Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 12,301 through 12,400 (of 12,587 total)
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  • #269661
    Dave
    Participant

    FUCK FROM THE DEAD, WE’RE ON PAGE 124

    Etc.

    #269662
    Dave
    Participant

    STRIKE A LIGHT, IT’S GORDON

    On the set of The Last Day, a young and nervous Gordon Kennedy breaks wind profusely, creating a stench that can only be eliminated by lighting a match. This leads to an insulting catchphrase among cast and crew whenever the guest actor walks into a room.

    #269663
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-NINE

    Kryten, Lister, Cat and Kochanski are trapped in the middle of Starbug’s ducts.

    From where they are, there are 4 passageways, one going north, one south, one east and one west. 25 metres down each of these passageways is another 4-way intersection (also going north, south, east and west). 25 metres down each of those passageways is another 4-way intersection, and 25 metres down those passageways is another 4-way intersection, with passages going 25 metres in each direction.

    Each passageway’s cross-section is a square, 3 metres tall and 3 metres wide. Assume that 25 metres is the exact distance between the centres of each intersection, and each intersection is a 3-metre by 3-metre square.

    When the ductways get backwashed, how much water (in cubic metres) will be required to fill them to the ceiling?

    #269664
    Dave
    Participant

    FLAMING TIME!

    In an attempt to take ownership of his windbreaking reputation, Gordon Kennedy begins ostentatiously lighting his own farts when they occur, much to the disgust of the Red Dwarf cast and crew.

    #269665
    Dave
    Participant

    WHERE DO ALL THE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS GO?

    After a rogue Gordon Kennedy blow-off accidentally sets alight to a portion of the Last Day set , GNP begin to lose patience with the methane-addled actor’s antics as they struggle to repair the fart-flambéed backdrop and insulate it against another bout of inadvertent arse-arson.

    #269666
    Dave
    Participant

    THE AGHAST DAY

    Disgusted by ‘Gassy’ Gordon Kennedy’s inflammable anal antics, Rob and Doug decided to rewrite the ending of the final Series III episode so that the new droid doesn’t replace Kryten permanently after all.

    Robert Llewellyn rejoices as his new Series IV contract is signed, and hurriedly disposes of the secret stash of beans, sprouts and cauliflower that he has been secretly hiding in Kennedy’s meals at the staff canteen.

    #269667
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY

    The Observation Dome is mounted to Red Dwarf’s exterior on a pole which is 13 cm in diameter and a perfect cylinder.  If one end of a 2300 cm long string is attached to the top of the pole, and wraps around the pole exactly 16 times before ending at the bottom of the pole, how tall is the pole to the nearest centimetre?

    #269668
    Dave
    Participant

    BACCALAUREATE IN THE RED

    Lister finally applies himself to studying and gets a qualification.

    #269669
    Dave
    Participant

    BACCY IN THE RED

    Lister stops smoking for quite a while, but is back on them now.

    #269670
    Dave
    Participant

    BICCIE IN THE RED

    Lister gets addicted to Hobnobs.

    #269671
    Warbodog
    Participant

    BETTER A LOAD OF SHIT THAN RED

    Rolling Stone ranks Torchwood 22 places higher than Red Dwarf in a countdown of the 50 best science fiction TV shows of all time.

    #269672
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-ONE

    Lister and Talkie Toaster are trapped in the garbage hold with nothing but a pack of cards. Lister comes up with a game: he draws a card from the top of the deck, and Talkie has to guess whether the next card will be higher or lower (aces are wild). For the first correct guess, Lister agrees to eat one piece of toast; for a second consecutive correct guess, two pieces of toast; three in a row correct is four pieces of toast; four correct is seven pieces of toast; and five correct is twelve pieces of toast.

    If Talkie Toaster makes it through the entire deck of cards without guessing incorrectly once, how many pieces of toast will Lister have to eat?

    #269673
    si
    Participant

    SMACK FROM THE FRED

    Wilma’s husband overhears Lister and Cat discussing his missus and takes action.

    #269674
    Jenuall
    Participant

    CACK IN THE BED

    Still upset by what happened to him on Backwards world Cat develops the bad habit of shitting in his own bed

    #269675
    Dave
    Participant

    MAC IN INSTEAD

    Chris Barrie is distressed when Doug Naylor drops Rimmer from Red Dwarf XIV in favour of a hologram of Captain Hollister.

    #269676
    Warbodog
    Participant

    WACCY BACC IN THE RED

    Jaaaaaaam-style remix of the series VIII trilogy targeting potheads. As well as being slowed down so they can understand it, there are overdubs such as Cat’s heartbeat now being a reggae rhythm, ‘the Dibbley Family’ becoming ‘the Doobie Family’, etc.

    #269677
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO

    Lister and Rimmer play an extra-long, high-scoring game of Subbuteo. If 6 of the goals scored by Rimmer were instead scored by Lister, the game would have been tied. But if 6 of the goals scored by Lister were instead scored by Rimmer, Rimmer would have 4 times as many goals as Lister. How many goals did Rimmer score in this game?

    #269678
    Warbodog
    Participant

    SMACK IN THE RED

    Remix of the series VIII trilogy targeting smackheads, based entirely on an understanding of their culture from the film Trainspotting.

    #269679
    Dave
    Participant

    BLU-TAC IN THE RED

    Remix of the Series VIII trilogy with Series I bunkroom scenes randomly interspersed throughout.

    #269680
    Warbodog
    Participant

    JACK-IN-THE-RED

    Red Dwarf’s scoop turns out to be the crown of a scary doll, which belatedly springs out and guides their way like a creepy figurehead for the remainder of the run.

    #269681
    Warbodog
    Participant

    JACK OFF THE RED

    A giant red teenager robot mistakes Red Dwarf for its penis that went missing after he masturbated too furiously. (“We’re getting some buffeting!”) The guys ejaculate free in Starbug.

    #269682
    Warbodog
    Participant

    ANALARCHY

    Low on supplies and morale after abandoning ship, the Starbuggers detect signs of Red Dwarf coming from a planetoid. It turns out to be the moon shaped like Felicity Kendal’s bottom, where they find the limp rouge one wedged tightly in a crater.

    #269683
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO

    Lister and Rimmer play an extra-long, high-scoring game of Subbuteo. If 6 of the goals scored by Rimmer were instead scored by Lister, the game would have been tied. But if 6 of the goals scored by Lister were instead scored by Rimmer, Rimmer would have 4 times as many goals as Lister. How many goals did Rimmer score in this game?

    Rimmer scored 26 goals (and Lister scored 14).

    #269684
    cwickham
    Participant

    ANSWERS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO

    cwickham wants to acknowledge someone getting the right answer but can’t think of a way to do so that really counts as an idea for an episode

    #269687
    Jenuall
    Participant

    CRACK IN THE RED

    Doug Naylor regrets extending an offer to the cast to contribute episode scripts for series VIII when Craig Charles hands in his first draft

    #269688
    Dave
    Participant

    FNAC IN THE RED

    Lister opens a branch of the popular French media/electronics chain on Red Dwarf.

    #269689
    Dave
    Participant

    LACKIN’ THE BED

    Designers realise too late that the new Series XIV bunkroom set features a very important omission.

    #269690
    Dave
    Participant

    SMACKIN’ THE DEAD

    Deb Lister discovers that holograms can touch when Arlene Rimmer slaps her male counterpart on the arse.

    #269691
    Jenuall
    Participant

    PACKING THE BREAD

    As well as making sure that the nappy sacks are safely stowed for their family trip in Better Than Life Rimmer also needs to make sure that he’s brought the bread for the picnic.

    #269692
    Jenuall
    Participant

    SMACK ON THE HEAD

    Early alternate title for Justice that was changed when Rob and Doug realised it gave away the final punchline

    #269693
    Jenuall
    Participant

    BACK ON THE PED!

    Cat gets angry at Lister for stopping pedalling when he’s trying to fry his egg with a bicycle powered hair dryer

    #269694
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-THREE

    For Kryten’s latest experiment, he is decanting astro fuel into a flask. The flask is the shape of a pentagonal pyramid: the base is a regular pentagon, 15cm to a side, and the height of the “pyramid” is 32cm. Assume these measurements are for the interior of the bottle.

    Assume the flow of liquid into the flask starts at zero and increases at a rate of 1 millilitre per second per second. How many seconds will it take to completely fill the flask? Please round to the nearest whole number.

    #269695
    Dave
    Participant

    HIJACKIN’ THE THREAD

    Forum posters ponder how a shitposting thread about Red Dwarf episode ideas has become home to a sub-strand about maths brain-teasers.

    #269696
    Dave
    Participant

    CRACK IN THE SHED

    Craig hides his stash.

    #269697
    Dave
    Participant

    FRACKIN’ THE MED

    The JMC starts a new initiative of underground drilling in southern Europe.

    #269698
    si
    Participant

    SMACKIN’ THE FRED

    Lister and Cat fight back against Wilma’s husband.

    #269700
    Dave
    Participant

    JACK IN THE RED

    Sequel to Tikka To Ride in which JFK is revived on board Red Dwarf and almost immediately goes missing, only to be found having sex with the robot Marilyn Monroe from The Last Day who still roams Red Dwarf’s corridors along with other never-officially-killed-off characters like Snacky and the second Polymorph.

    #269701
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF: Z-DECK

    Spinoff sitcom featuring a secondary crew of misfit guest characters who still live in the bowels of Red Dwarf. Episode 1: the Marilyn Monroe robot is cooking dinner for Snacky’s boss, but will the second Polymorph ruin things and cost him his promotion?

    #269702
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    ATTACKING THE THREAD

    A forum regular wonders how many posts in the “Idea for an Episode” thread are simply meta-critiques of the subpar quality of the thread itself.

    #269703
    Warbodog
    Participant

    BACK IN THE CYAN

    New grading of the series VIII trilogy designed to be watched in sync with the standard version on adjacent televisions, creating a special 3D version when you relax your eyes to the point where the images overlap and hold that for 90 minutes.

    #269704
    Dave
    Participant

    BASHIN’ THE THREAD

    Regular contributors to the Idea For An Episode thread insist that their criticism is meant affectionately.

    #269705
    Dave
    Participant

    BASHIR THE RED

    Martin Bashir becomes embarrassed when all of his underhanded journalistic techniques are exposed.

    #269706
    Dave
    Participant

    BOSTON DOYLES THE RAD

    Rimmer admires the Boston Doyles and wishes that he was related to them in real life.

    #269707
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-THREE

    For Kryten’s latest experiment, he is decanting astro fuel into a flask. The flask is the shape of a pentagonal pyramid: the base is a regular pentagon, 15cm to a side, and the height of the “pyramid” is 32cm. Assume these measurements are for the interior of the bottle.
    Assume the flow of liquid into the flask starts at zero and increases at a rate of 1 millilitre per second per second. How many seconds will it take to completely fill the flask? Please round to the nearest whole number.

    90 seconds (or 91, if we’re counting the second where no liquid is flowing).

    A Maths in the Red that needs you to know the volume of a pentagonal pyramid, the sum of the n+1 series, and the quadratic formula? Good shit.

    #269708
    cwickham
    Participant

    ANSWERS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-THREE

    cwickham is very pleased someone got that one right + praised the question to boot

    #269709
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    TRACK INTEGER THREAD

    A forum regular is so excited to tell people that there are 12345 “Ideas for an Episode”, that he posts a further comment thus wiping the temporary landmark.

    #269710
    Warbodog
    Participant

    MAD LADS IN THE RED

    Cat makes a shaky video of Lister trying to balance on a rail and falling off, the absolute nutcase!

    #269711
    Jenuall
    Participant

    MADS IN THE RED

    Remake of Back in the Red where instead of recreating all of the original crew the nanites have created a ship where everyone is Mads Mikkelsen for some reason

    #269712
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    DEAR TIMEWAVE

    Lister becomes troubled when he suddenly stops receiving correspondence from Ziggy Briceman and all his other friends on board the Enconium, so they take Starbug for a visit to figure out what happened. When they arrive they discover that the ship has fallen victim to the sibling of the Despair and Joy Squids, the Laziness Squid.

    #269803
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOW CAN YOU MANAGE TO MISS THE FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY?

    Everyone realises they missed the five-year anniversary of the idea for an episode thread starting, and all the truly brilliant opportunities for puns based around the number five as a result.

    #269811

    FIVE WHOLE YEARS? ARE SOME OF THEM ILLUMINATED

    Rimmer is excited to discover his favourite internet forum thread is half a decade old and wants to hear more.

    #269812
    Jenuall
    Participant

    THAT MANY!?!

    Cat is amazed to hear that the Idea for an episode thread has been pumping out high quality content for over 5 years.

    #269813
    Jenuall
    Participant

    LOOK LISTEN, IN 5 YEARS TIME YOU FIND A WAY TO COME BACK AND CREATE SOME BETTER IDEAS

    Future Lister reassures his past self that given enough time there will eventually be some good content found in the ideas for an episode thread

    #269817

    YEAH, AND WHAT DID I GET? 5 YEARS WORK OF EPISODE IDEAS

    Lister reminds Rimmer a past birthday gift was over 100 pages of the best episode ideas a group of fans can come up with.

    #269818
    Dave
    Participant

    ….FIVE YEARS LONG SERVICE

    G&T admin describe their experience moderating the Idea For An Episode thread since its inception.

    #269819
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    moderating

    lol

    #269820
    Warbodog
    Participant

    I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT, I CAN GIVE YOU FIFTEEN

    A post from page 372 escapes back to the comparatively wholesome sanity of page 124, but is unable to communicate its dire warning through the medium of Red Dwarf reference wordplay before succumbing.

    #269821
    si
    Participant

    I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT, I CAN GIVE YOU FIFTEEN

    A post from page 372 escapes back to the comparatively wholesome sanity of page 124, but is unable to communicate its dire warning through the medium of Red Dwarf reference wordplay before succumbing.

    Good luck.

    #269825
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FOUR

    Starbug has a laser cannon which is tilted at a 45-degree angle. It is pointed in the direction of a GELF ship, which is chasing it across a planetoid with an Earth-like atmosphere. The cannon is fired, sending a laser bolt with a density of 6kg towards the GELF ship at a velocity of 300 metres per second.

    The GELF ship’s side is sloped upwards at 30 degrees. Assuming that gravitational acceleration is 9.8 metres per second per second, and disregarding air resistance and the height of the cannon (in other words, assume the cannon opening is at elevation zero), at what elevation, in metres, will the laser bolt strike the side of the GELF ship? Please round to the nearest metre.

    #269836

    IN FIVE YEARS TIME, YOU FIND ANOTHER WAY TO COME BACK IN TIME.

    Page two four eight leaks into page one two four and things start to get a might bit confusing one a forum member who believes they might be on mushrooms sees both future pages at the same time, having just woken up from a stint in the infirmary.

     

    #269845
    Warbodog
    Participant

    WHAT CARCASSONNE? MAGAZINE

    Specialist publication for vultures who are undecided whether to commit to the first or second edition of a medieval-themed tile placement game.

    #269846

    I’VE BEEN FLAMINGOED UP

    A moody co-presenter on a popular video game TV show insists his stitch up over the productions choice of game for him to compete in is much much bigger than most.

    #269890
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HOGEY COKEY

    Hogey develops a drug habit.

    #269891
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HOGEY LEE DOKELY

    Hogey reveals his full name.

    #269892
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HOGEY’S PULL-UPS

    Lister tries to potty train Hogey. He’s a big boy now.

    #269893
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HULK HOGEY

    Hogey tries to become a professional wrestler.

    #269895
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEEY THE ROGUE ‘E’

    Rimmer misspells Hogey’s name, two Es actually.

    #269896

    HOGEY THR ROGUE, PUDDING AND PIE, KISSED THE GIRLS AND MADE THEM CRY

    A rather sombre special episode of Red Dwarf that takes a thoughtful look at the #MeToo movement via a one off story about a lonely Simulant being sexually inappropriate towards a number of one off female characters …. who are all flushed out an airlock at the end to reset the status quo.

    #269898
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HOGEY’S HEROES

    Lister and Rimmer try to steal Hogey’s miniature chocolates while he’s sleeping. Watch out for the booby traps, lads!

    #269899
    Warbodog
    Participant

    CARRIE HOGEY

    Annoyed by Hogey’s bad karaoke, the guys pour pig blood all over him on stage, inadvertently awakening his destructive telekinetic powers.

    #269900
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HOGEY THE FOGEY

    An elderly Hogey has amusing senior moments.

    #269901
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE

    Lister holds a race between all the Skutters. Unfortunately, he tries to get Holly to keep the results, and there’s a bit of a mix-up. All he knows is that the Skutter who came in three places in front of the Skutter who finished last came in two places ahead of the Skutter who came in seventh.

    How many Skutters finished the race?

    #269902
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE BOGEY

    Hogey turns out to be Camille in disguise, and Cat repeats his Sphinx joke at the expense of her appearance.

    #269903
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE O.G.

    Hogey embraces the trappings of gangsta rap.

    #269904
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE LOW-KEY

    Hogey reappears in Series XIV but only as a minor background character without a speaking role.

    #269905
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE LOKI

    The part of Hogey is recast to Tom Hiddleston.

    #269906
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE POKEY

    Hogey invades peoples’ personal spaces.

    #269907

    HOGEY THE ROPEY

    Hogey gets a job aboard an old sailing ship, looking after all the rope for the sails.

    #269908
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE COKEY

    Hogey invents a dance, and names it after himself.

    #269909
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE WOKEY

    Hogey is alert to racial and social injustices.

    #269910
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE YOKEY

    Hogey is an egg now.

    #269911
    cwickham
    Participant

    BOGEY THE ROGUEY

    Hogey’s snotty cousin is introduced.

    #269912
    cwickham
    Participant

    OKILY-DOKILY THE ROGUEY

    Hogey is related to Ned Flanders.

    #269913

    HOGEY THE MOULIN ROUGEY

    Hoguey gets a job working in a French ecsotic  dance club.

    #269914
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE SMALL ROUGEY

    Hogey dies and Red Dwarf is renamed after him.

    #269915

    HOGEY THE MOWGLI

    Hogey auditions for a part in the ships production of Jungle Book.

    #269916
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE ROGUE-ONEY

    Hogey steals the blueprints for the Death Star.

    #269917
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE VOGUEY

    Hogey does a fashion shoot.

    #269918
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOGEY THE FOGEY

    Hogey is old.

    #269919
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGIE THE ROGUEY

    Hoagy is a submarine sandwich.

    #269920
    cwickham
    Participant

    POGUEY THE ROGUEY

    Hoagy replaces Shane MacGowan as a band’s lead singer.

    #269921
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGY THE JOKEY

    Hoagy is humorous.

    #269922
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGY THE MOKE-Y

    Hoagy drives a small car.

    #269923
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGY THE OK

    Hoagy is basically fine.

    #269924
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGY THE BLOKEY

    Hoagy is crude.

    #269925
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE MOGUL-Y

    Hogey is cast in a biopic of Rupert Murdoch.

    #269926
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGY THE SMOKEY

    Hoagy liks cigarettes.

    #269927
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE WOGAN-Y

    Hogey starts affecting an Irish accent and beginning every sentence with “is it me, or…?”

    #269928
    cwickham
    Participant

    HOAGY THE FUNKY

    Hoagy enjoys dancing to music.

    #269929
    Dave
    Participant

    HOGEY THE YODEL-Y

    Hogey starts a parcel delivery service that isn’t very good.

Viewing 100 posts - 12,301 through 12,400 (of 12,587 total)
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