Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF TINSEL

The crew travel back into their own past in search of tinsel. Past crew, angry at how festive they have become, having never celebrated Christmas before, destroy the time machine in the hope of never becoming them

[bloodteller]

PREE’S WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE

unusual spin-off movie in which pree (as portrayed by paul reubens) has her bicycle stolen by francis buxton (as portrayed by mark holton). in response, she pisses all over him which is weird because computers can’t really piss, even though holograms apparently can.

[bloodteller]

THE PREE WII HERMAN SHOW

unusual spin-off show in which pree and herman goerring of red dwarf fame team up to play wii sports together. pree can’t get the hang of using the motion controls, as she has no arms or legs.

[bloodteller]

IN LESS TIME THAN IT TAKES A NORWEGIAN TO BUY PEE BOOTS

alternate version of demons and angels in which kryten implies it’s a common custom in northwestern europe to buy disgusting piss-soaked footwear.

[bloodteller]

YOU ARE RACE CRAZY

lister gets hooked on wacky races due to him relating to lazy luke on a spiritual level.

[bloodteller]

IN LESS TIME THAN IT TAKES A NORWEGIAN TO BUY CHI BOOTS

alternate version of demons and angels in which kryten implies it’s a common custom in northwestern europe to buy footwear made of ancient chinese energy.

[Warbodog]

BUT I WILL STILL HAVE CONSOLE?

Rimmer undergoes a dangerous mind patch procedure so he can finally comprehend the staggering multi-layered complexity of Team Sonic Racing.

[Dave]

SONICONIA

The boys from the Dwarf are turned into miniature blue 16-bit hedgehogs who can run really fast and collect rings. Hilarity ensues.

[Dave]

STARLIGHT ZONE

Lister renames the observation dome after his favourite Sonic level.

[Dave]

SCRAP BRAIN

After playing Sonic the Hedgehog, Rimmer comes up with a new nickname for Kryten.

[Dave]

RED DWARF MANIA

The new series of Red Dwarf is half made up of extended versions of old episodes, but somehow it all works really well.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

A DOG! AND HE IS TRYING TO STRANGLE THAT WOMAN

In the Sonic/Red Dwarf cross over, Cat sees Tails hug ‘woman of the week’. Believing her to be under attack, and confusing a fox for a dog, he grabs Tails, squirts him with water and jumps up and down on him.

[Warbodog]

I WENT TO DEVIANTART COLLEGE

The Sonic/Red Dwarf crossover introduces a whole new generation of fans to the Red Dwarf fandom, whose creative deviations of our beloved characters make Tumblr slash look canon.

[Warbodog]

BLUE²

Rimmer’s given a new look for the Sonic/Red Dwarf crossover to better distinguish him from Sonic. This news is welcomed by many fans who were overly hostile to his current outfit, but the outrage and death threats when the new design is unveiled drive Doug Naylor off social media. GNP wins the fans back by returning more to the established style in the next trailer, generating much goodwill and attention for the project, almost like that was the evil marketing plan all along.

[Warbodog]

REDDWARF.EXE

A small sample of Red Dwarf fans receive a CD in the post, along with a shakily handwritten letter claiming to be from Doug Naylor, who says the disc contains the Sonic/Red Dwarf crossover, which they weren’t aware had even entered production yet. Loading the CD, instead of a video file they see a program named ‘reddwarf.exe.’ They eject and bin the CD immediately, cutting the shitty creepypasta short, since Red Dwarf fans are smarter than Sonic fans.

[Dave]

SONIC ADVENTURE

Big Finish release a range of Red Dwarf audio stories based around incidental characters like Thomas Allman and Bongo.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RUNNER

Rimmer runs really fast and, in his blue tunic, resembles everyones favourite cartoon hedgehog. He breaks the dimension barrier and enters a reality where Lister rescued a hedgehog from Titan, spawning a race of quick footed criters.

[Dave]

MR ECHIDNA

Deleted scene from Skipper in which Rimmer visits a dimension in which an educated, erudite Lister smuggled an echidna on board Red Dwarf. Three million years of evolution and in-breeding later, a giant shocking-pink monstrosity with oversized bone-joints in its fingers is the result.

[Warbodog]

I’D PREFER ALFRED CHICKEN

Having received a quote for how much it would cost to license an enduringly popular video game character for a Red Dwarf cameo, Doug suggests cheaper alternatives.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MARIO-CORP

Sonic/Red Dwarf cross over, however Nintendo have bought JMC and block the crew (and thereby the audience) from seeing any Sega characters, avoiding the need for any costly licensing, or indeed any cross over whatsoever.

[Dave]

YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH THE HAPPY MONDAYS STAGE, NOW YOU’RE GOING THROUGH THE MELON COLLIE STAGE

Kryten’s taste in ’90s music evolves as he moves on from ‘Madchester’ era Indie to the third studio album by Smashing Pumpkins.

[Dave]

YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH THE HAPPY HARDCORE STAGE

Kryten’s taste in music gets worse.

[Dave]

YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH THE NAPPY STAGE, NOW YOU’RE GOING THROUGH THE MELON STAGE

When Lister uses the Inquisitor’s gauntlet to turn Kryten into a baby, the mechanoid shits his pants before attempting to breastfeed on Lister’s man-boobs.

[Warbodog]

BUREAUCRACY

Red Dwarf finale. Lister marries Kochanski and they arrive back in Earth orbit with his surviving son who isn’t himself to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, he’s told by the global government that he needs to arrange a visa for Kochanski, what with her being from an alternative dimension, which costs $£1,464 and takes up to 12 weeks to process (with other conditions), while Jim may be able to claim regular-Earth citizenship through his ancestry and apply for a passport, though that takes at least 16 weeks. Meanwhile, Cat needs to get microchipped, have a blood test, a specific crate for transport and other palaver. Disheartened, Dave looks back at the state of the dilapidated mining ship he’ll be raising his child in and proclaims he’ll do what it takes. It’s not a very funny finale, admittedly.

[Warbodog]

ALL RIGHT, DUDES?

The editor of the Red Dwarf Wiki homepage interprets the photo of the cast pointing at the camera with their right index fingers as being some kind of conservative dog whistle, even though Robert is using his left hand and Chris is the only outspoken Daily Mail reader.

[Warbodog]

YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE NEWS?

<wikia-rss-error-wrong-status-301>

[Warbodog]

WHY WHY, WHY WHY, RIMMER RIMMER?

Why does the Red Dwarf Wiki have separate pages for Rimmer’s cousins Alice and Sarah, unseen and only mentioned briefly in an anecdote, but actual established characters Selby and Chen have to share a page?

[Warbodog]

MM, DENTON

Denton launches a probiotic yoghurt and advertises it shipwide using a catchy jingle. What, you don’t remember Denton?

[Warbodog]

LISTER

Lister murders time by making ‘best-of’ lists, living up to his name. Meanwhile, Rimmer…

[Dave]

DAVE LISTER

The crew encounter a machine that can give them an itemised breakdown of everyone called Dave who has ever lived. Norman Lovett turns up in a cameo to say “everybody’s Dave, Dave” in about as tired a fashion as he can muster.

[Dave]

WOULD YOU LIKE A HOT TODDY, TODHUNTER?

After forgetting Todhunter’s name, Father Ted compounds the problem by overusing it after he finds it out.

[Dave]

I CAN GIVE YOU FIFTEEN

Kryten asks Lister how many examples of Kryten explaining what is happening to the crew via a “best guess” he can think of.

[Dave]

SIX DEGREES OF SMEGGERATION

Bored, Lister and Rimmer play a game whereby they have to connect one member of Red Dwarf’s crew to another member based on who they have shared a bunkroom with during their JMC career.

Both players keep up the pretence for years that there is an element of skill and knowledge to the game, despite the relevant details of all 1,169 crewmates being recorded and easily cross-referenced in the ship’s Inhabitation Maintenance Database (IMDb).

[Warbodog]

G&T’S ‘SPOIL A POLICEY’

Forum members commit to carrying out a random act of kindness for a member of their local constabulary every Friday.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

G&T’S SPOILER POLICY

A popular fan site for a cult sci-fi comedy TV show inexplicably releases a statement on their policy regarding automotive aerodynamic devices.

[Dave]

G&T SPOILER LOL PISSY

When Rimmer, enjoying his new hard-light status, asks Kryten to whip him up a gin & tonic, Lister deliberately ruins the experience by urinating in the drink just for shits and giggles.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK PAIN IN THE RED

Lister indicates on a colour coded chart how painful his back feels after pulling a muscle.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK PAIN IN THE HEAD

Rimmer tells Lister his back pain is probably psychological and not physical

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK PAIN IN THE THREAD

A forum user’s own ailments causes him to obsess over back pain puns in the idea for an episode thread

[Warbodog]

THANKS FOR THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Future scholars are able to compile comprehensive histories of several G&T members for the years 2017-20?? by reading the Idea for an episode thread.

[Warbodog]

TIME TRAVELLER

Reboot of Crime Traveller that drops the distracting procedural aspect. Starring Jodie Whittaker and some ex-EastEnders actor who can’t act and has no chemistry with any of the cast.

[Warbodog]

DIME TRAVELLER

Reboot of Crime Traveller starring Harry Enfield reprising his dual roles of a TV announcer and armadillo-fixated country bumpkin from the 1995 Dime bar advert.

[Warbodog]

WYME TRAVELLER

Rock legend Bill Wyman develops time travel so he can go back to the 1980s when paedophilia was alright.

[Dave]

LIME TRAVELLER

Red Dwarf rips off Cabin Pressure as a pre-accident Lister and Rimmer play a citrus-fruit based hiding game.

[Dave]

SLIME TRAVELLER

The slime’s coming home. Gradually.

[Dave]

BRITISH SUMMERTIME TRAVELLER

Lister irritates Rimmer by setting all the clocks on board to BST, even during the winter months.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIKKA TRAVELLER

Kochanski and some bloke off of the box at the time repeatedly travel back in time a few hours in search of the perfect curry, unintentionally creating paradoxes along the way.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MIKA TRAVELLER

2007 ‘GRACE KELLY’ singer travels back in time in search of a pop career everyone had forgotten about until now.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TWAT TRAVELLER

Howard Rimmer from an alternate dimension is recruited by the Space Corp to test fly a quantum rod thingymibob with the mission to travel backwards and forwards through time and space calling people he has had some connection with throughout his life a “twat”.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SPLAT TRAVELLER

The crew travel backwards and forwards through time, knocking people out of windows and splitting them into the ground below.

[Author]

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