Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OFFICER WINNER

The crew find an old Space Corp captain in a deep sleep pod played by Michael Winner. Upon revival, he crashes Starbug and immediately tells Kochanksi to calm down.

[Dave]

SHAKE N BACKWARDS

Kryten enters a room with a clean carpet, empties out a vacuum cleaner full of shit all over it, and then sucks some smelly white powder off the floor by waving an empty container around the room and walking in reverse singing a stupid song about removing the freshness.

[Dave]

WINNERWORLD

It’s too horrible to contemplate.

[Dave]

GUNMEN OF THE A CRAP ECLIPSE

When the crew of Red Dwarf play the AR machine and enter a game that simulates the moon passing in front of the sun from the earth’s perspective, they find it all a bit underwhelming.

[Dave]

GUNMEN OF THE ‘A’ PAPERCLIPS

When the crew of Red Dwarf play the AR machine and enter a game that simulates the finest stationery known to man, they decide it’s at least better than the eclipse one.

[Dave]

GUNMEN OF THE IMPROPER LIPS

When the crew of Red Dwarf play the AR machine and enter a game that lets them kiss anyone they want, viewers start to feel uncomfortable.

[Dave]

PHASERS AND STUNS

Captain Kirk discovers that he’s his own dad, Spock reboots the Enterprise computer, and some racism happens.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GUNMEN OF THE PODCAST PIPS

When the crew of Red Dwarf play the AR machine and enter a game that lets them listen to the pips from the Dwarfcast commentary episodes repeatedly, which makes for an out of time metronome in 6/8 time but an awfully boring episode of TV.

There is a spike in hear aid repairs reported the following week.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HALOSHIT

The crew encounter an angel doing a poo.

[Warbodog]

HEY, HO, PIP AND DANDY

Kryten greets this week’s guest cast: Russell Brand, Philip Pirrip from off of Great Expectations and a prostitute.

[cwickham]

DAEMONS AND ANGELS

Red Dwarf splits into two copies: one populated by “high” versions of the crew, and one populated by their inner selves in the form of animals capable of human speech.

[Warbodog]

THE ANIMALS OF FATHERS AND SUNS WOOD

Badger gets pissed and orders slow-moving garbage droids to destroy his woodland home and teach himself a lesson. Meanwhile, Toad and Moley discuss ironic racism.

[Warbodog]

WHITE DEER PARK HOLE

The animals who managed to avoid dying harrowingly make it to the sanctuary. Badger gets pissed and plays pool, imagining a heroic saviour fantasy for himself as he also dies.

[Dave]

ANIMALS OF FARTHING WOOD: THE NEXT GENERATION

Whatever happ, whatever happened to old Badgey?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FELLED DOWN

Rimmer arrives in Farthing Wood, takes control of the conservation and construction project, and proptly tells the crews to start cutting down trees before all the animals can be safely re-homed.

Meanwhile, Lister and Cat are held in a jail sell and see Vixon being led to the stake and refusing the blindfold.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CULLMEN OF THE APOCOLYPSE

The crew have just 28mins to save Badger and his family from a culling virus threating to wipe them all out.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ANIMALS OF FARTHING BACKWOODS

Lister and Cat watch the entire show in reverse order so it has happier moments peppered througghout and a better ending

[Warbodog]

WHITE HOLO-LIE HOLLY HOLY HOLE

Holly reveals that holograms aren’t affected by white holes, so Rimmer was just going along with it that time because he didn’t want to feel left out. She finishes with a prayer.

[Warbodog]

WHITE ‘HOLE’

Lister and Cat watch Bottom’s Ferris wheel episode with the gamma and brightness turned up to 100% and contrast at 0%.

[cwickham]

BLANKETY BLANK IN THE RED

All the Series VIII scripts are re-filmed, with the twist that certain lines have blank spaces replacing some of the words, and a celebrity panel have to provide suggestions. The concept is abandoned when Anneka Rice walks out halfway through the remount of “Krytie TV”.

[Dave]

TIKKA TO RICE

The gang travel back in search of a curry and accidentally prevent the assassination of Anneka Rice.

[Dave]

STOKE ME ANNEKA

X-rated Red Dwarf episode involving Ace Rimmer and Anneka Rice.

[Dave]

ANNEKA TO RIDE

Sequel to ‘Stoke Me Anneka’.

[Dave]

ANNEK TO REALITY

Anneka Rice is given 48 hours to call round local builders and set designers to ask for favours to help construct a realistic-looking total-immersion videogame machine for the next series of Red Dwarf.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FOR SOME BIZZAR REASON MY FINAL WORDS ARE ANNEK

A certain Ms Rice is the answer to solving the Inquisitors gauntlet

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAN OF RICE

The crew discover Anneka Rice is in fact a virgin. Cat offers to help her lose it, but ends up shredding up a vagina with his barbed penis and she dies from blood loss before the ad break.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RICEWAVE

The crew mock Anneka Rice for her blue jumpsuit and she runs off crying before the ship crashes into an inexplicably explosive moon

[cwickham]

NANNEKARCHY

Anneka Rice is challenged to find a joke in the final episode of Series VII.

[cwickham]

MECHALLENGE ANNEKA

Anneka Rice’s mind is uploaded into a mechanoid body so new episodes of Challenge Anneka can continue to be produced for decades to come.

[cwickham]

CHALLENGE TWENTICA

Anneka Rice is challenged to go back in time. She fails, as this is impossible, and serious questions are asked about the format of the show.

[cwickham]

BROCKOVICH IN THE RED

American remake of the last ten ideas, which only really makes sense if you know the American version of Challenge Anneka featured Erin Brockovich in Anneka Rice’s role.

[Warbodog]

FIVE ANNEKA? THAT ONLY GIVES US TWENTY-EIGHT HOURS

Cat prepares a marathon of Challenge Anneka specials, each one 5 hours and 36 minutes long.

[Warbodog]

OUT OF TIM

Shaken by the revelation that her lost lover is her own son, or something, somehow, Kochanski uses the Time Drive to hook up with old flame Tim and take her mind off it. Long story short, Tim’s her dad.

[Warbodog]

THE LAST DATE

Kochanski goes on her date with prison guard Rice. He doesn’t turn out to be related to her, but being a series VIII character he is a ridiculous, grotesque parody of a person, so she decides against it.

[Dave]

ANNEK-NEK NEK NEK NEK-NEK-NEKA

Kryten introduces Anneka Rice to the GELFs.

[Dave]

BETTER THAN RICE

Lister decides that he likes Carol Vorderman better than Anneka Rice.

[Dave]

ANNEKA INTENDED TO KILL YOU – I INTENDED TO SAVE YOUR LIFE

Lister tries to ingratiate himself with the Inquisitor by claiming to have prevented an assassination attempt by Anneka Rice.

[Warbodog]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KILLED HIM, ULRIKA-KA?

Deleted scene from the start of Shooting Stars series 4 explaining what happened to Mark Lamarr, ultimately replaced by fast-scrolling text.

[cwickham]

LAMARROONED

Live news coverage of Mark LaMarr’s arrest for false imprisonment.

[Dave]

TERRORFROME

A psi-moon-quake inadvertently reveals that Rimmer is terrified of a certain small town in Somerset.

[Dave]

SPORRANTINE

Remastered version of Quarantine in which Rimmer wears a kilt instead of a gingham dress.

[Dave]

LEMONS AND ANGELS

Due to a scheduling mix-up, the Dave channel accidentally broadcasts the first half of a Series X episode before the ad break, and the second half of a Series V episode after it.

[Dave]

OASIS LEAK

The crew of Red Dwarf use the stasis booths to travel back to a time when Oasis were actually any good.

[Dave]

LACES LEAK

The crew of Red Dwarf use the stasis booths to travel back in time and tie Lister’s shoelaces together.

[Dave]

ACE’S LEAK

Ace Rimmer has a piss.

[Pete Part Three]

STACY’S PEEK

Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on, although Stacy is oblivious to this. She invites a male classmate from school to her house for a playmate. When he disappears into the restroom, Stacy takes a peek and is surprised to see her young friend having a big ol’ wank.

[Dave]

CHALLENGE HANUKKAH

Mobisode sequel to Red Christmas in which Anneka Rice guest-stars as a randy rabbi.

It is swiftly declared by fans to be “even worse than Timewave”.

[Dave]

TWENTIKKA & TAKE

Fan edit that combines three episodes to create a story in which the Exponoids travel back in time to create a luddite world in which JFK is never assassinated, thus changing the future so that the Exponoids are defeated by a snack-dispensing droid with an egg-flipper on his head.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR TIKKA

Documentary about the long wait between Red Dwarf VI and VII.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR TIKKA, PART TWO

Documentary about me ordering a takeaway on a Saturday night.

[Author]

Replies