Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

HOAGY THE FUCKMYARSEY

It’s page 125.

[cwickham]

HOAGY THE ONLY

Hoagy is unique.

[cwickham]

HOAGY THE LONELY

Hoagy is in solitude.

[cwickham]

HOAGY THE TRICKY

Hoagy is difficult.

[si]

HOGUEY THE MOWGLI

Hoguey strikes up a charming friendship with a bear.

[Dave]

HOGEY WE’VE FORGOTTEN YOU

The Inquisitor erases Hogey from existence due to him not being a worthwhile recurring character.

[Warbodog]

HOGEY BARE

Hogey becomes a naturist and hangs out in every sense in the botanical gardens on the lookout for picnic baskets.

[Warbodog]

HOGEY THE WRONG ‘UN

Hogey is exposed as a sexual predator.

[Flap Jack]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE

Lister holds a race between all the Skutters. Unfortunately, he tries to get Holly to keep the results, and there’s a bit of a mix-up. All he knows is that the Skutter who came in three places in front of the Skutter who finished last came in two places ahead of the Skutter who came in seventh.

How many Skutters finished the race?

8?

[cwickham]

HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN CORRECT ANSWERS AND PARANOIA

Yes

[Dave]

HO-GEE FOOTBALL

Lister challenges Hogey to a game of Zero-G Football to settle a bet.

[Dave]

HO HO HOGEY

Red Dwarf Christmas special.

[Dave]

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOGEY

The skutters kill Hogey and hollow him out to use him as a new home.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOGEY ALONE 2

Hogey teams up with Donalds J Trump for a Christmas film.

[Dave]

LET’S MOVE OUR BUTTS, HOGEY

Hogey is retconned to be the modern incarnation of the secret fifth Dwarfer from Series VI Remastered, Boney, in a tenuous callback to a running gag from page 98.

 

[Dave]

HULLO… RAT?

Lister is incredulous when he meets for the first time a creature who evolved from a rat, only for the being to insist on being called Mister, thank you very much.

[Dave]

HULLO… SHAT?

Lister is incredulous when he meets for the first time a nonagenerian actor from Earth’s 21st century who has decided to shoot himself into space for a daft laugh.

 

[Dave]

HULLO… HAT?

Lister is incredulous when he finds his leather deerstalker for the first time.

 

[Dave]

HULLO… PAT?

Lister is incredulous when the blond-mulleted agonoid Patz J’harp takes over Red Dwarf, guts several floors of it and turns it into a sinister gauntlet called The Fun House, a real crazy show where anything goes.

As Starbug flies through the carwash-style rollers that have now been installed over the landing bay doors, a chilling voice insists that Lister must use his body and his brain if he wants to play the game.

Tricked into thinking that the experience will be a whole lot of fun, with prizes to be won, Lister soon realizes that Red Dwarf is now wacky, fun, crazy and outrageous.

[Dave]

HULLO… TWAT?

Lister is incredulous when Piers Morgan materialises on board.

 

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HULLO… PAT?

Lister is incredulous when the blond-mulleted agonoid Patz J’harp takes over Red Dwarf, guts several floors of it and turns it into a sinister gauntlet called The Fun House, a real crazy show where anything goes.

As Starbug flies through the carwash-style rollers that have now been installed over the landing bay doors, a chilling voice insists that Lister must use his body and his brain if he wants to play the game.

Tricked into thinking that the experience will be a whole lot of fun, with prizes to be won, Lister soon realizes that Red Dwarf is now wacky, fun, crazy and outrageous.

I’m going to break protocal to say that it may have taking 12,420 posts, but I think we finally landed on a genuinely good, needs commissioning idea for an episode.  This is surely a Red Nose Day cross over special screaming to be made.

[Dave]

I may not be fast, but I get there in the end.

[Ian Symes]

Shall we lock the thread now then?

[Dave]

As long as it qualifies for Hall Of Fame status.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR LOCK

Upon locking a long standing shit-posting thread on his own website, Ian immediately passes away overjoyed on the happiest day of his life.

[Dave]

THE LOCK VIRUS MUST HAVE WORN OFF

After Ian contracts a positive virus that leads him to quickly and efficiently lock all shitposting threads, contributors to the Idea For An Episode thread breathe a sigh of relief when the development proves short-lived.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ME LOCK, ME LOCK IS IN THE BIN!

Ian is incredulous that forum members have managed to bust down his thread lock and throw it away!

[loadoftottnumb]

Me L…..

Out of Time

[Dave]

LOCK. LOCK!

Ian attempts to use a voice-command to lock the thread, then has to repeat himself when it doesn’t work the first time.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX

If Ian Symes is given an excuse to lock the thread at 9:48am, and it’s still open nearly four hours later, has he missed the window of opportunity where locking the thread will actually be funny?

[Dave]

THE POST’S ARRIVED

Ian is so overcome with excitement at seeing a post that gives him an excuse to lock the thread that he forgets to actually do it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LOCK? WHAT LOCK?

When questioned why the thread hasn’t been locked, Ian fains ignorance before Cappsy and Danny reveal they have a photo of Ian posing with a lock, that he then failed to applied to the offending thread.

[cwickham]

LOCK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

Taylor Swift song about the latest threat to close the idea for an episode thread once and for all.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I SHOULD BE SO LOCKY

Kylie pens an anthem for a forum administrator who is keen to shut down the idea for an episode thread.

[Warbodog]

I WANT MORE LIFE, SMEGMEISTER

Forum users goad the admin into locking a time-wasting thread to give them some of their precious remaining lifespan back.

[Jenuall]

SYMES, I. TREBLE ZERO, ONE, SIX, NINE!

It turns out the delay in locking the ideas for an episode thread was a result of Ian being erased from history for failing to become that which he might have been

[si]

SYMES SLIDES

Ian stops giving a fuck about the Idea for an Episode thread because, let’s face it, it’s not worth the hassle.

[Dave]

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I’D PUT THE CORRECTED BLU-RAY DISC IN THE BLU-RAY BOXSET WHERE ANY MUNCHKIN COULD FIND IT?

Rimmer is revealed to be the mastermind behind the recall/replacement program for the Red Dwarf Series I-VIII Blu-Ray boxset.

[Warbodog]

OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

Rimmer struggles to distinguish between a barely adequate HD upscale of his favourite show and a version with errors in.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

START THE REPLACEMENT DISC PLEASE HOLLY

Captain Hollister is thrilled to receive his blu-ray replacement disc, so hurriedly puts together a long video ship report, including playing of said disc, to be attached to the start of a series viii multi parter that is running short.

[Flap Jack]

I’VE SEEN SOMETHING YOU HAVEN’T, SQUIRE

Kryten brags to Butler about having already received his replacement tapes for the omega-video ‘Androids’ box set, emphasising how the 41,075 missing frames in Series 3, Episode 2 are clearly superior to the other 41,075 frames.

Butler responds, “You are fortunate indeed, friend! Alas, while I await my replacements, I will have to settle for watching the AI-remastered versions I created myself using the source footage. The fidelity is astounding, but I’m sure your copies are much more authentic.”

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SEVEN

Whilst travelling through space in Starbug, Lister glances at the milometer to see how many billions of kilometres this Starbug has travelled. At the moment, the milometer reads 14941 billion kilometres. 14941 is, of course, a perfect palindrome.

Two hours later, Lister glances at the milometer again and sees that it now shows a new palindrome.

What was the average speed of the ship, in kilometres, in those two hours?

[Flap Jack]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SEVEN

Whilst travelling through space in Starbug, Lister glances at the milometer to see how many billions of kilometres this Starbug has travelled. At the moment, the milometer reads 14941 billion kilometres. 14941 is, of course, a perfect palindrome.

Two hours later, Lister glances at the milometer again and sees that it now shows a new palindrome.

What was the average speed of the ship, in kilometres, in those two hours?

55 billion kph.

That’s over 50 times the speed of light. Lister should be experiencing some serious future echoes right now.

Actually, what if Starbug is really only going slightly faster than the speed of light, and the milometer reading is itself a future echo??? Impossible to know for sure.

[Dave]

OFFICER BB KING

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a legendary bluesman.

[Dave]

OFFICER BEEP BEEP

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as Road Runner from the Looney Tunes cartoons, infuriating those purists who insist that he actually says Meep Meep, even though officially it’s Beep Beep.

 

[Dave]

OFFICER BIBBY

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as Red Dwarf’s production designer.

 

[Dave]

OFFICER BOBBY

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as Robert Llewellyn, making for some scenes that are very confusing and technically challenging to shoot.

 

[Dave]

OFFICER BOOBY

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is still recast as Chloe Annett, but is contractually obliged to be topless throughout.

 

[Dave]

OFFICER BAMBI

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a cartoon deer.

 

[cwickham]

OFFICER 10CC

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a rock band.

[Author]

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