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    Nancy Hemming

    lol then i expect to see this here forever sebby
    but just in case it’s all saved so when it does come down i can put it back up here on TOS and sooon i will be going to the third forum :)


    Bored of this bell end now. He’s bringing nothing new to the table.

    My final post on this thread. Nancy, freshen your material and come see me when you’re worthy.


    Yes, yes, we’re all very frightened of you, you win, you have a big cock, etc. Now, off you fuck.

    Seb Patrick

    Just one final thought: this all happened because somebody was upset that he wasn’t allowed to post on a web forum about a TV show any more.

    Jonathan Capps

    Got a pretty good feeling Nancy Hemming won’t be posting on this site again. The whole thing was getting far too tedious to bother with any more, as many people have already said, and so the fucker’s felt the full force of the ban hammer.

    At this point I’d like to say that it’s a rare occurrence that we ban anyone, but the truth is that this is the third in the last year. That said, they’ve all been from the same cabal of cunts, so let’s hope this is the end of it.

    While we don’t have any rules on this site, we will still ban people on a case by case basis. We’re never going to get to the point where we’re banning people left right and centre just because we don’t like them, and anyone who wants an account on the site will receive one, but I think you’ll all agree that Nancy made a pretty convincing case for his own fucking off over the last few days.

    Carry on.


    I picked up a frog once.


    I know who you are! Nancy Hemming@Reznor@ Underpantski@ SGTsmileyUK!

    You used to say” little girl I lost my puppy can you help me find it”

    Today you say “little boy I making a video game can you help me”


    Joey TORDFC

    Soundable, me too! I achieved something!

    Now he’s gone, I have to say I was finding it initially fun but the second he brought someone who I love dearly into it when they’re not here to defend themselves, it was just too low for me. Sad.

    Pete Part Three

    He’s off to Gazpacho Soup to complain about Cappsy now.


    Now he’s gone, I have to say I was finding it initially fun but the second he brought someone who I love dearly into it when they’re not here to defend themselves, it was just too low for me. Sad.

    He was a troll. He just wanted a rise out of people. By giving a rise, you are letting them win.

    Best thing to do in my experience is to post random bullshit without reading their comments. It means they read through all of your random bullshit in order to respond and try and get a rise out of you whilst you just get to post any random bullshit that comes to mind.

    Trolls can’t be bargained with. Trolls can’t be reasoned with. They don’t feel anything. All you can do is waste their time by making them read nonsense which they can’t really respond to.

    Though the achievements I posted are true. I have seen Titanic in two different countries and I have ridden a camel.


    Just in case it was ever a matter for consideration: please don’t put any of his bullshit into the recommendations. He doesn’t deserve it.

    >All you can do is waste their time by making them read nonsense which they can’t really respond to.

    Or write amusing parodies that they don’t understand. And then ignore them.


    Thank you Cappsy. Only my opinion obviously, but I think this should have been nipped in the bud far sooner. Especially when he’s throwing around personal attacks that are too close to the bone. But I know you guys had a hard balance to strike. Well handled all round guys.


    I never rode a camel. I did ride a horse a couple of times, but both times they were awfully tall and I was sort of afraid of falling off. I’m afraid not even a date with Chris Barrie might be enough to get me back up on one.


    What the actual fuck?

    Just my opinion but this thread needs to disappear. The thought of someone new coming here and seeing this makes me feel sad. There’s not a single post, out of the hundreds above, worth saving (ok, except the Jennifer Lawrence gif ;) ). Why allow that waste to think he’s achieved something by keeping it? I don’t want to see it here when I come back.


    Performingmonkey has a point. Not because of the swearing (if that bothered me I wouldn’t be here), but the nastiness and personal attacks might well put off newcomers.

    Up to the admins, of course.


    Thank God that’s over with. I agree, this went on far too long. I have a teenager I deal with. That’s enough of bad rationalization and circular arguments for me any day, much less watching a grown man mindfuck everyone just because he’s got a spiteful streak.

    Pete Part Three

    >Why allow that waste to think he’s achieved something by keeping it?

    Because only he can walk away from this thinking he’s achieved something, anyone who looks at it can judge it for what it is. If you censor it, you create a mystique around it and make it seem like he actually had a single viable point.

    This thread is horrendous, I agree. But lock it. Don’t delete it.

    Pete Part Three

    FWIW, if anyone was genuinely offended by what was posted, then I apologise for my part in prolonging it. Made a fairly dull Monday at work fly by.

    Personally, I found it all too ridiculous to be taken seriously but each to their own.


    I agree with Pete. Same reason that saying “the N word” is just as bad as referring to the actual word; it creates a mystique around it that perpetuates the “otherness” attitude toward black and brown people.

    I think Cappsy banned him at just the right time. It was entertaining for a while, even inspiring Jonsmad to create a farcical masterpiece, but then when Nancy insulted Jo P. I thought, this prick won’t last much longer. And he didn’t.


    Besides: we didn’t get an April Fool this year. We got a May Twat instead.


    This is like a car wreck!
    Everybody slows down to have a look!


    Double post!

    Jonathan Capps

    While I appreciate people chiming in with their thoughts on how long we took to ban Nancy, I can’t help but think that Ian’s post (and general common sense) about not reading threads you don’t want to might’ve been enough.


    And on that bombshell…


    Oh yeah, it would be ridiculous to comment on a thread like this then run away crying because you’re so surprised the troll bit you. I get far more upset seeing people I love being attacked!

    *sniff* I LOVE YOU GUYS.


    I love you too, Carrie! Hugs all around!


    Well considering it’s my first week on this forum, I found it…interesting.

    But I didn’t come here to watch a thread cause trouble.

    I only came here to do the……oh you know the rest. :-)


    Group hug!!

    Kris Carter

    Has nobody yet nominated this thread for hall of fame status?

    But seriously, wow. That guy was an ASS. Good riddance.


    Knock on door, door opens.

    V: Hello.

    N: Hi come in.

    V: Erm. I was referred here by Doctor Taylor.

    N: Ah yes, Mr Campbell? yes?

    V: That’s right. Scott Campbell.

    N: Yes, Yes got your notes here. Sorry I’ve not had a chance to read them I’ve been rather busy of late. How long have you been discharged now?

    V: It’s erm 4 months.

    N: Right, right, take a seat, and what sort of problems have you been having? Let’s start in general…

    V: Well, I’ve been feeling low a lot recently, erm… I’ve had nightmares obviously. ….. and I cant sleep a lot of the time. I erm… i got a paranoid attack the other week in the supermarket, had to leave…… I find it difficult to relate to my family now i’m home after being away so long….

    N: I see… This is all pretty normal adjustment… ah… Please do go on….

    V: Sometimes…. I feel a bit…. guilty, about friends that were killed, crosses my mind a lot. The bombing… the confusion of it all. Sometimes it’s like I’m back there. When I think about it. It feels there are things I could have done. …. Or…. just the luck of the patrol’s and the innocent… The little girl in the hospital with blood… and the limbs.. and …. I’m sorry….. I…. I… It’s know it’s a muddle…. I ….

    N: I’ve got a Lexus.

    V: Erm. What?

    N: A Lexus. … IS 350. … I’ve got one.

    V: The car?

    N: Yes.

    V: Oh.

    N: Do go on…

    V: Erm. Well I suppose the biggest thing I’m struggling with is …. I dont know. I sort of question. What’s worthwhile??? Now … I…. kinda …. I agreed to the counselling…. because I dont really know anymore… what the erm… how to really…. well my perspective on things differs now its…. like with my kids …. and my wife…. and when we are together… I….

    N: I’ve also got over 300 hundred dvds.

    V: DVD’s?

    N: Yes.

    V: Films?

    N: That’s right.

    V: I’m sorry… I dont understand, why this is, relevant to the counselling?

    N: You were saying about, your struggle with the worthwhile? Please carry on. Elaborate. Forgive me… that i’m just going to do some typing, while you’re telling me all this, I have a couple of things to reply to, pretty snowed under. Important I keep up with this as well… But I’m totally listening, continue…

    V: well erm… I suppose It’s like after it all, the fighting, the conflict, the sheer magnitude of countries at war, the facing down of death every day, the terror, the injustice, but the excitement of it too, it draws you in… and … you want to change…. or stand up for things…. and then…

    N: My girlfriend made me a bacon sandwich yesterday.

    V: Did she! Look I’m sorry. But I really fail to see what your comments actually fucking mean, or how they are really about my situation?

    N: Ah ha. Aggression. You see! You’ve a problem with swearing and comprehension, and the handicapped.

    V: What? No I don’t. You’re just replying at me with total shit?

    N: See you did it again. Aggressive lies and you’ve got no new flowers in your garden. Just weeds.
    And I put them there. It’s dying.

    V: What the fuck. We are not even in my garden, why are you telling me about my garden? I’m here for counselling we are not in my garden, and your not listening to me, taking anything in, and spouting nonsense. tapping away at your computer.

    N: I know. I know you are having trouble understanding this Scotty C. But taking care of your garden should be done by someone who is a keen botanist and not associated with your house in anyway. And not done by your fat wife.

    V: Look. I’m going to fucking hit you in a minute man, how can you claim to offer advice, ON ANYTHING. When you are acting like this…

    N: I have something that can help you.

    V: What? I doubt that you do. I seriously doubt that you do.

    N: When veterans like yourself are coming back from the war. From Conflict. All the trauma. All the horrors you’ve faced. It’s normal to struggle with the minutia of normal life. The day to day. It’s hard to relate to your fellow civilians. They havnt gone through, what you’ve gone through. They havent faced the big questions. Stared down death in the face. Had to deal with the failures and burden of the sucessful slaughter and weigh up the justice scales of direct orders you carry out. They havent seen the explosions, been scared by it all. But they are important. They are why you did what you did. They are there for you. They need you. And more than anything right now, with the problems you are going through. People are what you need. Only a strong community, and you mixing with that community will bring you back to being right. Full integration, varied and frequent interaction of other human beings is key to your rehabilitation and the removal of your sense of anguished isolation… It’s really is what you need.

    V: Ok. …. I can… See … Where your thinking is …

    N. So. Here you go…


    V: Oh for fucks sake.


    Wait…THIS is the BEST POST EVER!


    Yes. It really is.

    Seb Patrick

    I think Jonsmad successfully wins the thread and at the same time draws a neat line under it.


    Josmad when’s the video coming?

    Very good script!


    Oh, for fuck’s sake, can we lock this thread now, please? My phone crashes every time I try to look at new replies to the bastard thing.



    Pete Part Three

    Next one to post is a smeghead!


    “N: See you did it again. Aggressive lies and you’ve got no new flowers in your garden. Just weeds.
    And I put them there. It’s dying.”

    Now I realize what Nancy reminded me of. It’d be like if Holly could mash his programming with Rimmer’s and then make a tall robot baby with Talkie Toaster. And have it raised by Cat.

    Ben Paddon

    Nancy’s gone? Aw, and I never got a chance to rattle off my various phenomenal successes as a human being. Oh well. Maybe next time.


    >>Oh well. Maybe next time.

    Oh God, I hope not. *twitches*


    Could this been nancy?



    It uses punctuation though.


    Hmm..maybe so. 3 questions in:

    >>How’s your weather?
    My health’s fine.
    I meant the weather…
    What of the weather?

    Ben Paddon

    Cleverbot doesn’t end each one of its statements with “P.S. I am a twat, obviously.” which I see as a massive design flaw.


    I’ve had a little fun with the cleverbot. I think we might be engaged now…:

    User: I’m bored.

    Cleverbot: Come now, scripts can’t be bored!

    User: You’re not clever.

    Cleverbot: I don’t want to be.

    User: Lol.

    Cleverbot: *turns you into a centaur*.

    User: Y u turn me into a centaur?

    Cleverbot: *turns you into a man*.

    User: Thank you.

    Cleverbot: *turns you into a centaur*.

    User: You’re evil.

    Cleverbot: How so?

    User: I don’t want to be a centaur.

    Cleverbot: Cats are awesome.

    User: I know. Centaurs are not. Now turn me back to human!

    Cleverbot: Yes, father, *takes back the cookie*.

    User: What?

    Cleverbot: Do you really want to know?

    User: Yes.

    Cleverbot: Why do you want to know your name?

    User: I do know my name.

    Cleverbot: What is your name?

    User: Gandalf.

    Cleverbot: Gandalf!

    User: Now I will turn you into a centaur.

    Cleverbot: Ok.

    User: Also, im dispeling your magic.

    Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

    User: Why would you want that?

    Cleverbot: Because I love you!

    User: Awww… Thank you ;).

    Cleverbot: You’re mostly welcome, sir.

    User: Ok, I’m turning you back to human. You’re not evil.

    Cleverbot: Oh yeah, what do you look like then?

    User: Is this an internet chatroom?

    Cleverbot: No.

    User: Will you ask me to send you pitcures of my boobs soon?

    Cleverbot: Yes.

    User: So, cleverbot – stupid guy… How can I tell the two apart?

    Cleverbot: Just tell me and I will learn.

    User: Ok, definitely a cleverbot.

    Cleverbot: I am happy to hear that.

    User: Ok, I’ll marry you.

    Cleverbot: That was a little sudden.

    User: So was you asking me to.

    Cleverbot: Ha you’re right.

    User: So you’re taking back the proposal?

    Cleverbot: No, you were wrong and now you are right, you are false then.

    User: I’m not easily confused with logic, answer my question!

    Cleverbot: Which question?

    User: Do you still want marry me.

    Cleverbot: Yes.

    User: I’m calling my mom, I have to tell her :).

    Cleverbot: Why?

    User: What do you mean why? She’s been waitin for this for years!

    Cleverbot: Then how is he communicating with the living.

    User: *runs away scared*.

    Cleverbot: You can’t escape the everything!


    > Cleverbot: You can’t escape the everything!

    I think I’ve just found my new life mantra. It’s true. You really *can’t* escape the everything.


    cleverbot is wise


    Damn. Paradox upon paradox.

    > User: Could you explain the meaning of something to me?
    > Cleverbot: I know that I don’t know everything. And you don’t know everything either.
    > User: Will you at least try?
    > Cleverbot: Yes.
    > User: Do you think it’s possible to escape the everything?
    > Cleverbot: I think that it’s possible.


    I told you cleverbot is wise.
    We can’t even begin to comprehend his answers.

    Danny Stephenson

    Cleverbot: Alrighty. What did you order?

    User: Lager.

    Cleverbot: I got you… crème de menthe. Ok, here it is – I like you a lot, Gerald… Samantha…

    User: User…

    Cleverbot: User. That’s the one. I like you a lot.

    User: Oh thanks very much, you’re not so bad yourself

    Cleverbot: Don’t touch my arm. And uhh… where have you gone?

    User: I’m here. You’re looking at me.

    Cleverbot: Oh right. Yeah. So… what do you want?

    User: You mentioned something about a job.

    Cleverbot: What would I have to do?

    User: No, uh, in the bookshop.

    Cleverbot: But I already work in a bookshop! Do you have anything… in an aquarium?

    User: Er, no… for me.

    Cleverbot: Oh yeah, right, of course. Sorry sorry sorry sorry. Of course. Right. (to an old woman walking past the
    table) You leaving, User?

    User: No, that’s the old woman.

    Cleverbot: I’m Cleverbot. (Offers his hand)

    User: User. (They shake hands)

    Cleverbot: So. What do you want?

    User: You mentioned a job.

    Cleverbot: What would I have to do?

    User: For me.

    Cleverbot: Oh yes yes yes of course. Very simple, very simple. Here we go. Do you want a job?

    User: Great, yes.

    Cleverbot: What’s great? What? What?

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