Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BUNKYSWAP

Lost episode that was supposed to air between series II and III detailing Lister and Rimmer’s move from their bunk to the officers quarters.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TONE ME A NIPPER

The crew find themselves in a parallel universe where they are all young children forced to enter into a body building competition.

[Moonlight]

BACK TO BIRTH

Lister is pregnant again! Can Rimmer perform the C-section while drunk off his arse? Meanwhile, Cat and Kryten go head to head in a tap danceathon to the death.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIKKA TO HIDE

The crew go on a curry hunt in the 22nd century but due to Spare Head Two’s unfamiliarity with the Time Drive end up in 1940s Amsterdam. After accidently exposing Anne Frank to the Nazi’s, the crew have to correct the timeline and hide her again or risk changing history forever (the only difference being a few books don’t get published and Amsterdam’s tourist industry is affected ever so slightly slightly by a lack of major tourist attraction)

[bloodteller]

THE WEEKEND- lister and rimmer spend their sunday watching the obscure vic and bob show “the weekenders” which inspires lister to set up his own alan ladd memorial heel bar

meanwhile kryten eats some cheezits

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TWENTYCONIA

After a particularly heavy night, Lister wakes up to find 20 traffic cones in his bunk

[Dollar Pound]

SKILLET

kryten invents a quantum skillet. it looks like a normal skillet but kryten says it’s pan dimensional. when the crew are unimpressed he shows them a picture of scott bakula has been selotaped to the skillet handle. kryten heats some oil and chucks in some roughly cut shallots, propelling the crew to the most outlandish fringes of the possible: a dimension where patrick stewart has any right to comment on rd

[bloodteller]

SMOKE ME A SKILLET- lister makes a particularly egregious breakfast order and kryten is left with the culinary dilemma of how the fuck you cook a pan.

meanwhile rimmer falls into a bin

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMOKE ME A SKULLET

After discovering a grow den on floor 420, Lister and Cat get high and Lister decides to restyle Cats hair whilst he is sleeping

[Dave]

FUCK ME, A SKUTTER

Red Dwarf fans all respond in the same way when they watch the opening scene of The End: Remastered for the first time.

[Dollar Pound]

OKRACY

the ship is taken over by an insane okra only to be vanquished by the king of the potato people who turns out to be real

[Dave]

SHARKMENTION JUMP

Red Dwarf ‘jumps the shark’ in an episode in which shark-Rimmer (from a universe in which everyone is a sea creature) uses the Holly-Hop-Quantum-Skipper-Wildfire to travel to another dimension and meet our Rimmer.

Our Rimmer immediately becomes insanely jealous at meeting another version of himself who got to be a fish.

[bloodteller]

GUNMEN OF THE NARCOLEPSY- the crew are flying around deep space when they are suddenly attacked by rogue simulants who send kryten to sleep. the crew need him to be awake so he can make them dinner and do the laundry so they decide to travel into his dreams to make him wake up

using the characters from an AR game lister has called “sleeps of laredo” they travel into krytens dream in which he is a sheriff who will not stop going to bed. they give him a lot of energy drinks and pro plus which makes him stay awake forever. the dwarfers then go back to the real world where they discover kryten is awake but has gone absolutely fucking mental because robots arent meant to drink red bull

[By Jove its holmes]

Their Finest Hour:

The Dwarfers land in 1940s Britain and meet Winston Churchill. To spice things up, Marigold Churchill survived in the RD universe and has become a nightclub singer in her early twenties called Goldie. Winston is humiliated when Goldie and Lister have sex.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Confidence and Para-gliding

Lister decides he wants to learn how to para-glide, using the vast cargo holds for space. He is a little worried that he might hurt himself until Holly gives him the confidence boost he needs.

[Ben Saunders]

I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS STILL GOING

[Dave]

Is that the alternate name for series XVII?

[bloodteller]

LEGIONISER- the crew meet an ioniser that is a gestalt entity made up of all their own ionisers. it threatens to let all the knights out of the AR machines and cause mass hysteria but luckily kryten turns the ionisers off

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK TO EARTH

The crew get home. The end.

The beginning.

The smeg it it.

[Dave]

BACK TO BIRTH

The crew spend too much time on backwards-Earth.

[Moonlight]

THE SMEG IT IS

Or is it?

[Dave]

THE SMEG IT ISN’T

No.

[Moonlight]

THE SMEG IT WASN’T

But the smeg it could be.

[Dave]

I THE SMEG AM LISTER

The smeg he was.

[bloodteller]

POLYMORMON-the crew meet a mormon who is polyamorous. he is nice

meanwhile rimmer puts bread down the toilet in a misguided attempt to assassinate talkie toaster

meanwhile lister befriends nigel. he is nice too

[bloodteller]

EVERY ONLY THE DOG GOOD…- doug naylor realises that the mess he has left Only The Good… in means that the episode now tries to coin two shit catchphrases in the course of a minute. he combines them into one shit catchphrase and then realises he has truly fucked up what could’ve been a really good episode

[Dave]

WAITING FOR GOLD

Rimmer becomes obsessed with alchemy and grows increasingly convinced that he can transmute base metals into gold. However, the closest he gets is synthesising a nugget of purest ‘green’, made from one of his old series III-IV outfits. Well, less of a nugget and more of a splat. A splat today, but tomorrow, who knows, or dares to dream…?

[clem]

So first he does Incompetence in Timewave, then Doug rips off Rob’s idea of ripping off Blackadder.

[clem]

THE QUEEN OF SPAIN’S BEARD

Flashback episode in which the Rimmer brothers play their musketeers game. Arnold has hit puberty and has a bit of bumfluff.

[Dave]

RIMMERWORD

When Rimmer travels back in time and accidentally destroys Doctor Johnson’s dictionary manuscript, the race is on for him to remember every single word in the English language in alphabetical order and recreate the document by the next morning.

[cwickham]

THE SMEG THAT ALMOST WASN’T BUT THEN WAS

Fuck knows.

[Ben Saunders]

EPIDEME

After being seduced by a 3-million-year-old virus, Lister discovers he’s contracted a deadly STD. Later the SS Herpes is infected with a chalmydionic microbe.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE FRONT

After falling off the front page of G&T for a few days, the ‘Idea For An Episode’ thread makes a surprise return.

[bloodteller]

TERRORFORUM- the most menacingly lengthy G&T thread attacks the ship in this 3-page special. can red dwarf survive? yes.

[bloodteller]

FETE PART 1- rimmer and lister are taken to the captains office after pulling yet another juvenile prank on warden ackerman. as punishment they are signed up to organise and present the annual red dwarf fete. all is going well- lister is making the decorations and rimmer has prepared some tasteful sandwiches.

meanwhile kryten, cat, kochanski and holly are out on a canary mission when they discover a chocolate fountain which would likely be recieved very well at the fete. after some chuckle brothers-esque lifting to get it back onto the ship, it’s set up just as rimmer and lister are putting the finishing touches on the fete preparations. unfortunately kill crazy has snuck some laxatives into the chocolate fountain display….to be continued?

[bloodteller]

FETE PART 2- the guests eat some food and shit everywhere

[Dave]

FEET PART ONE

Lister begins building a Marilyn Monroe droid for Kryten’s birthday.

[Dave]

FEET PART TWO

Kryten compliments her realistic toes and slide-back sunroof head.

[flanl3]

HARD & SOFT

Rimmer’s light bee malfunctions and he suddenly returns to soft-light. He has a lot of trouble getting hard again. Ha.

[Dave]

BLUE MID-JET

Halfway through a high-speed space flight, Lister becomes depressed.

Depressed that his favourite spaceships are all named after Ableist slurs.

[clem]

CYAN FAGGOT

The crew encounter a greenish-blue ship made of pork offal.

[bloodteller]

TIMEWIPE- kryten is sick of people moaning that the show now takes place in a more populated universe. to resolve this issue he finally uses that feature on the inquisitor’s time gauntlet that can wipe out the universe. now absolutely everyone is dead. the fans stop complaining but kryten realises now there is literally nobody left and so there’s nothing they can really make episodes about anymore. the show is cancelled a week later

meanwhile nothing happens because the universe has been wiped out. whoops

[bloodteller]

TIMEWIPE-PART 2: at seven thirty in the afternoon kryten is called upon to do a reprise of the shit “wipe alert” joke from nanarchy but this time it’s actually listers bum. kryten says no

meanwhile lister does a big wet shit in his pants

[Dollar Pound]

MEMOCRACY ELK CLOCHE

rimmer compiles a dossier on president 523p alleging he got russian prostitutes to throw tomato soup on rimmer’s bunk, grabbed a vending machine by the logo and described the sleeping quarters as a shit hole. kryten distracts everyone by riding around on an elk with a cloche on his head.

[Dollar Pound]

ISIS

kryten is decapitated by isis. this obviously doesn’t present much a problem for him.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ITS TO EARLY FOR THAT STAR TREK CRAP

The USS Discovery accidentally jumps into the Red Dwarf universe. When the crew are alerted in the early hours of the morning to another ship near by Lister rolls over and dismisses the alert before going back to sleep until lunch time.

[bloodteller]

BACK TO REAL TEA- kryten throws away that PG tips crap and brews some real tea. it is oolong tea, which is everyones fave.

[bloodteller]

TIME FAVE- its seven thirty in the afternoon and it is once again time for kryten to brew up some of everyones favourite tea. unfortunately he accidentally spills the pot when bringing it over and all the cups break and he starts crying. luckily lister gives him a hug and they clean up the broken cups and brew a fresh pot. kryten has some of it himself this time and they are all happy that they get to enjoy the simple pleasure of a nice cup of tea with one another

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIME DAVE

Lister is alone in the bar when the automated bartender calls last orders

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BALANCE OF POWER

Lister takes the vetenarian exam and learns what an iguana is.

[Author]

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