Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

VAC TO REALITY

The Dwarfers do the hoovering.

[cwickham]

FRACK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers are not environmentally conscious.

[cwickham]

WACK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers use hipster slang.

[cwickham]

ACK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers make expressions of alarm.

[cwickham]

CACK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers shit themselves.

[cwickham]

GUAC TO REALITY

The Dwarfers eat guacamole.

[cwickham]

QUEK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers all win gold medals in hockey.

[cwickham]

READY BREK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers eat an oat-based breakfast cereal.

[cwickham]

PAGE BREAK TO REALITY

Fuck my arse page 122 etc. etc.

[Pete Part Three]

GAP IN THE THREAD

Upon realising that he hasn’t looked at the “Idea for an episode” thread for about two weeks, a poster briefly considers clicking on Page 121 to see if he’s missed any hilariously funny posts.

[Jenuall]

THAT WAS FIRST DEGREE POSTERCIDE!

A poster suffers an unfortunate fate when making the unwise choice to look back on previous entries in the Idea for an episode thread

[Warbodog]

BACKWARDS PREDICTIONS

– It turns out Pizzak’Rapp is really Pparka’Zzip, a kindly simulant who’s been unknowingly causing mayhem since he was marooned from his native universe centuries ago. They give him the coat Kryten stole and send him back.

– Ace repairs Holly, who informs them that the agonoids have one fatal weakness: semen.

– The virile Lister and Cat masturbate more furiously than ever, physically ageing 10 years from the strain. Kryten collects the fruits of their labours and fills up a ‘protein torpedo.’

– The dying Dhjun’keep laments that he would have gotten away with it if not for those meddling kids, glub glub glub.

– Ace goes away and they all live happily ever after on Red Dwarf, their outlooks on life and death immeasurably improved by his influence.

– Epilogue of the young Ace Rimmer’s first day in his new class where he’s seated next to a troublemaker named Lewis Pemberton.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IT WILL BE HAPPENED. IT SHALL BE GOING TO BE HAPPENING. IT WILL BE WAS AN EVENT THAT COULD WILL HAVE BEEN TAKEN PLACE IN THE FUTURE. SIMPLE AS THAT.

Rimmer responds a forum posters predictions for a book released 25 years go.

[Dave]

ME LOCKS! ME LOCKS ARE IN THE BIN

Lister finds himself unable to lock the door to the sleeping quarters after Rimmer discards his complicated system of padlocks.

[Dave]

ME CLOCKS! ME CLOCKS ARE IN THE BIN

Lister finds himself unable to tell the time after Rimmer discards his collection of timepieces.

[Dave]

ME LOGS! ME LOGS ARE IN THE BIN

Craig Charles is disappointed to learn the fate of most copies of his book The Log: A Dwarfer’s Guide To Everything.

[Dave]

BOLLOCKS! BOLLOCKS IS IN THE BIN

Kryten deletes from his memory files the fact that he secretly calls Rimmer captain bollocks.

[cwickham]

ME ROCKS! ME ROCKS ARE IN THE BIN

Rimmer discards Lister’s collection of pet rocks.

[cwickham]

ME SOCKS! ME SOCKS ARE IN THE BIN

Rimmer forces Lister to wear sandals.

[cwickham]

ME TIKTOKS! ME TIKTOKS ARE IN THE BIN

Lister deletes social media from his phone.

[Dave]

ME BOX! ME BOX IS IN THE BIN!

Craig Charles sees loads of discarded Red Dwarf Series I-VIII Blu-Ray boxsets in a skip.

[si]

ME COCKS! ME COCKS ARE IN THE BIN!

Lister is distraught to discover that Kryten has disposed of his collection of 19th Century erotica.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ME FOX’S! ME FOX’S ARE IN THE TIN!

Lister panically let’s Rimmer know where he has stored the biscuis.

[loadoftottnumb]

WHERE’S YA BIN?

Rimmer has been in the library thinking, and he’s decided… SHUT UP!!

[Jenuall]

I BROKE INTO THE PERM BANK

Kochanski explains her new hairstyle to the rest of the crew

[Warbodog]

JIM, BEXLEY, CUM TO MUMMY

Lister’s parallel universe offspring develop an oedipus complex. Chips off the old block.

[Jenuall]

I BROKE INTO THE TERN BANK

Kochanski’s ornithology hobby starts to get out of hand

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I BROKE INTO THE WORM BANK

Upon hearing of the news of Rimmer’s father’s death, Kochanski seizes the opportunity to feed the ships worms.

[si]

I BROKE INTO THE, ERM, BANK

Kochanski momentarily forgets where money is stored.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I BROKE IN TO THE FERN BANK

Kochanski suddenly has an irresistible urge to talk to Fearn Cotton, Fern Brady and Fern Britton

[Pete Part Three]

I BROKE INTO THE CISTERN TANK

Psiren Kochanski conjures up ever more elaborate schemes to suck out Lister’s brain.

[Warbodog]

THAT WAS FIRST DEGREE, TOASTER SIGHED

Talkie completes a postgraduate course at Toilet University and takes up a new vocation as a hand dryer, just as everyone finally starts requesting toast.

[Warbodog]

THAT WAS THURSDAY GREET, TOAST TO SIDE

Talkie concludes his weekly social and once again points out the refreshments table that someone might come along and partake in one day.

[Warbodog]

FATWAS FIRST, AGGRIEVED TOAST DECIDES

Talkie has to go into hiding after he burns the toast.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATWA FIRST, AGREED TOASTER CRIED

At the annual general meeting of Islamic Toasters, one very upset Toaster on the council finally agrees through crumby tears, that Fatwa’s should be item number one on the agenda.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE

Captain Hollister has ordered some new heavy-duty bunkbeds for the officers’ quarters. They weigh 200 kilograms each, and are delivered arranged in a pyramid. The base layer is 5 beds by 5 beds, the layer above is 4 beds by 4 beds, and so on until the top layer of one bed. They are arranged in such a way that each bed is resting on four beds below it, one leg on each bed.

If the weight on each bed is always equally distributed to all four legs, and each bed leg can only support 200 kilograms, how many pounds can you place on top of the topmost bed to the nearest kilogram?

[Flap Jack]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE

Captain Hollister has ordered some new heavy-duty bunkbeds for the officers’ quarters. They weigh 200 kilograms each, and are delivered arranged in a pyramid. The base layer is 5 beds by 5 beds, the layer above is 4 beds by 4 beds, and so on until the top layer of one bed. They are arranged in such a way that each bed is resting on four beds below it, one leg on each bed.
If the weight on each bed is always equally distributed to all four legs, and each bed leg can only support 200 kilograms, how many pounds can you place on top of the topmost bed to the nearest kilogram?

0 pounds/0 kilograms. The bottom-innermost bed is already bearing 200 kg of weight per leg.

[Jenuall]

IT’S AVERAGE FOR YOUR HEIGHT!

600kg, or about half of a pregnant hippo.

The weight distribution of the solid pyramid means the weak point will be the top bed which can take 600kg extra to bring its total weight to 800kg which hits the limit for 200kg per leg.

Possibly!

[cwickham]

ANSWERS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE

The real answer is 422 kg (rounded to the nearest kg) but honestly who knows or cares

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I CARE CWICKHAM!!

Rimmer reminds a forum user that its his neck on the line if an officer comes along and orders etc etc blah blah why do we do this?!

[Dave]

WHEN IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SHIRTS ARE IT’S SEVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY SOCKS

Cat goes on an international flight and loses some of his luggage.

[Dave]

WHEN IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SHIRTS ARE IT’S SEVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY CASSOCKS

The Cat-like padre from Ace’s dimension has a very long commute.

[Dave]

WHEN IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SHITS ARE IT’S SEVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY SEX

Cat outrageously claims that his penis is so long that he can defecate in one timezone while penetrating his partner several timezones along.

[Warbodog]

TEDIOUSLY RATIONALISING RED DWARF GAGS, PART XXXIV

Cat inconveniently positions his wardrobe between the adjacent Kiribati and Baker Island embassies on the Diplomatic Deck so he can justify a misleading boast.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FOUR

Holly has four numbers: 553, 546, 897, and 318. However, the numbers aren’t what they seem. One of the numbers is actually in base 13, one is in base 17, one is in base 19, and one is in base 23. It’s just coincidence that all four numbers only use digits 9 and below.

If Holly adds all four numbers together and converts them to base 32 notation, the resulting number can also be written only using digits 0-9. What is that sum, as denoted in base 32?

[Dave]

IT’S SVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY SOCKS

Cat hires a Swedish butler to wash his underwear at the start of every day.

[Dave]

IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY YURTS ARE

Cat takes up glamping.

[Dave]

IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SPURTS ARE

Cat schedules his daily urination very precisely on his planner.

[Jenuall]

OH YES, I FORGOT TO CARRY THE 200!

G&T user realises the mistake in his Hollister bunkbed calculations. I forgot to include the weight of the actual beds themselves at level 5 of the pyramid!

[Moonlight]

SHE’S NOT JAILBAIT, SHE’S THREE MILLION

Rimmer justifies his disturbingly young new girlfriend based on how long she’d been in stasis.

[Author]

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