Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

ACE SWINGER

An alternate version of Rimmer tries to have sex with everyone.

[Dave]

ACE TRIMMER

An alternate version of Rimmer becomes a hairdresser.

[Dave]

TRACE RIMMER

An alternate version of Rimmer copies pictures by putting a blank sheet of paper over them and drawing the outline.

[Dave]

ACE DIMMER

An alternate version of Rimmer has a very low IQ.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ACE WINNER

A very cocky Rimmer starts taking the piss with his nick-name a bit

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ACE PEMBERTON

In a shock revelation, it turns out Lewis Pemberton is just Ace Rimmer in disguise. In a sort of “undercover boss” scenario, Ace has infiltrated the lower ranks under a pseudonym in a bid to get Lister off his backside and realising his true potential.

[cwickham]

BLASÉ RIMMER

Rimmer is very blasé.

[cwickham]

BLAZE RIMMER

Rimmer is set on fire.

[cwickham]

LAZE RIMMER

Rimmer is lazy.

[cwickham]

FACE RIMMER

Rimmer auditions for a part in The A-Team.

[cwickham]

GLACÉ RIMMER

Rimmer is coated in sugar.

[cwickham]

MACE RIMMER

Rimmer is sprayed in the eyes with mace.

[cwickham]

RACE RIMMER

Rimmer is challenged to a competition of speed.

[cwickham]

BASS RIMMER

Rimmer has a very deep voice.

[cwickham]

CASE RIMMER

Rimmer becomes a private detective.

[cwickham]

BLACK LACE RIMMER

Rimmer forms a pop band best known for novelty party records.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ACE OF BASE RIMMER

Ace joins a 90s Swedish pop-group

[Dave]

ACE RIMQUISITOR

Ace Rimmer travels throughout space and time interrogating people to discover what their stupid Ace-Rimmer-y nickname should be.

He is particularly delighted when he appears in front of Lister just as he is about to cook an old sausage.

[Dave]

GRANNY KILLER DÁIL

Lister uncovers a plot by the Irish Parliament to kill his nan.

[Dave]

GRANNY KILLER BOYLE

Lister uncovers a plot by the Trainspotting director to kill his nan.

[Dave]

GRANNY KILLER TOIL

Lister discovers that it’s really hard work to kill someone’s nan.

[cwickham]

GRANNY KILLER ROYAL

Doug goes insane and devotes an entire episode to conspiracy theories about the death of Princess Diana being the work of a time-traveller.

[Jenuall]

GRANNY KILLER FOIL

Thickie Holden’s follow up invention to the Tension Sheet, a new kind of kitchen foil, proves to be less successful when it ends up responsible for wiping out half of the old Granny population

[Dave]

MANNY FILLER OIL

Bill Bailey appears as his Black Books character – now an engineer on Red Dwarf – in an episode that sees him constantly trying to top up the oil on Lister’s space-bike, little realising that there’s a leak and it’s going all over his trousers!

[Warbodog]

SANDWICH FILLER DOYLE

The company that released the unpopular Red Dwarf Leopard Lager debuts a limited edition sandwich paste inspired by the descriptions of how Billy Doyle’s jacket smells.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART NINETY-FOUR

As a reward for his new safety procedure regarding drive plates, Captain Hollister offers Rimmer a new bunkroom where the floor is made up of golden tiles. Each golden tile measures one square metre. If the bunkroom is in the shape of a quadrilateral with sides measuring 30m, 120m, 20m and 70m, how many golden tiles does Rimmer receive?

[Flap Jack]

This bunk room is chaos! I don’t think it even has any parallel sides. It’s not possible, I say.

But the number of golden tiles would be lower than the number of metres squared in the area anyway, because none of the corners are right angles, so you wouldn’t be able to fill the room entirely with just squares.

[cwickham]

Rimmer would receive exactly zero golden tiles. Try drawing the bunkroom to find out why.

[Dave]

DIMENSION DUMP

Due to JMC cutbacks, Red Dwarf bunkrooms are made entirely two-dimensional, adding extra pressure to Rimmer and Lister’s already tense living arrangements.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

2D KRYTIE TV

A satirical animated series that follows Kryten as his films women in the shower.

[cwickham]

AFT IN THE RED

Lister goes backwards.

[cwickham]

DRAFT IN THE RED

Everything is a bit chilly.

[cwickham]

FIRST DRAFT IN THE RED

Doug doesn’t have enough time to rewrite this week’s script and just hopes for the best.

[Dave]

HOLLOFORM

Holly creates a humanoid AI hologram inspired by Hilly as a companion for himself, only for her to fall in love and elope with Hugh Olly, the original human inspiration for Holly, who is found in stasis.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART NINETY-FIVE

Rimmer’s newspaper is supposed to have 60 pages, but Lister has removed pages 24 and 41. Which other pages won’t be there?

[Dave]

SAVE PAGES 23 AND 42 – THAT BIT

Facing the prospect of death, a discerning Lister decides to preserve a few more pages of Lolita.

[Warbodog]

BOTH SHEETS, MAN

I think it’s also pages 19, 20, 37 & 38 unless I counted the nests wrong.

[Dave]

I’M GONNA RIP OUT ITS PAGES AND BEAT IT TO DEATH WITH THE PAGES ON THE OTHER SIDE

I assumed Lister was just ripping out individual pages, not carefully dismantling the folded paper.

[cwickham]

If he was just ripping out individual pages it wouldn’t be much of a puzzle, would it? By implication he’s removing the sheets.

But yes, pages 19, 20, 23, 37, 38 and 42 will also be missing.

[Dave]

BY THEIR OWN LOW STANDARDS THEY HAVE ACQUITTED THEMSELVES

Readers of the Idea For An Episode thread start to wonder whether the Maths in Red questions were meant to be genuinely tricky posers all along.

[cwickham]

BACK TO MATHS CAUSALITY

G&T User cites Maths in the Red Parts 91, 60, 59, 58, 50, 47, 30, 28, 12, 11 and 10 as examples of particularly tricky puzzles.

[Dave]

REVISING TIME!

Gordon Kennedy gets out his maths GCSE textbooks in preparation for the next Idea For An Episode.

[Dave]

WHAT DO YOU WANT, A HAND WITH YOUR HOMEWORK?

Gordon Kennedy asks Holly for some help.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CUTIE WITHOUT THE E

Taking Back Sunday beam aboard to help Rimmer revise for his engineers exam. But they don’t know what the E stands for either.

[cwickham]

GAFFES IN THE RED

Alternative name for the Smeg Ups.

[cwickham]

LAFFS IN THE RED

Something this thread singularly fails to provide.

[cwickham]

DAFFS IN THE RED

Everyone goes all Welsh.

[cwickham]

CAFFS IN THE RED

Lister opens a restaurant.

[cwickham]

NAFFS IN THE RED

Lister speaks in Polari.

[cwickham]

QUAFFS IN THE RED

Lister has a drink.

[Author]

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