Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

SETTER THEN FIFE

Lister becomes a dog to get out of prison, but rather than being released, he is transferred to a new facility in Fife.

[Dave]

DUETTER THEN FIFE

After playing guitar with Lister, Hitler decides to follow it up with a flute solo.

[cwickham]

BUTTER MEN FIFE

Fife is invaded by the Butter Men, a mutant race made entirely from butter.

[cwickham]

BUTTER RAMEN KNIFE

Lister chops up some buttered noodles.

[cwickham]

BETTER RAM KNIFE

Lister finds a more efficient way of killing sheep.

[cwickham]

JACK-JACK IN THE RED

Crossover with The Incredibles.

[cwickham]

TRO-McGANN

Remastered version of Trojan where all the McGann brothers play Rimmer’s brothers.

[Dave]

DO. WE. BELIEVE?

Sunday-morning theological discussion show hosted by Kryten.

[Dave]

DO. WE. BEREAVE?

Kryten tries to work out how many people the Red Dwarf crew has killed.

[Dave]

POO. WEE. BELIEVE?

Cat, Lister and Kryten discuss whether they think Rimmer has hologrammatic bodily functions.

[bloodteller]

LAMBSARA

The posse discover a ship where good behaviour is rewarded by a nice, juicy leg of lamb with mixed vegetables and a lovely onion gravy

[bloodteller]

DO. WE. BEE LEAVE

Kryten’s big speech at the end of Legion is interrupted by an insect, which he rather bluntly asks to go away

[Warbodog]

POSTMAN PAT, POSTMAN PAT, POSTMAN PAT AND A LIFEFORM WHO EVOLVED FROM HIS CAT

Space-age update of the popular children’s mail delivery series. Described by one review site as “pretty much Red Dwarf.”

[Dave]

WHITE MIDGET CAN’T JUMP

Drama starring Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes in which the titular shuttlecraft is disappointed that it was never given legs like its dancing Blue counterpart.

[Warbodog]

PETE TRANTER’S TRANS SISTER’S TRANSISTORS

Doug has a crack at trans issues. It goes as well as you’d expect.

[bloodteller]

DALLIANCE OF POWER

lost episode from series 1 in which rimmer and lister try to seduce each other out of boredom. when lister becomes the sexually dominant one of the relationship due to rimmer’s intangible status, rimmer becomes annoyed and they have to break up

[Dave]

LANCE OF POO-ER

A knight escapes from the AR machine and shits everywhere. Lister nicks his weapon and impales him while on the bog.

[Dave]

GOLLANCZ OF POWER

Rob Grant renegotiates his publishing contract.

[Dave]

DALLAS OF POWER

Deleted scene from Tikka in which a newly-immoral Kryten deliberately reprograms the time drive to take them to the wrong place.

[cwickham]

A SERIES OF SMEGGY EVENTS – BOOK THE FIRST: THE BAD SMEGINNING

Count Olaf arrives from a parallel universe to try and steal Rimmer’s fortune.

[bloodteller]

KRAYTWIN

ronald “ronnie” kray is beamed onboard by rimmer in order to help him with more effectively hiding lister’s cigarettes, but ultimately just ends up ruling over red dwarf with an iron fist. in order to subjugate the now power-mad ronnie, the posse shoot him with the laser cannons

[Warbodog]

TOTS TV

A specialist channel that broadcasts Rimmer and Lister’s “tot!” exchange on an endless loop.

[Warbodog]

TOTS TV

Germany’s all-hologram channel.

[Warbodog]

TITS TV

New vulgar edit of Krytie TV that will appear on the Blu-ray set and explains the delay.

[Warbodog]

TUTS TV

Strangely-themed compilation of all tutting and tut-based references in Red Dwarf, including Lister mentioning Tutankhamun in Back in the Red.

[Warbodog]

TATTS TV

Livestream from an exclusively Red Dwarf themed tattoo parlour.

[Warbodog]

TETS TV

That’s not a word.

[Warbodog]

THE CURED

The one where everyone’s Robert Smith.

[Warbodog]

MANURED

Biff Tannen steals the Time Drive but crashes into a space manure truck before he can cause any trouble.

[Warbodog]

DEMURED

The crew are zapped by a ray that makes them polite and reserved.

[Warbodog]

DEMIMOORED

Mean-spirited photoshoot for series XIII that forces the ageing cast to recreate the famous Vanity Fair cover.

[Warbodog]

RED LETTER JAWSCVMCDIA

Jawscvmcdia puts on a funny voice and makes a three-hour video ruthlessly scrutinising the ‘D’ in various Red Dwarf logos, spawning catchphrases (“what’s wrong with your typeface?”) and with a B-plot about him murdering prostitutes or something. His subjective insights are cited as conversation-ending fact any time the subject is brought up again ever.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR 4000

It’s going to be like this until the end of the page, isn’t it.

[Warbodog]

ONLY A SHEEP AND A COW AND HORSES

Half-brothers Sebastian and William “Billy” Doyle share a flat in Peckham with their senile grandad. Sebastian insists that this time next year he’ll be living his dream in Fiji, but in the meantime he has to keep up the day job of being a ruthless fascist dictator with hilarious consequences.

[Warbodog]

GOODNIGHT SWOEDIPALHEART

Lister reconsiders abandoning a helpless baby in a pub and goes back to retrieve himself. He accidentally ends up in the 1940s and has an affair with a barmaid who turns out to be one of his and Kochanski’s ancestors, knotting his disgusting family tree even tighter.

[bloodteller]

GUNMEN WITH VEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Version of Gunmen Of The Apocalypse wherein the Apocalypse Boys are digitally replaced with Jez and Super Hans, who have teamed up with dual vans to take down Kryten once and for all. Rimmer pathetically tries to distract them with some drugs crudely sellotaped to a frisbee but it doesn’t work and Kryten is rammed to death by the dual vans

[bloodteller]

PEEP-PART 2

Mark drinks some cold medicine and shits everywhere

[Dave]

FATHERS AND SUZE

Big Suze turns up on Red Dwarf and… No wait, that actually happened didn’t it.

[bloodteller]

MEN WITH VEN OF HONOR

Mark, Jez and Super Hans crash the van in the middle of a blizzard. As they await rescue, their situation becomes increasingly bleak and their chances of survival slim. All they have to eat between them is some pasta, baked beans, lovely filling lettuce, two eggs, and some Dairylea Mark has rolled up with his hands. Oh, and they found a dead dog in the tool cupboard.

————————————————————————————————–

MARK- You’re going to eat the dog.

JEZ- I’m hungry, Mark! I haven’t had any breakfast. Yes, I’m going to eat the dog.

MARK- I’m sure the dog will be lovely.

JEZ- This isn’t a dog. It’s a horrible, under-cooked, disgusting turkey leg.

[Dave]

BACK, TO EARTH

Jez and Mark discover a portal to a new reality where they are estranged brothers trying to run their dead dad’s pub, and everything is slightly less funny than Peep Show.

[cwickham]

AL JAZEERA FOR AN EPISODE

Dave decides not to recommission Red Dwarf, so Doug decides to write one final wrap-up episode, but has to find a new channel for it to air on.

[Warbodog]

A DEER FOR AN EPISODE

Something goes wrong with the playback of series XII episode 1 and Dave’s hologram deer ident stays on the screen for 30 minutes instead. Still better than Timewave ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *cough*

[Dave]

IDEA FOR AN EPIDURAL

Lister gets turned into a chicken again.

[cwickham]

THE END

Due to an adminstrative cock-up, a novel by Daniel Handler writing under a pen name is accidentally broadcast instead of an episode of Red Dwarf.

[cwickham]

THE END

Due to an adminstrative cock-up, an episode of Absolutely Fabulous is accidentally broadcast instead of an episode of Red Dwarf.

[cwickham]

THE END

Episode set in the third dimension of Minecraft.

[cwickham]

THE END

Episode concerning a little-known British psychedelic pop band from the 1960s.

[Paul Muller]

ID FOR AN EPISODE

A 14 year old tries to purchase a copy of Series III Byte 1 on VHS.

[cwickham]

THE BAD BEGINNING

Remake of The Beginning where Hoguey the Roguey is recast to Count Olaf.

[Dave]

BATMAN BEGINNINGS

Bruce Wayne plays a holographic message from his dead father that reveals he is actually the son of Alfred. “Look out cave, the bat’s coming home!”

[Author]

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