Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

I’M GONNA EAT YOU LITTLE VICHY

Cat bemoans the French regime that collaborated with the nazis during their occupation in World War II.

[Warbodog]

I’M GONNA DEET YOU, LITTLE FISHY

Lister tricks Cat into thinking that powerful insect repellant is a condiment, resulting in amusing stomach upset, vomiting and nausea.

[Warbodog]

SMEG AND MOG

Revival of the popular occult children’s book series. When Meg dies, her cat is inherited by a male wizard with poor hygiene who works on a mining ship in the future.

[Dave]

I’M NOT TALKING STYROFOAM HERE

Cat launches a new podcast in which he and his guest can discuss pretty much anything, with the exception of one very specific and niche topic.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SUCH A JERKY MIDDLE NAME

Kryten hosts a late night talk show where celebrity guests invited onto the show are insulted for having bad middle names

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’RE THE KING

Craig ferguson reprises he role as Confidence and hosts a TV series on BBC4 where he travels back and forth through time, attending male monarch coronations and annouces “you’re the king” the moment the crown is placed on their head

[Dave]

I’M TURNIN’ YOU IN, RIMMER

Lister puts Rimmer to bed.

[Dave]

I’M TURNIN’ YOU ON, RIMMER

Alternative title for ‘Blue’ that will appear on the 4K boxset.

[Dave]

I’M TURNIN’ YOU ON, SECOND RIMMER

Alternative title for the last 30 seconds of ‘Confidence and Paranoia’ that will appear on the 4K boxset.

[Dave]

I’M TURNIN’ YOU INTO RIMMER

Alternative title for ‘Bodyswap’ that will appear on the 4K boxset.

[Dave]

I’M TURNIN’ YOU INTO AN OFFICER, RIMMER

Alternative title for ‘Officer Rimmer’ that will appear on the 4K boxset.

[bloodteller]

DON’T GIVE ME THAT STAR TREK KRAFT, IT’S TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING

Kryten wakes Lister up at 3am to offer him a marshmallow from his novelty snack dispenser.

[bloodteller]

Just in case that image didn’t show for anyone, it was quite a clever joke, I think.

[cwickham]

DEAR DAVE GROHL

Lister receives a letter intended for an American rock musician.

[cwickham]

ID FOR AN EPISODE

Episode focusing on Lister’s disorganized part of his personality structure that contains his basic, instinctual drives

[cwickham]

EGO FOR AN EPISODE

Sequel to ID FOR AN EPISODE.

[cwickham]

SUPER-EGO FOR AN EPISODE

Conclusion to the trilogy.

[cwickham]

FUTURE SUPER-EGOS

Lister starts seeing visions of the internalization of cultural rules.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PAVLOVIAN UNIVERSE

The crew enter a dimension where everyone salivates when a bell rings.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOLA HOOP DRIVE

Holly invents a drive instantly transports Hola Hoops from anywhere in the universe into a small orange box.

[Warbodog]

SKIPSER

Remake of Skipper where everyone’s eating endless bags of a popular fizzy snack for sponsorship reasons.

[Warbodog]

WHEAT (CRUNCHIES) HOLE

Exactly the same thing for episode ideas 6,115 to 6,140 or so.

[Warbodog]

OUT OF TIM TAMS

In the Australian remake of Red Dwarf, Davo Lister makes a reckless time jaunt to restock on regional confectionery.

[Warbodog]

I’M SORRY SIR, I DIDN’T MEAN TO STEAL YOUR THUNBERG

Something eventually happens in the world that Guardian World News decides is more important than what one climate activist has said today and bumps her from the headline. Meanwhile, Lister attempts to make a topical joke, but realises he should stick to trivial bubble-blowing.

[Warbodog]

I’M SORRY SIR, I DIDN’T MEAN TO STEAL YOUR THUNDERBIRD

Kryten is mortified when he realises he’s been using Mr Lister’s Thunderbird 3 toy to enhance Archie.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE GRETA…

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing the ship was saved by Greta Thunberg.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE GREAT…

“Only the Good…”, but slightly more superlative than it was.

[Dave]

GRETA THAN LIFE

When a leading young climate activist sees world leaders immediately and comprehensively respond to her pleas and end climate change in a single 24-hour period, she begins to suspect that she’s still in the game.

[Warbodog]

ZERO-G FOOTBALL

How gfoogtbgalgl is spelled in the Red Dwarf universe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ZERO-BEE FOOTBALL

After getting stung by a bee, Rimmer tries to ban them from playing football just to be petty.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ZERO-FEE FOOTBALL

Rimmer suspects Lister is trying to price gouge him during their weekly Subbuteo tornament, and argues to abolish player transfer fees.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ZERO-QUEEG FOOTBALL

The crew round everyone up for a friendly 3 aside match (Lister Rimmer and Cat vs Holly, Pree and Queeg), but Queeg isn’t available to play. Besides, there is only so much of a game you can have when you’re team is made up of heads.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ZERO-H FOOTBALL

Holograms are banned from playing in the official leagues, leading to protest marches. Reasoned arguments such as “holograms can’t touch anything so what use would they be anyway” get ignored in favour of princicpled equal rights arguments.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SEX-VISION

Rimmer contracts a holovirus from Professor Lanstrom that causes his optical circuits to get cross wired with the ships pornhub library.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

REX-VISION

Lister contracts a virus that causes him to have a wider field of vision and see less colours. On the brightside, he can now be classified a dog and hisi prison sentence will pass much more quickly.

[Warbodog]

GEX-VOICE

While playing Gex 3, Cat gets the sense that it all sounds weirdly familiar.

[Warbodog]

LEXX-VISION

Lister and Cat watch a rubbish sci-fi programme for the prospect of some gratuitous breasts every few episodes.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HEX-FACTOR

Rimmer applies to a talent show for holograms to show off their own unique brand of deranged madness brought on by a holo-virus.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE FANTASTIC…

New version of “Only the Good…” where the cliffhanger is resolved by revealing that the Ninth Doctor turned up to save the day.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ONLY THE FANTASTIC 4

New version of “Only the Good…” where the cliffhanger is resolved by revealing that the Fantastic 4 turned up to save the day.

[Dave]

LONELY THE GOOD…

New version of “Only the Good…” where the cliffhanger is resolved by revealing that no-one turned up to save the day.

[Warbodog]

TAIWAN TONYLY THE GOOD…

The vending machine is redubbed to have a funnier accent. This could be incorporated into one of those other weird new edits of a 20-year-old episode they keep insanely releasing, or put out on its own.

[Warbodog]

FANTASTIC MEX

Expanded universe origin series showing Mex’s outer space adventures as a baby.

[Warbodog]

MIGHTY MEX

Pocket-sized diorama of the scene from Pete Part 1 featuring miniatures of Mex and his mates in that uninteresting blue place.

[Warbodog]

MAD MEX

It turns out Mex wasn’t actually affected by the Time Wand.

[Warbodog]

PEPSI MEX

Extra-gassy version of the popular fizzy drink that affects your ability to speak so you sound like Mex from ‘Red Dwarf.’

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

REX-MEX: PETE PART 3

After finally subduing dino-pete, the crew cultivate the meat and turn him into 3000 tacos and a swimming pool sized portion of chilli nachos

[cwickham]

DEAR DAVE CAMERON

Lister reads David Cameron’s autobiography, and is so disgusted he decides to send the author a letter of complaint.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE LIGHT FANTASTIC…

New version of “Only the Good…” where the cliffhanger is resolved by revealing that Sophie Ellis-Bextor turned up to save the day.

[cwickham]

MEX POWER

Mex decides to change his name after discovering he has the same name as the bumbling sidekick character in a TV crime drama.

[Author]

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