Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,801 through 7,900 (of 8,435 total)
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  • #261716
    Dave
    Participant

    FUCK MY ARSE WE’RE ON PAGE 79

    Etc.

    #261718

    THE DJ NEVER HAS IT, JMC AUTOMATIC

    Lister fails to find a Jesus and Mary Chain album that is referenced in ‘Authority Song’ by Jimmy Eat World’ because all his search terms with the computers onboard computer DJ throw up manuals for automatic processes aboard JMC vessels.

    #261719

    JIMMY EAT WORLD WORLD

    The crew discover a planet populated by clones of Jim Adkins he has made of himself.

    #261720

    FUTURES ECHOS

    As the crew reach light speed, Jimmy Eat World’s ‘Futures’ album start to echo around the ship inexplicably

    #261721

    CATS DO NOT LIKE ‘WORK’

    Cat claim that none of his species like the song Work by Jimmy Eat World.

    #261722

    BLISTER

    Lister badly burns himself whilst listening to a track from an early Jimmy Eat World album.

    #261723
    cwickham
    Participant

    HALL OF SHAME

    G&T Admin goes through all 78 1⁄10 pages of ideas for episodes to make a list commemorating all the truly funny ones, but goes insane once they get to the third new version of “Only the Good…”

    #261724
    cwickham
    Participant

    ALL THE GOODS

    All the new re-edits of “Only the Good…” are combined into one episode which reveals that Elton John, Golden Shred marmalade, Fred MacAulay, Marcus Brigstocke, Barry Cryer, a passing ice-cream salesman, Peter Bone, Tony from Men Behaving Badly, Russell Brand, Jonathan Ross, the Bulgarian unit of currency, a sentient toy bear, an unpopular Radio 1 DJ, Kevin Pietersen, Beverley Knight, Sir Trevor McDonald, Batman, Doug having a premonition of what Dwarf fandom will be reduced to twenty years later, Dave Gorman, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, no-one, the Fantastic Four, the Ninth Doctor, Greta Thunberg, Lee Mack and a giant kitten all simultaneously arrived on board Red Dwarf and were each 3.85% responsible for saving the day.

    #261729
    cwickham
    Participant

    I SNEER FOR AN EPISODE

    Rimmer sneers at Lister, because the search function indicates this incredibly obvious pun hasn’t been done yet.

    #261730
    Dave
    Participant

    CYRIL SNEER FOR AN EPISODE

    Red Dwarf crosses over with The Raccoons.

    #261736

    I STEER FOR AN EPISODE

    Rimmer demands to be allowed to sit up front in Starbug and using the steering controls, despite not being able to touch anything.

    #261737

    I QUEER FOR AN EPISODE

    Title of that bit in Blue.

    #261738

    I NEAR FOR AN EPISODE

    Title of any episode that anyone has attended a recording of, and thus sat quite near to all the action.

    #261739
    Dave
    Participant

    PANGEA FOR AN EPISODE

    Red Dwarf travels to Earth 175 million years ago and crashes into the planet’s supercontinent, breaking it into pieces.

    #261740

    PANTERA FOR AN EPISODE

    The crew join heavy metallers Pantera for an inexplicable musical crossover episode.

    #261741
    cwickham
    Participant

    BLUE SUED SHOES

    The estate of Elvis Presley brings a lawsuit against Grant Naylor Productions after one of their lawyers happens across a repeat of “Meltdown”.

    #261742

    JAILHOUSE ROCK

    After doing some time for the aforementioned legal transgression, Doug writes a second series of Red Dwarf set entirely in a prison, but only depicting Cat changing all the rock-genre vinyls on the record player.

    #261743
    Dave
    Participant

    PANT ERROR FOR AN EPISODE

    Due to a wardrobe mistake, Rimmer dresses in his green tunic but his red trousers.

    #261744

    RETURN TO SENDER

    A post pod arrived on Red Dwarf but it turns out to be for the SS Scott Fitzgerald, therefore the send it back on its way with nothing else interesting of note happening

    #261745
    desbug
    Participant

    IDEA FOR OM EPISODE

    Smeg and the heads stage a comeback tour.

    #261747
    cwickham
    Participant

    IDEA: FUR AN EPISODE

    Episode produced with all costumes, sets, props, cameras, lighting equipment and actors made from fur.

    #261776
    Dave
    Participant

    BOOT/LEG MERCH

    The official Red Dwarf store starts selling replicas of Rimmer’s emerald costume, but only of the foot, calf and thigh area.

    #261777
    Dave
    Participant

    BOOTLEG MECH

    Kryten finds out he isn’t really a Series 4000 mechanoid after all, just a bloke in a suit.

    #261778
    Dave
    Participant

    BOOTLE MECH

    Kryten goes to live in a small town in Merseyside.

    #261779
    Dave
    Participant

    BOTTLE MERCH

    That replica Leopard Lager turns out to be a bit shit.

    #261780
    Dave
    Participant

    BOOTLEG MAC

    Red Dwarf Series XIII sees Captain Hollister return, played by someone who looks a bit like the original actor.

    #261781
    clem
    Participant

    BOOTLEG MURCH

    Oscar-winning film editor Walter Murch’s unsanctioned cut of Timewave. Running time: 4 minutes 17 seconds.

    #261782
    clem
    Participant

    BRUTAL EGG MERCH

    Lister paints pictures of Mugs Murphy on loads of chicken ovulations for Easter.

    #261784
    cwickham
    Participant

    BAD BOOTLE LEG

    Paul Nuttall shows up, and everyone kicks him really hard in the shins.

    #261799
    cwickham
    Participant

    A-HANLY THE GOOD

    New version of Only the Good which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Alan Partridge turned up to save the day.

    #261800
    cwickham
    Participant

    HANLY THE GOOD

    New version of Only the Good which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Han Solo turned up to save the day.

    #261804
    Dave
    Participant

    ONLY D.GOODHEW

    Documentary about Duncan Goodhew.

    #261807
    cwickham
    Participant

    ONLY THE GOODHEW

    New version of Only the Good which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Duncan Goodhew turned up to save the day.

    #261809
    Dave
    Participant

    ONLY THE BADHEW

    Duncan Goodhew journeys to the mirror universe.

    #261810
    cwickham
    Participant

    GOODHEWS, BADHEWS

    The Dwarfers play a game where they have to alternate good and bad news pertaining to Duncan Goodhew.

    #261811
    cwickham
    Participant

    HAVE I GOT HEWS FOR YOU

    The Dwarfers begin broadcasting a topical panel show presented by Duncan Goodhew.

    #261812
    cwickham
    Participant

    HEWS OF THE WORLD

    Lister sings a rock song about Duncan Goodhew.

    #261813
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE HEWS QUIZ

    The Dwarfers begin broadcasting a radio panel show where all the questions somehow pertain to Duncan Goodhew.

    #261814
    cwickham
    Participant

    WAITING FOR GOODHEW

    Lister discovers that the Cat Peoples’ god is not him but, in fact, Duncan Goodhew.

    #261815
    cwickham
    Participant

    GOODHEWED

    Lister and Rimmer are stranded on a crashed Starbug with Duncan Goodhew.

    #261816
    cwickham
    Participant

    RUSSELL HOWARD’S GOODHEWS

    Ill-advised Sky One chat show presented by Russell Howard, Duncan Goodhew, and his wife Annie.

    #261818
    cwickham
    Participant

    BRITAIN’S SMEGGIEST HOME COOK

    Mary Berry arrives on board Red Dwarf to challenge the crew to a cookery-based task, but she is sued by the makers of Can’t Smeg Won’t Smeg for plagiarism.

    #261820
    clem
    Participant

    GSc

    Rimmer finally gets his Gold Swimming Certificate with the help of special guest star Duncan Goodhew.

    #261826
    cwickham
    Participant

    TERFWAVE

    JK Rowling comes across a repeat of Timewave, and files a lawsuit against Grant Naylor Productions for stealing her ideas.

    #261830
    cwickham
    Participant

    MICROWAVE

    Timewave, but discriminatory against people with dwarfism instead.

    #261831
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE LAST DAY ONCE MORE

    Early edit of The Last Day with the temp music track consisting entirely of songs by The Carpenters.

    #261835
    cwickham
    Participant

    WARK IN THE RED

    New re-edit of Back in the Red where the crew’s trial is presided over by Kirsty Wark.

    #261847
    Dave
    Participant

    GOD NO, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE AMIS?

    When Martin Amis steps into the DNA machine, an aghast Lister waits to see what he will become.

    #261848
    Dave
    Participant

    GOD NO, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE AMISH?

    When an Amish man steps into the DNA machine, an aghast Lister waits to see what he will become.

    #261849
    Dave
    Participant

    GOD NO, WHAT COULD POSHIBLY BE AMISH?

    When Martin Amis once again steps into the DNA machine, a drunk Lister waits to see what he will become.

    #261850
    Dave
    Participant

    GOD NO, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MIDDLEMISS?

    When Jayne Middlemiss turns up on Red Dwarf, Lister desperately tries to come up with a job she could usefully do on board.

    #261851
    cwickham
    Participant

    GOD NO, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE LITTLE MISS?

    Rimmer denies reading Roger Hargreaves’ Little Miss books, even when Lister points out all the copies of them that are all over the sleeping quarters.

    #261852
    cwickham
    Participant

    PHONELY THE GOOD…

    Untransmitted third Red Dwarf AA advert which resolves the Series VIII cliffhanger by revealing Rimmer called the AA to show up and save the day.

    #261853
    cwickham
    Participant

    CHOCOLONELY THE GOOD…

    New version of “Only the Good…” which reveals the day was saved when Red Dwarf was suddenly purchased by a a Dutch confectionery company.

    #261855

    WHAT COULD POSSIBLE BE LITTLE MIX

    Rimmer finds himself watching a group of young ladies perform an 80s hit single in a sports centre and becomes very cross and tries to stop it, whilst asking everyone he meets who they are.

    #261857
    cwickham
    Participant

    I SLAYER FOR AN EPISODE

    Lister dresses up as Buffy Summers.

    #261858
    cwickham
    Participant

    ICE LAIR FOR AN EPISODE

    Rimmer goes mad and builds himself an ice lair.

    #261859
    cwickham
    Participant

    I LAYER FOR AN EPISODE

    Kryten takes up a temporary job as a bricklayer.

    #261860
    cwickham
    Participant

    ASS CLEAR FOR AN EPISODE

    Lister is relived to find no unsightly blemishes on his posterior.

    #261862
    Dave
    Participant

    ACE LEER FOR AN EPISODE

    Ace Rimmer shows up again, this time with a well-thumbed copy of Razzle.

    #261863
    Dave
    Participant

    ASCLEPIUS FOR AN EPISODE

    Everyone’s favourite deranged medi-droid gets his own spinoff.

    #261864
    Dave
    Participant

    I SLEEP FOR AN EPISODE

    My reaction when Timewave comes on.

    #261865
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF MMM

    Doug decides to make another 2,987 series of Red Dwarf just because the roman numeral for the last one sounds funny when you say it out loud.

    #261866
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF CD

    Doug’s suggestion for a compact disc featuring music from Red Dwarf is misinterpreted, leading Grant Naylor Productions to accidentally produce another 387 series of the show.

    #261867
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF M

    Doug decides to produce another 987 series of Red Dwarf just because he thinks the title of the last one will look really cool.

    #261868
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF MI

    Doug’s angry claim to the show being his is misinterpreted, and results in another 988 series of the show accidentally being produced.

    #261869
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF IV

    Doug decides to produce another 3,987 series of Red Dwarf for no better reason than it will cause loads of angry arguments about how the Roman numeral for the last series should be differentiated from Series 4.

    #261870
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF MMMCMXCIX

    Doug decides to produce another 3,986 series of Red Dwarf for no better reason than to really annoy the people who produce electronic programme guides.

    #261872

    RED DWARF IV

    A fan has Red Dwarf pumped into their veins … and dies.

    #261878
    cwickham
    Participant

    DRAG TO EARTH

    Abandoned Series I script where Lister inexplicably decides he might have a better chance of getting back to Earth if he dresses like a woman. Later blamed on Grant Naylor accidentally taking hallucinogenic drugs.

    #261879
    cwickham
    Participant

    DRAC TO REALITY

    Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss face up to the reality that the final episode of Dracula was one of the worst things ever broadcast.

    #261880

    DRAG IN THE RED

    The nanobots have rebuilt Red Dwarf and populated it with the crew of the Enconium.

    #261881

    ONLY THE DRAG

    New version of “Only the Good…” in which it is revealed that the crew was saved by Lily Savage.

    #261893
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    RED DWARF MMCMXCIX

    After making exactly 2,987 more series of Red Dwarf in order to get to “Series MMM”, fans are still divided over Doug Naylor’s controversial decision to count one-off special The Promised Land as a numbered series.

    #261895
    cwickham
    Participant

    BRITTAS IN THE RED

    Unproduced 1997 Comic Relief short where Gordon Brittas arrived on board Red Dwarf. Abandoned when Chris Barrie demanded two paychecks.

    #261897
    Dave
    Participant

    A PRINCE AMONG BRITTAS IN THE RED

    Sequel pitched by Chris Barrie’s agent.

    #261903

    A PRINCE AMONG US

    Chris Barrie’s often forgotten character inexplicably appears in a revived 2 year old computer game during a world wide pandemic, for no other reason than it’s a good pun.

    Red Dwarf fans are stumped as to why this is an episode of Red Dwarf at all.

    #261905

    HOMES UNDER THE SMEG HAMMER

    Kryten hosts a daytime property auction show, where by derelict and scummy houses are sold for pittance at auction, with Kryten using his famous Smeg Hammer to complete a sale.

    #261906

    HOLMES UNDER THE SMEG HAMMER

    Kryten beats Benedict Cumberbatch to death with a rather crust old work tool

    #261907

    SMEG-HAMMOND ORGAN RECITAL NIGHT

    An Italian white goods company release their own Hammond Organ and Rimmer is excitedly awaiting it’s arrival.

    #261908
    cwickham
    Participant

    BUTLER IN THE RED

    Captain Butler arrives on board Red Dwarf in this unproduced script for a Comic Relief special, hastily written by Craig Charles in 2004 as a failed attempt to raise the money for his new extension.

    #261909
    cwickham
    Participant

    SMEG INS

    Unproduced third blooper video from 1997 that had to be scrapped when the producers of “Laugh-In” launched a frivolous lawsuit.

    #261910
    cwickham
    Participant

    SMEG OVERS

    Unproduced fourth blooper video from 1999 which was banned by the BBFC, who wrongly believed the title referred to a sexual act.

    #261911
    cwickham
    Participant

    SMEG UNDERS

    Scrapped blooper video that featured outtakes from both Red Dwarf and the BBC’s cricketing coverage.

    #261912
    cwickham
    Participant

    SMEG BETWEENS

    Blooper video consisting entirely of moments caught between takes which had to be scrapped when they remembered the camera wasn’t recording for those bits.

    #261913
    Dave
    Participant

    SMEG-OFFS

    The main cast of Red Dwarf hold an annual competitive “smeg off” during which they attempt to produce as much of the unspeakable excretion as possible. This R18 video compiles the judging processes and awards ceremonies of the first six years.

    #261914
    cwickham
    Participant

    SMEG ONS

    Blooper video consisting solely of actors shitting on other people.

    #261915
    cwickham
    Participant

    ALL THE SMEGENS

    This joke is made 111 posts too late.

    #261928
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK IN THE GOLD

    Rimmer uses the Time Drive to bring the original lineup of Spandau Ballet back together for a reunion show.

    #261929
    Dave
    Participant

    GOLD IN THE BACK

    The crew watch the end of The Italian Job.

    #261930
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK IN THE WHITE

    Cat gets into White Midget in order to do the White Midget dance, but the entire episode folds in on itself after everyone points out White Midget was never in the show.

    #261931
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    BACK TO PRISON

    In an episode that in the run up to the airing is hyped to show what happened at the end of series 8, the only reference to the time they spent in prison is Lister telling a story about a man attacking him with a knife

    #261932
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK IN THE BACK

    When the crew get into Carbug, they notice that someone has left some back bacon on the rear seat.

    #261933
    Dave
    Participant

    BUCK IN THE BACK

    When the crew get into Carbug, they notice that John Candy is sitting in the rear seat.

    #261934
    Dave
    Participant

    BUCKBEAK IN THE BACK

    Harry Potter crossover.

    #261935
    Dave
    Participant

    BECK IN THE BACK

    Just before the crew get into Carbug, they notice 90s rock tunesmith Beck is the rear seat, so they don’t bother.

    #261936
    Dave
    Participant

    BARK IN THE BACK

    The crew discover that the Dog from Parallel Universe is hiding in the rear section of Red Dwarf.

    #261937
    cwickham
    Participant

    CAN OF WORMS REMASTERED

    New version of Can of Worms which was pressed onto three DVDs otherwise identical to the original Series XI DVDs, before Doug Naylor broke into Ian Symes’, Jonathan Capps’ and Danny Stephenson’s homes and switched them around.

    #261938
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED

    Posters in the “Idea for an episode” thread ponder how you can be about to get onto the eightieth page, but only the 7,900th post.

    #261939
    cwickham
    Participant

    MURDEROUS MATHS IN THE RED

    The same as the above, but written by Kjartan Poskitt.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,801 through 7,900 (of 8,435 total)
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