Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

LUNNPOLYMORPH

A new breed of polymorph which can only turn into travel agents is discovered.

[cwickham]

SIX OF THE BEST

What will in no way be provided to finish off page 116.

[cwickham]

TICKS OF THE BEST

Cat gets some really high-quality fleas.

[cwickham]

BICS OF THE BEST

Rimmer gets some really high-quality pens.

[cwickham]

LICKS OF THE BEST

Cat drinks a saucer of really high-quality milk.

[Pete Part Three]

GIVEN, TAKEI

Shay Given and George Takei are both up for the same part in the new Red Dwarf special. Norman tries to persuade Doug to go with Given, simply because he needs someone to go in goal in the football match.

[cwickham]

GIVE AND LAKE

Lister has his kidneys removed and replaced with a large body of water.

[cwickham]

GIVE AND LAKERS

Lister has his kidneys removed and replaced with a basketball team.

[cwickham]

I’VE ALWAYS HAD A BIT OF A BLIND SPOT WITH ONE HUNDREDS, TENS AND SEVENS

G&T Admin wishes he could skip over the next page of the “Idea for an episode” thread.

[Warbodog]

PEARLS OF WISDOM THERE FROM MR FRIED EGG CHILI CHUTNEY SANDWICH FACE

The guys meet a very obscure living member of the Mr Potato Head range who tries to flog them some beads he claims belonged to a 20th century comedy actor.

[Pete Part Three]

POLYDORFF

A pleasure GELF, who has taken the form of somewhat popular actor Stephen Dorff, arrives on ship. He teaches the crew about polyamory.

[Pete Part Three]

EMOHAWKE: POLYDORFF 2

Sequel to Polydorff. Unfortunately, Stephen Dorff is not available, so he is replaced with Ethan Hawke. No one notices.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BLOODY WAP 2

Cardi B updates her hit song when she has her monthly.

[Jenuall]

SIX OF THE BLESSED

Sequel to Lemons where the actual Jesus returns with 50% of his crew

[Dave]

MELONS

“Lost” unproduced Series VIII episode in which the Boys From The Dwarf escape prison and go on a months-long time-travelling globetrotting quest with the goal of touching a woman’s tits.

[cwickham]

QUEK

Queeg returns, in the form of an Olympic hockey player.

[Dave]

BACON IN THE RED

When Lister realises that Red Dwarf’s stocks of bacon are down to the last rasher, the crew fight over who will get to eat it, even though only two of the four of them eat anything anyway, and also it would be easy to cut a rasher of bacon into multiple smaller pieces and share it out fairly.

[Dave]

BACON IN THE RED, PART TWO

Francis Bacon materialises on board Red Dwarf and demands that he should get to eat the last piece of bacon.

[Dave]

BACONWARDS

The crew stumble across a version of Earth where time runs on bacon.

[Dave]

TAKE OUT THE INHIBITOR, SWITCH ME BACON

When Holly experiments with an intelligence-compression technique, she inadvertently becomes obsessed with bacon.

[Dave]

I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK. BACON.

Lister prepares to play pool with planets by gorging on pork products.

[Jenuall]

I BROKE INTO THE SPERM BANK, BACON RED DWARF

The Psirens give away their illusion when Kochanski is unable to explain how she had Lister’s sons without mentioning pork products

[Warbodog]

AN OLD TRAMP STEAMER

Peter Wragg misinterprets a vague brief and scouts London’s homeless hangouts for coprolites to use as the basis of a spaceship design. When he realises his mistake, he hastily glues on bits of model kits and chucks on red paint, passing off the remainder as a ‘meteorite.’

[cwickham]

QUINT

Queeg returns five times simultaneously.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

QUINN

I appear on Red Dwarf as an elaborate practical joke.

[Warbodog]

QUICK

After a parent complains to Dave that Queeg was too scary for their pathetic child, the character’s voice is sped up on subsequent broadcasts to make him harder to take seriously and make more time for adverts.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

QUIM

Holly pretends to be a cunt to the crew but it’s fine as it’s just banter innit.

[Dave]

QUIT

After Norman Lovett flounces his way out of Red Dwarf with a list of outrageous contractual demands, Charles Augins is cast to permanently replace Lovett’s Holly as a new harder-edged ship’s computer in the last-recorded episode of Series II.

However, Augins himself also quits forever immmediately following his debut recording, vowing never to work with Paul Jackson again after some graphite from a snapped pencil is inadvertently flicked into his eye during a tense moment on set.

As a result, Grant Naylor are forced to hurriedly rewrite the ending of his episode to bring Lovett back, reordering the series so that Parallel Universe is last and Hattie Hayridge can be lined up as the next Holly instead.

It is only now that all the people involved have violated decades-old NDAs that this fateful story can be told.

[cwickham]

QUID

Norman Lovett is conned into returning to Red Dwarf at a significantly reduced salary of £1.

[cwickham]

QI

Norman Lovett makes an appearance on a facts-based panel show.

[cwickham]

QUEUE

Norman Lovett waits for ages to be let into the studio.

[cwickham]

Q

Norman Lovett takes on a recurring role in the James Bond movies.

[cwickham]

QUIFF

Norman Lovett unveils a new hairstyle.

[cwickham]

QUAIL

Norman Lovett loses courage.

[Dave]

THAT’S TRAGIC, GAAAAAWD IT’S TRAGIC

Rimmer watches all of Shakespeare’s tragedies and reacts in exactly the same way after each one.

[Dave]

THAT’S MAGIC, GAAAAAWD IT’S MAGIC

Rimmer becomes a huge fan of Paul Daniels.

[Dave]

THAT’S PELAGIC, GAAAAAWD IT’S PELAGIC

Rimmer returns to the ocean moon from Back To Reality to study the water column.

[Dave]

THAT’S POLYPHAGIC, GAAAAAWD IT’S POLYPHAGIC

Rimmer is disgusted by Lister’s excessive consumption of curries.

[cwickham]

HURSTICE

Kryten persuades the Justice Computer to suspend Lee Hurst’s Twitter account.

[Dave]

BAD-LEE SWAP

Twitter switches over management of Lee Hurst’s account to Stewart Lee.

[Dave]

THANKS FOR THE MEMO, LEE

Harassers of Chris Whitty wake up to realise that they’ve missed two days and all of Lee Hurst’s tweets supporting them have been erased.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LEE-GONE

My entire understanding of this culturally (in)significant moment in internet history has come from the last three posts which is both brilliant and a little concerning that this thread now has that sort of power.

[cwickham]

SILEECONIA

The Dwarfers’ minds are uploaded into the body of an anti-vaccination wanker.

[Dave]

THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVOID

Lee Hurst is recruited by GNP to redesign the Red Dwarf logo and does it really wonky.

[Dave]

I WANT TO HURST YOU. BECAUSE I’M NOT A VERY NICE PERSON.

Rimmer threatens to go on Twitter and encourage people to harass Lister.

[Dave]

WHITTY

When the crew encounter a retro-looking wit-dispensing robot, they encourage him to overlook his original purpose and grow to become something bigger and better, like the UK’s chief medical officer.

[Jenuall]

SHITE HOLE

The crew encounter a new phenomenon in space which is spewing out Lee Hurst’s twitter history

[Warbodog]

TOTORO IMMERSION

Lister gets obsessed with a whimsical children’s film as a grown man.

[Dave]

YES, IT HURT TO DO IT, BUT IT WAS HER BEST SHIT AT HOPPINESS

Kryten tricks Camille into treading on a turd as part of an elaborate plan to teach her how to walk on one leg.

[Pete Part Three]

TEENAGE MUTANT GINGHAM HILLBILLIES

Lindy Lou, the daughter and niece of slack-jawed yokel Zeke, makes a startling discovery about her pregnancy.

[Author]

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