Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

BARGAIN TODHUNT

Rimmer and Lister tour local bric-a-brac sales in an attempt to find cheap shit that they think Todhunter will buy.

[Dave]

CRASH IN THE ARCTIC

Alternative title for Marooned that will appear on the 4K boxset.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CHANGING BROOMS

Kryten goes to next door supply room and gives the brooms a make over.

[cwickham]

BALLYANCE OF POWERKISSANGEL

An English priest is sent to work in a mining ship three million years from Earth, and tries to overcome the disadvantages of his nationality through community outreach, assimilation, and drinking a great deal of lager.

[Dave]

HOLMES UNDER THE HAMMER

Sherlock/Thor flat-share crossover sitcom.

[Pete Part Three]

PAINE IN THE GLASS

Ian Paine is a glazier. Every week he gets into a new adventure while fitting a new window for a demanding customer, normally culminating with him falling through the window and bruising his coxis.

[Dave]

HUGH FEARNLEY-WHITTINGSTALL’S HUGE FURRY WISHING-STALL

Etc.

[cwickham]

HOMES UNDER THE HOLLISTER

Daytime property show where Captain Hollister goes around demolishing old, unused houses.

[cwickham]

HOLMES UNDER THE HOLLISTER

Sherlock/Red Dwarf slash fiction.

[Dave]

HOMES UNDER THE HAM WITH YOUR HOMEWORK

An infamously-misheard line from early Red Dwarf is tenuously adapted into a daytime TV show about property.

[cwickham]

BREK IN THE RED

Lister leaves his Ready Brek on the oven for twenty years, and the resulting tidal wave of oaty cereal consumes the entire ship.

[cwickham]

THE GREAT BRITISH SMEG UP

Paul Hollywood arrives on board Red Dwarf to challenge the Dwarfers to a bakery-based challenge, but he is sued by the makers of Can’t Smeg Won’t Smeg for plagiarism.

[cwickham]

THE WAR INQUISITOR

Due to a licensing mix-up, The Inquisitor ends up involved in one of Big Finish’s myriad Time War series.

[cwickham]

CRUEL SAMSARA

The release of a new Taylor Swift album provides this thread with dozens of new ideas, and G&T Admin’s nightmare continues.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LONDON JETS BOY

Taylor Swift guest stars on Red Dwarf, singing about her favourte zero gee football team

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED

Special DVD release of that one scene from Out of Time where the crew forgets Cat exists.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ME!2

Taylor Swift (and inexplicably Brandon Urie) power down non-vital ship systems and duplicate themselves in hologram form

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR FALSE GOD

Taylor Swift poses as Lister to allow a cat priest to die in peace.

[cwickham]

THE LAST DAYLIGHT

Taylor Swift arrives on board Red Dwarf to deactivate Kryten.

[cwickham]

CASSANDRA STREET

Taylor Swift predicts Rimmer’s death.

[cwickham]

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER THAN LIFE

A Taylor Swift-themed expansion pack is released for Better than Life.

[cwickham]

MISS TWENTICA & THE HEARTBREAKERS

Taylor Swift song about technology being illegal.

[cwickham]

MISS SILICONIA & THE HEARTBREAKERS

Taylor Swift song about being turned into a mechanoid.

[cwickham]

AFTER CAN OF GLOWWORMS

New version of Can of Worms where all the footage of Dominique Moore is replaced by Taylor Swift from the forthcoming Cats movie.

[bloodteller]

LEMONSPARTY

After Rimmer starts eating Werther’s Originals and begins to look a bit like Richard Griffiths, the posse make another attempt at building the Rejuvination Shower. However, due to incorrectly calibrating the tachyon charge, they are sent back in time to 2002 where they witness 2 old men having sex. Seizing the chance to finally “get some”, Rimmer joins in. Kryten takes a photo to mark the occasion, not realizing that their interference in the space-time continuum (seemingly suffering from a bout of pre-determinism again) has inadvertently led to the creation of one of the most infamous shock sites in history.

Meanwhile, Cat buys a bag of Maoam Party Mix. After struggling for several hours to correctly pronounce the name of the confectionery, he opens the bag and is dismayed to discover that there are only lemon-flavored sweets inside.

[cwickham]

MEN BEHAVING NANARCHILY

The nanobots reconstitute Martin Clunes and Neil Morrissey instead of Red Dwarf, both of whom instantly die in the vacuum of space.

[cwickham]

SMEGG

Deeply ill-advised alternate ending to Queeg filmed for the BBC’s 1988 Christmas tape, where the Dwarfers hurl abuse at Queeg after he erases Holly.

[cwickham]

SMEGG WALLACE

Gregg Wallace arrives from a parallel universe, and is immediately subjected to all sorts of verbal abuse from the Dwarfers.

[cwickham]

MECHS BEHAVING BADLY

Gary and Tony are uploaded into the bodies of mechanoids. Meanwhile, a hilarious script mix-up means that Rimmer inexplicably believes Lister is gay.

[Dave]

ONLY THE GOOD LIFE

When the Grim Reaper appears in Richard Briers and Felicity Kendal’s allotment, Briers swiftly knees him in the nuts and escapes with his life.

[Dave]

THAT WAS THE QUEEG THAT WAS

When two Red Dwarf fans spot Charles Augins boarding a train at Marylebone, they excitedly turn to each other to mutually confirm their minor celebrity encounter.

[Dave]

YES KRY MINISTER

When Kryten is unexpectedly appointed as the UK minister for administrative affairs, his life becomes a bureaucratic nightmare as his initiatives are constantly thwarted by the devious machinations of his supposed underlings.

[cwickham]

THE BACKWARDS PLACE

Lister dies and goes to the afterlife, where time runs backwards. Eventually revealed to just be a few pages of one of the Red Dwarf novels that got stuck to another script accidentally.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE GOODBYEEE…

Ill-advised remake of the final episode of Blackadder where Baldrick, George and Darling all escape into a mirror universe, leaving Captain Blackadder to knee Death in the balls and run off.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BLACKADDER: BACK TO REALITY AND FORTH

Blackadder, Baldrick, Melchett and Darling all awake from a 4 year computer game where they have been playing various, rather pathetic, characters from throughout history. They discover they quite like the lives they left behind compaired to the idiots they have been playing, and set forth to live them out willingly.

[cwickham]

PREGG

Queeg returns, but is now inexplicably pregnant.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE TED

Lister gives a TED talk, but is thrown out ten minutes in after it turns out to be about how to play the kazoo with your buttocks.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

INFINITY WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVER WARS

Lister, Rimmer, Cat and Kryten team up to fight Thanos and save the universe, only for 2 of the fearly fighters to be snapped out of existence.

[Dave]

THE ENDGAME

Rimmer and Lister team up with every supporting character from every sci-fi series ever in a series finale for Red Dwarf that’s three hours long and mostly interminable fanwank.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE ENDGAME PART 2

The Red Dwarf crew use a series of transwarp networks to cut millions of years of their journey time back to Earth, taking out the majority of the Simulent population as they do so.

[Ridley]

CARRYONIA

A pleasure GELF/droid psyborg known as a Stimulant arrives and Chris Barrie does a damn fine Kenneth Williams impression.

[desbug]

TICKER TO HIDE

Finally! It’s Rimmer’s retirement party! But where will the others keep the gold clock until they present it to him?

[desbug]

DICKY TICKER TO HIDE

Lister is ashamed of his complete series collection of Allo Allo and has to make sure the crew doesn’t find it.

Meanwhile Kryten adopts a French accent, Rimmer keeps shouting “you stupid woman” at Kochanski and Cat does something that makes this funny.

[cwickham]

STICKER TO HIDE

G&T Admin discovers where all the stickers missing from the XI & XII DVDs are being hidden. Meanwhile, I have a nagging feeling I’ve already done something very similar to this but can’t be arsed to check all eleven pages of this thread.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NENEHCHERRY

80s Swedish rap icon steals Red Dwarf and takes it on a joy ride before hiding in Lister’s dirty laundry basket.

[Dave]

NAAN ARCHY

Sequel to Tikka To Ride.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NAN ARCHIE

Kryten’s penis’ nan comes to visit, hilarity ensues.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

E.D. BYE

After scavaging an old medical transport vessel, Kryten finds the cure for Lister’s Erectile Dysfunction

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MAROONED 5

American indie rock band Maroon 5 crash land on an artic planet. Everyone decides its probably for the best and leaves them there to freeze to death as they slowly run out of CD inserts to burn.

[Dave]

MARON-ED

Lister bores Rimmer to tears by constantly going on about how great his favourite podcaster is.

[Author]

Replies