Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU KNOW I HATE FRESH VEGETABLES

Lister shocks everyone with his views about newly comatosed patients

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE MIDDLE

Jimmy Eat World teleport aboard Red Dwarf from the early 21st century and play their famous hit song.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CRYSIS

Spin off following Sister Talia Garrett after Rimmer reduces her to tears in the mirror universe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACKSLASH UNIVERSE

Rimmer and Kryten fall down a typographical hole and end up in a universe where all the forward slashes are backslashes.

Which makes as much sense as it sound.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STROKE MY KIPPER

Ace Rimmer gets very lewd and inappropriate when he visits the crew for their annual game of who’s bottie is poking through a hole in the curtain

[Dave]

CRY TEN

Everybody pretends they genuinely have funny ideas to post in the ‘idea for an episode’ thread, and they’re definitely not just spamming the thread to try and push it onto page ten so that we can all make new Fuck My Arse jokes.

[Dollar Pound]

PUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

all the vending machines start spraying scolding hot coffee in all directions. realising they are being attacked by stimulants, kryten downloads himself into a blueberry muffin. the crew wire headsets to the blueberries within the muffin and find kryten is trying to defeat the stimulants by making puns out of old st elsewhere episode titles. in the meantime, holly defeats the coffee machines with limpet mines but decides not to tell the crew until they’ve done 9 pages of puns

[si]

Please, guys, can we lock this thread when we reach page 10? I can’t stand it any more.

[Dave]

I CAN’T STAND ‘IT’ ANY MORE

Lister, a lifelong fan of Stephen King, finally tires of the writer’s oeuvre.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CENSORSHIP & PARANOIA

A forum members contracts a mutated virus that leads him to believe he is being haunted by a collection of pun based episode titles in a thread he doesn’t have to read.

[si]

Of course I have to read it, it’s a G&T forum topic. You can get legendary stuff on here.

[Dave]

LEGENDARY STUFF

When king Arthur and his knights escape from the AR machine, Kryten is forced to don a dragon costume and use his fingertip lighter to ‘breathe fire’ on them and make them go away.

[Dollar Pound]

CAN’T SEE WON’T SEE

holly goes blind and everyone is worried but especially kryten who has always had this thing that he is crowding out holly in their role as the go to guy for exposition, so he overcompensates by downloading himself into a kebab in order to fight the virus which there isn’t a virus. it turns out there is a sock hanging over holly’s camera. lister eats the kebab by accident and the incident is only ever referred to again in snarky metajokes in future episodes.

[Warbodog]

SMEG WHO

Doctor go’s on red dwaf

[Warbodog]

WILLY SMEG

The Red Dwarf gang team up with Willy Fog and company in this unforeseen live-action/animated crossover based on Jules Verne’s Five Weeks in a Balloon.

[Warbodog]

SMEGGY DICK

After Lister loses the arm he was always fated to in a tussle with a space whale, his thirst for vengeance almost takes the whole ship down with him.

[Warbodog]

YOU CAN GET A DRAINAGE GRANT THESE DAYS

The co-writer of The Nether Regions advertises his services sorting out drainage in lower fields.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CONFERENCE ROOMS AND PATIO FURNITURE

Owing to lack of space to hold all crew members in attendance at once, patio furniture from the botanical gardens is squeezes into the largest conference room aboard Red Dwarf so as many members of the crew as possible can attend McIntyre’s funeral.

[Dave]

CONIFER DUNCE AND PEAR ANNE OH YEAH

The crew of Red Dwarf discover a woman in stasis on a derelict: Anne, who is addicted to pears. Lister embarrasses himself by thinking that pears come from conifer trees.

Then she trips out of an airlock and dies or something, that’ll do, yeah?

[Dave]

COMPTON DANCE AND PARANOIA

Rimmer attemps to jive along to some NWA tracks and then worries whether he’s guilty of cultural appropriation.

[Dave]

CAN FOR DAN’S HAND PAIR EARN LAWYER

A Ganymede & Titan forum member comes up with a convoluted storyline to support a nonsensical elaborate pun.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THANKS FOR THE IDEAS FOR AN EPISODE THREAD

After thousands of posts are shared, forum members wipe their memories of the last three years after finally deciding it wasn’t such a good idea after all, only to wake up baffled and confused by how the world has changed around them, seemingly overnight.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAMP WHORE WOOD

Rimmer smells a forested planet filled with encampments of whores, and demands the crew go down to investigate

[Pete Part Three]

HANK’S FORUM REVERIE

Hank, a fictional DEA agent from the drama Breaking Bad, develops an interest in the British Sci-fi Sitcom Red Dwarf. He visits the popular website Ganymede and Titan and stumbles across the “idea for an episode” thread. Trying to come up with a Red Dwarf related pun, he finds himself lost in his own thoughts.

[cwickham]

TANKS FOUR ARR MEME, ORE

Ill-advised reality show presented by Ore Oduba where four teams of pirates all drive tanks, with the aim being to go viral with their ensuing rampage of destruction.

[cwickham]

THANKS FOR THE MEM OREO

Holly devotes all his computer memory to trying to remember the name of those chocolatey sandwich biscuits.

[Pete Part Three]

THANKS FOR THE MEMOREX

Lister goes snooping around Petersen’s quarters and unearths a VCR recording of ‘Revenge of the Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Girls”.

[cwickham]

DWARFN’T ESCAPE 4

The release of a new game in the Don’t Escape series prompts more comparisons between said games and Red Dwarf, although nobody remembers as far back as page 7 for this idea to immediately make sense.

[Warbodog]

WANKS FOR THE MANTA RAY

Finding what are possibly the last manta rays in the universe, Lister feels obligated to ensure the survival of the species through artificial insemination. Cat helps him to maintain a steady rhythm by singing, “he’s gonna beat you, little fishie.”

[Dave]

MANTOCRACY

When the last manta ray in the universe decides to run for president of Red Dwarf, he launches a smear campaign against Lister based on historical sex abuse allegations.

[Dave]

MANTA ECHOES

Shortly before being abused by Lister, the last manta ray in the universe sees a vision of itself having two babies and wonders how this situation could come to pass.

[Dave]

MANTDOWN

The last manta ray in the universe creates a theme park made of wax-droid manta rays in a desperate attempt to stave off loneliness. Then Hitler turns up.

[Dave]

POKE ME A MANTA

Ace Rimmer decides to try and help repopulate the universe with manta rays.

[Dave]

MANTA-RAY BOXSET

When the post pod arrives, Lister is delighted to receive his boxset of eight manta rays. However, he is disappointed that two of them swim at the wrong speed, and begins campaigning online for a fish-replacement program, hoping that he’ll somehow get versions that swim correctly despite the email address used no longer being monitored due to the human race dying out three million years ago.

[Warbodog]

IT WAS JUST MANTA, BARTON, HARMLESS MANTA

Barton Fink comes aboard, but runs away when he walks in on Lister and the manta ray. Lister stops what he’s doing and chases after the fictional playwright, making weak excuses.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BETTER THAN MANTA RAY

Rimmer, become sick of Lister’s obsession with manta ray’s claims sting rays are the superior sea dwelling creature. Close to winning the argument his mind turns on him and he falls apart, unable to finish his concluding thoughts. A sting ray then leaps out of a locker and stings him.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MANTA RAY TV

Kill Crazy and his cronies kidnap Kryten and reprogram him to sneak into the ships aquarium and film the manta rays for three hours, broadcasting … oh you get the picture

[Dave]

LAST HUMANTA

New Red Dwarf novel by Doug Naylor which re-imagines the entire franchise as being about the last remaining Manta Ray in the universe, Hugh.

[Dave]

IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MANTA

Rimmer orders Holly to cut his hair in the shape of the eponymous fish.

[Dave]

OFFICER MANTA

Through an administrative loophole, the last manta ray alive becomes the captain of Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

THE LAST RAY

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to come up with that pun.

[Warbodog]

D.N. RAY

Worried that the manta ray may be infertile, Lister uses the DNA modifier to turn it into ‘Ray Plus.’ Unfortunately, he accidentally turns it into Doug Naylor, then it just ends, what?

[Warbodog]

D.N. RAY REMASTERED

‘Ray Plus’ is redubbed as ‘Manta Plus’ which was obviously the point, idiot.

[Dave]

PARAYLEL UNIVERSE

After using the Holly Hop drive, the Manta Ray meets its alternate-universe equivalent, a horse.

[Dave]

THE LAST HAY

The horse eats all of the remaining dried grass on board Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

THE LAST NEIGH

The horse dies.

[Warbodog]

AFTER RAY-T MOUNT

It would only take a few more nonsensical manta ray based puns before some lucky poster hits page 10 and gets to fuck whoever’s arse is up for grabs, but everyone’s too polite to penetrate it.

[Warbodog]

RAY-D DWARF

Or maybe we’ll just leave it at 9.

[Warbodog]

THOMAS ALLMANTA

What if Red Dwarf had been a “Sharky & George” style cartoon rather than a sitcom? Would you watch it, do you think?

[Dave]

MANTA À LA CRÊME

Cat walks out of the drive room carrying five gigantic polystyrene cartons.

[Author]

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