Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Warbodog]

IF YOU CAN’T DO THE TIME, DON’T DO THE CRIME TRAVELLER

The BBC declines to commission a second series of Crime Traveller on the unusually nerdy grounds that the mechanics of time travel got slightly inconsistent as it went along.

[si]

I’M A TIME TRAVELLER HONEY AND I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE

Top of the Pops special featuring Frazer Hines’ Doctor Who-inspired pop hit.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHAT ABOUT ZERO-G KID BOXING?

When challenged by Rimmer that he only uses the AR machine to have sex, Lister argues that he also likes to play the game where you enter a zero gravity environment and box baby goats.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

AND WIMPLE DON?

He also highlights that he really enjoys the game where the goal is to make your way to the top of an organised crime family, whilst wearing a form of female headdress

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IT DOES MEAN CHANGING THE BULB

Rimmer isn’t happy with Kryten’s choice blue bells for their potted house plant as the centre piece to their mid-section table, and demands he maybe uses something like a Red Petunnia, leading Kryten to remind him that they’ll need to completely remove the entire flower and re-pot with a fresh seed.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOW DO YOU PLAID

The crew encounter millennia old space probe scouring space demanding to know why plaid shirts are so popular, and how people can wear them all the time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOW DO YOU BRAID

The crew encounter an old space probe, scouring space looking for advice at how to braid hair so that it can become a hair dresser.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

O/G UNIT

When the crew crash on a GELF moon and Lister marries the daughter of a tribal leader in exchange for an O/G Unit, it is only upon their return to Starbug that they realise they have been given a replica of ICE T rapping his 1991 hit, and not an oxygen generation unit like they had hoped for.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE POST MOD’S ARRIVED. THE MALE?

When Lister tells Rimmer that the thread he is posting in has been locked pending moderation, Rimmer asks the gender of the moderator.

[Warbodog]

RIMMER MUNCHKIN SONG

Rimmer flamboyantly comes out to his shipmates as an anthropomorphic cartoon strawberry yoghurt mascot.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RIMMER HUNCH KIN SONG

Rimmer composes a song about Richard the III who he believes was a relative of his in a past life.

[Warbodog]

NEW SONIC TRAILER

Fan edit of Red Dwarf VII that adds a childish attachment to Starbug and clumsily overdubs some of Kryten’s exposition dialogue explaining this unlikely upgrade.

[Warbodog]

NEW SONIC NAYLOR

One drunken night, Doug uses one of those websites that lets you generate low-effort fan art of ‘Yourself the Hedgehog’ and spends the rest of his career worrying about this being discovered.

[Warbodog]

NUDE SONIC ‘TRATER

Lister catches Rimmer unironically enjoying sexually explicit fan art of cartoon animals. Rimmer admits he’s got a problem and agrees to be holographically castrated for his own good.

[Warbodog]

KRYSTAR

Ristar crossover that sees Ristar team up with Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and Cat to defeat the evil space tyrant Greedy. It could be that Greedy takes over the galaxy, which threatens both the lives of the Red Dwarf crew, as well as Ristar and his father. The Red Dwarf crew have to team up with Ristar to defeat Greedy. Ristar would probably team up with Kryten, as they are both fairly intelligent and have similar personalities. As part of an amusing B-plot the guys make jokes about the shape of Ristar’s head, much like they do with Kryten’s! In the end, they do whatever defeated Greedy at the end of the game, and everything is back to normal… for now, at least.

[Warbodog]

RIMENSION JUMP

The effect of Ristar jumping into the Red Dwarf dimension has resulted in him aging by about ten years, something that is eventually counteracted by him returning to his own dimension later on.

[Dave]

HE’S… DEAD, SIR!

Groovy Channel 27 adopts a novel new format for its obituaries slot, involving a mention of the dead celebrity’s name followed immediately by Kryten responding incredulously, based on looped footage from Out Of Time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOW CAN WE CHANGE WHAT’S HOPPENING

Due to a misprint in the script, a flashback is erroniously inserted into a pivotal end of series death scene, that sees the Rimmer family preparing for Sunday lunch, but getting increasingly frustrated with their chosen religions absured Holy Day rules.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FAITH, HOPS, AND CHARITY

Lister decided to go into competition with Baxter and starts an illegal brewery without really knowing what he is doing. Re relies on blind luck, the hops they stole from stores, and the good will of others to help pull together the supplies and ingredients they need

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FAITH, HOPE, AND CHARITY

Whilst on shore leave on Mimas, Rimmer visits a brothel and is given a choice of three girls to spend the evening with.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DO YOU REQUIRE ANY FORM OF SUEDE

Upon his arrest, Lister is offered so music by a British rock band to listen to, from any of their eras and incarnations.

[Warbodog]

TIME FOR PEOPLE

Rimmer shows surprising character growth by telling Lister he hopes his back’s feeling a bit better.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WE ARE NOT ON THE PULL

Lister insists he isn’t on the pull, but when he get a massage from a lovey lady that he hits it off with, he can’t resist to ask the question. She fixed my back, he says, but she broke my heart.

[Offline]

THE ENDER

More former EastEnders stars appear in Red Dwarf and act far too broadly against Craig Charles who has genuinely become a refined and emotive actor over his career.

Oh and Kryten makes a face.

[Dave]

SMEG OFFS

New compilation of outtakes covering the Dave era in which the good-humoured jollity of previous fluffs and bloopers has been replaced with a nastier, hard-edged tone and the cast are openly hostile and unpleasant to each other as soon as the mask slips.

[Dave]

READY SMEGGY COCK

Deeply unpleasant sequel to Can’t Smeg Won’t Smeg.

[Dave]

EVERYBODY’S DIEHARD DAVE

Holly expresses frustration with the now traditional spoiling of any conversation about favourite Christmas movies by some twat who thinks he’s being really original by saying that Die Hard is his favourite Christmas movie as though he’s the first person ever to have rolled out this sub-par third-rate stolen opinion.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

EVERYBODY’S DEADMAU5 DAVE

Holly informs Lister that everyone had turned up to the fancy dress party as the same Canadian DJ

(p.s. It’s A Wonderful Life aside, Diehard is definitely Lister’s favourite film)

[Warbodog]

EVERYBODY’S DEADLEG DAVE

A bully comes on board and knees everyone in the thigh.

[Warbodog]

ARE CHINESE BURNS RACIST?

When the bully twists everyone’s wrist skin painfully, Lister and Cat are concerned about what they should be calling it these days.

[Warbodog]

‘OK’ IS NOT A PRANK

Rimmer gets vexed when the bully keeps tricking him into looking at the finger circle he’s making in various locations.

[Warbodog]

BECAUSE IT’S MY ‘KICK ME’ SIGN AND I HAPPEN TO THINK IT LOOKS RATHER STRIKING

Rimmer unconvincingly pretends that he knew he was wearing a ‘Kick Me’ sign all day.

[Warbodog]

WE’RE ON THE DOG’S MUCK

The bully tells Rimmer that he saw some dog muck on the ground and that he “1 it.” He instructs Rimmer to say that he “2 it” and they go back and forth like this until the bored Rimmer obediently says “I 8 it.” “Eugh, you ‘ate’ it! You ate the dog muck, did you? Hahahaha!” laughs the bully. When Rimmer isn’t fazed, the bully realises that he’s exhausted his repertoire and goes to find another ship to harass.

[Dave]

ALL RIGHT, DUDES

Holly introduces chemicals into Red Dwarf’s food to make Lister and Cat grow progressively more right-wing, and reprograms Kryten and Rimmer to follow suit. Not for any reason, just for a laugh.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WE’RE ON THE DOGS BUCK

Holly informs the crew that Dog has insisted on paying for their night out at the disco in the parallel universe using old American currency.

[Warbodog]

ADLIBILANCE

Kryten tries to maintain two opposite, irreconcilable streams of Red Dwarf puns at the same time.

[cwickham]

DEMON HEADMASTERS AND ANGELS

Danny John-Jules takes things in good stride when he discovers his likeness was used in the remake of The Demon Headmaster without his knowledge.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DEMON HEADMASTER AND BAGELS

Lister sits down and tries a new snack whilst watching his favourite children’s TV reboot and is immediately shocked to see what he believes to be Cat on the show.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DEMONS AND ANGEL DELIGHT

Due to a miscalibration of the triplicater, Red Dwarf is split into its very worst parts, with the other half turned into a soft, sweet runny dessert

[Warbodog]

AMBIVULANCE

Kryten turns Blue Midget into an ambulance so he can help those in need. When he tries to respond to two call-outs from different sectors of the galaxy at the same time, he explodes. Sounds like he’s the one that needs an ambulance!

[Dave]

ALL WHITE DUDES

For Red Dwarf XIV, Doug Naylor recasts half the show to more closely align to his original vision, bringing in Gregor Fisher to play Lister and Nigel Havers to play Cat. He also has them refilm all of these characters’ scenes in the previous episodes, re-edits them all under the ‘re-remastered’ banner and deletes all previous versions from the archive, insisting that this is now the definitive version of Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

ALL SHITE, DUDES

Atrophying moan-peddler Norman Lovett offers a candid three-word review of Series VIII.

[Dave]

GAUL RIGHT, DUDES

Red Dwarf/Asterix crossover.

[Warbodog]

ALLBRIGHT, DUDES

Red Dwarf/Aliens Ate My Homework crossover that would see Rod Allbright, Grakkar, Snout and Madame Pong team up with Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and Cat to defeat BKR. It could be that BKR creates some kind of time bomb that threatens both the lives of the Red Dwarf crew, as well as Rod and friends. The Red Dwarf crew have to team up with the Ferkel crew to defeat BKR. Snout would probably team up with Kryten, as they are both fairly intelligent and have similar personalities. Lister would be with Rod, Grakkar with Cat, and Madame Pong with Rimmer. As part of an amusing B-plot Rimmer is delighted that he finally met aliens, but they want nothing to do with him! In the end, they swap bodies and do some telepathy or something to defeat BKR’s time bomb, and everything is back to normal… for now, at least.

[Dave]

ALBRIGHT DUDES

Red Dwarf/3rd Rock From The Sun Crossover in which Mary Albright receives an SOS distress signal from the mining ship Red Dwarf. She ignores it, thus closing off the possibility of all sorts of fun alien crossover antics.

The rest of the episode is just John Lithgow and French Stewart dicking about as usual, while Kristen Johnston stands around looking statuesque and Joseph Gordon-Levitt gradually grows up into a proper actor.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ALL THE YOUNG DUDES

Mott The Hoople make a guest apperence on Red Dwarf for the purposes of a tenuous pun in a fan forum thread.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ALL TRITE, DUDES

Holly raises concerns that this line of episodes is lacking in originality.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ALL WELL HUNG DUDES

To everyone’s astonishment, Doug writes an episode in response to a thread on a popular fan forum. However, he doesn’t take his ideas from the dedicated thread, but instead has the crew compare their knob sizes to answer the burning question asked by Jawscvmcdia The First.

[Warbodog]

ALL THE SCUM DUDES

While researching the chronological order of his favourite forum members, a differently annoying forum member notices that they all started posting within a few weeks of each other. Probably a coincidence.

[Warbodog]

ALL MYUNG DUDES

The unassuming bassist from Dream Theater possesses all of the crew to finally get some attention.

[Author]

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