Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Pete Part Three]

CAPTCHA IF YOU CAN

Kryten urgently needs to retrieve some information from a website but is unable to proceed past the “I’m not a robot” security captcha due to his inability to lie. Everybody dies as a result,

[Dave]

STOKE MEA CULPA

Rimmer finally acknowledges that it was his fault that Red Dwarf’s crew was wiped out because he didn’t fix the drive plate properly.

[Dave]

FATHERS AND SUNS AND UNCLES AND NEPHEWS AND ALSO COUSINS AND IN-LAWS

The bewildering nature of Lister’s family tree is finally explored when he realises that being his own father not only makes him his own grandfather, great grandfather and so ad infinitum, but it also makes him half-brother to his own twin sons Jim and Bexley, which means that they are both also his uncles and he their nephew, while also meaning that Jim and Bexley’s kids would become Lister’s cousins, and the twins’ step-mum would also be their half-sister-in-law, while their biological mother is also an alternate-universe version of their own dad, half-brother and nephew.

[Warbodog]

YOUR FATHER STROKE DAD

Lister has a wank.

[Dave]

FATHERS AND BUNS

Universally reviled episode of Red Dwarf that revolves entirely around Talkie Toaster’s search for his own Dad.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’D PREFER CHICKEN

30 min scene cut from Tikka to Ride whereby Kryten butchers and BBQs a dead man he found in the street, somehow without the rest of the crew noticing.

[Dave]

FARMERS AND GUNGE

Bittersweet episode set in Lister’s Fiji farmstead. Despite having finally achieved his goal, Lister realises it’s not all it’s cracked up to be as he spends most of his time constantly trying to clear floodwater and associated detritus out of his agricultural equipment. He also grows increasingly resentful of Kochanski, who seems to spend most of her time prancing around on horseback in a dress.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RIMMER’S DAD DYED

In a moment of uncharacteristic revenge, young Rimmer throws his father into a large vat of hair dye.

[Dave]

BATHERS AND SPONGE

Ace Rimmer and Lister climb into a nice hot soapy bath and play Spot The Submarine.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATHERS AND HUNS

Rimmer traces his ancestory back Attila the Hun

[Warbodog]

ONLY THE FOOD

30 min scene cut from Only the Good… in which Cat’s bitch, “Big Meat,” falls into a time hole and ends up in Dallas, 1963, where he puts together some semblance of a life to make amends for his evil past, but eventually dies and gets cooked by Kryten, hence the foreshadowing name.

[Warbodog]

TIME (AND SPACE) HOLE

Pedantic and curious Timewave-style retitling of Backwards.

[Dave]

BARBERS AND GRUNGE

Kryten accidentally time-travels back to Seattle in the mid-80s and, with no way back, begins to live as a hairdresser. While cutting the hair of a young Kurt Cobain and absent-mindedly humming ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ the mechanoid thus inadvertently helps to usher in an entirely new musical sub-genre.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATHERS AND NUNS

Lister finds a stash of X rated videos featuring people dressed as religious celebates.

[Dave]

HARBOURS AND NUNS

A psychotic Low-Rimmer teleports to Earth, murders the inhabitants of a convent school and dumps their corpses down by the docks. Then it turns out the whole thing was just a hilarious misunderstanding.

[Dave]

GAGA AND GUNS

Lady Gaga beams on board Red Dwarf and shoots the crew dead.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HARBOURS AND CLUNGE

Kochanski finds herself stranded in the 19th century. With no-way to get home, and no-way to applied her advanced astro-navigation skills to Victorian England, she heads to the docks to engage in the oldest profession in history.

[Dave]

KILOS AND TONS

Kryten explains the metric system.

[Dave]

BLAH BLAH AND PUNS

The ‘idea for an episode’ thread is renamed to be more reflective of its contents.

[Warbodog]

BABAR AND BUNS

A cartoon elephant king comes aboard. Talkie Toaster tries to feed him some buns, but he explains that that’s a misconception and quite unhealthy.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LARGER AND RUNS

Lister drinks a dodge batch of home brew and has an upset stomach

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SPIDERS AND BRAUN

The crew inexpicably find the corpse of Eva Braun in suspended animation. But it’s a trap, set by evil space spiders to lure unsuspecting arachnophobes to their lair.

[Warbodog]

FARTHER FROM SOURCE

By 14 iterations, ‘Fathers and Sons’ has devolved almost unrecognisably into ‘Spiders and Braun.’

[Warbodog]

PHASERS ON STUNS

Doug forgetfully includes more Star Trek terminology in post-1993 Red Dwarf and no one tells him.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FETTUCCINE AND SAUCE

Kryten prepares pasta for dinner. Lister refuses to eat it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAIVERS AND LUNGS

Lister’s lungs mutate and become sentient, asking him to sign a waiver in case they decided to just stop working due to the amount of fags he smokes.

[Warbodog]

FAPPERS AND SUNS

Lister fondly remembers the time he and his mates found a stack of vintage pre-2015 exploitative tabloids.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATHERS AND SONS

The parallel universe version of a mother and toddler group

[Warbodog]

FATHERSANDSUNSARA

The Fathers and Suns puns start out promising, then after a while the whole thing grinds to a halt.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LALA GETS STRUMMED

Lister finds some X-Rated Teletubbies videos

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TINKIWINKIETICA

Rogue Teletubbie droids travel back to 20th century America and turn everyone into Teletubbies.

[Warbodog]

NOONOOARCHY

It’s discovered that Red Dwarf has been flying around inside the bag of a sentient vacuum cleaner for 200+ years. Naughty Noo-Noo.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TINKIEWINKIE TO RIDE

Lister finds further Teletubbie porn films.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

AGAINAGAINNOIDS

Rob Grant re-names the Rogue Teletubbie Droids in his solo novel

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WOKE HOLE

In the wake of Stellar Rescue, a tear in space time opens up causing bile hatred to be spewed into the universe because they dared to cast a woman of colour.

[cwickham]

SOON YOU’LL GET SETTER

Taylor Swift song predicting Lister will successfully become a dog.

[cwickham]

SOON YOU’LL GET WETTER

Taylor Swift song predicting the end of Duct Soup.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SOON YOU’LL GET HATTIER

Rob and Doug have a conversation with Holly about their future plans for the characters whilst pre-paring to write series 3

[cwickham]

SWIFTIES AND PUNS

The ‘idea for an episode’ thread is renamed to be more reflective of its contents.

[Warbodog]

SOON ‘YULE’ GET HITLER

Red Dwarf Christmas special featuring that most Christmassy of guest stars in his fourth appearance.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SWIFT ME A TAILOR

Ace rips a hole in his flight jacket and asks for someone to quickly fetch him a tailor

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHIV ME A NAYLOR

The true reason for Rob and Doug’s writing partnership comes to light in this illuminating documentry hosted by Taylor Swift dressed as Ace Rimmer

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SWIFT IN A TRAILOR

In a short BTS clip, Danny boasts about his last sexual encounter during one of Taylor’s many guest apperences on the show.

[Warbodog]

SCOFE ME A GOPHER

When the holovirus is accidentally transmitted into the CBBC Broom Cupboard, Philip Schofield goes insane and starts shooting lightning out of Gordon the Gopher’s eyes. Fortunately, Toby Anstis is able to swig some luck virus and everything sorts itself out.

[cwickham]

REVOKE ME A SHITTER

Ace Rimmer comes out in favour of revoking Article 50 and remaining in the EU.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CALL ME A SITTER

Ace askes for someone to look after his dogs before he leaves on his maiden voyage in Wildfire.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ED BYE THE DUCK SOUP

Much loved Red Dwarf director gets turned into a much loved duck puppet and ends up trapped for hours wandering around Starbugs miles of air ducts before me roasted and turned into a lovely soup for dinner by Ainsley Harriet dressed as a GELF, to the horror of all young children watching this perplexing 4th wall breaking cross over episode.

[Warbodog]

MR. RATZ

The role of Holly in series XIII is filled by a primitive CGI cat head with flying goggles that occasionally lets the guys play a terrible interactive game to pass the time if they phone in.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUROBOTIS THE AARDVARK

90 Childrens BBC Character Otis the Aardvark is sent around and around in time so that kids tv entertainment puppets may never become extinct.

[Moonlight]

SMOKE ME A SKUTTER

Cat murders Bob the Skutter and smokes his corpse for tomorrow’s breakfast. After Lister misses his weekly eye-poking, the rest of the crew form a detective agency to track down the missing Bob. Unfortunately, Rimmer’s insistence on using the other skutters as pawns simply leads them to smoked-corpsehood as well. Ultimately Cat manages to pin the blame on Rimmer, who is sentenced to be smoked and eaten for breakfast. Cat can’t be bothered to wait, so he just opens fire with a bazookoid.

[Author]

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