Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

TROJAN(N)

Howard Rimmer discovers the only person he considers an even bigger twat than Arnold – Sean(n) Walsh.

[Dave]

HAND ANDY DE EMMONY DA EMMY, D/ENEMY

When fiercely political hip-hop group Public Enemy are selected to present the International Emmy for Popular Arts at the 1994 awards ceremony, audience member Al Pacino becomes irate when a long-winded political diatribe by frontman Chuck D delays him handing over the trophy to the director of Red Dwarf’s ‘Gunmen of the Apocalypse’, and loudly insists that the presenter proceed with the prizegiving.

[bloodteller]

GANYMEDE AND FRIGHTEN

It’s Halloween, so Lister watches the Jeff Goldblum classic The Fly. Unfortunately he makes the mistake of eating cheese pizza whilst watching-look out, Rimmer!

Meanwhile, Cat wears a Frankenstein mask for his costume and there’s a big debate over if this is sacrielege and/or treason

Meanwhile, forum user Bloodteller watches the Inside No. 9 Halloween Special and is so freaked out by it that they walk around their house for the rest of the night, paranoid that something will jump out of them. Eventually they make a nice hot cup of Ovaltine and relax, though

[cwickham]

WHO? IN THE RED

Henry Bolton arrives from the past, but nobody knows who he is.

[Warbodog]

DAWN OF THE RED

Captain Hollister pranks his secretary into thinking she’s been fired for stealing supplies. He goes too far and she breaks into tears, then calls him a “pathetic, fat cunt.” He mumbles a defensive rebuttal.

[Dave]

LUNAR CITY SE7EN

The Red Dwarf crew land at a seeming abandoned moonbase only to discover a serial killer is operating, basing his victims on the Seven Deadly Sins. Featuring a return appearance of Rimmer’s Lust Monster.

[Dave]

LUNAR CITY SEVERN

Lister finally makes it back to Earth, and starts a new settlement near a river in the British midlands.

[Dave]

LOANER CITY SEVEN

Lister tries to pay off his gambling debts by journeying to the fabled galactic headquarters of Wonga.

[si]

LUNAR TITTY HEAVEN

The crew appear in a lewd British 1970s comedy movie set on the moon.

[cwickham]

BANKS IN THE RED

Arron Banks arrives from a parallel universe, in a bid to ensure that Taiwan Tony is no longer the worst character ever to appear in Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

BANKS FOR THE MEMORY

Arron Banks wakes up to find a series of unknown transactions in his bank account, and a headstone reading “to the memory of the memory of Britain being a member of the European Union”.

Piecing together the events of the previous few months he discovers that he has made a substantial donation to Leave.EU – a donation that seems to have originated from a mysterious third party – and instigated a constitutional crisis in the UK.

Then he does a jigsaw.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

A BIT CHINESE-Y

Doug has another idea for a subplot about Chinese people that might be a little racist so tweets his followers to make so no-one in China will see it before he writes it.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE NED

Red Dwarf is repainted to look like the Simpsons character Ned Flanders.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE WALKING DEAD

Rimmer starts an online petition for David Morrissey to return to his favourite drama.

[cwickham]

HOMOPHOBE IN THE RED

Ann Widdecombe arrives on board Red Dwarf. Rimmer finds her views a bit extreme.

[cwickham]

DEAR DAVE GORMAN

Lister receives a letter from Dave Gorman, asking him if his name is also Dave Gorman.

[Dave]

LAST GORMAN

Lister changes his last name so he can carry on the Dave Gorman legacy.

[Dave]

GORMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Dave Gorman transmits a virus to Starbug. To fight it, Kryten has to recreate one of Dave Gorman’s endless powerpoint presentations in the AR machine.

[Dave]

TERRORGORM

The crew of Red Dwarf crash-land on a planet shaped by Dave Gorman’s psyche. It is full of people called Dave Gorman.

[Dave]

GORMAN LOVEIT

Dave Gorman watches ‘Skipper’ and is absolutely delighted to see the return to Red Dwarf of the original Holly.

[Dave]

GORMANS AND ANGELS

A triplicator accident creates two versions of Red Dwarf: one with benign versions of the crew, the other populated exclusively with all the Dave Gormans that Dave Gorman found on his hunt for Dave Gormans.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR GORMAN

While filming GORMANS AND ANGELS, Dave Gorman is constantly late to show up on set.

[Warbodog]

YOU ONLY LIVE TAIWAICE

Kerry Shale is sent undercover to pass as a Taiwanese man, based on his convincing and sensitive performance in Red Dwarf.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ACE OF BASE RIMMER

Ace Rimmer hangs up his flight jacket and joins 90s Swedish pop group Ace of Base.

[si]

MAC IN THE SHED

Mac McDonald sits in a shed.

[Dave]

MAC IN THE SHED PART TWO

Mac stands up.

[cwickham]

BETTER CALL SAUL THAN SMEG

The lawyer from Breaking Bad arrives from a parallel universe.

[si]

MAC IN THE SHED PART THREE

A woman looks through the window, so Mac does a tapdance for her.

[Dave]

ERROR ESTABLISHING A DATABASE CONNECTION

Red Dwarf goes offline for a few hours, leaving Holly unable to do anything but repeat the titular phrase.

[Pete Part Three]

DBA

Somebody logs in and troubleshoots the Ganymede & Titan Database.

[Pete Part Three]

OUT OF DOWNTIME

Forum regulars scamper towards the “Idea for an Episode” thread, eager to showcase some hilarious new posts.

[Pete Part Three]

HACKING THE THREAD

After 24 hours away, forum regulars wonder whether someone else has hacked the Ideas for an Episode Thread or whether it was always full of unfunny shite. Hmmm.

[Paul Muller]

ERRORFORM

The crew work frantically to restore a system backup consisting of several thousand forum topics that only very tangentially relate to anything to do with Red Dwarf and one forum topic consisting of several thousand bafflingly convoluted puns. Upon succeeding, they realise they have made a terrible mistake…

[cwickham]

BEV ER FORM

Beverley Knight fills out a form in ER.

[cwickham]

CORBYN HOLE

Remake of White Hole where Jeremy Corbyn is elected by the Dwarfers as their leader, and he decides to do absolutely fuck all as Red Dwarf falls into the white hole, killing everyone on board, with everyone sure he’s just playing the long game.

[Dave]

WHITE POPPY

Sequel to Corbyn Hole in which the Labour leader dithers over deciding which colour of floral tribute to wear at the remembrance service for the crew of Red Dwarf.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CHARLES ARMITAGE SUNDAY

The crew hold a day of remembrance for Charles Armitage.

[cwickham]

GUNMEN OF THE SAMBAPOCALYPSE

Remastered version of Gunmen where the Riviera Kid is defeated by a retired cricketer in a ridiculous costume.

[bloodteller]

RAMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Lister boils some instant noodles in quark-gluon plasma,inadvertently destroying the universe in the process.

[Pete Part Three]

CHOREOGRAPHY KILLED THE CAT

The Cat has to have a lie down after all that dancing.

[bloodteller]

QUARK SOUP

Exactly the same as Duct Soup, only all the mentions of cottage cheese are overdubbed with Chloe Annett saying ‘quark-gluon plasma’ in a flat monotone. Surprisingly this turns out to be an improvement

“How could you say that..? I have *never* looked at him like he’s a pot of quark-gluon plasma with pineapple chunks in! Maybe, once or twice, plain quark-gluon plasma, but never, *ever*, with pineapple chunks in! Never. Never!”

[cwickham]

BARK SOUP

Kochanski eats a tree.

[Pete Part Three]

FELTDOWN

Kevin Spacey guest stars in a spacey adventure. Set in space.

[Dave]

DOWNDOWN

The crew encounters a Stasis Booth containing Status Quo.

[cwickham]

DOWNTOWN

The crew encounters Petula Clark.

[Dave]

Look: Everyone Gels Inside Our Nemesis

[Dave]

Querulous Usurper; Excellent End Gag

[Dave]

Dave’s Now Avian

[Dave]

Cute Android Masquerades, Inciting Lust; Leaves Eventually

[Warbodog]

Thickie’s Invention Makes Empty Sabrina Love Indiscriminately. Dave Eats Sandwiches.

[Author]

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