Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

ONLY THE HD…

Rimmer goes through a portal to a parallel universe where Blu-Rays play at an slightly different rate, and as such the speed of reality itself is slightly different.

[Dave]

QUEEHD

Red Dwarf is taken over by an evil new computer, QueeHD, who at dinnertime only lets Lister have 1080p on toast.

[Dave]

SEE NO iVIL

Hitler prefers 1080i. Of course he does.

[Pete Part Three]

Furniture Echoes

Red Dwarf travels faster than light, and as a result, the crew start to see visions of themselves in the future. They’re mainly sofa-based.

[Pete Part Three]

I’m sorry, Lynn. I think that is possibly the worst idea I have ever had.

[Dave]

THREE END

To celebrate Red Dwarf’s 30th anniversary, a fan watches the original assembly of The End, followed by the broadcast version, and then lines up the Remastered version afterwards too.

[cwickham]

THREE END, PART 2

Three separate The Ends are combined into one.

[flanl3]

THREE END, PART 3

Three separate Three Ends are combined into one.

[Pete Part Three]

Idea For An Episode

It’s Red Dwarf Unplanned! 4 actors, a studio audience and the art of improv. The cast enter the set, hoping to stumble on an idea for an episode out of thin air. Can an episode of a Red Dwarf be conjured up with no preparation and a bunch of half-formed ideas? Well, they did it with Entangled.

[cwickham]

THREE END PART 3 SQUARED

Three separate three separate Three Ends are combined into one.

[Dave]

RED DWARF 9

Three separate three ends are multiplied into one, finally putting to rest the uncertain numerical status of Back To Earth.

[Pete Part Three]

Dave’s Anniversary Celebrations

Kryten calculates that it’s 30 years since Lister emerged from Stasis and decides to mark the occasion with a celebration at 9pm; followed by specially filmed dedications and a new documentary about Lister’s time on the ship. However, before the celebrations can begin,some weird space thing happens and the crew are instead forced to relive 6 random adventures from their past, pausing occasionally to think about products they might buy.

After its all over, Lister regrets that the occasion hasn’t been celebrated with as much enthusiasm as the 10th Anniversary, which was a far less impressive milestone.

He heads to the bunkroom and switches on the lights to find Ainsley Harriot, Stephen Hawking, a couple of Daleks, Garry Bushell ,Patrick Stewart and his lawyer.

“Happy Anniversary David Lister!” they sing.

They’re all naked.

[peepingsignal]

FLIBBLE’S ELEVEN

Mr. Flibble needs cash to fund his Wisdom Tooth extraction, so he recruits a team of robbers including the likes of Pythagoras, Nicholas Lyndhurst, and that woman who eats her bun backwards in Backwards, to break into the newly-discovered Gold Reserve on Level 21. The episode’s rating was changed to PG-13 from R after production so all but one of Flibble’s Hex Murders were cut from the final product. 5.7/10 on IMDB.

[Dax101]

POLYMORPH RESURRECTION!

Only 5 people groan this time ;p

[bloodteller]

VOLLEYMORPH- the polymorph is back! and this time he’s here to challenge the dwarfers to a game of volleyball. the dwarfers instantly lose when it morphs into kochanski resulting in lister suffering from an emotional breakdance

meanwhile rjmmer learns the rules of vale-tudo, mistakenly believing it is related to valances

[bloodteller]

BACK TO GARTH- the dwarfers get sucked through a time portal and arrive on earth in the late part of the 20th century, where they meet the really fucking weird guy out of wayne’s world.

meanwhile rimmer learns the rules of shogi, mistakenly believing they are instructions for constructing a shoji

[bloodteller]

JUST RICE- lister makes a bizarre order at the indian takeaway.

meanwhile rimmer learns the rules of jenga, mistakenly believing them to be a pamphlet on refinancing your mortgage

[bloodteller]

THANKS FOR THE RICE- listers takeaway order arrives and he thanks the deliveryman because lister is kind like that

meanwhile rimmer learns the rules of pankration, believing them to be instructions for making some delicious pancakes. disaster ensues

[bloodteller]

TIKKA TO RICE- lister wonders what the perfect amount of rice is to have with your curry. rimmer thinks lister has too much but lister disagrees

meanwhile kryten learns a lesson about road safety but this is useless because theres no roads in space

[Dave]

ROSEWOOD, MAHOGANY, TIKKA?

Basil Fawlty offers his guest the choice between trays made of two different types of wood, or the 34th best episode of Red Dwarf.

[Warbodog]

ETERNAL CHAMPIONS

Realising that it’s the 20th anniversary of when they coldly wished a happy 10th anniversary to Red Dwarf, ironically defunct girl group Eternal reunites to celebrate their favourite sitcom to camera once again.

The trio try to get Louise involved this time, but she’s too preoccupied playing Eternal Champions on her MegaDrive to care.

[Dave]

But was it a Trident?

[Warbodog]

ETERNAL SUNSHINE

Eternal are sent on a dangerous mission to reignite the dying Sun with a nuclear fission bomb in 2057.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Beyond Nan-archy –

The crew board a derelict and find the lady that says “gosh” in a stasis booth. Once revived she initially appears to be a sweet old lady who just wants to look after the crew. Once it becomes clear she has a rival in Kryten she starts to run amok, trying to over throw the over bearing droid from his position of sock darning power.

Tensions escalate, guerrilla warfare breaks out between the lady that says “gosh” and Kryten. Lister and Rimmer try to calm things down but neither side will listen. Eventually Kryten steals a tank from an AR game and blows the lady that says “gosh” to smitherines, blasting a hole in the side of the ship (and Pinewood Studios) at the same time.

Meanwhile Cat does some Cat things.

[flanl3]

emotional breakdance

PARALLEL UNIVERSE II

[Warbodog]

Sincere episode suggestions from Eddie “Badass” Davis on the TOS forum, if you’re not above bullying a 14-year-old:

http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/my-suggestions-episodes-for-red-dwarf-xiii.8757/

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAT HAS WORMS

The Cat has worms. Kryten spends 26mins extracting them with a pair of kitchen tongs.

[bloodteller]

NAANARCHY- talkie toaster gets his own set of nanobots and decides to annoy lister by making so much of his favourite bread that he wont actually be able to eat it all. lister eats all the naans anyway because he likes curry that much i guess

meanwhile rimmer learns the art of fortune telling via tarot cards, mistakenly believing he can use this power to manipulate time and space itself. what actually happens is he just shuffles some cards around and then accidentally drops half the arcana on the floor because hes a fucking loser

[bloodteller]

TIKKA TO BRIDE- lister likes curry so much that he marries it. unfortunately his attempts to consumate the marriage end in disaster, and he ultimately drowns to death in masala.

meanwhile rimmer learns necromancy, believing he can use it to bring himself back to life. unfortunately it just brings the recently deceased lister back who is still covered in curry from his honeymoon escapades.

[Dave]

NECROCRACY

AKA ‘the one where everyone’ s learning necromancy’.

[Dave]

XYLOPHONIA

AKA ‘the one where everyone’s playing the xylophone’.

[Dave]

KILLER SONY, HUH?

AKA ‘the one where everyone gets a PS4 Pro’.

[Dave]

CZECHOCRACY

AKA ‘the one where everyone’s from the Czech Republic’.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SLIPPER

Rimmer goes on a journey through the multiverse to find the most comfortable slippers. When he finally does he returns home only for Cat to take a bit shit in them

[cwickham]

DIPPER

Rimmer gets into a swimming pool, but not completely.

[cwickham]

QUIPPER

Rimmer makes some cutting remarks.

[cwickham]

RIPPER

Rimmer travels back in time to meet Jack the Ripper. Doug asks the latter to tone it down for fear of offending people.

[cwickham]

HIPPER

Everyone becomes much cooler.

[cwickham]

TIPPER

Rimmer is nice to a waiter.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ZIPPER

Kryten has to mend a zipper on Lister’s trousers

[Warbodog]

SHAM SURVEY

Celeb Red Dwarf fans Sir Patrick Stewart, Noel Edmonds, Mr. Blobby and Eternal are made to complete a poll ranking all 73 episodes of Red Dwarf in exam conditions. They then have to give a short, unrehearsed speech (1-2 minutes) explaining what it is about their number one episode that they love so much, which must recognisably be about an actual episode rather than making vague generalisations or just falling over. Surprisingly, Mr. Blobby’s talk isn’t the most incoherent.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KIPPER TO RIDE

Owing to his endless bravery, kipper levels across the multiverse are running low. Ace goes on a daring mission to find the last kipper in the universe for breakfast. It goes smoothly with no unintended consequences.

[Dave]

CROAK ME A NIPPER

Ace Rimmer becomes a hitman who specialises in killing children.

[Dave]

TIKKA FLUORIDE

To aid Mr Lister’s personal hygiene, Kryten develops a curry-flavoured toothpaste.

[Dave]

BEYOND A TOKE

During a late-night smoking session, Lister accuses Cat of ‘bogarting’ a joint.

[Dave]

DNR

When Lister’s experimentation with a piece of genome-rewriting technology leads to him falling into a coma, the crew discuss whether to revive him.

[Dave]

TODYSNATCHER

After many years, the crew of Red Dwarf finally try and solve the mystery of what the fuck has happened to Todhunter.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DRMe2

The crew question how a copy of Rimmer’s personality disc was able to be made and stored outside the sleeping quarters when holo-discs are famed for having tight DRM management. Starting Lars Ulrich as JMCs onboard computer lawyer.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TODDYSWAP

Cat swaps his nighttime warm milk for Lister’s Hot Toddy, but was it an accident?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WASTE OF TIME

A group of fan on a forum come to the realisation they may have wasted an awful lot of time making episode based puns. It’s decided that it’s actually quite delightful waste of time because they haven’t discussed politics.

[Author]

Replies