Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LISTER TO REG WHARF

Lister mocks a radio transmission to the head of a the Red Dwarf fan club that he once hallucinated

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LINKS TO ENLIGHTENMENT

Lister believes he will find knowledge in playing every Zelda game every to have been released.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BODYFORM

Rimmer is captured and tortured by a large feminine hygiene product.

[Warbodog]

YOU SAW HOW BREEZY IT WAS WITH BROWN

Alternate take of Bodyswap’s mindswap scene using powerful wind machines.

[Warbodog]

NO MELCHIN’

Lister forbids Rimmer from doing Blackadder Goes Forth impressions while in his body. “Baaa,” Rimmer forebodingly replies.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE CURED

The Dwarfers return to the space station from Cured, only to remember it was destroyed by a proto-planet crashing into it. The episode ends four minutes in and the rest of the timeslot is taken up with a secretly filmed video of Chris Barrie in the back of a black cab.

[cwickham]

CURED IN THE BACK

The Dwarfers resort to cannibalism by frying Lister’s back for bacon.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CRUD IN THE RED

New title for seris viii to appear on the yet another failed special edition boxset

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PORRIDGE, IN SPACE

The crew encounter a meteor sized bowl of hot oaky milk mix that solves their food supply problems for a very long time

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF OOOORRRRRDDDDDEERRR

The crew have an encounter with John Bercow from the future, and they are disgusted to find he has turned into a bit of a knob. A fight ensues, with Bercow bellowing out of order repeatedly, until Rimmer decides the only way to win is to kill him.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BERCOW IN THE RED

Following his resignation as Speaker of the House, John Bercow moves over to the Labour benches. Meanwhile, the crew fly Starbug up a rats arse.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BERCOW TO REALITY

Following his resignation as Speaker of the House, John Bercow is violently snapped back to reality and realises just how terrible it all is. So he kills himself.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LEJOHN BERCOW

As John Bercow steps down as Speaker of the House, it is revealed he is a gestalt entity, and his essense flies out of the commons in a flash of white light as his robes fall to the floor.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SPREAKER OF THE HOUSE

MPs accidentally elect a podcast broadcast platform as the new house speaker

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THANKS FOR THE MEDIATIONS

John Bercow gives him memories to his successor so they can have his 10 years experience first day on the job.

Meanwhile, MPs gather around to thank John for his work.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BERCOW A JOKE

Many not so nice people speak out against Bercows record during the last couple of years as the UK has been preparing to leave the EU

Meanwhile, Kryten steals a tank and calously murders a mother and her five daughters

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOGEY THE PROROGUEY

Following the costume department losing Hogey’s wig, Boris Johnson is hired to play role of everyone’s favourite needy rogue simulant.

[Warbodog]

MUPPET RED CHRISTMAS

Lavish musical adaptation of the classic festive mobisodes. Starring Sir Ian McKellen as Father Christmas, Chris Barrie as Rimmer and Robert Llewellyn as Kryten, with puppet co-stars Gonzo and Rizzo as your omniscient narrators, bespoke reindeer, and two inanimate bits of felt as Lister and the Cat.

[cwickham]

NIK-NAKS IN THE RED

Following their previous mention in “Twentica”, Doug signs an advertising contract with a brand of spicy crisp.

[cwickham]

GIVE AND BAKE

Asclepius ends up as a contestant on The Great British Bake Off, and serves Paul Hollywood a souffle made with his own spleen.

[cwickham]

GIVE AND FAKE

Lister’s new kidney turns out to be a tin can with a whistle glued to it.

[cwickham]

GIVE AND QUAKE

Lister converts to Quakerism.

[cwickham]

IDENTITY BOLTON

John Bolton arrives from a parallel universe, because a guest role in Red Dwarf VII can only be less humiliating than what’s just happened to him.

[cwickham]

QUEEG 5666

Queeg, but this joke is made one post too late to work properly.

[Warbodog]

QUEEG SUPER SOAKER 500

Queeg gets a vintage 1990 water pistol for his birthday, but it’s not much use to him, not having arms or being real.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FIAT 500

A bored Holly pranks the crew by pretending to have been replaced with a Fiat 500. It is actually an improvement and no-one minds at all.

[Warbodog]

QUEEG HEIL

Holly/Doug goes too far.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

QUEEN 500

Red Dwarf is accused of being homophobically insensitive when Holly pretends to be Freddie Mercury for a week

[Warbodog]

DON QUEEG OATY

Queeg gets his Skutter sidekick to coat his travel monitor in porridge and they set out on a chivalrous quest of the corridors.

[Warbodog]

DON QUEEG GOATSE

Don Warrington pranks Charles Augins with a rude link.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SQUEEGEE 500

Kryten pranks the crew by replacing Holly with his favourite mop. No-one notices.

[cwickham]

DU BEKE IN THE RED

Remastered version of “Back in the Red (Part Three)” where the Blue Midget dance is re-choreographed by Anton du Beke.

[Dave]

DES MOINES AND ANGELES

Hilarious ‘odd-couple’ comedy in which ‘high’ Rimmer and ‘low’ Rimmer embark on a road trip between the two titular US locations.

Upon arriving in Los Angeles, ‘high’ Rimmer orders a Pot Noodle and is disgusted by what he receives.

[Dave]

TIMEVAGUE

Despite the first-draft script for ‘Timewave’ being a bit unfocused and unclear in its meaning, Doug decides it’s finished and doesn’t need any more editing passes.

[Dave]

BAMEWAVE

Sequel to ‘Timewave’ in which a newly-emboldened Doug attempts to tackle the thorny issue of racial equality.

[Dave]

WAVEWAVE

Incredibly self-referential ‘meta’ episode in which Doug uses the characters in Red Dwarf to explicitly respond to criticism of ‘Timewave’ and ‘Bamewave’.

[Dave]

BLAMEWAVE

Final episode of the ‘WAVE’ quadrilogy in which the production staff of Red Dwarf all insist that the previous three episodes were all someone else’s fault.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DAVE WAVE

After a series of suspicious posts on a fan forum, Dave is blamed for everything

[cwickham]

TIMEGRAVE

All copies of Timewave are rounded up, and placed in a grave.

[Dave]

THANKS FOR THE TIMEGRAVE

Fans respond to the events of TIMEGRAVE.

[Dave]

EAMONNS AND ANGELS

When a triplicator experiment backfires, Red Dwarf is destroyed and replaced by two copies: one, a heavenly benign ship in which the four crew members are saintly pillars of virtue; the other, a nightmarish vision of hell in which they have all been replaced by clones of Eamonn Holmes.

[Dave]

DESMOND’S AND ANGELS

When a Peckham barbershop mysteriously appears on Red Dwarf, Rimmer believes it must be God’s will.

[Dave]

DENIMS AND BAGELS

Lister opens a hipster cafe on Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

SMOKE ME A HIPSTER

Lister’s hipster cafe quickly fills up with people who vape.

[Dave]

I.P.A.

Lister discovers a mysterious alien-looking machine that can turn a pint of beer worth £3 into a pint of beer worth £6 simply by renaming it a ‘craft ale’.

[Dave]

GIVE AND VAPE

Sick of the unexplained explosion in the number of hipsters, Lister goes back in time and murders them all. However, this leaves the area poorer, causing an inevitable cycle of gentrification that soon leads the hipsters to flood in.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

D.O.A.

Lister has been watching Friends, and can’t get one line of the theme song out of his head because of how it speaks to him on a deep personal level.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHIP AND CAPE

Kochanski slips into Lister’s quarters in the middle of the night brandishing a holo-whip. Lister quickly changes into his Batman outfit.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GIVE ME A PLATE

Sick of having his food served in an old builders hard hat, Lister starts a Twitter account to demand regular crockery in eating establishments.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAKE AND BAKE

Lister starts smoking weed as soon as he wakes up. On one frightful morning Lister realises his stash has been stolen. After believing a deranged rats-droid has stolen it, he enlists the help of a friendly mobile vending machine to travel back in time and steal his own herbs to bring back to the present.

[Author]

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