Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[bloodteller]

FIGMENTS OF MR LISTER’S IMAGINATION MADE SOLID BY SOME WEIRD SPACE RAY

a stingray turns up and stings lister, infecting him with mutated tuberculosis, which causes hallucinations now since it’s the future. the events of confidence and paranoia happen all over again only this time confidence is making contrived puns about manta rays and paranoia is complaining the thread has gone on far too long. eventually they both die. this whole ordeal proves to be incredibly convienient for kryten as it allows him to do a line about parts of lister’s psyche coming to life without an inexplicable retcon implying that he was present during the events of series 1

[Dave]

RAY MAN

Lister becomes addicted to a charming Ubisoft platformer.

[Dave]

BACK TO RAYALITY

The past twenty or so posts in this thread turn out to be a group hallucination brought on by the despair of the looming tenth page.

[Dave]

RAYSTABILLY SKANK

The manta starts a recording career.

[Dave]

RAYTING FOR GOD

Offensive ‘Taiwan Tony’ redub of Series 1 Episode 4.

[Warbodog]

WHAT ARE YOU, A MANTA OR A MULLOWAY?

Lister realises he’s not sure what a manta ray actually is and might be getting it confused with a predatory fish mostly found on Australian rocky shorelines.

[Dave]

PAGE X

Everyone on G&T suddenly looks ten years older, every visible surface is painted an oppressive dark red, and Kryten’s nose is just awful.

[Dave]

FUCK MY ARSE X

Etc.

[Warbodog]

X RAY

A radiograph reveals that the manta ray Lister has been trying in vain to extract semen out of since the dregs of page 9 was female all along. It promptly trips out of an airlock and expires hilariously in the starry void.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MANTA HOLE

Whilst trying to extract semen from a manata ray, Lister discovers a hole that he suspects may be its vagina.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RAYSIS

The last surviving manta ray in the universe has a mental breakdown when she discovers forum posts making fun of her species name.

Meanwhile, Taiwan Tony starts to ask around as to whether the manta ray posts are raysis

[Warbodog]

RAY PEE COCK

Oh, what’s this? It turns out the manta ray is a hermaphrodite and also has a penis, meaning it’s reclassified as a man and is allowed to live.

[Warbodog]

PRAYJUDICE

Lister worries whether the playground term ‘hermaphrodite’ is still acceptable to describe an intersex manta ray in 2019 or ever was. A vending machine reassures him that he was using it in reference to an animal and not a person, so it’s probably fine.

[Dave]

MANTA TO RIDE

Lister travels to earth and finds that it has become a garbage-dump planet that farted its way out of the solar system.

He jumps off his giant cockroach steed and looks around for a similiarly-sized animal that will enable him to explore and survey the seas.

[Dave]

OURAYBOROS

Lister looks in a cardboard box under a pool table and finds a baby manta ray. As it has not been in water for several hours, it is dead.

[Dave]

GUNMANTA OF THE APOCALYPSE

While attempting to fend off a computer virus contracted by Kryten, in the guise of cowboys in the artificial landscape of the AR machine, the crew are relieved when a giant cowboy manta ray flies in and shits all over the baddies, thus saving the day. Yeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhaaaaaaaa!

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MANTRACHY

After hundreds of years of searching for Red Dwarf, the crew discover the Mantra Ray, Bored of life aboard Red Dwarf, constantly being sexually assaulted by Lister, has turned the ship into a small planetoid and gone off to explore the galaxy on its own

[Warbodog]

THE MANTA IN THE RUBBER MASK

The One Where A Manta Ray Is Kryten.

[Warbodog]

THE MANTA WITH THE DIRTY MAC WHO DISCOVERED AMERICA

Mantagellan, wasn’t it?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE DUKE OF MANTA RAY

A Manta Ray claiming to be the Duke of all Manta Ray’s e-mails Doug offering to invest in Red Dwarf of the movie

[Pete Part Three]

THE PAGE TEN MENACE

A forum poster returns to Ganymede and Titan to discover that the ‘Idea for an Episode’ thread has now hit 10 pages and will surely never die.

[Dave]

THE PANTENE MENACE

Queen Amidala’s shampoo threatens to mess up her complicated hairdo.

[Warbodog]

PETE TRANTER’S MANTA

The camera pans around Lister to reveal that he’s actually snogging and tossing off a hideous GELF as opposed to a manta ray like a normal person.

[Warbodog]

MANTER PADDLE

Kryten finds some kinky equipment on BDSM Deck that Mr Lister might find useful.

[Warbodog]

THANKS FOR THE MANTA RAYS

‘Manta Paddle’ is inexplicably spelled wrong on the new Manta-ray set, despite it having being written several hundred times today.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAN OF MANTA RAYS

Cat unknowingly sleeps with the a Manta Ray, gathering a number of menacing baby rays.

[si]

THE PAGE TEN MENACE

A forum poster returns to Ganymede and Titan to discover that the ‘Idea for an Episode’ thread has now hit 10 pages and will surely never die.

*curls up and weeps*

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CRYSI

A forum member sobs uncontrollably reading a thread about ideas for an episode.

[Warbodog]

IT’S NOT EASY SAYING THIS, ONE MANTO A MANTA, BUT I LOVE YOU, MANTA, I RAYLY, RAYLY LOVE YA

Craig Charles opens up to his cartilaginous co-star.

[Warbodog]

RAY CHARLES

They get married.

[Warbodog]

RAY BAN

An ultimatum comes down from above that the already precarious Idea for an episode thread is only allowed to continue if you stop with the manta ray shit.

[Warbodog]

DOUGH RAY MEAT FART SOLAR WARBO TEA DOUGH

the manta ray bakes some dough for everybody, but cat says he’d prefer chicken or some other meat-based product. this annoys the manta ray, who says it’s about as funny as a fart in a space suit. cat takes this as a challenge and puts on his gold spacesuit and lets rip. while it makes lister laugh, this is too much for the manta ray who goes into a berzerk rage and chases cat around the sleeping quarters and outside the ship, smashing up the solar panels to let out all the pent-up aggression. then the author of the post appears and says it’s just a metafictional hallucination brought on by mutated enzymes in the dough, so everyone should chill the fuck out and have some tea. they’re all like nah man, if it’s all the same to you i’ll have some more of this dough i’m tripping balls.

[Warbodog]

DOTE EBOW WOAH LASSO FOR ME RAY D’OH

Lister and the manta ray go to the fair. Lister gets transfixed by a guitar accessory being offered as a prize on the lasoo range and begs his companion to win it for him. The manta ray isn’t successful, not having conventional limbs.

[Warbodog]

RAY DO DOUGH DON’T RAY DOUGH

The Charles’ marriage becomes strained when Craig reacts badly to Ray Charles reenacting Harry Enfield’s regionalist Scousers sketch. Ray tells him to calm down, calm down.

[Warbodog]

DOUGH RAYMON

Doraemon fans are disappointed when instead of receiving a toy of their robotic feline hero on Christmas morning, they instead receive an obscure Jamaican edition of a character from a charming Ubisoft platformer made out of some kind of hardened flour paste, strategically designed to cash in on confused parents.

[Warbodog]

THE PICTURE OF DOUGH RAY ON RAY

Rimmer blackmails the manta ray by taking a compromising photo that could threaten his marriage.

[Warbodog]

THE PICTURE OF DOUGRAY ON RAY

Rimmer sneaks off to take more compromising snaps of Dougray Scott and Dan Aykroyd in flagrante.

[Warbodog]

RAY’S ‘RIMMER: A LIFE IN LOAM RAY’

The manta ray presents edited highlights of the time it cruelly buried Rimmer inside an arrogant soil effigy of itself.

[By Jove its holmes]

RATS RIGHT, RIMMER:

Scoobert-Doo and Norville “Shaggy” Rogers get teleported on-board and make Rimmer look brave and fighty by comparison.

[Dave]

THANKS FOR THE MINORITIES

In a misguided attempt to appear ‘woke’ and to make up for the scripts for Fathers & Suns and Timewave, Doug Naylor writes an entire episode based around Lister and Rimmer discussing how important it is to be considerate of marginalised social groups.

[Dave]

PRANKS FOR TIM McINNERNY

The crew of Red Dwarf travel back in time to the early 2000s and decide to trick Tim McInnerny into thinking that a fifth series of Blackadder is being made. When he turns up on the first morning to an empty set, he is heartbroken to discover their ruse.

[Dave]

BANKS’ FORTEAN MINNOW WHEEZE

Fashion designer Jeff Banks embarks on a wacky scheme to try and increase the value of his shirts by claiming that they are made using the skin of tiny magical fish.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOW OLD WERE YOU?

Members of a fan forum spend a good part of the morning on Discord trying to pin down the ages of the crew.

[Dave]

OFFICER DISCORD

When a group of G&T forum posters are promoted to Discord users, a two-tier system is created whereby non-Discord users miss out on a load of conversations in the Discord Lounge that would previously have appeared in the main forum with the rest of the grunts.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GANYMEDE & DISCORD

Members of G&T worry that something has been lost in the creation of a Discord server, until they realise the conversation are largely recycled from the forums anyway and often, when a relevant and worth discussion is had, it returns back to G&T

[Dave]

CROMFORD DANCE AND PAR AT NEW YEAR

Lister travels back in time to a picturesque Derbyshire village where he attends a disco and plays a decent round of golf on January 1st.

[Dave]

KRAYTEN

The boys from the Dwarf discover a crashed spaceship, the Nova 5, in which three skeletal dead female crew members are attended to by a fussy, demented Manta Ray.

“My god! I was only a ray two minutes!”

[Dave]

BODYSWAB

When Rimmer passes the customs officer exam, he deliberately subjects Lister to the most unpleasant and invasive procedures he can justify.

[cwickham]

BRAYTEN

A donkey makes its distinctive cry ten times.

[Warbodog]

ME4+

Rimmer makes multiple accounts on a Discord server, claiming he “forgot the password” for the previous ones even though it’s obvious to other members that he’s alternating between red and green tunics all the time. Realising that he’s never going to get a straight answer to why Rimmer hates the Chuckle Brothers, why he wishes he went to boarding school and other uninteresting enigmas, and tired of his mindgames and flat-out lies, and not forgetting all those hastily-deleted lines such as “I hate women,” Lister wipes the lot of them.

[Author]

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