Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

PAGE XII

While lots of back-references to old episodes and dollops of fan-service make this quite a warmly-received page overall – including some great posts early on from Hitler – this page also includes what is widely felt to be the worst post ever in the ‘Idea For An Episode’ thread, a post so bad that many forum members can’t even bring themselves to read it for a second time.

Which is really going some for this thread.

[Warbodog]

PRE-EMPT A JOKE

Flap Jack steals Dave’s thunder. I take so long writing this that it’s probably already on page 9.

[Dave]

PAGE XIII

Although the thread perpetually seems to be on the verge of officially reaching this page, it never quite manages it. Still, the final post on Page XII served as such a nice ending for the thread that most people are happy enough to leave it there.

[Dave]

PAGE 30

The big celebration that was planned for page 30 falls a bit flat, with the one major new post that was originally planned for sometime towards the end of the page slipping to early in Page 31.

[cwickham]

IN THE YEAR 3535353

Zager and Evans arrive from a parallel universe.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE LAZY IDEAS FOR EPISODES

As this thread reaches 4,000 posts, people throw out increasingly sloppy and lazy ideas for episodes in it just to get onto a new page.

[cwickham]

JAMARCHY

Everyone makes some jam.

[Dave]

POST 4000 ISN’T WATERPROOF, IS IT?

That’s beside the point, sir.

[cwickham]

Great Caesar’s ghost we’re on the ninth page

[Dave]

BACK TO PAGE

Page 9 isn’t really called page 9 and oh fuck it, we basically already did this joke now.

[cwickham]

JAMIROQUAIRCHY

The nanobots reconstruct a jazz-funk band.

[Flap Jack]

I’m sorry, Dave. :-(

[cwickham]

DIMENSION JUMP TO BOTTOM

Ace Rimmer jumps to the bottom of this page.

[Dave]

I’m sorry, Dave. :-(

Just to be clear, I’m not being entirely serious. :)

(I liked your version better anyway.)

[Dave]

FLAP IN THE THREAD

Dave worries that the stuff about Page 9 jokes came off as meaner than intended, and he has inadvertently upset Flap Jack.

[Flap Jack]

Ah, good to hear. I just wanted to err on the side of caution, because I definitely did jump the gun on page 9 meta jokes.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF? NEIN

A German hasn’t heard of Red Dwarf. That’s nine/nein taken care of.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF IX IX IX

To celebrate the release of the Blu-ray set next July, emergency services personnel across the UK dress up as all your favourite “Red Dwarf” characters!

[Warbodog]

TOFFED UP TO THE NINES

The first eight and a bit pages of the Idea for an episode thread get a sophisticated makeover that ceases abruptly with this post.

[Warbodog]

FORUM IANSPECTION IAN TEN MINUTES

G&T admin’s weekly drop-in to check that the strangely prolific Idea for an episode thread isn’t being used for dark web trading or something.

[Pete Part Three]

LOST HUMOUR

About 8 pages ago, but nevermind.

[Paul Muller]

BACK IN THE THREAD PART 9

The crew are very tired. Extremely, extremely tired.

But was it an accident?

[Flap Jack]

EPIDEMONS AND ANGELS

The Dwarfers discover that Epideme triplicated itself before it was defeated (because the triplicator was still working and on Starbug, for some reason). This created a Pure Good Epideme – who sounds like Terry Wogan – and a Pure Evil Epideme – who sounds like Jimmy Saville. The reason that the Epidemes haven’t been noticed until now is that they’ve been locked in a secret, unending battle for the lives of the crew.

Anyway, long story short, everyone dies.

[Dave]

EVERY BADDIE’S DEAD, DAVE

Holly observes to Lister that all the malevolent lifeforms that the Red Dwarf crew has encountered have ended up being vanquished.

[Dave]

B. ODDIE’S DEAD, DAVE

Holly confirms to Lister that Bill Oddie is dead, which you’d expect three million years in the future really.

[Dave]

MARK ADDY’S DEAD, DAVE

Holly begins to tire of confirming to Lister the status of countless B-list 20th-century celebrities.

[Dave]

PUFF DADDY’S DEAD, DAVE

Well, you get the idea with that.

[Warbodog]

THE GORDON BENNETT COLLECTION

Limited edition remaster of The End that brings it closer to Grant Naylor’s original vision by digitally inserting Sir Tony Robinson as Lister’s third friend, Gordon Bennett, and restoring Lister’s complete line “Not Chen [and Gordon Bennett too]?” to correct a 30-year-old continuity error where Holly replied to a question he wasn’t asked.

[Warbodog]

SELBY DATE

Selby heads straight to the reduced-to-clear section of the ship’s Tesco to bag some bargains. While there, he successfully woos a lady.

[Warbodog]

CHEN UP

Chen learns upsetting news about his family back on Earth while he’s being strapped in to the ship’s Skycoaster ride. He decides to remain stoic and carry on.

[Warbodog]

PETER-SAN

Petersen befriends a polite Japanese crew member. Unfortunately, there’s a slightly awkward misunderstanding about his name.

[Moonlight]

PETERSON PART II

Lister comes to his room to see him and things get a little Blue. Meanwhile, Rimmer suffers a pain beyond pain, a million agonies as he is forced to marathon the thread beginning to end.

[Moonlight]

PETE? ERR, SON!

Pete’s offspring fucks up for twenty-six minutes, inexplicably short considering how many ideas are crammed into this action-packed episode. Surely an extra two would have done a world of good?

[Moonlight]

PEE TEARS ON

Rimmer’s unitary tract ruptures. Meanwhile, KyoSo is ejected from the thread for such a trite pun.

[Moonlight]

TRITE PUN

The crew recieve a distress call from a trite pun who has spent three million years alone on a spaceship. Lister finds the pun hilarious, whereas Rimmer derides its triteness. Everyone’s a skeleton though, so it probably doesn’t matter. And it was an accident.

[Ian Symes]

FORUM IANSPECTION IAN TEN MINUTES

G&T admin’s weekly drop-in to check that the strangely prolific Idea for an episode thread isn’t being used for dark web trading or something.

I thought we were on the verge of an argument at one stage on this check-in, but sadly nothing that would give me an excuse to lock the thread.

[si]

EVERY BUDDY’S DEAD, DAVE

When a planet populated entirely by clones of a popular bespectacled singer from the 1950s suddenly explodes and kills them all, Holly has to break the news to Lister.

[Pete Part Three]

THE IAN QUIZ TOUR

Ian the Smegmeister heads off on a whirlwind tour of the UK, challenging people on Red Dwarf trivia. When no one can give the correct answer to “How many irradiated Haggis were there?”, he judges them worthless and fucks off back home.

[cwickham]

EVERYONE IS DEAD, BEING HERE IS HEAVENLY

Holly notes his own resemblance to the lead singer of Danny Wilson.

[tombow]

EVERY BUDDY’S ALIVE ARNOLD

the cheeky protagonist of “dinosaur train” is bought back to life by Rimmer after a mishap with a pet bird and a time wand

[bloodteller]

GIVE AND TAKESHI

Lister captures Asclepius and puts him through an obstacle course whilst doing some drunken, semi-improvised commentary over the unfolding events. Unfortunately when he tries to do the “As my old dad used to say…” gag, the surreal remark immediately backfires in his face due to his incestuous parentage

[Warbodog]

IT’S A GOPRO YOU MOFO

Rimmer overreacts when Cat fails to recognise an action camera.

[Warbodog]

TISH P. SHAW NON-SENSE

The crew meet a blind and deaf woman who also has no sense of smell, touch or taste. She falls in love with Lister.

[Warbodog]

HAVE YOU QUITE FINISHED BEING STRANGE?

Chris Barrie arrives at Shepperton Studios to pick up Benedict Cumberbatch, but the shoot is overrunning.

[Dave]

BANANA ‘N’ CRISP

Buddy comedy about two detectives – easy-going Bobby Banana and hard-bitten maverick Gary Crisp – who rub each other up the wrong way but have to team up to solve a murder.

[Dave]

CHEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENENCE

We finally find out who taught Lister how to build his space-bike-scooter thing.

[Dave]

ZERO G FOOTBALL

Lister goes back to 1990s Earth to watch a football match, only to discover that evil time-traveling BEGGs have eaten all the letter Gs. He therefore has to watch Areth Southate attempt to score an Oal while playing for Enland.

[Dave]

I’VE SEEN SOMETHING YOU HAVEN’T, SQUIRE

When a knight escapes from the AR machine into the futuristic world of Starbug – and lives to tell the tale – he relates his unbelievable adventures to his young aide once he has returned to the world of the medieval videogame.

[cwickham]

NO EYE DEER FOR AN EPISODE

Lister goes about tearing out deer’s eyes from their sockets.

[cwickham]

RIP DAVE LISTERINE

Lister drinks some poisoned mouthwash.

[Author]

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