Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

STAFFS IN THE RED

Everyone fights each other using big wooden poles.

[cwickham]

JEFFS IN THE RED

Episode guest-starring Bezos, Martin, Lynne and Goldblum.

[cwickham]

OLAFS IN THE RED

Episode guest-starring Jim Carrey and Neil Patrick Harris.

[cwickham]

RAFTS IN THE RED

Everyone builds flat structures for travel over bodies of water.

[cwickham]

PILAFS IN THE RED

Everyone has rice.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE HEAD

A challenge is laid down to complete the “Maths in the Red” puzzles without writing anything down.

[cwickham]

GAFFES IN THE THREAD

What all 11,099 posts are.

[cwickham]

ZAPS IN THE THREAD

Upon learning that this thread is currently on track to go from 11,000 posts to 12,000 even quicker than it got from 10,000 to 11,000, G&T Admin fantasises about going after its regular posters with a laser.

[Dave]

WHAT A FARCE WE’RE ON PAGE 112

Family-friendly version of the usual new-page celebration.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART NINETY-SIX

There are 11,102 posts in this thread. How many are worth reading?

[Jenuall]

I’VE NEVER READ … A GOOD IDEA FOR AN EPISODE

Faced with his own imminent death Lister laments the fact that he has yet to read a good contribution to the Ideas for an episode thread

[Dave]

MATTS IN THE RED

Doug finally gets to make his movie version of Red Dwarf after casting Matt Smith as Rimmer, Matthew McConaughey as Lister, Matt LeBlanc as the Cat and Matt Damon as Holly. Matthew Perry turns up halfway through but is unrecognisable in his Kryten garb.

[Warbodog]

MAFFS IN THE RED

The guys are challenged to maths puzzles by some GELFs who have been genetically engineered to excel in Mental Arithmetic For Fuck’s Sake.

[Warbodog]

MYTHS IN THE RED

The guys meet more GELFs that have self-consciously styled themselves after creatures from Greek mythology given a sci-fi twist after watching Ulysses 31.

[si]

JACKS IN THE RED

Like the ‘Matts In The Red’ above, but with Jacks.
You choose, I can’t be arsed.

[Jenuall]

PRATS IN THE RED

Alternative title for the show

[Dave]

GNP’S IN THE RED

A lawsuit between Red Dwarf’s creators erupts after financial discrepancies at the show’s production company emerge.

[Dave]

BATS IN THE RED

Batman crossover.

[Dave]

RATS IN THE BED

Alternative title for Skipper which will feature… no, *you* fuck off.

[Dave]

POST 11,111

Kryten misreads the Idea For An Episode post count thinking it’s in binary and mistakenly believes we’ve only done 31 of these fucking things.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART NINETY-SEVEN

Lister has one dollarpound in savings, and decides to put it in a bank.

The first bank manager he speaks to says that after every 100 days, he’ll give him an extra dollarpound for every dollarpound he already has in the bank.

The second bank manager says that after every 50 days, he’ll give him an extra 50 pennycents for every dollarpound he already has in the bank.

The third bank manager says that after every 10 days, he’ll give him an extra 10 pennycents for every dollarpound he already has in the bank.

Does it make a difference which bank Lister decides to open an account with?

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES – IT WAS UNCLE FRANK

Rimmer is surprised to find documentation indicating that his mum had previously been married to Captain Hollister’s brother.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES – IT WAS UNCLE FRANK II: EMOHUNTER

Rimmer is surprised to find documentation indicating that his dad had previously been married to Todhunter’s sister.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES – IT WAS UNCLE FRANK SPENCER

Rimmer is surprised to find documentation indicating that his mum’s sister was Betty from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES – IT WAS UNCLE FRANKENSTEIN

Cat is surprised to find documentation indicating that Lister’s cat was actually male.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES – IT WAS UNCOOL RANK

Rimmer is disappointed to never have progressed in his career beyond second technician.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES – IT WAS UNCLE BUCK

Lister is delighted to see an old John Candy favourite lined up at Red Dwarf’s cinema.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART NINETY-EIGHT

Lister, Rimmer, Selby, Chen, Todhunter, Petersen and McIntyre all pool their savings whilst on planet leave and go for a meal at the most exclusive curry house in the galaxy. The bill comes to seventy dollarpounds.

Since there are seven of them, they all agree to pay ten dollarpounds each. After they’ve paid, however, Kochanski turns up and offers to pay for their drinks. The drinks cost thirteen dollarpounds in total, so the waiter starts by giving each of the seven diners one dollarpound each. Since he still has six dollarpounds to pay back but that won’t divide evenly among them, the seven diners agree that the waiter can keep them as a tip.

Kochanski then points out that they started out by paying 70 dollarpounds, but all seven of the diners then got a dollarpound back, so that makes 63 dollarpounds. The waiter has got 6 dollarpounds, so that makes a total of 69 dollarpounds.

What happened to the missing dollarpound?

[Dave]

IT… DOESN’T… EXIST!

The question is nonsense as the waiter gets 70dp+13dp from the diners and Kochanski, so has 83dp in total. He gives back 7dp to the diners and 70dp goes to the restaurant to pay the bill, so he is left with the remaining 6dp as a tip.

So just like Silicon Heaven, there is no missing dollarpound.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES… IT WAS UNCLE BULGARIA

Wombles crossover.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES… IT WAS UN DEUX TROIS

Lister decides to learn French but can’t make it past basic vocabulary.

[Dave]

I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES… IT WAS AUNTIE FRANCES

Arlene Rimmer tells everyone about her first kiss.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART NINETY-NINE

After the Skutters from the parallel universe mate with the Skutters from the home universe, Lister and Rimmer are alarmed to find how quickly the baby Skutters breed.

They don’t produce any babies in their first month, which is January. However, they produced a pair of Skutters in the second month, which is February, then produce another new pair every month after that. This holds true for every new pair of Skutters that is created.

By next Christmas, how many new Skutters will Red Dwarf have on board?

[Dave]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED: 10²

The hundredth part of Maths In The Red sees it forced to converse only with a replica of itself, asking endless logic/maths puzzles without any answers and eventually demanding that its other self be switched off.

[Warbodog]

HOL ROC

Kochanski insists that the Red Dwarf planetoid is really the Red Dwarf and Holly from her universe, despite the evidence to the contrary, and as if just saying that makes it real.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOL COCK

To the gratitude of all mankind, Holly adds two inches to every cock.

[Jenuall]

HOL MOCK

The rest of the crew make fun of Holly incessantly

[Dave]

HOL CHOC

Holly makes Dairy Milk bars ten blocks long instead of eight.

[cwickham]

HOL BOP

Holly either does a little dance or starts punching people.

[cwickham]

HOL COP

Holly joins the police.

[cwickham]

HOL FLOP

Holly is unsuccessful in his endeavours.

[cwickham]

HOL GOP

Holly joins an anti-democracy political party.

[cwickham]

HOL MOP

Holly cleans the floor.

[cwickham]

HOL POP

Holly explodes.

[cwickham]

HOL TOP

Holly launches a range of sweaters.

[cwickham]

HOL SOP

Holly is soaking wet.

[cwickham]

HOL DOC

Holly trains in medicine.

[cwickham]

HOL AD HOC

Holly acts on the spur of the moment.

[cwickham]

HOL LOCK

Holly cuts some keys.

[cwickham]

HOL MOCK

Holly is unkind to Lister’s predicament.

[Author]

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