Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 10,201 through 10,300 (of 10,437 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #265825
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK IN THE THREAD PART ONE HUNDRED AND THREE

    Doug Naylor adds one hundred extra Blue Midget dances to Back in the Red and loops them over and over again until every viewer shouts out “fuck my arse”.

    #265827
    Dave
    Participant

    I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK. EAMONN.

    While Lister plays pool with planets he insists that Eamonn Holmes shut the fuck up.

    #265832
    Warbodog
    Participant

    YOU’LL BE STUCK ON A SPACESHIP WITH ‘IM, EAMONN, ‘IM FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY

    When Eamonn Holmes outstays his welcome, Lister pleads with his younger self to make better life choices, even if those result in him never being born or some shit.

    #265833
    Warbodog
    Participant

    EAMONNLY HUMMING

    When Rimmer builds immunity to Lister’s annoying habits, Lister ups the ante with impressions.

    #265834
    Warbodog
    Participant

    IT IS WHEN YOU MEAN IT TO MEAN WHAT EAMONN IT TO MEAN AND EAMONN IT TO MEAN OKAY RIMMER

    Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay?

    #265835

    IT’S A NAME I MADE UP, TWO Ns ACTUALLY

    Rimmer takes credit for the origins of the Irish name.

    #265836
    cwickham
    Participant

    IT’S A NAME I MADE UP, TWO Ns ACTUALLY

    Rimmer takes credit for the origins of another notorious twat, Sean(n) Walsh.

    #265837
    Warbodog
    Participant

    ANDY DE EAMONNY

    Eamonn Holmes shows up at the Red Dwarf set putting on a South African accent and asks if he can be allowed to direct.

    #265838
    Warbodog
    Participant

    INTERNATIONAL EAMY AWARD

    After enjoying Gunmen of the Apocalypse on TV, Eamonn Holmes shows up at the Grant Naylor office to present the creators with a homemade statuette decorated with shiny milk bottle tops and a picture of his face that they have to pretend to be flattered by.

    #265839
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    DO NOT AMEND

    Alternate, alternate title for DNA.

    #265840
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    ALL NOW DROIDS

    Alternate title for Siliconia.

    #265841
    cwickham
    Participant

    DISCRIMINATING NAGAINST ASIANS

    Alternate title for Fathers and Suns.

    #265842
    Pea on Toast
    Participant

    MAPLOPCRACY

    Kryten and Rimmer enter an election for most popular Yellowcoat.

    #265843
    Pea on Toast
    Participant

    MAPILONIA

    The one where everyone’s Peggy.

    #265844
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-ONE

    100 new vending machines are installed on board Red Dwarf, and Lister has to paint the numbers 1 to 100 on the side of them. How many times will he have to paint the number nine?

    #265845

    CAT’S A WANKER

    Lister suggests Rimmer watch Casabalanca, but he mishears him.

    #265846

    2001: SAGGY OLD TITTY

    Cat askes Lister what he is watching, but mishears him.

    #265847
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-TWO

    Lister is firing Starbug’s lasers at a hostile GELF ship. He fires the first laser bolt at exactly noon, and then has to wait until exactly one minute past the hour to fire again whilst the laser cannon cools down. If this continues every minute thereafter until one o’clock, how many laser bolts will Lister have fired?

    #265848
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-ONE

    100 new vending machines are installed on board Red Dwarf, and Lister has to paint the numbers 1 to 100 on the side of them. How many times will he have to paint the number nine?

    Option A: None – every time he needs to paint a 9, he can just paint a 6 and then rotate it 180 degrees.

    Option B: None – “the numbers 1 to 100” does not have any 9s in it.

    Option C: 20 times.

    #265854
    Jenuall
    Participant

    15,000 GEEGOOKS AND CLOSING!

    At the end of the first days trading in his new cryptocurrency Lister reports their value

    #265857
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-THREE

    Lister is travelling between B Deck and the cargo bay on his new speedbike. The distance between the two is 1000km. When he reaches the halfway point, he realises he had been averaging 100kph. How much faster would Lister have to travel if he wanted to average 200kph for the entire trip?

    #265858

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-THREE

    Lister is travelling between B Deck and the cargo bay on his new speedbike. The distance between the two is 1000km. When he reaches the halfway point, he realises he had been averaging 100kph. How much faster would Lister have to travel if he wanted to average 200kph for the entire trip?

    Wouldn’t he need to do it instantly? Like, he is at the 500km mark. He now needs to teleport directly to the end point.

    He has travelled 500km in 5hrs. To average 200kph over 1000m you would have to complete the trip in the same time? Any longer and you’re average under 200kph.

    #265859
    cwickham
    Participant

    ANSWERS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-THREE

    Yes, it’s one of those annoying questions where the answer is “it’s impossible”

    #265860
    Warbodog
    Participant

    YOU’RE ‘RUN HAPPY,’ AREN’T YOU?

    Rimmer chuckles supportively as Lister passes on his second 5K run of the day. Kryten best guesses that something is deeply wrong.

    #265861
    Warbodog
    Participant

    CHORE OR HAPPY ARM CHEW?

    Queeg returns and gives Lister the choice of earning his keep or cannibalising part of his own arm every day while pretending like he enjoys it. Ties up Future Echoes.

    #265862
    Warbodog
    Participant

    EURO NAPPY AUNT YOO

    Rimmer tells an anecdote about his previously unheard of Korean aunt who used to import her adult diapers from Germany for the tax savings.

    #265863
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-FOUR

    Rimmer finds a 100 dollarpound bill on the floor of B Deck. He uses it to pay off a bet he lost to Lister. Lister owes Cat $£100, so he gives the bill to him. Cat buys some new suits from the Skutters with it. The Skutters remember Rimmer won the Subbuteo tournament last week, which had a $£100 top prize, so they give the same bill to him. Upon careful examination, Rimmer discovers the bill is actually counterfeit. By this time, the $£100 bill has paid $£400 in debt. Which transactions were invalid, and who loses what?

    #265864

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-FOUR

    Rimmer finds a 100 dollarpound bill on the floor of B Deck. He uses it to pay off a bet he lost to Lister. Lister owes Cat $£100, so he gives the bill to him. Cat buys some new suits from the Skutters with it. The Skutters remember Rimmer won the Subbuteo tournament last week, which had a $£100 top prize, so they give the same bill to him. Upon careful examination, Rimmer discovers the bill is actually counterfeit. By this time, the $£100 bill has paid $£400 in debt. Which transactions were invalid, and who loses what?

    This thought experiment exists to highlight the absurdity of debt. All debts are cleared and the payments valid if everyone was satisfied with the transactions.

    In your scenario, only Rimmer’s debt from the Skutter’s is still outstanding if he doesn’t accept the money … and then there’s the possibility of it all rolling backwards to and finding it’s way to Rimmer again as the accused of using the counterfeit money to begin with.

    #265865
    cwickham
    Participant

    I’m not going to bother posting the real answer because that one’s far better

    #265866
    Dave
    Participant

    JUST WHAT LITTLE I’VE MANAGED TO SCRIMP AND SCRAPE

    The Idea For An Episode thread surprises everyone on page 103 by suddenly becoming a philosophical discussion about the essential absurdity of the concept of money.

    #265867
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-FIVE

    Lister has a litre of lager and a litre of vindaloo sauce. He decides to pour a cup of vindaloo sauce into the lager and mix thoroughly. Then, a cup of the resulting mixture is poured back into the vindaloo sauce. Is the amount of sauce now in the lager more, less or the same as the amount of lager in the sauce?

    #265868
    Jenuall
    Participant

    THERE MUST BE 20 GRANS HERE!

    During planet leave on Miranda Lister regrets agreeing to go to the night club of Rimmer’s choice when it turns out the clientele are all septuagenarians

    #265869

    THREE MILL IANY EARS

    The crew discover Holly had invented a new unit of measurement that was based on ears that look like that of an Ian that worked down the mill … but that he had forgotten to tell anyone, and that they were in fact just around the corner to Earth all this time.

    #265870
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-SIX

    Lister is travelling on one of Red Dwarf’s lifts, but at the end of the journey it breaks down and he has to walk back to where he started. If the lift travels at a rate of nine kilometres per hour and Lister walks back at a rate of three kilometres per hour, and the entire journey (from when Lister starts off in the lift to when he returns to his starting point) takes eight hours, how many kilometres did he travel in the lift?

    #265871
    Pea on Toast
    Participant

    YVONNYSWAP

    Digital re-remastering of Better Than Life that switches Yvonne McGruder with Yvonne from Hi-de-Hi!

    #265872

    ARNOLD, WHERE ARE THE HAPPY SLAPS!

    A pregnant Yvonne McGruder askes Rimmer where she can find videos of a violent mid 00s internet craze

    #265873
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-SEVEN

    How far can Pete the dinosaur run into the food bay?

    #265874
    Dave
    Participant

    CRETE PART TWO

    After the crew get back to Earth, Rimmer declares himself King of Greece and immediately renames Rhodes.

    #265875

    THE EASTENDERS

    Spin off series following the lives of Selby and Chen before they were aboard Red Dwarf.

    #265876
    Dave
    Participant

    BLEAT PART TWO

    Documentary following Lister and Kochanski’s farm on Fiji.

    #265877
    Dave
    Participant

    HEAT PART TWO

    Rimmer and Lister argue over the Red Dwarf thermostat.

    #265878
    Dave
    Participant

    WHEAT FART POO

    After incorporating more fibre into his diet, Lister’s bowel movements are far more regular.

    #265879
    Dave
    Participant

    NEAT CHART TWO

    Rimmer redesigns his revision timetable.

    #265880
    Dave
    Participant

    TEAT PART TWO

    Sequel to Timewave in which Cat returns to denigrate the breasts of another woman he has never met.

    #265881
    Dave
    Participant

    FEET AREN’T YOU

    Kryten reveals that he is unable to distinguish between human and GELF feet by looking at them, even though they obviously look completely different.

    #265882
    Jenuall
    Participant

    NEAT ART CHOO

    The crew pass time with an art competition where they have to draw trains

    #265883
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-EIGHT

    Lister announces he has finally set up his farm on Fiji: its animals are all horses but two, all cows but two, and all sheep but two. How many animals does Lister own?

    #265884
    Jenuall
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-EIGHT

    Lister announces he has finally set up his farm on Fiji: its animals are all horses but two, all cows but two, and all sheep but two. How many animals does Lister own?

    3 – one of each

    #265919
    Dave
    Participant

    PRELUDE TO NAN

    Lister recounts the story of his great-grandparents having sex.

    #265920
    Dave
    Participant

    PRELUDE TO ANARCHY IN THE UK

    Lister recounts the story of how the Sex Pistols got together.

    #265921
    Dave
    Participant

    BE NUDE TO NANARCHY

    Doug Naylor urges Red Dwarf fans to join in a special live event where everyone watches the final episode of Series VII in a state of undress.

    #265922
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SIXTY-NINE

    It takes Rimmer three hours to paint the ship’s nameplate, and it takes Lister six hours to complete the same job. How long would it take both of them working together at their normal paces to complete the same job?

    #265923
    Dave
    Participant

    TWO… (MAYBE THREE) HOURS

    Holo-virus afflicted Rimmer inadvertently guesses the right answer to one of the Maths In The Red questions.

    #265924
    cwickham
    Participant

    FOUR… (MAYBE FIVE)

    G&T User goes insane with shock from that many Maths In The Red questions getting answered at all, let alone correctly, in quick succession.

    #265926

    FIVE WHOLE ANSWERS

    One forums user gets incredibly excited at the possibility that they may get a total of five responses to math based questions posted in a punny title thread.

    #265927

    TELL ME MORE ABOUT THESE ANSWER, ARE SOME ILLUMINATED?

    Our forum user protagonist insists on finding out whether any of the answers are enlightening, and is delighted to discover at least prompted a short economically-philosophical response.

    #265928

    WHY WERE YOUR LAST WORDS DUCT SOUP?

    A dead fan of the show reveals they were mocked mercilessly by their peers when they tried to return an episode of the show to GNP and demand it come back funny.

    #265929

    FANNY-ACHY

    Kryten suggests he insert nano-bots into Miss Kochanski to help cure her thrush.

    #265931
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SEVENTY

    Lister has two dollarpounds, but he owes Selby three dollarpounds. Undaunted, he goes on planet leave and enters a pawn shop, where he pawns his two dollarpounds for $£1.50. He then goes to Rimmer and tells him that he would sell him his $£2 pawn ticket for $£1.50. Rimmer agrees. Since Lister started out with $£2, and he ended up with $£3, who is out the extra dollarpound and why?

    #265932
    Jenuall
    Participant

    I WAS WITH YOU ALL THE UP TO “LISTER”

    Cat admits he didn’t really follow the latest Maths in the Red question

    #265933
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK TO IGNORING MATHS IN THE RED

    Enthusiasm for the novelty Red-Dwarf-episode-title-pun-based brain-teaser format proves short-lived.

    #265934
    Dave
    Participant

    IGNORING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy skips over the Maths In The Red posts.

    #265935
    Dave
    Participant

    I’VE BEEN INVISIBLED!

    A G&T forum user wonders why everyone has suddenly stopped responding to their Maths In The Red posts.

    #265936
    Dave
    Participant

    NAAN ARCHIE

    While eating his morning curry, Lister bites into a lovely flatbread and is disgusted to find that Kryten’s robotic penis has been baked into it.

    #265937
    cwickham
    Participant

    NAANOCRACY

    Lister runs for the position of Curry President, but the election is called off when nobody can explain what such a position would actually entail.

    #265938
    Jenuall
    Participant

    NANA KEY

    The crew encounter comedian Tim Key’s Nana and enjoy a really nice curry with her.

    #265939
    Warbodog
    Participant

    NARCY

    Everyone keeps nodding off and missing bits during an eventful but somehow boring season finale.

    #265940
    Jenuall
    Participant

    NINA NANNARCHY

    The crew discover that the reason they lost Red Dwarf was down to rogue journalists being lead by Nina Nannar

    #265942

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SEVENTY

    Lister has two dollarpounds, but he owes Selby three dollarpounds. Undaunted, he goes on planet leave and enters a pawn shop, where he pawns his two dollarpounds for $£1.50. He then goes to Rimmer and tells him that he would sell him his $£2 pawn ticket for $£1.50. Rimmer agrees. Since Lister started out with $£2, and he ended up with $£3, who is out the extra dollarpound and why?

    Rimmer, because the ticket entitles him to pay 2.00 for 2.00 … he isn’t entitled to redeem it for 2.00 thus make a 0.50 profit as implied.

    So Rimmer is out of pocket for at least 1.50

    #265944
    Dave
    Participant

    NINARCHY

    Lister becomes a massive fan of Nine Inch Nails.

    #265945
    Dave
    Participant

    NOONARCHY

    The boys from the Dwarf get confused over whether their secret plan begins at 12am or 12pm.

    #265946
    Dave
    Participant

    DOONARCHY

    Kryten reveals that Red Dwarf was in fact stolen by Doon Mackichan.

    #265948
    Jenuall
    Participant

    TOONARCHY

    Kryten discovers that Red Dwarf was stolen by Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.

    #265950
    Jenuall
    Participant

    CROONARCHY

    Kryten reveals that Red Dwarf was actually stolen by Bing Crosby and Perry Como

    #265951
    Jenuall
    Participant

    BROONARCHY

    Kryten discovers that Red Dwarf was actually stolen by obscure Scottish comic strip family “The Broons”

    #265954

    POONARCHY

    The female universe crew steal Red Dwarf and make it tiny.

    #265955

    IN THE END, IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER

    Linkin Park are digitally inserted into the first episode of the show to tell Holly the crew’s death doesn’t really matter

    #265957
    Jenuall
    Participant

    AND IN THE END THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE

    Remake of The End where animated versions of Lister’s robot goldfish are inserted to sing a classic Beatles track

    #265958
    Warbodog
    Participant

    THE BELL END

    Specialist edit of Red Dwarf’s first episode incorporating an alternate take of Lister feeding Frankenstein with visible glans.

    #265959
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SEVENTY-ONE

    Kryten is walking down B Deck when Rimmer sees him and rushes out to try and get him to mop the deck. He calls out and, when Kryten turns around, Rimmer is 40 metres behind and walking in his direction. They each walk 20 metres in a direct line, their faces toward each other. After their 20 metre walk, they were still 40 metres apart. How could this be?

    #265962

    MATHS IN THE RED PART SEVENTY-ONE

    Kryten is walking down B Deck when Rimmer sees him and rushes out to try and get him to mop the deck. He calls out and, when Kryten turns around, Rimmer is 40 metres behind and walking in his direction. They each walk 20 metres in a direct line, their faces toward each other. After their 20 metre walk, they were still 40 metres apart. How could this be?

    They are not walking in the same direction but Kryten’s head is rotated 180 degrees. Or one of them is walking forwards whilst the other backwards … same thing. Or B Deck is a mobius strip and walking in one direct is in fact also moving towards the other.

    #265969
    Warbodog
    Participant

    YOU’RE A BIT OF A KNOB

    The guys catch up with Jesus of Caesarea and find out that his evangelical atheism has morphed into far right fascism, apparently too subtly for his disciples to notice what was happening.

    #265973
    cwickham
    Participant

    SILICONIA CHIP INSIDE HER HEAD GETS SWITCHED TO OVERLOAD

    Kryten is inducted into the Boomtown Rats.

    #265974

    BOOMTOWN MR RATS

    Bob Geldof and Mr Rat lobby the leaders of Cardiff to build a nuclear power plant on the site of an historic castle, with the intention of blowing it up.

    #265975
    cwickham
    Participant

    CAPTAIN EMERALD AND THE SMEGGERONS

    Short-lived puppet-based spin-off series originally aired circa 1991 that has never been seen since its original broadcast, following a lawsuit from Gerry Anderson.

    #265977
    Ridley
    Participant

    CAPTAIN EMERALD AND THE LITTLERONS

    Short-lived Red Dwarf/Maid Marian crossover commissioned soley so Mike Edmonds can point out that it should have been CAPTAIN EMERALD AND THE LISTERONS.

    Barrington sells an out of date Mr Rat, Robin sues Alex Newsome’s Patrick Stewart impression for ripping off his Richard O’Brien impression and Marian decides not to be involved in the crossover or isn’t allowed cause she’s a girl. It was an ill-judged decision from GNP.

    #265978
    cwickham
    Participant

    SPACE: 3002099

    Working title for Red Dwarf before a lawsuit from Gerry Anderson.

    #265979
    cwickham
    Participant

    IDEA FOR AN EPISODE: 1999

    Lister recalls all the happy times he had listening to “Merry Xmas Everybody”.

    #265980
    cwickham
    Participant

    2001: AN IDEA FOR AN EPISODE ODYSSEY

    G&T’s mainframe becomes sentient and travels back in time to kill this thread at the start of its 21st page.

    #265981
    cwickham
    Participant

    SUPERMARIATICONIA

    Everyone is turned into electronic marionettes. Later it is announced all previous episodes will be remastered using the same technology so the model sequences fit better with the rest of the show.

    #265982
    cwickham
    Participant

    SUPERMARIOCONIA

    Everyone is turned into fictional Italian plumbers.

    #265983

    IDEA FOR AN EPISODE: THE NEXT GENERATION

    When the original posters in a popular fan forum thread grow up and have children, their offspring take of the mantle of posting pun based episode titles.

    #265984

    SMOKE ME A KIPPER’S 7

    Forum user Smoke me a Kipper assembles 7 of the most prolific posters in the idea for an episode thread, to journey the internet, spreading their puns.

    #265985
    cwickham
    Participant

    IDEA FOR AN EPISODE: DEEP SPACE NINE

    Thousands of years in the future, the “Idea for an episode” thread is still going, having been long since exiled to the far reaches of the universe.

    #265986
    cwickham
    Participant

    IDEA FOR AN EPISODE: PICARD

    Patrick Stewart tells his fictional story about lawyers again.

    #265987
    cwickham
    Participant

    IDEA FOR AN EPISODE: VOYAGER

    Thousands of years in the future, G&T Admin finally locks this thread and its inhabitants roam the Internet looking for somewhere else to shitpost.

    #265988
    Warbodog
    Participant

    NOT REALISTIC. AS IF!

    When the original posters in a popular fan forum thread grow up.

    #265989
    Warbodog
    Participant

    IDEA FOR AN EPISODE: SOCIAL MEDIA GENERATION

    The Idea for an episode thread is revived in a different tedious neverending episode title based pun landscape and inevitably isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, though many still stubbornly read along out of a contradictory sense of franchise loyalty or lack of imagination rather than moving on to something new like making puns based on Miami Vice or something.

    #265990
    Warbodog
    Participant

    MY HAMMY VICE

    Tubbs and Crockett bust a rodent-based zoophilia ring in progress and listen to the improvised excuses. Guest starring an overacting Richard Gere.

    #265992
    cwickham
    Participant

    10300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE

    Inhabitants of the idea for an episode thread go to war against good taste and the admins’ last nerves.

Viewing 100 posts - 10,201 through 10,300 (of 10,437 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.