Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

CATIVITY

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Cat regales the Boys From The Dwarf with bible stories about Frankenstein, the holy mother, and her virgin birth.

 

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CATIVITY

Festive Red Dwarf special where Cat sits curled up by a roaring log fire and tells the story of the Cat nativity … basically just recalling the events of The End.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FAN-TANGLED

Two forum members become Quantuum Engtangled and post similar episode ideas one after the other

[Dave]

CATCAVITY

Cat goes to the dentist.

[Dave]

CATGRAVITY

Cat puts on weight.

[Dave]

CATGRAVITAS

Danny John-Jules takes a few acting lessons from Robert De Niro.

[Dave]

CATGRAVLAX

Cat orders the salmon.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED KRISMAS

Kochanski returned, wearing her red leather outfit, riding a sleigh in a 4min animated short episode.

[Warbodog]

DHJIN’GULL BHELZ

Kryten continues his exploration of other cultural traditions by dressing up as a creepy character from Agonoid folklore and leaving cryogenic body parts in everyone’s beds.

[Warbodog]

SILENT KNIGHT

Lister’s plan to embolden Rimmer goes awry when he lets off a sneaky SBD inside the suit of armour and promptly suffocates to death. Christmas special.

[Dave]

WINCE IN ROYAL DAVID’S CITY

Lister crash-lands on a planet of GELFs who immediately dub him their king. He introduces them to the concept of Christmas but plays carols on his guitar so painfully badly that they depose him immediately afterwards.

[cwickham]

THE LITTLE BOX THAT GOES FZZTTT OF DELIGHTS

Lister returns to Earth for the holidays, but meets a strange Punch and Judy man at the spaceport. Cole Hawlings entrusts his box to Lister, who goes on to have many adventures across time as he protects the box from Abner Brown, but it turns out to all be a dream after Lister had sixteen bottles of moonshine on Christmas Day.

[cwickham]

CHEST AND SILLY OLD NIPPLES ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE

Unproduced 1989 Christmas special where Hudzen comes back and destroys Red Dwarf in a fiery inferno. Not produced after the show got picked up for Series IV.

[cwickham]

THIS IS A NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS! I’M ON THE RUN FROM FROM THE FASCIST POLICE WITH A MURDERER, A MASS-MURDERER AND A MAN IN A BRI-NYLON SHIRT

Unproduced 1992 Christmas special where the Dwarfers wake up and discover their lives were really an immersive video game, and they are actually elves in a stop-motion cartoon.

[cwickham]

[to be sung to the tune of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”:] IT’S THE MOST DESIRABLE WOMAN IN THE WORLD

Unproduced Christmas special from 1990 where the Cat and Lister shag Wilma.

[cwickham]

THE FIVES SPECKS OF GRIT WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS

Unproduced 1991 Christmas special where Holly once again mistakenly thinks Red Dwarf is on a collision course with five specks of grit, and everyone has to evacuate at 11pm on Christmas Eve, ruining their plans for the holiday.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY PAN DIMENSIONAL LIQUID BEAST FROM THE MOGADON CLUSTER, AND THE VERY NEXT DAY YOU SLAYED IT AWAY

A bereft George Michael sings about the lose of his pet Liquid Beast he gifted to the crew of Red Dwarf.

[Pete Part Three]

HOME ALONE IN A GODLESS UNIVERSE AND OUT OF SHAKE ‘N’ VAC

In this Disney+ exclusive,  it’s Christmas Eve and Djuhn’Keep, the little agonoid that Santa Claus forgot, is all alone on Red Dwarf.  When he hears that some humans are due to arrive, he decides to booby trap the ship, hopeful to inflict as much pain as possible.  Hilarious slapstick for all the family. Plus some other scenes only suitable for Rob Grant.

 

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-NINE

Kryten is preparing a turkey dinner for Christmas Day, but needs to know who will eat the most.

Lister can eat more than Rimmer, but Cat can eat more than Lister. Rimmer can out-eat Kryten, but Cat can eat more than Rimmer.

Which of the following statements is correct?:

a) Lister can eat more than Kryten but can’t eat more than Rimmer

b) Both Kryten and Cat can eat more than Lister

c) Lister can eat more than Kryten by more than he can out-eat Rimmer

d) None of the above

[si]

MISTLETOE AND WHINE

Kryten reacts in a typically annoying manner when encountering Lister trying to get a Christmas kiss from Kochanski.

[Warbodog]

HAPPY HOLLY DAYS

Holly starts talking like the Fonz.

[Warbodog]

HO SANDRA IN X SHELLSUIT

Unmade episode that would have concluded series X’s misogyny arc.

[Dave]

HOWAY IN A MANGER

Lister is hit by a weird space ray that turns him Geordie.

[Dave]

DO THEY KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS

Holly realises that after three million years, the margin of error on the ship’s clock means that they can’t be 100% sure of the date any more.

[Dave]

I WISH IT COULD BE CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY

Due to the confusion over the true date, Holly decides to celebrate Christmas every day just in case.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ON B DECK IT WAS ALWAYS CHRISTMAS EVE

As Holly insists its Christmas Day, due to a time dilation phenomenon and Holly’s mainframe being on T-Deck, whilst Lister’s bunk is on B-Deck, Lister frustratingly always finds himself a day behind.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LOOK OUT CHRISTMAS, THE SLIMES DRIVING HOME

Lister hitches a lift with Space Chris Rea to get back to Earth in time for Christmas

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GHOST OF FUTURE ECHOS

In an attempt to stop Rimmer being a Scrooge at Christmas, Holly accelerates this ship beyond light speed to show Rimmer what he will become.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

A MUNCHKINS CHRISTMAS CAROL

Due to Lister feeling down at Christmas, Kryten recreates a classic Christmas story in the AR suit, using left over programming from the Rimmer Experience.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE SLIMES COMING HOME ALONE

Lister gets back to Earth to find the entire human race have gone to Mars for Christmas without him, leading him to protect Earth from a GELF invasion fleet all by himself.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SOMETIMES YOU LIVE, YOU DIE HARD, THEN YOU LIVE AGAIN

Rimmer find himself crawling through air ducts, protecting the ship from a group of invading Simulants who plan on spoiling Christmas

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TURKEY TO RIDE: RED CHRISTMAS 2

Lister insists on going back in time to get a Turkey for Christmas dinner, but accidentally pushes Santa off a room when they land back on Earth, leading Lister to become Father Christmas.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GIVE AND TAKE 2: FESTIVE LEAK

Having forgotten to do any Christmas shopping, Lister travels into the future and nabs all the presents he subsequently gifts to Rimmer, Cat and Kryten in the past.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF TINSEL

The crew find themselves under attack by a future version of themselves who are obsessed with Christmas and have run out of decorations

[Dave]

GELF

Festive episode in which Will Ferrell guest-stars as an innocent, charming and definitely not at all irritating shouty manchild who is brought up to believe that he is a genetically engineered lifeform.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SILENT KNIGHT

A mute knight escapes from the AR machine and Lister invites him round for Christmas dinner where he becomes good friends with a once mute cat who has dropped by to have dinner with their God.

 

[Dave]

HOLEY KNIGHT

Lister forgets to switch the bazookoid cartridge for blanks.

[si]

HOLLY’S CALM

The ship’s computer spends the Christmas period relaxing.

[Dave]

HOLLY’S BRIGHT

Alternative name for White Hole that will appear on the Christmas boxset.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ROUND YON VIRGIN

Festive remake of Can of Worms to be shot as a special feature for the Red Dwarf Christmas box set.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MOTHER AND CHILD

Kochanksi hangs out with her son David Lister on Christmas day, and has to bat away his drunken advances.

 

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY

For the Dwarfers’ Christmas party, Rimmer has brought Lister a special new dartboard. The bullseye is worth 50 points. The zone around the bullseye is split into ten different sections which are worth 2 points, 4 points, 6 points and so on up to 20. The outer rim is also split into ten sections, which are worth 1 to 10 points.

Rimmer challenges Lister to a game: they pick a number for each other, and the first player to score that total with three darts is the winner. The loser has to clean the entire ship from top to bottom.

Rimmer picks the number 150 for Lister, so the only way for Lister to win is to get all three darts in the bullseye before Rimmer gets whatever number Lister picks for him. However, there are some numbers it is impossible to score with three darts!

What is the lowest impossible score Lister can ask Rimmer to get with three darts? (Darts that miss count as 0 points.)

[Dave]

OUT OF TIME, MISTLETOE AND WINE

Prototype sequel to Out Of Time in which the Boys From The Dwarf go back in time and inadvertently prevent the assassination of Cliff Richard.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR GOD BLESS YE MERRY GENTLEMEN

Lister discovers a Cat Priest in the lower decks who loves to sing Christmas carols. He dies shortly afterwards.

[Warbodog]

THE FIRST NOEL

When his superinjunction expires, fans are treated to a new historic smeg-up of Chris Barrie’s humiliating fall off the motorbike in Meltdown to the audible amusement of Danny John Jules.

[cwickham]

ALL MAROONED ON CHRISTMAS

Marooned has a musical number by Darlene Love badly edited into the middle to try and make it a Christmas special.

[cwickham]

SILENT VR KNIGHT

Sequel to “Stoke Me a Clipper” where Lister uses the VR suite to re-enact the birth of Christ, but a virtual reality knight escapes from another game and wreaks havoc. The subject of 34,969 complaints to Ofcom.

[Dave]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU²

Festive musical deleted scene from ME².

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DING DONG MERRILY ON HIGH AND LOW

Festival musical deleted scene from Demons and Angels.

[Dave]

A SPACE-CRAZY MAN CAME TRAVELLING

Festive musical deleted scene from Future Echoes.

[Author]

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