Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’VE GOT TO STAY / WE HAVE TO GO

Re-recording of a famous 80s punk song, overdubbed with lines cut from Gunmen of the Apocalypse and The Inquisitor

[Dave]

BEST GUESS, WE HAVE TO GO

While dubbing over an early scene in ‘Back To Reality’ with recycled Kryten lines from ‘The Inquisitor’, Doug Naylor experiments with a mix-and-match approach.

[Warbodog]

I’M GOING TO LASH YOU TO WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE, AND THEN I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO

Less sexually suggestive pre-watershed edit of ‘Demons and Angels,’ confusingly dubbing Kryten over Rimmer.

[Paul Muller]

WE HAVE TOGO

The crew manage to win a small west African country during a poker game with some BEGGs.

[Pete Part Three]

WE HAVE TWO GONADS

Extended edit of the double-Polaroid scene from DNA, where Kryten elaboates on his genital-related discoveries,

[Dave]

THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE SAYS WE HAVE TO GO

Gimmick-based episode planned for series XIII in which the dialogue of all other cast members but Kryten consists of them imitating a line spoken by Robert Llewellyn in ‘The Inquisitor’.

Guest starring that one from The Inbetweeners. No, the other one.

[Dave]

LISTEN, I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE A CORNY LINE, BUT – WE HAVE TO GO!

A key scene in Camille is ruined after being redubbed with a line originally spoken by Robert Llewellyn in ‘The Inquisitor’, in an attempt to make it more exciting and dynamic.

[Dave]

KRYTEN, NO ONE LIKES A SMART-ALEC ANDROID. HIT THE RETROS.

WE HAVE TO GO!

The final scene in ‘Back To Reality’ is buggered up with needless tinkering of a predictable type.

[Pete Part Three]

JOSEPH AND HIS AMAZING TECHY-SPAMMED FORUM

And you thought Jawscvmcdia posted shite.

[Warbodog]

WE DON’T EXIST HERE ANYMORE. FWSHH.

Loudy edit they actually did in ‘The Inquisitor’ to remove a line that was inappropriately funny for the situation and runtime.

[Warbodog]

POPPYCOCK. FWSHH. YOUR BUCKET’S BEEN KICKED, BABY.

Tight new edit of ‘Future Echoes’ that replaces Rimmer’s needlessly confusing dialogue with an exciting shot of steam coming out of a door from four series later. Rimmer temporarily becomes some kind of robot.

[Pete Part Three]

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

New title for Thanks for the Memory, as decided by someone who got paid to do something and couldn’t be arsed to do it properly.

[Dave]

After all those jokes about new titles that would appear on the Blu-Ray set, too.

[cwickham]

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY

New title for “Thanks for the Memories” that appeared on the DVD release, Just the Shows, the VHS release, all repeat airings and the original 1988 broadcast.

[Dave]

THE ENDS

Remastered debut episode as it appears on the Blu-Ray set, offering a Bandersnatch-type multiple-choice interactive element that allows for several different endings. Keep the crew alive and you skip straight to series VIII.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR GODS

Lister discovers the cat religion is largely based on Hinduism

[bloodteller]

RIMMERWORLDS

The Rimmers decide to colonize other parts of the galaxy. They call it the Outer Rimm

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DIMENSION JUMPERS

Spin off series that is eeriely similar to Sliders

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIKKA TO RIDERS

Smeg and the Heads order chicken tikka to their back stage rider

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

INQUISITORS

A second inquisitor stows away in Lister’s sock draw and dies.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHITE HOLES

The crew come across several anomalies spewing time back into the universe … but wait, it’s just 5 specs of garlic sauce from Lister’s kebab on the scanner scope

[Moonlight]

BACKWARD

Rimmer runs toward Lister, who is facing away at the time.

[Dave]

THANKYOU FOR THEM MEMORIES

Alternative title for THANKS FOR THE MEMORY that will appear on the 40th Anniversary 4K boxset.

[Pete Part Three]

GIVE AND MISTAKE

After missing the 30th Anniversary by 11 months, the Red Dwarf BD boxset is finally handed over to the fans with shite artwork, a questionable transfer and a few typos.

[Dave]

BLU

Feeling depressed after the departure of the correct title of THANKS FOR THE MEMORY, Lister starts having disturbing dreams in which he passionately kisses his old collection of Red Dwarf DVDs.

[cwickham]

BLUEWAVE

For the 35th Anniversary, the Blu-ray boxset is re-released in July 2024 with nothing added except a copy of Timewave.

[Pete Part Three]

BACK TO REALITIES

When hopes crumble for having a Blu-ray set that does the show justice, several Red Dwarf fans re-adjust their expectations.

[Dave]

FUTURE ECHO

Ahead of the January 14th release of the Red Dwarf Blu-Ray boxset, fans receive mysterious messages on the G&T messageboard suggesting that the set is a bit of a mixed bag overall.

[Dave]

TIMESLIDE

Red Dwarf fans climb inside a Series I set photo and tell Paul Jackson that the show should be shot on film so that the eventual Blu-Ray set looks better in 30 years time.

[Dave]

GUNMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Budget cuts mean that Series VI can only afford one cowboy costume.

[cwickham]

FATHER AND SUN

New title for Fathers and Suns on the Dave-era 10th Anniversary Blu-ray, which will be released in 2483.

[Dave]

DEMON AND ANGEL

Metaphorical review of the Red Dwarf Series 1-8 Blu-Ray set, the very definition of a mixed bag.

[Warbodog]

CAN OF WORM

Tight new abridgment of the ‘Better Than Life’ audiobook. Old Lister’s heart attack is now caused by Cat spontaneously pranking him with one of those snakes-in-a-can. But a worm version so it fits the title.

[Warbodog]

CONFIDENCES AND PARANOIAS

Confidence and Paranoia contract Lister’s mutated flu and each hallucinate their own Confidence and Paranoia, who each in turn etc. Holly conveniently resolves the peril off-screen with limpet mines.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ONLY THE GOODS….

New title for the 50th anniversary holographic release of Six of the Best

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IMPLANTS FOR THE MAMORIES

Lister goes for his rub jab and gets a boob job

[clem]

LEMON

Episode based on sexually explicit fan fiction.

[Dave]

KRYTENS

Rehash of Me², starring Robert Llewellyn and David Ross.

[cwickham]

SENTRY K

After discovering an anagram of the plural of his name, Kryten believes it is his destiny to stand guard over the ship’s supply of Special K.

[Dave]

SKY RENT

Kryten’s mechanoid brain malfunctions and he attempts to impose a tax on anything above the horizon line.

[cwickham]

STRYKER

Kryten believes himself to be the reincarnation of Gary Lineker.

[Dave]

SYER KNT

Kryten gets droid rot and starts posting offensive, abusive and misspelled messages on Leo Sayer fan forums.

[bloodteller]

POLYMORPHS

New title for Polymorph that is technically more accurate to the contents of the episode, as it does indeed feature two of the titular beast.

[cwickham]

TRYKE NS

Kryten rides his trike in a north-southernly direction, despite such a thing being completely impossible.

[cwickham]

SNY TREK

Kryten nearly manages to spell “Star Trek” using only the letters of the plural of his name.

[Dave]

REY SNKT

A bored Kryten writes Star Wars/X-Men fan-fiction.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RTN KEYS

Kryten leaves himself a short note reminding himself to return the keys. But whose? And why has he got them? A hurriedly written ending reveals no answers

[Warbodog]

KR Y TENS

‘Androids’ for Welsh-speaking droids.

[Warbodog]

OCEAN BLU / MILITARY BLU

Rimmer gets the skutters to upscale ‘Arnold J Rimmer – A Tribute’ to Blu-ray and praises the side-by-side comparison shots, then realises he doesn’t know which side is which.

[si]

KRETYN

Series 2 episode introducing an idiot droid.

[Author]

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