Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

YOU’RE MORT, MILADDO

Rimmer meets Death and kicks him in the nuts.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE LE MORTE D’ARTHUR, MILADDO

Rimmer meets King Arthur.

[Paul Muller]

URINE REPORT, MILADDO

Rimmer demands a detailed description of Lister’s most recent piss.

[si]

MORON REPORT, M’LADDO

Rimmer tells Lister of the US President’s latest harebrained idea.

[cwickham]

MASH REPORT, MILADDO

Rimmer decides to watch a shit satirical TV show.

[clem]

YOU RANG M’LORD?, MILADDO

Lister asks Rimmer to name his favourite Croft and Perry sitcom.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ARMILADDOS

Rimmer travels back to the mid 1990s to appear on a series of adverts for a Swedish caramel chocolate bar.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, MLADIC

Extended edition of Meltdown in which the evil wax droids are bolstered by Bosnian Serb war criminal Ratko Mladić.

[Dave]

EURON REPORT, MILADDO

While marathoning Game Of Thrones, Rimmer has to pop out to the toilet. Upon returning, he demands to know whether anything has happened to his favourite Greyjoy.

[Dave]

YOU’RE HENRI PORTE, MILADDO

While playing Better Than Life, Rimmer is delighted to meet his favourite gallic musician Philippe Timsit, who is famous mainly for one particular big hit song.

[bloodteller]

HARRY POTTER AND THE ANUBIS STONE

During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry learns about a mystical object called the Anubis Stone, said to be based on an Egyptian creature with the head of a cat. He decides to just leave it since they got their Egyptian mythology all wrong and is subsequently killed

[bloodteller]

HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SMEG

During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry learns about a secret underground room called the Chamber Of Smeg, where the teachers routinely congregate to roll around in their own filth. He decides to just leave it since that’s disgusting and is subsequently killed by some stray smeg

[bloodteller]

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF FLOOR 13

During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry learns about a secret thirteenth floor called The Tank, where 400 prisoners are secretly being kept for crimes against the Space Federation. He decides to just leave it and is subsequently scre-ew-ew-ew-ewed up by a stray Time Wand

[bloodteller]

HARRY POTTER AND THE PAN-DIMENSIONAL LIQUID BEAST FROM THE MOGADON CLUSTER OF FIRE

During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry is confronted by the same vaguely defined beast that once attacked the Red Dwarf posse, only it is now on fire. Unsurprisingly, both due to the predictability of these posts and the nature of the beast, he is subsequently killed by it

[Paul Muller]

FOND O’ QUORN

Acclaimed comedy writer Rob Grant’s new Radio 4 show, in which he discusses his love of the titular meat substitute.

[Paul Muller]

HONDA QUORN 2

The Japanese car manufacturer releases the new and improved version of their popular vehicle, formed entirely from cultivated mycoprotein fungus.

[Dave]

GONDOR HORN 2

Sequel to Lord Of The Rings based largely around Boromir’s trumpet thing.

[Dave]

HONDA PORN 2

Japanese car enthusiasts pore over glossy images of high-end automobile models with all of the optional extras included.

[Dave]

PONDER HORN 2

Alan Partridge’s band leader becomes sexually aroused. Again.

[Dave]

PANDA CORN CHEW

A black and white bear tries to eat slightly undercooked corn on the cob.

[Dave]

QUANDER FORLORN

A visibly-disappointed Rob Grant logs on to G&T and discovers that, despite a “Let’s Talk About” thread having been kicked off, the only discussion of Quanderhorn 2 so far is a load of silly puns in the Idea For An Episode thread.

[peas_and_corn]

I’VE NEVER READ… THIS THREAD

Lister admits to posting in the ‘ideas for an episode’ thread without reading anyone else’s posts

[cwickham]

TIKKA TO RIDE X-Æ A-12-TENDED

Lister goes back in time to find out why an entrepreneur and a pop singer gave their child such a stupid name.

[cwickham]

OUROBOROS X-Æ A-12-TENDED

Lister decides to change his and Kochanski’s baby’s name to X Æ A-12, to serve as a clue that he is really his own father as who else would give him such a stupid name?

[cwickham]

DUCT SOUP X-Æ A-12-TENDED

Everyone sits around in an unrealistically large maintenance shaft wondering why Elon Musk gave his baby such a stupid name.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF X Æ A-12

That last idea, but for an entire series.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE RED PART X Æ A-12

The same as Back in the Red Part One, except the opening bunkroom scene has been redubbed to discuss the name of Elon Musk’s baby.

[cwickham]

PETE PART X Æ A-12

Pretty much the same as Pete Part 2 originally was, to be honest.

[Dave]

MUSKOCRACY

An election is held to debate which of the six previous Ideas For An Episode is the best.

[Dave]

POLYMORPH IV: ELOHAWK

The crew of Red Dwarf encounter a tech entrepreneur who can shape-shift into a wide range of different types of wanker.

[Dave]

ELON.M’S

When the crew of Red Dwarf accidentally go back in time and meet Jesus, Elon Musk offers to help them return to their own era with his prototype time-travelling submarine. Kindly rejecting the offer as completely impractical, the boys from the Dwarf are dismayed to see the tech entrepreneur respond by calling them all paedophiles on Twitter.

[cwickham]

SKATESIS LEAK

Result of a highly amusing mix-up which led to Tony Hawk being booked to do the voice of the suitcase in Stasis Leak, and bringing along his sister to the recording.

[cwickham]

HUGH DENNIS & PARANOIA

The Dwarfers discover an inexplicable Twitter meme involving Hugh Dennis from the year 2020, and all recount the occasions on which they themselves met him. They begin to wonder how so many people can have stories involving meeting Hugh Dennis by chance.

[Dave]

QUARANTERPRETATION

Alternate ending to Quarantine in which Rimmer insists that it was reasonable of him to not self-isolate after contracting the holovirus because he was making a long journey across Red Dwarf to find someone to look after Mr Flibble, and then he had to have a quick day trip to the observation dome to make sure he could see well enough for the return journey. And while this might not align with the Space Corps Directives as written, it aligns with his own personal interpretation of them, so why is everyone making such a big deal about it? And no, he won’t be apologising.

[Dave]

THE POST’S NOT ARRIVED

A group of Red Dwarf fans eagerly await delivery of their Promised Land Blu-Rays, giving each other regular updates every time nothing happens.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HE PASSED AWAY PEACEFULLY IN HIS JEEP

Rimmer’s mum writes to him to explain his father died whilst testing his eye sight by going for a drive in his favourite car.

[Richietee]

BAX IN THE RED

We discover Baxter and Killcrazy are still on board Red Dwarf and this bottle episode/backdoor pilot shows just what this wacky duo have been doing since the end of series VIII.
We are treated to that mad time Killcrazy fell in love with Archie the Cock but discovers Archie is in love with Baxter! (What a twist) , The time Baxter’s mum came to stay (played by Ricky Grover in a wig) with hilarious results!, The sidesplitting event of the pair falling out and dividing thier cell in two halves! with a guest appearance from Taiwan Tony the episode ends on a song

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to crack open some “OT BOVRIL”

[Dave]

COUNTDOWN

While browsing an online forum about historical wax droids, the crew of Red Dwarf notice that the edit function now has a live countdown timer giving them just five minutes to correct any glaring errors in their posts, adding a whole new element of tension and potential peril to their contributions.

[Pete Part Three]

COMMENTING AND PAGINATION

A forum regular rejoices at the new “jump to last page” feature, if only because it spares him from seeing the typo he made three and half years ago on page 1, every time he hits the “Idea for an Episode” link.

[Dave]

COMMENTARY DUNCE AND PUNORAMA

While tuning in to the weekly Red Dwarf lockdown commentaries, fans are both dismayed by the behaviour of one particular knob in the chat section, but also delighted by the various spontaneous Dwarf-related play-on-word gags that litter the comment feed.

[Dave]

OUR ROB AND ROSS

Listeners to the weekly Red Dwarf lockdown commentaries look forward to the rerun of ‘Kryten’ with a special guest star next week.

[clem]

Make a shit one and stick it fifth. Or third. Or possibly fourth.

[cwickham]

OUR BOBBY AND ROSS

Robert Llewellyn and David Ross’ incarnations of Kryten finally appear onscreen together.

[bloodteller]

TERRORTRUEFORMS

rimmer buys some new shoes but becomes frightened when he wears them

[Dave]

BEYOND BEYOND A JOKE

Sequel to BEYOND A JOKE in which Robert Llewellyn plays seven new variant versions of Kryten in all the colours of the rainbow, each representing one of the seven deadly sins.

[Pete Part Three]

JUST MICE

Lister writes a list of all the people he outranks on Red Dwarf.

[Pete Part Three]

RANKS FOR SUPREMACY

Lister and Rimmer compete in the Astro Navigation exams to determine who will be be awarded the Captaincy of Red Dwarf. Unbeknownst to them, Kryten also enters and gets the gig.

[Dave]

THANKS FOR D BELLAMY

Lister pays heartfelt tribute to deceased naturalist David Bellamy.

[bloodteller]

After eating radioactive curry, Lister has grown enormous, and is terrorizing the city of Manchester. Episode is based on Godzilla. Featured song: “The Jolly Green Giant” by (The Kingsmen)

Cat and Kryten, anxious to find out what prize they won in a sweepstakes, consult Rimmer (Chris Barrie) for help. Much to their dismay, Rimmer himself ends up as the prize.

[Dave]

PLANKS FOR THE ENEMY

Lister remembers how they used to punish people when he was on Captain Butler.

[Author]

Replies