Misheard lines

[bloodteller]

not exactly a misheard line, but i only just realised this morning the Marooned line about “your ball landing in Lister’s buttock crevice” is implying the ball actually lands up his arsecrack- i always thought it meant the ball landed in the imprint in the sand that his bum made during all the sex

[Warbodog]

It is about the sand imprint, Rimmer says “competition the next day.” Both cheeks, man.

[bloodteller]

maybe lister is still there the next day, face down in the sand

[Dave]

Logically of course the imprint on the sand would be deepest around each buttock, and would actually form a small peak at the point of contact with Lister’s buttock crevice.

Of course, you could argue that Rimmer is actually referring to the indentation made by the buttocks, but those would be more craters than crevices.

Perhaps it’s best not to overthink these things.

[clem]

I’ve always thought “Lister’s buttock crevice” meant his actual bum crack, but now I think Warbodog’s right about bloodteller having been right in the first place. Just looked it up and a niblick is a golf club used especially for playing out of bunkers, so I think Rimmer’s saying that Lister would make the bunker deeper/a big “crevice” in the sand with his big arse. Crater would be a better word though, I agree. Also, that would mean Rimmer assumes the girl went on top, which I suppose makes sense if he imagines she’s older and more experienced than the 12 year old first-timer Lister, and therefore took the lead?

[Ben Saunders]

I always thought it meant his arse crack, and never knew what a niblick was, but now my outlook on life has changed immeasurably

I think it does indeed mean the imprint in the sand, now that i think. About it

[Dave]

I do like the interpretation of it actually being his physical arse crack though, as silly and unlikely as that seems.

As though the golfer would be irritated, but would still have to go through with playing the shot to the best of their ability, despite being perched atop Lister’s (presumably) still-shagging body.

[Ben Saunders]

The more time goes on, the less shocking it becomes that somebody would lose their virginity at twelve, meaning modern audiences might view Rimmer’s exclamation as more of him being some kind of square who didn’t lose his until the ripe old age of fourteen. People below me as i was leaving school certainly wouldn’t bat an eyelid at such a story. Doesn’t make the punchline any less funny, though.

[bloodteller]

>I do like the interpretation of it actually being his physical arse crack though, as silly and unlikely as that seems.

yeah, i think it’s funnier that way.

[RickLee84]

I believe he said “soda bread” which is a famous Irish bread.

[RickLee84]

Jesus, why is the editing of posts borked on this site?

I was responding to bloodteller’s post (#230660)

[Ben Saunders]

Edit/quoting has never worked on the forum posts, only the articles, correct me if I’m wrong. Can still quote if you know HTML or whatever but I always fuck that up so don’t bother anymore.

[Dave]

You just do this.

[blockquote]quoted text[/blockquote]

But with pointy < > brackets instead of square ones.

[bloodteller]

again, not a misheard line but when I was younger I assumed the ending of Quarantine was implying that Lister, Cat and Kryten had all caught the holovirus too and Rimmer would have to watch them slowly die from it. this genuinely horrified me and for ages i wondered how the hell they got out of that situation

but it’s actually just them basically trolling rimmer for a laugh, isn’t it? it still seems unclear

[Pete Part Three]

[Mind blown]

[Dave]

The big question is where they got the exactly matching gingham dresses from.

[International Debris]

Danny always looks uncomfortable in that scene. Bobby and Craig really go for it, but Danny just sort of sits there, bouncing a little bit, with an awkward grin on his face.

[Warbodog]

A bit of luck virus could rustle up the three exact costumes you’re wishing for no problem, just try not to accidentally bump into a go-back-to-Earth-in-our-own-time-and-Kochanski’s-alive drive while you’re doing it.

I only just realised that Rimmer finding the luck virus in the crashed Starbug in VIII means they had it all along when they were trying to catch up with Red Dwarf for 200+ years and it could have been handy. VIII keeps on giving.

[International Debris]

The viruses were handily stored in Starbug’s cockpit.

[Ben Saunders]

They used the luck virus, but they didn’t find Red Dwarf. They found each other. Because it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey, and the real Red Dwarf is the friends you make along the way.

[bloodteller]

>means they had it all along when they were trying to catch up with Red Dwarf for 200+ years

somewhat unrelated, but do the events of Rimmerworld technically mean that Red Dwarf is a further 600+ years away? no wonder they’d lost all trace of it by Out Of Time

[Ben Saunders]

Do they not specifically mention that? I can’t remember but i always got the feeling they knew

[Dave]

somewhat unrelated, but do the events of Rimmerworld technically mean that Red Dwarf is a further 600+ years away?

I don’t see why. Time runs much faster inside the wormhole, so although Rimmer has to live through 600 years of relative time, the rest of the universe runs at normal speed.

Presumably they only spend a few hours on Rimmerworld and then get back out of the wormhole, where only a matter of seconds will have passed.

[Moonlight]

In America, Cluedo is called Clue.

I always heard it as: “Clue, though? You can be Colonel Mustard.”

[RamesesNiblickTheThird]

Craig’s accent is really hard to understand at times in the early series. Then he left Liverpool and sold out like the Beatles and I could understand him better.

[bloodteller]

when i first watched Dear Dave, for some reason i thought “slag” meant the same thing as “slog”, so i took the punchline as lister just moaning that the whole thing was an absolute waste of time since he wasn’t the father.

[Ben Saunders]

That would describe the episode itself rather well x

[Moonlight]

As a child I thought Rasputin was Jesus and describing him as “the most hated man of his era” was a slam against Christianity, and so I was afraid to ever watch the episode when family were around.

[Jimboid]

> again, not a misheard line but when I was younger I assumed the ending of Quarantine was implying that Lister, Cat and Kryten had all caught the holovirus too

That’s surely what’s supposed to have happened, no?

I always assumed that to be the case. Though it’s confusing how they appear with a hologrammatic “shooom”, though…seeing as how they’re not holograms. Or is it supposed to be a viewscreen rather than a window?

Who’s eating this chicken?

[Jimboid]

(and yes, Danny is a bit shit at acting mental).

[International Debris]

The ‘shoom’ is the lights coming on. How could they catch a holovirus?

[bloodteller]

surely them catching the virus makes more sense, though? lister, cat and kryten deciding to kit up in identical gingham dresses, seal rimmer in quarantine and then troll him for a laugh because he was mentally unwell doesn’t really feel like something the characters would do.

[bloodteller]

there’s no way Cat would wear such an ugly dress out of his own free will, for example

[International Debris]

I think the joke is “you put us through hell, so this is your punishment”, although frankly he deserves it after putting them in single berth quarantine with only sprouts and minimal entertainment. He’s extra cunty in the opening part of the episode.
But yes, although visually amusing it’s conceptually a pretty weak joke, it has to be said. But it still makes more sense to me than Lister and Cat effectively catching a computer virus.

[Jimboid]

Surely the joke is that the virus has somehow transferred to them? I mean …surely?

That’s what I’m sticking with. Otherwise it’s an VIII level gag. I won’t let Quarantine be ruined for me, damn it.

[bloodteller]

yeah, i think it works better if you assume they caught the virus as well. it’s a darker and better ending to the episode than “they dress up in gingham dresses for the lulz”

[bloodteller]

*The observation window depolarises, revealing CAT, LISTER, and KRYTEN dressed in identical white labcoats, mopheads and comically large false teeth in their mouths.*

KRYTEN: But don’t worry.
LISTER: We’re here to entertain ya!

*LISTER assualts Kochanski as KRYTEN pulls some silly faces and CAT does a tapdance.*

[Warbodog]

There are other “how did they survive that?” endings (Polymorph, Legion), so I can sort of see that interpretation. But it seems clear it’s a “payback lol” ending (Marooned, Meltdown, Demons and Angels), only more elaborate.

Does anyone remember being too young and innocent not to know what “the all-time number one” meant? I saw it when I was about 13, so very much aware.

[Ben Saunders]

>troll him for a laugh because he was mentally unwell doesn’t really feel like something the characters would do.
Well when you put it like that it sounds horrible. But when you remember what Rimmer put them through, they’re just getting revenge on him with a little bit of banter. I’m sure they let him out again shortly after. They definitely didn’t catch the holovirus and that wouldn’t even be a joke, imo.

[Ben Saunders]

The ending of Meltdown isn’t the IV ending I’d depict as cruel, it’s the one where they watch Lister fall down a manhole probably several feet onto a metal surface, and look down on him as if ready to spit on him and close the hatch, because he deserves it for rambling a little.

Is there any other point in the series where light-bees without their hologram are depicted as having sentience/speaking? Or is it just for that one (pretty horrible) gag. Can Rimmer see what’s going on, feel or smell it in any way? Can holograms smell? That bit with Lister’s moon boots suggests they might, but then he could just be turning his nose up because he remembers what they smell(ed) like.

[Plastic Percy]

He can smell the smoke of Lister’s fire in ‘Marooned’ and recognises it as burning camphor wood.

[bloodteller]

>they’re just getting revenge on him with a little bit of banter. I’m sure they let him out again shortly after.

earlier in the episode they were so sick of Rimmer that they were perfectly willing to turn him off forever so they could have Lanstrom onboard ship. chances are if they sealed him in quarantine they’ll be keeping him there for a long time, which is rather an unpleasant thought. they do the same in Mechocracy, where they just leave him in the garbage hold for days (for some reason?)

[bloodteller]

>it’s the one where they watch Lister fall down a manhole probably several feet onto a metal surface

you hear the splash of water a couple of seconds after he falls, so presumably it was actually a sewer. still, either way it’s a pretty dodgy ending to the episode.

[bloodteller]

there’s also the ending of Demons & Angels, where Rimmer and Cat decide to rob Lister of his free will and manipulate his body via a spinal implant for “just one week”. what are they planning to do with him?

a fair few episodes seem to end with one of the main characters getting tortured in some way or another, don’t they?

[Lily]

>a fair few episodes seem to end with one of the main characters getting tortured in some way or another, don’t they?

This is one reason I’ve never understood the upset over the end of Tikka. Violence between the guys isn’t new, especially when in Quarantine you see they’ve beaten the crap out of each other.

[Ben Saunders]

I think it being actually shown almost-explicitly might bother people. That, and the fact that it happens in VII, and I absolutely -do- think there is an element of forgiveness given to older episodes which is not applied to later ones, although to what degree it’s hard to say.

>you hear the splash of water a couple of seconds after he falls
I re-watched it before I commented and I am 100% sure it is the sound of metal, not water. Let me check again. [checks] …

Alright, he hits metal [twice] and THEN hits water, so it must have been a LONG way down.

Also, the ending of Justice contains the most painfully obvious running up-and-back-down of the same corridor the show has seen since… DNA? There’s at least one pretty obvious moment in V as well, and of course several in X, XI and XII.

[RickLee84]

Justice was on the other day and I remember seeing the end and not noticing before the obvious re-use of the same corridor, but they did disguise it well with the boys walking around some stuff on the floor and the camera panning around as they did it to make it look like they were going down a different corridor. Until watching it that time, I never really registered that they walked down the corridor they just walked up from.

[bloodteller]

>This is one reason I’ve never understood the upset over the end of Tikka.

honestly, out of all the occasions where the posse have beaten each other up, Tikka To Ride is one where I think lister deserves it. he tricks the crew into using a machine that previously got them all killed just so he can have a curry, destroys civilisation from 1963 onwards, forces JFK to commit suicide-and after all this, he hasn’t learnt a thing and just moans about curry again. what a bastard

[Dave]

I remember a friend of mine not having a problem with the beating per se, but being upset that Rimmer instigated it, which didn’t feel in keeping with his cowardly nature.

[International Debris]

The only problem I have with the Tikka one is that that amount of beating would pretty much have killed him.

[Ben Saunders]

>Until watching it that time, I never really registered that they walked down the corridor they just walked up from.
But it’s so obvious! They show the little bit they turn around in clearly in the shot of them going back up and it’s plain as day that there is only one corridor there

>Cowardly nature
With Out of time having just happened i think Rimmer is perfectly capable of the extreme display of bravery that is beating up Lister

[bloodteller]

>The only problem I have with the Tikka one is that that amount of beating would pretty much have killed him.

to be fair, Cat getting his head smashed in with a shovel in Justice would have killed him as well. Red Dwarf usually seems to do comedy violence rather than a realistic representation of it

[Ben Saunders]

Rimmer mutilating his genitals in VIII as well

[bloodteller]

don’t know which episode it is, but there’s also one where Cat gets poked in the eyes and there’s a comedy schlopp sound

it’s all usually silly violence, even the pub fight in Backwards which i’m pretty sure several people would at least be unbleeding from

[Warbodog]

>don’t know which episode it is, but there’s also one where Cat gets poked in the eyes and there’s a comedy schlopp sound

I really hoped you were somehow confusing Cat with Richie from Bottom, then I remembered it’s Bodyswap.

[International Debris]

Oh yeah, the violence in the show is definitely exaggerated for comic effect, it’s just more the fact that the other three are pretty much killing Lister that just feels very wrong to me. Just a little step too far.

[Hamish]

Besides, you don’t have to be brave to engage in violence as part of a mob.

[bloodteller]

at the end of Blue when Kryten says “Sigmund Freud, eat your heart out!” i thought he was saying “Sigmund Droid” and it was like a futuristic android version of the famous psychoanalyst. turns out it isnt and now i feel slightly disappointed because Sigmund Droid sounds rather cool

[Moonlight]

“From Ganymede to Titan, yes syrup around!”

Partially Craig Charles’ fault, I’d argue.

[Ben Saunders]

Oh, when I was young I had no idea what the FUCK Craig was singing when he said “Lunar City Seven”, and went through probably dozens of iterations of what I thought it could possibly be, before seeing it written down on the internet and thinking OH.

[International Debris]

Having read Infinity before getting the Remastered videos, I knew the lyrics already, and was very disappointed when “You good old artificially terraformed settlement” was rendered “You good old toddlin’ town” in Future Echoes.

[Ben Saunders]

Lol, I’d like to see them try to fit those words into any kind of coherent melody

[Ian Symes]

Chris has a stab in the audiobook.

[Ian Symes]

Chris has a stab in the audiobook.

[Bargain Bin Holly]

>they do the same in Mechocracy, where they just leave him in the garbage hold for days (for some reason?)

Well only Cat locked Rimmer in the garbage hold, since Lister asks where Rimmer is he wasn’t involved and you can assume since Kryten wasn’t either.

Cat locked Rimmer in there cause Rimmer blackmailed Cat for half the episode, and also side-note who’s to say Talkie Toaster wasn’t put back in the crew’s quarters but just got temporarily put in the garbage hold by Cat to further annoy Rimmer. Since Lister asks, “What, alone?”, he wouldn’t say that if they hadn’t moved Talkie out of there.

[Warbodog]

I originally thought Hercule Platini’s name was “Er-cool,” some kind of genuine but laughably showy name.

I thought Rimmer calling Legion “Le Jean” was another pop culture reference I didn’t understand, rather than him just putting on a French accent to show how cultured he is (I assume).

[Dave]

I have seen people call him ‘Air Cool’ Platini too.

[Ian Symes]

There’s also this, from TOS:

[Dave]

Well it probably is Air Cooled, it sounds like it.

[International Debris]

“New Kochanski”??

[Warbodog]

Alternate Back to Reality Kochanski.

[International Debris]

Ha, I forgot you even see her.

[flanl3]

FUCK Craig

[Plastic Percy]

“everytime I see that charwood body it drives me crazy”

[Warbodog]

“There hasn’t been prison gilch that can hold… ceramel fines.”

Not being familiar with Sir Ranulph Fiennes or remembering the relevant scene in Rimmerworld when I first watched the Smeg Ups video, I didn’t know what to make of that. The bars in the cell window are made of ceramel, held in place by very strong gilch, and Craig made a smeg up in there somewhere?

[bloodteller]

For years and years, until just the other day, I thought the line at the end of Psirens was “besides, the Cat has invited me to the weekly craft game”. Turns out it’s “crap”, which is a type of card game. I always thought “craft game” sounded weird, but it never irked me enough to look it up until now

[bloodteller]

Maybe it was Minecraft

[International Debris]

I honestly had no idea what a “crap game” was and just thought it was some humorously named thing that slobby old Lister had invented.

[Warbodog]

I didn’t know what the hell was going on at the end of Tikka Xtended when I was 12.

“Nice going on the [ediatic gas] front, sir. We almost lasted a full five seconds there.”

Rimmer tricked Lister into pulling the lever that releases toxic ediatic gas, which is why the door sealed him on the other side as a protective measure and jettisoned him to safety. Kryten sarcastically applauds Rimmer for what he thinks was his blunder and for his slow walk to the other airlock, which would have killed them both in less than five seconds if either of them had needed to breathe.

Then I asked my dad if Lister’s curried napkin was one of those fabled “poppadoms” I’d heard about.

[clem]

Poppadoms, deely-boppers, niblick, dysentery, slide rule, hummus and taramasalata – didn’t know what any of those things were before I heard them mentioned in Red Dwarf.

Craps is a dice game, hence Cat’s line about cuboid Kryten being the dice.

[Ben Saunders]

Tangentially related, but my brother showed me Only The Good when I was something like 9, downloaded off of Limewire and played through Windows Media Player. He completely skipped over the “fantastic period” scene, feeling that it was too inappropriate for a boy my age,. Of course, this just made me curious, so I snuck into his room later to watch it by myself. It didn’t do me any real harm, but I was convinced for a couple of years that when women have their periods, the blood comes out blue (if I even thought it was blood at that point), due to the “pouring blue stuff in tight white jeans” line. Once I realised it wasn’t, I was still bewildered by what the fuck that line meant for years and years and years, until we discussed it on this site I believe. And I’m still not sure

[clem]

It’s the adverts, isn’t it? Those TV adverts for sanitary towels where they pour blue liquid onto them to show how absorbent they are.

[Warbodog]

Blue stuff.

Presumably red would freak people out. Your brother was overreacting, periods are as normal as it gets and to shield kids from them can make them grow up confused and unable to fully understand Red Dwarf jokes. Or worse, a Stephen King’s Carrie type situation.

[clem]

This has reminded me that I didn’t know what Mr Bean was on about when he described the blue Mr Bean video as the “sort of BLOOD coloured one… if you’re royal.”

[Pete Part Three]

>Only The Good… downloaded off of Limewire… and played through Windows Media Player.

Punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

[si]

*ahem*

Way back when, I used to think that, in Back To Reality, Lister says, “Either we try to persuade it that we’re not that kind of oceanic salvage vessel, or”… (and this is where I made my mishearing) …”we Starbug pronto.”
Which makes absolutely no sense, but it’s just the speed at which Craig delivers the line.

*wanders off, wishing that bloody Edit comment feature worked*

[curtis]

I only figured out the other day that the line ‘natural yoghurt eaters’ means ‘people who eat natural yoghurt,’ and not, as I thought, ‘people who are predisposed to eating yoghurt.’ I always thought that was a weird joke.

[q u i n n _ d r u m m e r]

it’s the emphasis Craig puts on “natural” that does that one, because I’m sure I’ve thought of it that way before until I realised that was a bit stupid and it was ‘natural yoghurt’ he was referring to.

[bloodteller]

i think the joke works either way. eating yoghurt is fucking bizarre, natural or not

[International Debris]

Eating yoghurt is a perfectly normal thing to do, and something that millions worldwide do on a daily basis.

[q u i n n _ d r u m m e r]

This is bloodteller we’re talking about here though, if anyone was going to have a problem with yoghurt it was going to be her

[Toxteth O-Grady]

I always thought it meant ‘people who are predisposed to eating yoghurt’ right up until I just saw this thread.
It’s kind of ruined it for me now, though. I think that the ‘people who eat natural yoghurt’ meaning is much less funnier.

[Ben Saunders]

Yeah, decrying people for eating yoghurt is funnier, I always read it like that

[Unrumble]

Not so much misheard as misunderstood, and apologies if this has already been mentioned in the preceding 400 posts:

Until very, very recently, I heard it as ‘Rasta Billy Skank’, as in the name of an artist/person.

It’s only within the last few months that it clicked it was ‘rastabilly’ like ‘rockabilly’. I think cos I saw it written somewhere.

Over 20 years of misunderstanding 🤦🏼‍♂️

[Kris Carter]

Not so much misheard as misunderstood, and apologies if this has already been mentioned in the preceding 400 posts:

Until very, very recently, I heard it as ‘Rasta Billy Skank’, as in the name of an artist/person.
It’s only within the last few months that it clicked it was ‘rastabilly’ like ‘rockabilly’. I think cos I saw it written somewhere.
Over 20 years of misunderstanding

No, no, me too.

[q u i n n _ d r u m m e r]

I was today years old when that became clear to me.

[International Debris]

I always assumed that too. I think it’s still meant to be an artist or band, but I’d never made the rockabilly connection.

[tombow]

I didn’t really get the jokes in the novel about which side Rimmer “dresses on”. I still don’t really. Maybe I only wear loose clothes or something. I mean I know now what it means, I guess it just came from an era of tighter trousers.

[Pete Part Three]

It’s all a load of bollocks.

[Renegade Rob]

For years I could never make out what Lister said to Kryten after they leave the AR detective simulation, and only after getting Son of Soup did I learn that he’s saying next time he’ll give Kryten some money and send him to the pictures. Even knowing that, I still can’t really make it out, but there’s still an audience laugh. Now I’m an American, so do I just not have the ear for it and the audience did understand it and laugh at it or was it added later?

Also speaking of laughter, how did Series VIII tapings work? Was there legitimate audience laughter? If so, what were they even laughing at?

[Author]

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