Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Warbodog]

OEDIPUS MEX

Mex makes love to his mother in his characteristic stop-start flamboyant fashion. Doug’s persuaded to get therapy.

[Dave]

WELL, THE SHUTTLECOCK WAS LATE, YOU SEE

Rimmer malfunctions and believes he is a badminton player.

[Dave]

WELL, THE SKUTTER WAS LATE, YOU SEE

Rimmer malfunctions and believes he is talking to Stabbim.

[Dave]

WELL, THE REBUTTAL WAS LATE, YOU SEE

Rimmer malfunctions and believes that Lister’s counter-claim that a chicken carcass was not in fact an alien was made far too tardily for him to even consider.

[Dave]

WELL, PAUL NUTTALL WAS LATE, YOU SEE

Rimmer malfunctions and believes that an ex-leader of Ukip has died.

[Warbodog]

WELL, THE SHOGGOTH WAS LATE, YOU SEE

The eldritch protoplasmic entity Rimmer summoned to help them deal with Pete finally shows up 20 years later and indifferently crushes his crewmates. Rimmer makes a weak excuse over their remains.

[Warbodog]

HOW²

Rimmer resurrects the holograms of Carol Vorderman, Fred Dinenage and Gareth “Gaz Top” Jones and makes them reenact his favourite slightly racist educational programme.

[Warbodog]

AH, MISS MCGRUDER, WHERE WERE WE? DA-NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA

New boxset release of I-VIII rescoring all implied sex scenes with the sex music from Back in the Red Part 2.

[Warbodog]

DON’T GIVE ME THAT ‘STARWING’ CRAP, IT’S STARFOX

Lister overreacts when Cat refers to a SNES game by the European title he grew up with.

[Warbodog]

THIS IS AN SNES DISTRESS CALL FROM THE MINING SHIP RED DWARF

Series 1 Holly’s graphics are slightly upgraded.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BY PASS THE MAIN CIRCUIT, THE NINTENDO SWITCH IS OVER THERE

The ship is hit by a meteroite and Holly has to help Lister reconnect his games console to the TV.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LUNAR CITY SEGA SATURN

The crew discover a city on a small moon built out of discarded 90s games consoles.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATHERS AND SONY

A maniac computer sets Red Dwarf on a collision course with an old Play Station, causing minimal damage to the ship.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GARBAGE POD, IT’S A SMEGGING GARBAGE POD

Rimmer is excited when he gets a notification that a new podcast episode about his favourite TV show has been released, until he realises it isn’t from his favourite fan site, but the other one.

[Warbodog]

BIRDMAN AND ROBIN

Very short-lived podcast presented by Robin Ince and Birdman. Topics include quantum mechanics and bird seed, respectively.

[Warbodog]

YOU WANT SOME RSS FEED?

Birdman handles the technical side of the podcast, having brought little else of value to the endeavour.

[Dave]

MEGOCRACY

When Lister digs out his old Megadrive, Kryten starts arguing that it’s actually called a Genesis and they have to hold a vote to resolve the whole thing.

[Dave]

DO WII BELIEVE?

Kryten encourages the crew to have faith that the batteries won’t have run out in the Nintendo Wii controllers that they haven’t used for several months.

[Dave]

NEO G FOOTBALL

Lister digs out a copy of Football Frenzy to play on the Neo Geo.

[Dave]

THIRTY-TWO X

“In all our travels, we have played on precisely thirty-one consoles: three one. And we have never felt moved to place a single one under our TV.”

Rimmer prepares to have his hopes dashed by Sega’s latest megadrive add-on cash-in mushroom-shaped white elephant.

[Warbodog]

FROM NOW ON, RED DWARF IS RUN BY AMIGA 500

Queeg upgrades the Drive Room from Commodore 64.

[Dave]

AMSTRAD 2X4B 6128

Such a jerky middle name.

[Dave]

STOKE ME ATARI

Lister’s favourite games machine leaves Red Dwarf to become a bewigged superhero.

[Dave]

TRIGGER TOO WIDE

Lister travels back in time in search of a curry and accidentally bumps into the man who designed the N64 controller, leading to a Z-switch on the underside of the device that is slightly too broad.

[Warbodog]

THANKS FOR THE MENACER

When Rimmer drunkenly confesses that he only ever played one arcade rail shooter game in his life, Lister gets him a light gun for his Mega Drive as a present. It mysteriously doesn’t work, so Lister buries it back in its box with the photo of kids using it and looking happy, which he lazily leaves propped up against a wall for a few years so he has to see it every day and is constantly reminded of the disappointment.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIME CRISIS WAVE

A spacial anomoly brings a 1990s arcade game 3 million years into the future. The crew are disgusted by the premise of the rail shooter being indescriminatly gunning down camp homosexuals.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DREAMCAST RECORDER

Cat re-lives his favourite dreams that have been recorded onto Sega’s last games console. A feature and selling point Sega forgot to mention at the time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LEGOCRACY

Divisions are cast amongst the crew and an election is held to determine who is king of the plastic building blocks, Lego or Duplo

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NEGADRIVE

Executives at Sega have to be talked down from the name chose for their new console, as it could sound a bit racist. So instead, they shelve the project for several centuries, until a young plucky Professor Mammet needs a device to store all her robots negative emotions.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GENESIS

New title for The Beginning that appears on the US Blu-ray release.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ALEX THE KIDD: BARE FIST FIGHTER EXRAORDINARE

When choosing characters to portray to enter Kryten’s dreamscape, Lister accidentally loads an 8bit child adventurer and inadvertantly cross over special skills from another key player.

[Dave]

ALTERED SELF-LOATHING BEAST

Side-on actioner in which a slobbering, drooling manifestation of Rimmer’s self loathing gets cool power-up transformation animations.

[Dave]

WHAT’S A JAGUAR, MA?

Lister is so stupid he doesn’t know about the Atari Jaguar, so asks his mum about it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOUSE OF THE DEADIES

Rail shooter that sees you take on the police shooting rioting hologram protesters at equal rights marches.

[cwickham]

FROM NOW ON, RED DWARF IS RUN BY MAMBO NO. 5

New version of Queeg where the titular role is played by Lou Bega.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD (YEAR THREE)

The “Idea for an episode” thread reaches its totally unnecessary third anniversary, which is a total structural mess with no internal consistency.

[cwickham]

GORMANOOED

Lister gets trapped on an ice planet with Dave Gorman.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE GORMAN…

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Dave Gorman was responsible for everything.

[Warbodog]

THREE YEARS’ LONG SERVICE

smoke me a kipper, Pete Part Three, Jimboid, Brayds2006, Pete Tranter’s Sister, Ridley, Darrell, International Debris and Phil are given medals for having been here from the start, before the radiation leak left the weirdos running things.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THREE YEARS INTO A THREAD, THE PUN BASED ‘IDEA FOR AN EPISODE’.

A really weak pun (so what else is new) based on Holly’s opening lines from series 1. Happy birthday everyone.

[Dave]

REMEMBER THREE YEARS AGO, THIRTY-SIX MONTHS AGO TO THE DAY, THE ‘IDEA FOR AN EPISODE’ THREAD?

How can the same smeg happen to the same forum 6,184 times?

[Warbodog]

ALMOST BURNT OUT, GIVE IT MAYBE THREE YEARS

Binks predicts another three glorious years of total, total, complete and utter and total nonsense gibberish.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOW OLD IS THE THREAD? THREE YEARS? AND HOW LONG DO THREADS LAST? ANOTHER 3 YEARS? WELL THERE’S YOU’RE ANSWER THEN. IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD IS HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS

Forum posters go on a voyage of discovery, meet the universe and realise they love each other very much.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

AN EDIT BUTTON AN EDIT BUTTON MY KINGDOM FOR AN EDIT BUTTON

King Richard III escapes fromt he AR machine Shakespeare world and bemoans the lack of editing functionality.

*your not you’re ffs!

[Warbodog]

REMEMBER ‘IDEA FOR AN EPISODE,’ THE OLD GANYMEDE & TITAN THREAD? THREE, ACCORDING TO THIS, AND WITH EACH SUCCESSIVE PAGEY IT’S GOT WORSE

Lister tries to annoy Rimmer by reading out what he deems to be the least newsworthy item in his magazine.

[Dave]

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU’VE BEEN READING THE ‘PRAT’ VERSION OF THE ‘IDEA FOR AN EPISODE’ THREAD? FOR *THREE YEARS*?!

Wooah that’s a classic thaddiz, that’s a classic.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’VE BEEN GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES FOR 36 MONTHS

Queeg arrives to inform forum members that they have been going in circles for three years and are yet to make any head way at forming a cogent idea for an episode

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NOW TAKE THAT NUMBER AND DIVIDE IT BY 33.33333, AND THEN YOU’LL COME UP WITH YOUR GOLDEN NUMBER

Kryten explains to Rimmer just how long fans have been generating episode ideas, using an old medieval war as his base number.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I MUST HAVE PRODDED US FORWARD THREE YEARS

After arriving in September 2016 and knocking forum user ‘smoke me a kipper’ out of the window, the crew jump forward to 2019 to find Ganymede and Titan a desolate place, having changed the course of history.

[cwickham]

ONLY THREE YEARS OF IDEAS FOR EPISODES…

New version of “Only the Good…” where the cliffhanger is resolved by Doug having a premonition of what Dwarf fandom will be reduced to twenty years later and deciding, definitively, to never write another episode again.

[Author]

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