Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

GLIMMER

Rimmer finally realises what name he should choose for his light-based superhero alter-ego and delightedly creates a Twitter account to promote it, only to be mistaken for a transphobic Irish comedy writer and pilloried.

[Ridley]

POPE TED

Int. The Vatican
Mrs Doyle enters carrying a tray.

MRS DOYLE
Would you like some T, Your Holiness?

TED
[Rants for two hours, forty minutes about trans rights activists including interval]

MRS DOYLE
Alright so.

[Ian Symes]

That nearly makes the preceding 7,193 posts worth it.

[Pete Part Three]

IT’S COVID OUTSIDE, IT’S NO TIME TO FRATERNISE

New 2020 lyrics for Red Dwarf. And you get the idea with that.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I DECIDED TO MAKE A FAN EDIT OF THE PROMISED LAND AND SEND IT OFF IN A PROBE

New forum member finds his computer explodes every time he tries to upload a fan edit of a recently released episode.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE PROMISED LAND 2: YOU KILLED, MY BROTHER: FUTURE ECHOS PART 2

Follow up to the promised land in which it is revealed Hogey is actually a future echo of a deranged Cat from 150 years in the future, seeking revenge in Lister for killing his brother Rodon.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LET ME FINISH

Lister walks in on Kryten getting pleasure from a washing machine catalogue and Kryten begs him to let him finish.

[Dave]

YES SIR, I’VE BEEN A ROUNDHEAD

Spinoff series in which Rimmer regresses through more of his past lives following his service of Alexander the Great, offering various incarnations of him at different points in British history, with a regular supporting cast that play similarly era-appropriate iterations of basically the same characters.

After a triumphant climax to the fourth series, the show’s return in a millennium special turns out to be ill-advised.

[Dave]

THERE AIN’T NO PLAICE IN THE WHOLE OF SPACE

Growing tired of trout à la crème, Cat embarks on a fruitless quest across the galaxy to search for an alternative.

[Dave]

HOLLY, PLOT A PHASE FOR FEIGE

Lister recruits the Red Dwarf ship’s computer to mastermind the next stage of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[Dave]

RED DWARF: LET ME FINISH

Second feature-length outing for the Boys From the Dwarf. A meta tale in the tradition of Back To Earth, in which Robert Llewellyn begs Doug Naylor to not have to play Kryten any more due to the unbearable physical strain of the costume and prosthetics on the cast member’s ageing physical frame.

The cold-hearted Naylor, citing contractual obligations, refuses, and forces the poor sap into a succession of demeaning comedy robot costumes until he utterly extinguishes the actor’s will to live.

‘The Man In The Rubber Mask’ is subsequently updated with an additional final chapter.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE MAN IN THE RUBBER CASKET

To pour salt into the wound, Doug arranges for Robert to be buried in a giant, rubber, Kryten shaped coffin

[Dave]

THE MAN IN THE RUBBISH MASK

Robert Llewellyn releases a new volume of his autobiography exclusively dedicated to Red Dwarf X.

[Dave]

THE MELANIN IN THE RUBBER MASK

While developing the costumes and prosthetics for Siliconia, Red Dwarf’s production team carefully judges the exact skin tones that will be needed to match the masks to the regular cast.

[Dave]

THE MOAN IN THE RUBBER MASK

Robert Llewellyn once again complains about his working conditions.

[Dave]

BETTER THAN LIFT

The turbo-elevator’s main rivals, the stairs, launch an aggressive advertising campaign insisting on their superiority.

[Dave]

AMATEUR HAM-MOUND ORGAN REVIVAL NIGHT

When Lister experiences sudden heart failure, Rimmer is forced to quickly attempt to sew together a crude replacement made out of a pile of pig meat he finds in the fridge of the sleeping quarters. Luckily he manages to save Lister from the brink of death by the end of that evening.

[Dave]

PRISTINE KOCHANSKI

When Red Dwarf finally catches up with Kochanski, Lister is delighted to discover that she has been perfectly preserved in stasis since the end of Series VIII, leading to an awkward and borderline-unwatchable on-screen romance between a mid-fifties Craig Charles and a late-twenties Chloë Annett.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LISTERINE

Lister’s and Kristine’s Hollywood couples name is revealed in this inexplicably minty 90mins special.

[Dave]

RISTER

When the teleporter malfunctions and combines Rimmer and Lister into a single entity, they channel their combined experience into developing an underrated mid-90s megadrive game.

[cwickham]

WRISTER

The combined Lister-Rimmer entity gets repetitive strain injury in his wrist from wanking.

[cwickham]

TWISTER

Red Dwarf gets hit by a space tornado.

[si]

SPITONERWRISTER

Yada yada yada clitoris.

[Dave]

RISTER, PART TWO

The combined Rimmer-Lister entity meets Taiwan Tony. Who calls it Lister.

[Dave]

KRYST

Spiritual sequel to Lemons and Tikka To Ride in which the Boys From The Dwarf travel back in time to the nativity and accidentally kill Jesus, necessitating the need for Kryten to replace him with a baby mechanoid replacement who is a hand puppet operated by Robert Llewellyn, thus fulfilling his lifelong dream.

[Dave]

HARRY HOL

Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by TV Burp funnyman Harry Hill.

[cwickham]

BARRY HOL

Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by Barry Cryer.

[cwickham]

LARRY HOL

Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by Larry Sanders.

[si]

HAIRY HOL

Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by TV Burp funnyman Harry Hill – again.

He grows a beard.

[Dave]

GARRY HOL

Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by Garry Bushell, who offers some insightful commentary on how well-crafted the character of Dave Lister is because he likes beer and curry.

[peas_and_corn]

NO, IT’S PEE

Lister is honest about the stain on the front of his trousers

[MechaBirdman3200]

I’VE LOST ME PEE

Lister misplaces a case of vintage urine-recyc wine and must find it before Red Dwarf passes within range of a zero-G football broadcast station.

[Dave]

NO, IT’S A CHICKEN

Lister introduces a game-breaking new element into the latest session of What’s My Fruit.

[Dave]

PINKLE, SQUIRMY, BLIB BLAB BLOB

Rimmer has a stroke.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, DALLAGLIO

Rimmer starts hallucinating famous rugby players who contravene ship protocols.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, DELILLO

Rimmer berates a wax droid version of a famous American novelist.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, DELL’ALLIO

Rimmer next turns his critical eye on a hologram of an Italian renaissance architect.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, MILLIWAYS

Rimmer acts as whistleblower for health and safety violations at the restaurant at the end of the universe.

[si]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, ‘ALLO ‘ALLO

Rimmer will tell Lister that he is to be put on report. However, Lister must listen very carefully, as Rimmer shall say it only once.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, DERULO

Jason Derulo’s performance as Rum Tum Tugger in the 2019 film version of Cats comes in for heavy criticism from Rimmer.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, DADDY-O

Rimmer makes a deeply misguided attempt to sound cool.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, PICASSO

Rimmer dislikes the Cubist movement.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON REPORT, WACO

Rimmer finally gets round to writing up a report of the 1993 Waco siege.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON BEE PORT, MILADDO

Rimmer notices Lister is drunk on some port made from beeswax.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON SEAPORT, MILADDO

Rimmer notices Lister has fallen into the ocean.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON TEAPORT, MILADDO

Rimmer notices Lister has combined tea with a fortified wine.

[cwickham]

YOU’RE ON WII PORT, MILADDO

Rimmer notices Lister is porting some old video games over to the Wii.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON WII SPORTS, MILADDO

Rimmer catches Lister playing a motion-control videogame.

[Dave]

YOU’RE ON WII SPORTS RESORT, MILADDO

Rimmer catches Lister playing a slightly less good motion-control videogame.

[Dave]

YOU’RE FRANK MCCOURT, MILADDO

Rimmer encounters a hologram of the author of Angela’s Ashes and recognises him immediately.

[Author]

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