Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 9,001 through 9,100 (of 12,282 total)
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  • #263814
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T CUBE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite square shapes.

    #263815
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T TUBE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite underground railway stations.

    #263816
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T FRUBE OF THE YEAR 2020

    G&T staffers list all their favourite strawberry yoghurts sold in plastic tubes.

    #263817

    THE G&T TREE VIEW OF THE YEAR

    G&T staffers list all their favourite views from the high branches of large trees.

    #263819
    Ridley
    Participant

    THE G&T REVIEW OF THE YEAR OF THE RAT 2020

    Lunisolar web surfin’.

    #263820
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T YEWTREE VIEW OF THE YEAR

    G&T staffers give their opinions on Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall.

    #263821
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T RAILVIEW OF THE YEAR

    G&T staffers all become trainspotters.

    #263822
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE G&T HAIL VIEW OF THE YEAR

    G&T staffers sit by their windows, waiting for it to hail so they can give their views on it.

    #263823
    Dave
    Participant

    HOL 9000

    Holly styles himself after his favourite fictional computer in honour of this milestone post in the Idea For An Episode thread.

    #263824
    Dave
    Participant

    FUCK MY ARSE WE’RE NOT ON THE 19TH PAGE

    Etc.

    #263825
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE BEGININEING

    The second lot of 9,000 posts in the “Idea for an episode” thread begins.

    #263826

    ITS GOT A NINE IN IT, BUT IT’S NOT NINETEEN

    Queeg drops by to explain the pages numbering system again

    #263827
    cwickham
    Participant

    NINETEEN EIGHTY FOUR

    Queeg erases his explanation of the pages numbering system in an Orwellian fashion.

    #263828
    Dave
    Participant

    EGAP 91

    G&T posters believe they have found themselves on a version of earth where time runs backwards when they see that what should be page 19 is actually page 91.

    #263829
    cwickham
    Participant

    EGAD, 91?

    G&T Admin’s reaction to seeing how many pages there are in this thread now.

    #263830
    clem
    Participant

    EGOT 91

    Some of the ideas on this page are adapted into various media and win all four major American entertainment awards.

    #263831
    clem
    Participant

    EGON 91

    The bespectacled Ghostbuster reads this page.

    #263832
    clem
    Participant

    EGAN 91

    A member of Westlife reads this page.

    #263833
    clem
    Participant

    EGG ON 91

    A polymorph lays an egg on this page. (Still only the second worst polymorph episode.)

    #263834
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART THIRTY-SEVEN

    Lister accidentally brings a fifth Polymorph on board, and the Dwarfers end up hiding from it in the science room and sealing all the doors. Kryten knows there is a sequence he can enter into the computer to simultaneously open all the airlocks and flush the Polymorph out into space, which consists of five six-digit codes.

    Due to the severity of this protocol, the codes are not written down, but Kryten knows they all have six different digits, they all begin with an even digit then have alternating even and odd digits, no two digits in any of the codes are consecutive numbers (so you couldn’t have a 2 and a 3 next to each other), and if you break any of the codes into three sets of two digits each, the first two sets will both be multiples of the last.

    What are the five codes?

    #263839
    cwickham
    Participant

    STEGG

    Queeg returns, but in the form of a dinosaur.

    #263840

    LEGG UPS

    The actor that played Dr Legg in Eastenders presents a hilarious compilation of his failed attempts to give people a leg up.

    #263841

    LEGG OUTS

    The actor that played Dr Legg on Eastenders presents a hilarious compilation of the times he has shown a little more leg than normal.

    #263843
    cwickham
    Participant

    STEED

    Queeg returns, but in the form of one of the Avengers.

    #263844
    Dave
    Participant

    JUST THE LEGGS

    Compilation thread of posts from the Idea For An Episode thread that feature the actor that played Dr Legg in Eastenders.

    #263845
    Dave
    Participant

    THE FIRST THREE MILLION IDEAS

    Audiobook in which Chris Barrie reads out in full pages 1 to 30,000 of the Idea For An Episode thread.

    #263846
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THE FIRST THREE WILLY SMEARS

    Lister, Cat and Rimmer partake in a game of Soggy Biscuit.

    #263847
    cwickham
    Participant

    JUST THE GREGGS

    Compilation of all the moments from MasterChef that only feature Gregg Wallace.

    #263848
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I literally have a file on my computer called JustTheGreggs.mp4, which is a compilation I made of all the reaction shots of him listening to contestants talking about their recipes. One of my favourite procrastination cuts I did whilst working on the show, along with the time Phil Daniels was on the Celeb version and I re-edited Park Life to feature him talking about lasagne.

    #263849
    cwickham
    Participant

    INSIGHT IN THE THREAD

    Something interesting unexpectedly appears in this thread a mere 9,020 posts in.

    #263850

    SYMESIE TV

    A G&T staffer creates a Youtube channel dedicated to all his old silly video edits that need sharing with the world.

    #263851
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Maybe when I’ve left my current job. In the meantime, sod it, here’s one of them.

    #263855
    cwickham
    Participant

    JUST THE BEGGS

    Totally inexplicable recut of Entangled that only features the scenes with the BEGGs.

    #263856
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    JUST THE EGGS

    Blu-Ray featuring only the easter eggs from the DVDs. There is a rumour that the entire 8 BBC series are on it as an easter egg, but you can never work out how to get them.

    #263857

    JUST THE HEADS

    The rushes of all of Norman and Hattie’s filmed footage is released a special bonus collectors set, but it’s all in the wrong aspect ratio, making them both look like Cone Head Holly and Cone Head Holly looking like I don’t know what.

    #263858
    cwickham
    Participant

    JUST THE PEGS

    Release of all the clothes pegs personally used by Doug Naylor when hanging his washing up.

    #263859
    Dave
    Participant

    GNINRUB S’NODNOL

    London’s Burning crossover episode set on Backwards Earth in which George McIntyre reappears, un-dies, and puts out a dangerous fire by getting out a lighter and sucking the flames back into it.

    #263860
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    NODNOL FO SEVLOWEREW

    Sequel to Werewolves of London set after the big crunch.

    #263863

    INFINITY WELCOMES CAREFUL DIVERS

    I sign close to an infinity pool on the ships recreation deck asks would be divers to be cautious, as the risk of jumping off the ship and into the blackness of space are quite high.

    #263864
    cwickham
    Participant

    THAT 3,002,070s SHOW

    Attempted retitling of Red Dwarf circa 1998 to try and appeal to the American market.

    #263869

    RED DWARF FILES

    In an attempt to capitalise on the then new spooky alien investigation show, American broadcasters re-title Red Dwarf in the early 90s, but to no avail.

    #263870

    THE RED DWARF THEORY

    In an attempt to appeal to a broader American market, GNP re-launch Red Dwarf with a cast of quirky male adults and sexy Hollywood actresses and pack it full of faux nerdy sci-fi jokes that no-one laughs at.

    #263871

    HOW I MET MY GIRLFRIEND/MOTHER

    Red Dwarf series 1-7 remastered with added scenes of Lister narrating to himself how he came to meet Kochanski and become his own father.

    #263872

    EVERYBODY LOVES RIMMER

    Rimmer is spun off into a traditional family sitcom when he finally meets a woman willing to marry him.

    #263873

    IT’S ALWAYS FUN FUN FUN IN THE SUN SUN SUN IN PHILADELPHIA

    Lister and the crew get into mischief when Lister opens a hot dog and doughnut diner in Philadelphia.

    #263874

    PARANOIA AND RECREATION

    Lee Cornes’ reprises his character in a spin off show that sees him working as a civil servant in a small American town.

    #263875

    THE FRESH PRINCE AMONG MEN OF BEL AIR

    Chris Barrie reprises his role of Gary Prince in a show that sees him move in with his even more affluent family members.

    #263876
    clem
    Participant

    GELF

    The Dwarfers’ lives are turned upside-down when they take in a wisecracking puppet who wants to eat the Cat.

    #263878
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    FULL HOUSE
    The RD crew meet someone even more obnoxious than Rimmer: Michelle Tanner!

    #263879
    cwickham
    Participant

    JUST THE LEGS

    Release of all of Doug Naylor’s prosthetic legs which was cancelled when he pointed out he still needed them for walking.

    #263880
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    THE CAPTAIN’S OFFICE

    Mockumentary sitcom based on the JMC mining ship Red Dwarf, featuring Captain Hollister, whose alternately tries to chum up to his staff and harshly lead them.

    #263881

    STEPTOE AND SONS

    Kryten and Rimmer boot up a new computer AI of Albert Steptoe. Once he realises what a heap o junk Red Dwarf is he tries to take it in for scrap, leaving the crew desperately trying to wrangle control away from him.

    #263882

    NEW GELF

    Red Dwarf is revitalised when a new character joins the crew, played by Zooey Deschanel. But all is not as it seems and the crew could be in danger when it turns out their new crew mate is actually a GELF in human form.

    #263884
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

    just a show about Lister

    #263885
    cwickham
    Participant

    MASTERCHEFOCRACY

    Gregg Wallace is elected Machine President due to his extensive experience of seeing the machinery that makes potato waffles in action.

    #263886
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    SILICON HEAVEN

    A new series 4000 mechanoid wakes up in Silicon Heaven, and is introduced to the neighbourhood. Little does the architect know that the mechanoid is actually Able and not Kryten as he believes. Episode one of a planned six seasons of 26 episodes each.

    #263887
    Dave
    Participant

    FRAISE-IER

    French loose remake of Demons And Angels starring Kelsey Grammer as Lister and David Hyde Pierce as Rimmer. The story doesn’t really get going as the entire 30 minutes is taken up by a philosophical debate over which of the three strawberries on the triplicator is the most apt representation of the abstract idea of a strawberry. Jane Leeves returns as Holly.

    #263888
    cwickham
    Participant

    KAISER

    Ill-advised title for the German remake of Frasier.

    #263890
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    BOJACK COWSHEEP

    Lister settles on Fiji and starts breeding sheep and cows together to make horses.

    #263902
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART THIRTY-EIGHT

    Dave Lister was born with 1 appendix. He gets 1 removed at an indeterminate point before he joined Red Dwarf, and he gets 1 removed roughly 3 million years later by the entity known as Legion. How many appendices does he have left?

    #263903
    Dave
    Participant

    APP & ECTOMY

    Time-travel adventure set shortly before Legion in which Lister downloads an app on his phone that lets him step back into his own timestream as anyone from his own personal history. He elects to become the surgeon who removed his appendix, quickly reinserting past-Lister’s appendix in his own body for no reason other than to correct a continuity error that his future self had warned him about.

    #263909
    cwickham
    Participant

    PFIZER

    Remake of Frasier where the lead character works in vaccine development.

    #263910

    IMPEACHITOR

    A rouge droid travels back and forward through time looking for leaders of nations to impeach, and is surprised to find the same candidate twice.

    #263911
    Ridley
    Participant

    ONE JUICY GIANT IMPEACH

    “Last time we met I was wearing a cute little red, white and blue number with impeach trim and star spangles, and although it looks like I’m wearing the same outfit today, it is in fact an entirely different cute little red, white and blue number with completely different star spangles.”

    The discourse is then conducted by those with brains larger than a grape.

    #263915
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    VERY IMPRESSIVE, LISTER. TOO BAD THIS ISN’T THE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS

    The tennis ball-girl has a reaction to Lister.

    #263916
    cwickham
    Participant

    GORDEOUS

    Gordon Kennedy releases an ill-advised cover of the Taylor Swift song “Gorgeous”.

    #263917
    Dave
    Participant

    DENYING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy insists he has been wrongly arrested.

    #263918
    cwickham
    Participant

    FLYING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy develops the power of flight.

    #263921
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    Sorry for earlier. It was a joke playing on the fact that Lister is said to be using the Wimbledon AR sports simulation game as a way to have sex with the tennis girls. Although to be frank, Lister being in his twenties while the ball girl is seventeen is as icky as Paul McCartney and I Saw Her Standing There.

    #263934
    cwickham
    Participant

    I, MARIA FOR AN EPISODE

    The Dwarfers decide to stage an amateur production of The Sound of Music.

    #263935
    cwickham
    Participant

    I, MAFIYA FOR AN EPISODE

    The Dwarfers decide to form a crime syndicate.

    #263936
    cwickham
    Participant

    I, PIZZERIA FOR AN EPISODE

    Kryten has a wood oven installed in his chest.

    #263937
    cwickham
    Participant

    I, BARISTA FOR AN EPISODE

    Kryten serves everyone coffee.

    #263938
    cwickham
    Participant

    I, SACAGAWEA FOR AN EPISODE

    Rimmer does a deeply racist and misogynistic impression.

    #263939
    cwickham
    Participant

    I, MACARENA FOR AN EPISODE

    The Dwarfers attempt to master a dance craze of the 1990s.

    #263940

    I, SWARFEGA FOR AN EPISODE.

    The Dwarfers travel back to the 20th century to buy large quantities of heavy duty hand cleaner, with terrible consequences.

    #263945
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART THIRTY-NINE

    The Dwarfers discover a former museum planet that is now uninhabited save for a gift shop droid which has gone completely insane and will not let them leave until they have spent exactly 10 dollarpounds in the shop, buying no more than one of anything.

    The gift shop sells pens for $£2.20, soap for $£2.80, tea towels for $£1.70, T-shirts for $£6.40, sweets for $£1.60, model bazookoids for $£4.50, and souvenir guides for $£3.70. What should the Dwarfers buy?

    #263947
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I SWEAR FOR AN EPISODE

    Guest-starring me, saying ‘fuck’.

    #263948
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I STEER FOR AN EPISODE

    I win a competition and get to pilot Starbug. Danny John-Jules gets upset.

    #263949
    Dave
    Participant

    STEERS AND QUEERS FOR AN EPISODE

    St Francis of Assisi appears on Red Dwarf and is subjected to homophobic abuse by Rimmer for 28 minutes.

    #263950
    cwickham
    Participant

    ALL CLEAR FOR AN EPISODE

    Everyone spends the entire episode hiding, waiting for a signal to be given that means it is safe to come out.

    #263951
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    OLD DEAR FOR AN EPISODE

    AKA the one where everyone’s an elderly lady called Doris.

    #263952
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    DEAD DEER FOR AN EPISODE

    AKA the one where everyone’s Bambi’s mum.

    #263953
    Dave
    Participant

    OH DEAR OH DEAR FOR AN EPISODE

    The Chuckle Brothers materialise on board Red Dwarf again. Sequel to ²ME.

    #263963
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FORTY

    Holly discovers all the ship’s internal clocks are wrong, except for one. The one in the sleeping quarters has the little hand on the 7 and the big hand on the 6, the one in the teaching room has the little hand on the 10 and the big hand on the 9, the one in the drive room has the little hand on the 1 and the big hand on the 4, the one in the science room has the little hand on the 3 and the big hand on the 2, and the one on board Starbug has the little hand on the 9 and the big hand on the 1.

    Holly is not sure what time it is now, but he does know that one of the clocks is five hours and fifty-five minutes slow, one is four hours and fifteen minutes fast, one is one hour and thirty-five minutes slow, and one is one hour and forty minutes fast. Which clock is correct?

    #263965
    Dave
    Participant

    HOLLY WOOD

    The crew encounter an alternate reality in which Holly is played by Victoria Wood.

    #263966
    Dave
    Participant

    HOLLY DAY

    The crew encounter an alternate reality in which Holly is played by Darren Day.

    #263967
    Dave
    Participant

    HOLLY SHIT

    The crew encounter an alternate reality in which Holly is played by Jim Davidson.

    #263968
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    HOLLY INFLATABLE SHARK BATMAN

    The crew encounter an alternative reality in which Holly is played by Burt Ward.

    #263971
    evilmorwen
    Participant

    ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLY WOOD

    The crew go back in time and accidentally save Sharon Tate from the Manson family murders, creating a dystopian future.

    #263973
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FORTY-ONE

    One of Kryten’s spare heads has contracted a computer virus, the Y2000K bug, as a result of turning 173 years old without being updated.

    In three years’ time, Spare Head 1 will be as old as Spare Head 2 was two years ago.

    If you add Spare Head 2’s age to that of the youngest spare head, you get 315.

    Spare Head 3 is 41 years younger than Spare Head 2.

    In seven years’ time, Spare Head 3 will be the same age as Spare Head 4 was six years ago.

    Which head has the virus?

    #263974
    Dave
    Participant

    R3DDW4RF@BBC

    Embarrassing reboot of Red Dwarf designed by Doug to appeal to the youth market, but which deploys a load of outdated internet slang and leetspeak in a tragically misguided attempt to stay relevant. Episode 1 sees Lister constantly attempting to “rickroll” Rimmer, while Holly inadvertently “goes viral” and Kryten discovers “memes”.

    #263975
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FORTY-TWO

    The Dwarfers discover a restaurant staffed by droids on a small meteor, and order a meal which comes to 210 dollarpounds. They then argue about how much each should pay.

    Rimmer argues with Lister because his crunchy king prawn cost twice as much as Rimmer’s Mamosian telekinetic wine. Lister then tells Cat that his sandwich cost the same as the king prawn and the wine put together. Cat defends himself by saying that if only Kryten had had sandwiches instead of a glass of oil, the bill would only have been 180 dollarpounds.

    By this point, Kryten has sneaked off back to Red Dwarf, leaving the others to pay for his meal. How much did they have to pay for his oil?

    #263976
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    Spare Head 1 has the virus.

    OK, that’s enough work for one day.

    #263977
    cwickham
    Participant

    SHOCKWAVE

    I fall off my chair in shock that someone actually answered one of those, let alone correctly.

    #263978
    Dave
    Participant

    TIMWAVE

    Martin Freeman guest stars in a 90-minute special in which his character from The Office somehow shows up on board Red Dwarf. With hilarious consequences.

    #263979

    TIMNICEBUTDIMWAVE

    Harry Enfield reprises his 90s sketch comedy character for a 90 minute Red Dwarf special. Everyone complains that the episode just spends 90 minutes laughing at a poor, undereducated old man.

    #263980
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FORTY-THREE

    There are a row of four differently coloured dispensers Rimmer and Lister need to fix, numbered 60, 62, 64 and 66, all dispensing different things.

    The chicken soup dispenser isn’t at either end.

    The yellow dispenser has a higher number than the raspberry cordial dispenser.

    Dispenser 64 is coloured green. (Incidentally, one of the other dispensers is brown.)

    The orange juice dispenser is between the blue dispenser and Dispenser 66.

    Which number is the milkshake dispenser?

    #263981
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DREAM OF JEANNIE FOR AN EPISODE

    Ill-advised retool where Lister becomes commander of a genie who falls in love with him.

    #263982
    Dave
    Participant

    WAVEWAVE

    A montage of all the times characters have waved at one another throughout Red Dwarf history, presented via a framing sequence in which Lister says, “he Kryters, remember all those times we waved at each other?” at the beginning, and then at the end Kryten says “oh yes Mr Lister sir”.

Viewing 100 posts - 9,001 through 9,100 (of 12,282 total)
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