal with he chaffing caused by wearing in his new trainers

[Dave]

PATRICKCOXCRACY

Rimmer and Kryten compete in a vote on who has Red Dwarf’s nicest shoes.

[Dave]

LOUBOUTIN THE RED

Lister is put on PD by Hollister and is ordered to paint red the soles of all shoes on the ship.

[Dave]

FILA TO RIDE

Lister goes back in time to order a curry but inadvertently travels to Italy in 1911 and founds a footwear company instead.

[Jenuall]

DIMENSION JUMP

The boys in the lab have cooked up a pair of trainers with so much spring in them they can break the speed of reality and cross dimensions

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF TRAINERS

The crew have an encounter with their future selves, who demand they give them their entire supply of fashionable footwear.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HIGH TOPS AND LOW TOPS

Lister and Kryten accidentally create a machine that will sort their trainer collection into those that sit above the ankle and those that sit below it.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART EIGHTY-FIVE

The Dwarfers land on a planet and walk for 10 miles until they find civilisation, whereupon they discover the planet’s only city to be occupied by 50 GELFs. They immediately run back to Red Dwarf as the GELFs give chase. Six of the GELFs can run one sixth of a mile in six minutes, so Rimmer asks Kryten how many of the GELFs will it take to run 10 miles in six hours, and if the Dwarfers are likely to be caught. How should Kryten answer?

[Dave]

How should Kryten answer?

“Or we could use the teleporter.”

[Jenuall]

“I suggest we start to run, sir. I suggest we ambulate as fast as the local gravity will allow.”

[cwickham]

ANSWERS IN THE RED PART EIGHTY-FIVE

Kryten should correctly answer that he doesn’t know. How many GELFs there are has no bearing on how fast they can run.

[Jenuall]

HOW MANY GELFS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A RED ALERT BULB?

As Rimmer’s propensity to step up the alert levels reaches an unmanageable point Kryten looks into outsourcing one of his most laborious tasks

[Dave]

ANSWERS IN THE RED PART EIGHTY-FIVE

Kryten should correctly answer that he doesn’t know. How many GELFs there are has no bearing on how fast they can run.

Like Kryten would ever pass up the chance to make a Best Guess.

[Jenuall]

ANSWERS IN THE RED PART EIGHTY-FIVE

Kryten should correctly answer that he doesn’t know. How many GELFs there are has no bearing on how fast they can run.
Like Kryten would ever pass up the chance to make a Best Guess.

“The research into ‘how many of the GELFs will it take to run 10 miles in six hours’ was in the early stages when I first left the solar system…”

[cwickham]

I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED HERE ANY MORE

Taylor Swift song about being erased from history by the Inquisitor.

[Jenuall]

WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TO EARTH

Taylor Swift song confirming the reality that the crew are never (ever ever) going to complete their journey home

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHAKE AND VAC IT OFF

Taylor Swift and Norman Lovett appear in a new Red Dwarf tie in commercial for carpet cleaner.

[Dave]

SOMEBODY, PLEASE: GET ME A TAYLOR

Cat asks to be introduced to Taylor Swift in order to facilitate a pun that has almost certainly appeared in this thread at least once before.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED CHRISTMAS MUST BE SOMETHING MORE

Taylor Swift watched Red Dwarf’s attempt at an animated episode and pens a song about how it is lacking in basically everything.

[Warbodog]

GRANT TAYLOR

Rob Grant squats in the bushes and Taylor Swift flies up his buttski to form a new gestalt entity.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF TAYLOR

G&T users travel back in time to gather up previously used Taylor Swift puns from their past selves, but killed in the process.

[Author]

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