Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

NAAN ARCHIE

Kryten’s penis hides in Lister’s curry and he breaks his teeth off.

[Dave]

ARCHIEEG

Kryten’s penis is replaced by a strict, no-nonsense new version, Archieeg 500, played by Charles Augins.

[Dave]

BACK WARDS

When Lister is injured and is placed in the Red Dwarf infirmary, his room is located in one of the shared areas towards the rear of the facility.

[Dave]

BARK WEIRDS

When the crew of Red Dwarf visit backwards-Earth, they realise that the dogs there sound funny.

[Dave]

BOOK WORDS

Lister learns to read.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

INFIRMARY WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVERS

A whimiscal sign is placed in the entrance to sick bay, to remind pilots to follow safe driving practices.

[cwickham]

BACKWARDS TO DECEMBER

Taylor Swift reveals she was somehow the one responsible for stranding Lister in the backwards universe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KHANARCHY

After losing his seat as Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan joins a grass roots anarchy commune, who proceed to steal Red Dwarf before hiding in Lister’s dirty laundry basket.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NARCHY

American Pop Punk trio blink-182 steal Red Dwarf before hiding in Lister’s dirty laundry basket.

[Dave]

STATUS LEEK

When Rimmer discovers the last remaining leek in the universe in Red Dwarfs stores, he steals it for himself and starts displaying it proudly, as though merely owning it somehow reflects positively on him.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAN’T SHAKE IT OFF WON’T SHAKE IT OFF

The cast of Red Dwarf get into a heated debate with Taylor Swift about how they can’t and won’t shake off the mean criticisms the fans level towards some of their work.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STATUS PEAK

Rimmer finally accepts that he has probably reached the peak of his career. This is forgotten about in the next episode, when he attempts to take the Astro Navigation Exam for the 15th time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STATUS WEAK

Starbug breaks down on a moon, but fear not! Lister has a handy AA app on his phone and can call for assitance. However, he discovers that the status of his signal coverage is pretty damn weak 3million years into deep space, and they’re fucked!

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAUCUS SPEAK

The legislative body formed off screen after the events of mechocracy hold a dinner involving several speeches from key members of the group.

[cwickham]

THE ARCHER TO RIDE

Lister discovers all the ship’s Taylor Swift albums have been destroyed, and uses the Time Drive to get them back. In the process he accidentally stops Kanye West from gatecrashing her speech at the VMAs in 2009, creating an alternate reality where life on Earth is much improved due to fewer people having ever heard of Kanye West.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SPANKING SEEK

Cat discovers the kinkier side of it sexual nature, and goes looking for someone to engage in a bit of S&M with.

[cwickham]

MISS SAMSARA & THE HEARTBREAKERS

Taylor Swift song about the never-ending cycle of life and death.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMEE2

Captain Hook’s right hand man clones himself, which is particularly weird for the crew of Red Dwarf as they weren’t aware Mr. Smee was on board.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MEAT OOOOO

Cat excitedly croons a long drawn own oooooo sound when he finds a fridge filled with small portions of meat.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACKWARDS TO EARTH

The crew discover Holly has been flying Red Dwarf in reverse for several years, because he has never been terribly good at 3 point turns.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DUCK SOUP

Episode based on a pun of Duct Soup, where the crew get up to whatever the Marx Brothers get up to in their film which I’ve never seen.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CASH ANDRE IN THE ATTIC

The crew find Peter Andre in Red Dwarf’s attic and discover he has a gift for predicting the future, so decide to sell him at auction, but Lister accidentally kills him, reducing his value somewhat.

[Dave]

BALL ANTS OF POWER

Lister discovers that letting ants crawl over his testicles gives him super-strength.

[Dave]

BUM-MEN OF THE A-PLOP-ALYPSE

Red Dwarf Series VI, Episode 3 is rewritten by a class of five-year-olds.

[Dave]

OUTEN OF TIME

Denise Van Outen is confronted by an older version of herself who travels back in time and urges her not to present The Big Breakfast.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GUNMEN AND THE COP WITH A LISP

4 gunmen taunt the poor law enforcement official who has come to apprehend them about his speech impediment

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ONLY THE HOOD

Kochanski orders a fancy dress costume based on her favourite fairy tale character, but it arrives incomplete

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WEIGH TING FOR GOD

God hires a young Jamaican to weigh things for him, because he is lazy.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACH WORDS

The crew find themselves stranded in 17th century German, and decide to head to a Bach concert. To their dismay, Bach is delivery a TED Talk and have to listen to him speak for a hour.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACH TO REALITY

Bach woke up on playing a TIV for several years and finds he is not, in fact, a world class composer.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHOUT OF TIME

Rimmer takes a job on the speaking clock switch board, but gets so irritated after 5 phone calls he is let go for bellowing the time and verbally abusing callers down the phone.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KRAUT OF SHRINE

Rimmer builds a shrine to his all time fascist dictator.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHACK IN THE BED

Lister has a wank in his bunk

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHACK IN THE SHED

Lister has a wank in a shed in the botanical gardens

[Warbodog]

THANOS-TREMOLO

Holly does an impression of that bloke from those superhero films sounding a bit warbly.

Spent five months thinking that one up. Good, innit?

[cwickham]

PEESIRENS

Psirens, if it was made in Red Dwarf VIII.

[Dave]

GUNMEN OF THE SPITONAWRIST

Timewave sequel.

[Dave]

I’LL BE BACK TO REALITY

The Terminator wakes up to find that he is actually an ageing Austrian actor who has spent 35 years playing the Terminator in a series of big-budget action films.

[Dave]

I’LL BE BACK TO EARTH

Ill-advised Terminator sequel in which the Terminator finds out he is a fictional character, meets Arnie and kills him instantly. Kind of like Last Action Hero, but funnier.

[Dave]

I’LL BE BACK IN THE RED

Bemusing Terminator trilogy in which the Terminator finds himself surrounded by thousands of other resurrected Terminators, takes a potion that makes them all want to have sex with him, does a dance with the T-1000 and gets turned into claymation.

[Dave]

I’LL BE BACKWARDS

When John Connor, human hero of Skynet, brings an army of Terminators to life in the far future, a robot is sent back in time to play matchmaker between his parents and ensure that he is eventually un-born.

[Warbodog]

I’LL BE BACK TO INANITY

Oh, that Idea for an episode thread.

[cwickham]

EPIBREAM

Epideme returns, but in the form of a fish.

[desbug]

STELLAR RES CUE

Lister watches the snooker at the Crucible on his new super HD TV and is amazed, the resolution is so high he can even make out the grain on the wood of the cue.

“That resolution is stellar” he exclaims, pushing home the joke that everyone had got and ignored already.

[desbug]

STELLA RES CUE

Lister is way beyond nicely drunk. He is completely pished. He is no longer Cinzano Bianco. He is not the Prince of the Planet Potters.

Too much Belgian lager means he can barely even see the table, balls and cue. They’ve gone all fuzzy and out of focus.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STELLA CHEST ROO

Rimmer compliments Lister on his new chest tattoo of a kangeroo

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STALL HER BREST GROW

The crew rush to the medical unit in the hopes of postponing Kochanski’s breast englargment surgery after seeing the news that some implants can have very serious health implications

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOLOTITS

It is revealed Rimmer spent a week living with Kochanski’s holographic breasts during the events of Balance of Power.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LeMons

The crew accidentally travel back in time and end up participating in an amature 24 hour endurance race

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CUE RED

Lister plays some snooker

[Author]

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