Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

BANKS FOR D EMERY

Rimmer revisits more of his past lives and finds out he was once Dick Emery’s accountant.

[Dave]

HANK’S 4-D PENURY

Red Dwarf producer Henry Normal foolishly invests his entire personal fortune in a prototype virtual-reality time-travel device invented by Doug Naylor that doesn’t work, leaving him penniless and feeling rather foolish.

[bloodteller]

EMIT FO TUO

Kryten and Cat use a fake volcano god to trick a tribe of islanders into sacrificing Kochanski. Featured song: Hot Hot Hot by Buster Poindexter.

Lister buys a watch that runs backwards from a mysterious salesperson. Soon, he does everything backwards, even eating.

[bloodteller]

STAR KNOTS IN THEIR EYES

The posse must free the natives of the Planet Of The Nymphomaniacs from being the Pan-Dimensional Liquid Beast From The Mogadon Cluster’s slaves. Featured song: Chains by (The Beatles)

Paul Elder hunts for an alligator that’s stuck in Kochanski’s basement, to her dismay.

[cwickham]

WARDEN KNOTS IN THEIR EYES

Special musical episode where everyone dresses up and sings like Warden Knot.

[bloodteller]

THE ROBOT WARRIOR

A Simulant Death Squad has stolen all the curry sauce in the universe, so the posse must work to get it back. Lister (Craig Charles) becomes the “Robot Warrior” in the process, and uses his newfound powers to host Robot Wars. Episode is based on The Road Warrior. Featured song: Born to Be Wild by (Steppenwolf)

Kryten’s dream date from a computer system turns out to be a GELF (Clare Carey).

[bloodteller]

TROJAN (HORSE)

When Lister, Kryten and Rimmer are unable to rescue Cat from Rodon and the ferals, they try to fool him with a cat-shaped Trojan Horse. Featured song: I Hear You Knocking by (Dave Edmunds)

Kochanski strikes oil and tries to sell it to Ted Bull (Norman Fell).

[bloodteller]

RED DWARF (BM)X

Kryten and Cat enter a BMX race against Taiwan Tony, Snacky and a space weevil so that they can win the prize money. Featured song: Shut Down by (The Beach Boys)

Rimmer’s mother comes to visit and proves to be a bossy annoyance from start to finish.

[Dave]

WAR DEN, NOT

Deleted scene from Meltdown in which Rimmer and his army of wax droids try to camouflage their bunker.

[Dave]

KRILL CRAZY

When the dollarpound is suddenly devalued, Red Dwarf adopts a new currency based on tiny crustaceans, prompting a Bitcoin-style investment rush.

[Dave]

ACK ACK-ACK, ACK ACK ACKERMAN

Warden Ackerman takes a GELF bride.

[si]

KALECRAZY

Spinoff sitcom about a mad prisoner who becomes a greengrocer.

[Pete Part Three]

DEMENTIA TRUMP

Rimmer ponders whether Skutters can walk up stairs, and decides to use the Quantum rod to search for the answer. When he sticks it in the wrong hole, he is transported to a parallel universe where people are instead asking “Can Presidents walk down ramps?”

[Dave]

A MINUTE’S FLATULENCE

When Doug Naylor re-remasters the first few series of Red Dwarf again, he adds an unusual sound effect to replace the blast at the end of the closing credits for extra emphasis.

[Dave]

A MIDGET’S FLATULENCE

When Doug Naylor re-remasters the first few series of Red Dwarf again, he adds comedy fart sound effects to all sequences that feature Blue Midget in flight.

[Dave]

TWENTY-SIX MINUTES’ FLATULENCE

Working title for TIMEWAVE.

[Dave]

TEN MINUTES’ FAT TULIP

Tony Robinson guest-stars in this niche nostalgia revival mini-episode.

[Dave]

A MYSTERY FACTUAL LANCE

When Lister claims that a knight has escaped from the AR machine and become physically present in the real world, Rimmer never once questions how this could be possible.

[si]

A MINI FLATULENCE

Lister lets out a li’l pip.

[By Jove its holmes]

CUSTER’S LAST STAND

Derrick Custer is extracted from Prison Rimmer’s failing memory and becomes a real man.

[Dave]

YES, ‘X’ HAS

Answer to the question “do any series of Red Dwarf have an episode that addresses racism in a really clunky and awkward way?”

[Manbird]

YES, ‘X’ HAS

Answer to the question “do any series of Red Dwarf have an episode that addresses racism in a really clunky and awkward way?”

I see you’ve recontextualised a comment from another thread.

I don’t like it.

[Dave]

I SEE YOU’VE REMASTERED

Self-aware addition to the new edition of Series I-III in which Holly comments aloud on the many and varied changes made to the episodes.

[Dave]

I HEAR YOU’VE REMASTERED NOW, FATHER

New edition of Father Ted in which new characters spouting anti-trans rhetoric have been clumsily edited into the episodes.

[Dave]

I DON’T LIKE IT

Fan consensus on both of the above.

[Pete Part Three]

DIVINITY WELCOMES HAIRLESS DIVER

The Dwarfers decide to pay another visit to The Universe but are shocked to discover that He will only speak to them if they’re accompanied by Duncan Goodhew.

[bloodteller]

Ace Rimmer teams up with Robin Hood to reclaim all the smeg that the Sheriff of Nottingham has stolen from a village. Featured song: Rockin’ Robin by (Bobby Day)

A taste of curry sauce with seeds in it causes Lister to grow fruits and vegetables out of his body. Scott Nemes guest-stars.

[si]

INFINITY WELCOMES CHEERFUL IVORS

A happy Welsh train chuffs around Red Dwarf forever.

[Flap Jack]

NODNOLYMORPH

Lister finds the scattered body parts of a dead monster on board the ship. In front of Lister’s eyes, these charred and bloody organs float into the air and reconstitute themselves to form a fully grown polymorph, which then resurrects and shoots an energy blast into the barrel of Lister’s bazookoid. The polymorph then escapes and starts to stalk the crewmembers, cornering them one by one and blowing their dominant personality traits into them.

[Dave]

SNACKWARDS

Snacky is taken to backwards Earth where he undergoes a profound personal transformation from self-confident scientific genius to unambitious snack-dispensing robot.

[Dave]

JUPITUS MOON

Guest star Phill Jupitus bares his arse for the whole world to see. For 26 minutes.

[cwickham]

GLINNER TAKE

Hidden camera show where Graham Linehan is tricked into thinking a theatre producer and venue have actually offered to stage Pope Ted, successfully capturing the look on his face the moment he realises it’s all a prank and nobody in the entertainment industry is ever going to touch him with a 50-foot bargepole ever again.

[Pete Part Three]

FRANCS FOR THE STRAWBERRY

When Lister realises there are no strawberries left in the universe, he boots up the Time Drive and heads to 1990’s France to buy some Gariguettes. Contains questionable french accents and some jokes nicked from Allo Allo.

[Moonlight]

OFFICER GLINNER

Graham Linehan is briefly promoted to high command until he is dishonorably discharged over a freak accident involving dick pics, a spatula, and thirteen very angry women.

[Moonlight]

BLUEBALLS

Graham Linehan becomes very testy when he can no longer show women his testes.

[Moonlight]

CONFIDENCE & POLAROIDA

Human Kryten becomes way too proud of his penis, and begins walking around the ship naked with a raging hard-on. Two Norman Lovetts guest star as his balls.

This episode is banned in Ireland, several Canadian provinces and every US state below the Mason-Dixon line.

[Moonlight]

THANKS FOR THE WHAM-BAM-THANK-YOU-MA’AMERY

US title of Holoship.

[Moonlight]

TUNE IN TONIGHT WHEN ONE OF THESE CHARACTERS WILL DIE!!!

US title of The End.

[Moonlight]

THE DOG FOOD RESTAURANT

US title of Marooned.

[Moonlight]

FUTURE ECCHI

Flashback episode taking place between Series X and XI in which Lister becomes a weeaboo to the frustration of everyone on Red Dwarf. This retroactively explains his abandoning of the search for Kochanski, as he is now in a committed relationship with a crusty body pillow depicting an anime girl he pretends to not realize is 14.

[Moonlight]

THE FAST DAY

Lister becomes obsessed with speedrunning Sonic the Hedgehog 2, completely unaware that he is actually laying face down on the floor, hallucinating, next to a leaking nerve agent cask the crew looted from a derelict. Lister’s mouth foam provided by special guest foamer Sir Patrick Stewart.

[Moonlight]

BLUE HOLE

A strange wibbly thing in space causes Rimmer and Lister to spontaneously make out at fixed intervals. During this, the camera always cuts to a reaction shot of Cat or Kryten much to the chagrin of every middle-aged woman who still uses Tumblr.

[Moonlight]

CASSANDRA – DIRECTOR’S EDIT

Twenty-eight minutes and thirty-four seconds of Norman Lovett pointing at you and laughing that you ever thought this was a good episode.

[Dave]

LAST OF THE GLINNER WHINE

Lister and Rimmer go back in time to stop Graham Linehan from making an arse of himself on Twitter. Unfortunately their discouragement only leads him to redouble his efforts, to the point where Twitter bans him entirely.

[Dave]

GLINNERWORLD

Graham Linehan tries to evade his Twitter bam by creating a series of new accounts purporting to be somebody else but actually clearly just being him again, in the hope of eventually populating Twitter entirely with his clones.

[Dave]

THE GLINQUISITOR

Graham Linehan is erased from existence after being deemed to have lived an unworthy life, and is replaced by Arthur Matthews.

[cwickham]

MECHALIMONY

Graham Linehan, realising his writing career is over, attempts to turn himself into a robot in order to avoid dealing with support payments for the children he’s never going to see again.

[By Jove its holmes]

OT: in the afterlife, Dermot Morgan must really be hating Graham for ruining Father Ted’s legacy.

[cwickham]

TIMEGRAVE

Everyone agrees the time has come to be very, very grave indeed.

[si]

ONE FOOT IN THE TIMEWAVE

Victor Meldrew doesn’t believe that an episode of Red Dwarf could possibly be so…disappointing.

[Author]

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