Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

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  • #263631
    cwickham
    Participant

    WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME²

    The two Rimmers have a furious argument over Stevie Wonder songs whilst Cat eats all the turkey.

    #263632
    cwickham
    Participant

    I SAW MOMMY QUEEGING SANTA CLAUS

    Holly travels back in time to replace Santa Claus with his alter ego.

    #263633
    cwickham
    Participant

    SMEGGING AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

    Everyone has too many prunes for Christmas lunch.

    #263634
    Ridley
    Participant

    CHRISTMAS CAROL, NEXT CORPSE, PLEASE

    Following the radiation leak, a JMC Health Secretary opens the stasis booths on Christmas Day so any crew members undergoing punishment get to see their colleagues over the holiday.

    #263635
    cwickham
    Participant

    D.N.ADVENT

    Unproduced 1991 Christmas special where the DNA machine comes back, and turns Lister into 24 squares of chocolate.

    #263636
    cwickham
    Participant

    FATHERS AND SOVEREIGNS

    Unproduced 2013 Christmas special where Lister discovers his real father is King Herod.

    #263637
    cwickham
    Participant

    A CURED MASS CAROL

    Deeply ill-advised unproduced 2019 Christmas special where the Dwarfers build millions of copies of the android version of Hitler and send them back in time to try and get the real Hitler to change his ways.

    #263638

    STAY ANOTHER LAST DAY

    East 17 top the charts at Christmas with a song about Kryten potentially being switched off.

    #263639

    IM DREAMING OF A WHITE MIDGET CHRISTMAS

    At the news of a Red Dwarf Christmas special, fans hope White Midget will heavily feature.

    #263640

    THE SLIMES COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

    Lister avows that he will make it back to Earth in time for Christmas.

    #263641

    IM PECKING YOUR SANTA BABY

    Rimmer tries to pull rank on Eartha Kitt.

    #263642
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    THE LAST SLEIGH

    Santa Kryten discovers that he is now obsolete, and a replacement robot Santa Claus is on its way to kill him. To commiserate, he is determined to make his final outing in his space sleigh – Blue Elf – the best Christmas yet.

    #263643
    cwickham
    Participant

    MIRACLE ON THE 90TH PAGE

    Fuck my arse Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind

    #263645
    Spaceworm Jim
    Participant

    THE BEGINNING AGAIN

    The crew come across an old space station. Inside, they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth, they don’t believe it – it SEEMS to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. He managed to survive the accident and ran away to get help. To cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession (he dies after) – it was HE who caused the accident, NOT Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that when the accident occurred, Yvonne McGruder was on planet leave, so did NOT get killed. She was PREGNANT. With RIMMER’S baby.

    Not entirely confident about the title, but this thread isn’t called “titles for an episode”, the important thing is that no one else has thought of this idea, which is mine.

    #263646
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    ONLY THE NICE…

    Red Dwarf finds itself infested with a chameleonic mistletoe that socially compels many a crewmember into quite the awkward situation. With every other major character stuck in permanent smooch thanks to their overriding impulse to respect tradition, it’s up to Kill Crazy to save Christmas.

    #263647

    KRYSTMAS TV

    Kryten gets festive and with his Christmas edition of Kryten’s TV, by encouraging all the showering ladies to act out the nativity, whilst in the shower.

    #263648

    STOKE ME A CLIPPER, I’LL BE BACK FOR CHRISTMAS

    Christmas special that shows the events that brought our S07 Rimmer back to the crew. By following a bright star in the sky on Christmas Day, Ace discovers the crew in jeopardy from a chameleonic life form and neutralises it with a mixture of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

    #263649

    BEYOND A JOSEPH

    Curious as to how Mary got pregnant despite claiming to be a virgin, Joseph confronts her and she gives him some tosh about this pregnancy being bigger than him because she was in fact carrying the son of God so just be quiet will you.

    Meanwhile, something funny happens to the crew of Red Dwarf.

    #263650

    I’VE NEVER SEEN A CHRISTMAS TREE BEFORE, ONLY IN PHOTOGRAPHS

    The crew mock Kryten’s ridiculous attempt at a Christmas tree which he defends by stating he has never actually seen one up close so how was he to know it wasn’t meant to span several floors of the cargo deck!

    #263651

    THE LAST CHRISTMAS

    The crew receive a message that Kryten is due to be upgraded to WHAM!, but the very next day they regift the band to someone else and keep their friend.

    #263652

    WAITING FOR GOD

    The crew find themselves in a stable for hours waiting for a women they recently met called Mary to give birth to what she calls “The Son of God”, despite the crew’s protestations that they have met The Universe and Lister is in fact a God in his own right.

    #263653

    STAR KNOT

    Kryten gets the Christmas decorations out to the loft and has to untangle the lights from around the big gold star for on top of the tree.

    #263654

    OUT OF TINSEL

    The crew get into a violent encounter with their future selves when they refuse to give their tinsel to their time travelling counter parts.

    #263655
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    CAN OF SNOW

    In honour of the festive season, Lister decorates the outside of the ship in a festive white snow facade. Unfortunately, this takes so long that several Christmases pass before it’s complete.

    #263656
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    WHITE DWARF

    Following the events of “Can of Snow”, several hundred nerds pay a visit to the ship after confusing it with a modelling magazine. Kryten ponders how such a mistake is even possible.

    #263657
    Dave
    Participant

    CHRIST-Y TV

    The boys from the Dwarf travel back in time to ancient India and meet Jesus. When they bring him to Red Dwarf in the future, they are disappointed that the first thing he does is film unsuspecting females in the shower and charge male prisoners to watch it.

    #263658
    Ridley
    Participant

    RED BOXING DAY

    Cat discovers that Rodon has left him a gift which contains his name.

    But that’s a dumb thing to put inside a box so Cat climbs in and spends a joyous day playing with the wrapping instead.

    #263659
    cwickham
    Participant

    ‘TIS THE DNA SEASON

    Christmas special where the DNA machine comes back and turns Lister into a song from Taylor Swift’s latest album, thereby combining three running jokes into one.

    #263661

    RUDOLF THE RED DWARF NOSE REINDEER

    Rudolf took his car to the crushers and forgot to get out, resulting in a horribly misshapen nose.

    #263662
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    AWAY IN A DANGER

    The crew meet Austin Danger Powers. Lister punches him in the face as “he is really starting to get on my keks”.

    #263665
    Dave
    Participant

    THE RINGS OF AK-AK-AKH-AK-AK-AKH-AKH-AKHATEN

    Controversial Doctor Who crossover starring Lister’s GELF bride.

    #263666
    Dave
    Participant

    LOOK OUT EARTH, THE SLIME’S WATCHING HOME ALONE

    Lister organises a Christmas film festival.

    #263667
    Dave
    Participant

    TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE EYE, NOW IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE HARD

    Dr. Lanstrom attempts to make herself sound like she’s really interesting with a great personality by kicking off the “great debate” on whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not, seemingly oblivious to the fact that it’s become the modern equivalent of wearing a light-up tie that plays jingle bells.

    #263668
    cwickham
    Participant

    WHAT DO ONLY THE GOOD DO AT CHRISTMAS?

    Red Dwarf fans organise a tweetalong of Series VIII as a cheerier alternative to Christmas Day in the year 2020.

    #263669
    Dave
    Participant

    DO… WE… BELIEVE? (IN FATHER CHRISTMAS)

    When the crew meet a gestalt entity composed of Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer, Kryten knocks out Emerson and Palmer so that Lake can regale them with his Christmas classic.

    #263670
    Dave
    Participant

    SKIP INTO CHRISTMAS

    Rimmer dimension-hops into a universe where Elton John is the ship’s computer, and it’s always Christmas Eve.

    #263671
    Dave
    Participant

    MISSILE TOE AND WHINE

    To the Dwarfers’ consternation, Kryten is fitted with a special foot-cannon so that he can go back in time and become the person who assassinated Cliff Richard. At Christmas.

    #263672
    Dave
    Participant

    I’VE NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE, NO-OME HAS, BUT I’M GUESSING IT’S A WHITE CHRISTMAS

    Somehow, Kryten contrives to have it snow on Red Dwarf.

    #263673

    THREE WISE MEN OF THE APOCOLYPSE

    After contracting a computer virus, Kryten’s subconscious devises a story whereby he is a drunken Joseph and unless he can find a inn for the night, the birth of god will be ruined thus destroying Starbug. Lister, Cat, and Rimmer project into his dreamscape as three wise men to sober him up and convince one of the inn keepers to let them use a stable for the night.

    #263674
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART THIRTY-FIVE

    It is Christmas Eve on board Red Dwarf, and Lister realises he’s forgotten to go down to the cargo hold to get a turkey out of the deep freeze for tomorrow.

    Cat wants to take the shuttle to the cargo hold, but the shuttle reaches the end of the line halfway to the cargo hold, so Lister thinks they should take the lift instead. In the end, the Cat takes the shuttle and walks the rest of the way, whilst Lister takes the lift the whole way.

    The speed of the shuttle turns out to be four times that of the lift, whilst the lift is twice as fast as walking. Who gets to the cargo hold first?

    #263675
    cwickham
    Participant

    THREE TIMEWAVE MEN

    Ziggy, Tutt Johnson and the Crit Cop ride the timewave back to the birth of Jesus, accidentally causing the destruction of the universe when the Son of God realises that one day Planet Earth will produce such a shit sitcom episode.

    #263676
    cwickham
    Participant

    THREE WHITE HOLE MEN

    A white hole stops the Three Wise Men from ever reaching the stable.

    #263677
    cwickham
    Participant

    WAITING FOR THE SON OF GOD

    The Three Wise Men arrive at the stable a few days ahead of schedule.

    #263692
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART THIRTY-SIX

    The below sequence has two missing values. What are they, and where in the sequence should they go?

    8, 6, 2, 4, 1, 83, 1, 55, 4, 5, 1

    #263705

    FANZINE FOR THE MEMORY

    A prominent member of the Red Dwarf fan community gives the gift of fanzine to everyone for Christmas so they can reminisce over all the gritty details of Red Dwarf episodes.

    #263711
    cwickham
    Participant

    LEGG

    Queeg returns, but is now inexplicably played by the bloke who played Dr. Legg in EastEnders.

    #263715

    BLEGG

    The crew encounter multiple versions of the actor who played Dr. Legg in EastEnders, who has been genetically engineered to gobble garbage. He promptly chokes to death on the shite scripts of the show he was in.

    #263730
    Dave
    Participant

    LEGGXTENDED

    Cash-in VHS featuring extra-long versions of LEGG and BLEGG, with mediocre deleted scenes edited back in to padd them out to 40 minutes.

    #263732
    cwickham
    Participant

    MEGG

    Queeg returns, but is now inexplicably played by Meghan Markle.

    #263733
    cwickham
    Participant

    MEGG AND MOG

    Series of childrens’ books about a supercomputer/witch played by Meghan Markle and her pet cat.

    #263735
    Dave
    Participant

    MEGXTENDED

    MEGG, but with an additional subplot inserted about Jason Statham and a giant shark.

    #263736
    Dave
    Participant

    SMEGG

    Meghan Markle once again guest stars in an episode where she finally explains, in painstaking detail, exactly what that word means.

    #263737
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK IN THE MEG

    An extra in the background of one scene of The Meg who had his back to the camera the whole time still points out his appearance to friends and family every time they watch it.

    #263738

    CHANGE OF PLAN, LEGG IT

    Whilst escaping a camp of GELFs, Lister throws the actor who played Dr Legg on Eastender’s behind him as a decoy to keep the GELFs occupied.

    #263739
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE LAST LEGG

    The actor who played Dr Legg kills Lister so he can take over the title of last human being in existence.

    #263740
    Dave
    Participant

    LOSE MY LEGG? HEY THAT’S TERRIBLE

    The actor who plays Dr Legg dies and Cat is heartbroken.

    #263741
    cwickham
    Participant

    ABC

    The DNA machine comes back, and turns Lister into an Australian TV network.

    #263742
    cwickham
    Participant

    ABBA

    The DNA machine comes back, and turns Lister into a Swedish pop group.

    #263763
    cwickham
    Participant

    KRYTER

    Kryten, but as reported by the Metro’s entertainment correspondent.

    #263765
    Dave
    Participant

    BARRIELLEL UNIVERSE

    The crew travel to an alternate dimension where Lister’s bunkmate is called Barrie and is played by Arnold Rimmer.

    #263767

    YOU’VE BEEN KRYTER’D

    The Metro’s entertainment correspondent sneakily refers to various characters in different TV shows as “Kryter” and then, similar to Noel Edmonds’ “Gotchya” sends a trophy to the unsuspecting victim. It just so happens that his final “Kryter” of the year accidentally lines up with a character who’s name is very close to the prank award.

    #263768

    BARRYLLEL UNIVERSE

    Holly creates a dimension hoping machine which allows the crew to jump to a different universe in which Lister’s bunk mate is a famous Barry. This spawns an entire series of Barry guest stars where each week a new universe and a new Barry is visted including Barry Chuckle, Barry White, Barry Gibb and Barry off of Eastenders.

    #263770
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    KRYTER ME

    Solomon Burke guest stars and does a little song.

    #263771
    Dave
    Participant

    BARRIEFORM

    Rimmer lands on a psy-moon where he is turned into his alter ego, Barrie.

    #263772
    Dave
    Participant

    KRYTER REALITY

    Kryten wakes up to discover that his entire life has been an elaborate AR videogame, and he is in fact a mechanoid with a marginally sillier name.

    #263773
    Dave
    Participant

    DNE

    The title of Series IV Episode Two, according to the Metro.

    #263776

    MAROONER

    The Metro reviews a series three episode that sees Lister and Rimmer going around marooning people on ice planets.

    #263777

    ROSS

    The Metro’s review of the opening series 2 episode reveals the crew find a stranded service mechanoid aboard a crashed spaceship … played by Ross from FRIENDS.

    #263778

    OUTTA TIME

    The Metro’s TV reviewer is tasked with writing a short piece on the series vi finale, but ends up watching Back to the Future instead.

    #263779

    ME, DEREK & TITAN

    The Metro’s entertainment columnist confidently refers to the shows three characters by names he heard in one short clip he watched.

    #263780

    LISTER’S LAST STAND

    The Metro’s historical reporter confidently names Dave Lister as the leader of the 7th Cavalry Regiment at the battle of Little Bighorn.

    #263781

    LISTER’S LAST STAND: TIKKA 2 GO

    In a sequel to Tikka to Ride, the crew travel back in time to order a curry but in error end up in June 1876, and change the course of history by accidentally wiping out a number of Native American Tribes. To correct history, Lister must convince Custer to lose the battle and set things right.

    #263782
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THE G&T WEE POO OF THE YEAR 2020

    Everyone lines up to take a big shit on the year 2020. As is the way with these things, a bit of urine comes out at the same time.

    #263783

    THE G&T CHOO CHOO OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers all list their favourite trains of the previous 12 months.

    #263784
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T BLUE DANUBE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite Strauss waltzes.

    #263785
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T CLUE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite episodes of a well-known Radio 4 comedy show.

    #263786
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T LOO OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite toilets of the last 12 months.

    #263787
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T MOO OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite barnyard animal impressions of the last 12 months.

    #263788
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T STEW OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite cooked ingredients served in their own gravy of the last 12 months.

    #263789
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T VIEW OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite vantage points of the last 12 months.

    #263790
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T WOO OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite ways of wooing someone.

    #263791
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T REBUKE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers tell 2020 to get fucked.

    #263792
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T RECLUSE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite hermits.

    #263793
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T REUSE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers get two cups of tea out of the same teabag.

    #263794
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T REFUSE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite rubbish in their bins.

    #263797
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    2 TIKKA 2 RIDE

    The crew go back in time to prevent themselves going back in time to prevent themselves going back in time…

    #263800

    CAN OF TIKKA

    In the third instalment of the Tikka Trilogy, Cat has sex with a Curry Monster and gives birth to tiny piece of chicken tikka, which leads to Lister wanting to eat them and Cat having to protect his offspring.

    #263801

    KORMAED

    The crew discover a research laboratory in which an evil scientist is turning even more eviler people from history into a creamy curry.

    #263802

    NAANARCHY

    An old naan bread Lister dropped down the back of the sofa slowly evolved over three million years and stole Red Dwarf in search of it’s Curry Monster mate.

    #263803

    ONLY THE GOBI…

    Red Dwarf if attacked by various vegetables that can only be stopped if the crew can retrieve the recipe for Aloo from another dimension.

    #263804

    OUT OF TIKKA

    New title for Out of Time (which chronicles the events leading up to Tikka to Ride) to appear on the two parter Tikka special VHS release.

    #263805
    Dave
    Participant

    ROGAN MEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

    Lister has a curry so strong it makes him believe he’s a sheriff in the old west.

    #263806
    Dave
    Participant

    BEYOND A JOSH

    After the events of ROGAN MEN OF THE APOCALYPSE, Lister is still hungry.

    #263807
    Dave
    Participant

    HIDE & SEEKH

    Sequel to GIVE & TAKE in which Lister travels back in time to steal his own kebab, in order to replace the one that was stolen from him earlier.

    #263808
    Dave
    Participant

    BALANCE OF PANEER

    Lister tempts fate by piling up a tottering pile of cheese on his plate.

    #263809

    BHAJI TO REALITY

    Lister has a bhaji so hot it makes him hallucinate that he is a facist dictator.

    #263810

    BALTI THEN LIFE

    Lister resolves to having a curry before continuing with his life.

    #263811

    BETTER THAN LIFE

    Lister received a T.I.V. (total immersion vindaloo), essentially and IV drip that pumps vindaloo sauce directly into his veins.

    Rimmer ruins in when he tries to take part but asks if he could have omelette and chips.

    #263812
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THANKS FOR THE BIRIYANI

    Lister says thank you to Kryten for making him a chicken biriyani.

    #263813
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T LUBE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite aids to sexual intercourse.

Viewing 100 posts - 8,901 through 9,000 (of 12,282 total)
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