Forum Replies Created

Viewing 100 posts - 1 through 100 (of 2,071 total)
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  • in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262648
    cwickham
    Participant

    SCISSOR/ROSSICS

    Rimmer crosses over into a mirror universe where everyone is made of scissors.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262646
    cwickham
    Participant

    ONLY THE NUDE

    Doug is arrested for public indecency.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262643
    cwickham
    Participant

    ESTONELY THE GOOD

    New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Rimmer escaped to Estonia, somehow.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262638
    cwickham
    Participant

    WHO DO YOU THINK YOU KARMA

    Documentary on the history of the karma drive.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262637
    cwickham
    Participant

    HARMER

    The karma drive comes back, and causes everyone great harm.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262636
    cwickham
    Participant

    STARMER

    The karma drive comes back, and turns everyone into Keir Starmer.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262635
    cwickham
    Participant

    PARMA

    The karma drive comes back, and turns everyone into ham.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262634
    cwickham
    Participant

    LLAMA

    The karma drive comes back, and turns everyone into llamas.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262633
    cwickham
    Participant

    JSP

    The DNA machine comes back, and turns Lister into a really annoying journalist.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262632
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE FIRST 8,419 IDEAS

    Comprehensive documentary on the first 3.37% of this thread.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262626
    cwickham
    Participant

    REET PETE

    Pete comes back and dances to Jackie Wilson’s “Reet Petite” with Blue Midget. Episode abandoned after worldwide protests by Red Dwarf fans.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262625
    cwickham
    Participant

    BONEYSNATCHER

    All of Lister’s Boney M records are stolen.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262624
    cwickham
    Participant

    BODYTHATCHER

    The DNA machine comes back, and gives Lister the body of Margaret Thatcher.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262623
    cwickham
    Participant

    BODYNACHOER

    The DNA machine comes back, and gives Lister a body made entirely of nachos.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262618
    cwickham
    Participant

    DELAYED REACTION JUMP

    Fuck my arse we’re on the eighty-fifth page

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262617
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE LAST CLIPPY

    Hudzen 10 arrives on board Red Dwarf after learning the ship is still running Microsoft Office 97, which has been obsolete for over three million years.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262616
    cwickham
    Participant

    THANKS FOR THE CLIPPY

    Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the Microsoft Office assistant.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262615
    cwickham
    Participant

    CLIPPYTEN

    Early draft of “Kryten” where the titular character was in fact a futuristic version of the Microsoft Office assistant. Had to be rewritten when Paul Jackson pointed out Microsoft Office 97 wouldn’t be invented for another eight years.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262614
    cwickham
    Participant

    CLIPPYSWAP

    Lister swaps jobs with the Microsoft Office assistant.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262613
    cwickham
    Participant

    CLIPPYMORPH

    The crew discover a genetically engineered lifeform that can turn into different Microsoft Office assistants.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262612
    cwickham
    Participant

    NANATROCITY

    Kryten has all his nanobots put to death.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262611
    cwickham
    Participant

    NANARCHIE

    Kryten has a small penis.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262610
    cwickham
    Participant

    NAN ARCH CLIPPY

    The crew discover the mother of the creator of Microsoft Office assistant Clippy under an archway.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262609
    cwickham
    Participant

    CLIPPER

    Rimmer skips from parallel universe to parallel universe, looking for one where Microsoft Office assistant Clippy never existed.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262608
    cwickham
    Participant

    GEORGE EUSTICE

    Rimmer’s defence in his murder trial is given by an incompetent cabinet minister.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262607
    cwickham
    Participant

    GENIUSTICE

    Rimmer’s defence in his murder trial is given by one of the other, more obscure Microsoft Office assistants.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262606
    cwickham
    Participant

    STOKE ME A CLIPPY

    Rimmer is tracked down by Clippy, and tasked with carrying on his legacy as the assistant in the new version of Microsoft Office.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262605
    cwickham
    Participant

    BONZICONIA

    Holly’s mind is uploaded into a virtual assistant which is really a load of malware.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262604
    cwickham
    Participant

    NETSCAPER

    Rimmer enters a parallel universe where Red Dwarf is powered by the obsolete browser Netscape Navigator.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262591
    cwickham
    Participant

    MADELEYMORPH

    The crew encounter a genetically engineered life form that bears a remarkable resemblance to Alan Partridge.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262587
    cwickham
    Participant

    TOPPERMORPH

    The crew encounter a genetically engineered life form that can change into various different characters from a DC Thomson comic published between 1953 and 1990.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262582
    cwickham
    Participant

    JOLLYMORPH

    Abandoned 1990 Christmas special where the second Polymorph comes back and impersonates Father Christmas. Not produced after Rob and Doug learnt Father Christmas isn’t real midway through the shoot and aborted production in floods of tears.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262567
    cwickham
    Participant

    WHYMORPH

    Tony Hart gets all existential.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262559
    cwickham
    Participant

    BONEY THE FROOD

    Napoleon Bonaparte is inexplicably revealed as a fan of the works of Douglas Adams.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262557
    cwickham
    Participant

    BONOMORPH

    The crew encounter a genetically altered life form which can sing “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262552
    cwickham
    Participant

    FUNNY, BACK IN THE RED & ON TV

    A contradiction in terms.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262536
    cwickham
    Participant

    GORD DOWN ON IT

    Gordon Kennedy releases an ill-advised cover of the Kool & the Gang song “Get Down on It”.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262535
    cwickham
    Participant

    DAVID N/A

    Craig David is deemed irrelevant.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262534
    cwickham
    Participant

    DAVID.N.A.

    The DNA machine comes back, and turns Lister and Cat into Craig David.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262533
    cwickham
    Participant

    DAVID IN THE RED

    Due to a hilarious booking mix-up, Craig David is hired to play both Lister and Cat.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262532
    cwickham
    Participant

    GORDICONIA

    All the Dwarfers have their minds uploaded into clones of Gordon Kennedy, who receives five paychecks for this episode.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262531
    cwickham
    Participant

    GORDOCRACY

    Gordon Kennedy is elected CEO of Grant Naylor Productions, and makes another 64 series of Red Dwarf starring Hudzen as the new main character.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262530
    cwickham
    Participant

    ONLY THE GORD

    Gordon Kennedy is revealed as the one who saved Red Dwarf from the chameleonic microbe.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262529
    cwickham
    Participant

    WAITING FOR GORD

    Gordon Kennedy is revealed as the true God of the Cat race.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262525
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTEEN

    Whilst on planet leave, Lister goes to an Indian restaurant to have a curry. The curry costs 1.40 dollarpounds per serving.

    However, the curry is so hot that for every dish Lister eats, he will need to eat one and a half bowls of ice cream. Ice cream costs 70 pennycents per serving, and the restaurant will not serve half portions.

    The ice cream is so gooey that for every bowl of it Lister eats, he’ll need three drinks to wash it down. Drinks cost 30 pennycents per serving.

    If Lister has 12 dollarpounds, how many portions of curry can he get through?

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262513
    cwickham
    Participant

    KENNEDYWAVE

    Something which a desire to do caused the President’s death.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262511
    cwickham
    Participant

    KENNEDYWAVE

    A stream of Gordon Kennedy-related puns fills an entire page of ideas for episodes within 24 hours.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262491
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DON’T UNDERSTAND, ALL WE DID IS SAVE GORDON KENNEDY’S LIFE

    Disaster is narrowly averted on the set of The Last Day when Gordon Kennedy really is troubled by the metaphysical implications of there being no Silicon Heaven.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262488
    cwickham
    Participant

    GOOGLING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy discovers this page of G&T whilst searching the web for his own name, and is extremely confused.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262456
    cwickham
    Participant

    BLING BLING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy buys lots of jewellery.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262455
    cwickham
    Participant

    SHINING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy goes insane after accepting a job as caretaker in a remote hotel.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262454
    cwickham
    Participant

    FILING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy goes for a manicure.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262453
    cwickham
    Participant

    FILING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy files a lawsuit against Ganymede & Titan because of three people who keep on making bizarre allegations about him because they can form the basis of tortured puns on a line he said in an episode of Red Dwarf 31 years ago.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262452
    cwickham
    Participant

    KAYAKING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy goes kayaking.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262451
    cwickham
    Participant

    KAYA RING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy proposes marriage to the actress Kaya Scodelario.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262450
    cwickham
    Participant

    HIGH WING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy becomes a wing walker.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262449
    cwickham
    Participant

    HIGH MING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy foolishly places all his priceless Ming vases on very tall, narrow sidetables.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262448
    cwickham
    Participant

    FRYING SLIME!

    Gordon Kennedy sets all his slime on fire.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262447
    cwickham
    Participant

    BUYING SLIME!

    Gordon Kennedy corners the world market in slime.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262446
    cwickham
    Participant

    HIGHLAND TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy returns to his home country.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262444
    cwickham
    Participant

    GUILING FINE!

    Gordon Kennedy goes into politics, quickly becomes a treasury minister, and introduces some deceptive new taxes.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262443
    cwickham
    Participant

    GUILING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy acts all deceitful.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262442
    cwickham
    Participant

    RECITING FINE!

    Gordon Kennedy is praised for his performance at a poetry recital.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262441
    cwickham
    Participant

    TILING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy does some DIY work on his bathroom.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262438
    cwickham
    Participant

    JIVING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy signs up for the new series of Strictly Come Dancing.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262437
    cwickham
    Participant

    JIBING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy makes some jibes.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262436
    cwickham
    Participant

    AISLING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy pitches a sequel to The Last Day where Hudzen falls in love with a mechanoid played by Aisling Bea.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262435
    cwickham
    Participant

    DIALLING A NINE!

    Gordon Kennedy calls for an ambulance.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262433
    cwickham
    Participant

    STYING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy decides to live the rest of his life as a pig.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262432
    cwickham
    Participant

    ADVENTURE TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy reprises his role as Hudzen in order to kill Finn and Jake.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262430
    cwickham
    Participant

    KIM JONG TIME!

    After moving to North Korea, Gordon Kennedy forms an unlikely friendship.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262429
    cwickham
    Participant

    PIEING VINE!

    Gordon Kennedy posts videos to the Internet of him throwing custard pies in peoples’ faces.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262427
    cwickham
    Participant

    LYING RHYME!

    Gordon Kennedy composes a libellous song about Keith Allen.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262425
    cwickham
    Participant

    FLYING SLIME!

    Gordon Kennedy is hit by somebody’s projectile vomiting.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262423
    cwickham
    Participant

    DYING MIME!

    Gordon Kennedy laments the death of mime as an art form.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262422
    cwickham
    Participant

    BUYING A MINE!

    Gordon Kennedy purchases some explosive devices.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262421
    cwickham
    Participant

    DYING A LIME!

    Gordon Kennedy starts a business where he paints fruit different colours and sells them to restaurants.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262420
    cwickham
    Participant

    TRYING TIME! PART TWO

    Gordon Kennedy recalls his experiences of working with Keith Allen on Robin Hood.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262419
    cwickham
    Participant

    BIDEN TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy announces his endorsement in the US election.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262418
    cwickham
    Participant

    MAYAN TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy becomes a time traveller.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262417
    cwickham
    Participant

    TRYING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy has a very trying time.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262416
    cwickham
    Participant

    RYING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy becomes a farmer, but the only thing he harvests is rye.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262415
    cwickham
    Participant

    VYING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy vies for a TV return for Absolutely.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262414
    cwickham
    Participant

    SIGHING TIME! PART TWO

    Gordon Kennedy remembers the ending of the second series of Robin Hood where the showrunners took total leave of their senses, and the total production clusterfuck on the third series.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262413
    cwickham
    Participant

    SIGHING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy remembers that time the producers of Robin Hood left him outside a Hungarian hospital in a wheelbarrow after he injured himself on set.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262402
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FIFTEEN

    Lister is tasked by Rimmer with repairing all of the broken clocks on board Red Dwarf. He takes six clocks and a list of their individual problems into his bunkroom, and starts by setting them all to the correct time at the start of the hour. He then gets distracted by fourteen pints of lager, and wakes up some time later, unsure what time it is.

    He looks at the six broken clocks, which currently read: 10.30, 3.25, 5.30, 8.00, 12.45, 7.05.

    According to his list, only Kochanski’s clock shows the correct time. Since being set, Rimmer’s clock will have lost 2 hours and 5 minutes. Petersen’s clock goes at exactly half speed. Hollister’s clock hasn’t worked ever since he sat on it. Chen’s clock gains 10 minutes every hour. Selby’s clock goes backwards.

    What time is it now?

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262396
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, OVERGROUND, POLYMORPHING FREE

    Test reel of footage shot by Mike Agnew for a proposed puppet-based CBBC spinoff starring the Polymorph, shot circa 1990.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262395
    cwickham
    Participant

    Oh ye gods we’re on the eighty-third page

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262374
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, THE END, WOMBLING FREE

    Alternative pilot episode recorded in 1987 where Lister was played by Bernard Cribbins.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262373
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, CURED, WOMBLING FREE

    Great Uncle Bulgaria is cured of evil.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262372
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, ENTANGLED, WOMBLING FREE

    Rewrite of Entangled after they discovered there were limits on how long the guy in the chimp costume could perform for, so Professor Edgington was actually a Womble.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262371
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, ONLY THE GOOD, WOMBLING FREE

    New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing the Wombles turned up and repaired the ship using everyday objects people had discarded on Wimbledon Common.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262370
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, RIMMERWORLD, WOMBLING FREE

    Rimmerworld comes back, and the Dwarfers discover it has been overrun with Wombles.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262369
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, WAITING FOR GOD, WOMBLING FREE

    The Cat reveals his race is not actually descended from cats at all, but Wombles.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262368
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNDERGROUND, MAROONED, WOMBLING FREE

    Lister and Rimmer get stuck on a crashed Starbug with Bernard Cribbins.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262359
    cwickham
    Participant

    CRIBBIN OF WORMS

    Cat has sex with Bernard Cribbins.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262358
    cwickham
    Participant

    CRIBBINSANDRA

    Bernard Cribbins predicts Rimmer’s death.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262357
    cwickham
    Participant

    BERNARD IN THE RED

    The nanobots come back, and recreate Bernard Cribbins.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262356
    cwickham
    Participant

    BERNARD A JOKE

    Kryten discovers that all Series 4000 mechanoids are based on Bernard Cribbins.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262355
    cwickham
    Participant

    BERNARD TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers realise they are all really Bernard Cribbins.

Viewing 100 posts - 1 through 100 (of 2,071 total)