Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THREE YEARS OF THE APOCOLYPSE

To save Starbug from a deadly virus, a handful of fans plug themselves into a forum thread for three years coming up with the wittiest pun based episode titles.

It isn’t going well.

[Warbodog]

CRAIG FART DENSE SENDS BARRIE STUTTER

Craig Ferguson unleashes a potent SBD, causing Chris Barrie to stumble over the line “you will not be better until they’ve gone.”

[Dave]

PUNS, THEN, DON’ HAVE TO MAKE NO SENSE

When Kryten is infected with a simulant virus that makes him dream he is a wild west sheriff, he also starts making puns that are so far removed from the phrase on which they are based that they barely qualify as puns at all.

[Warbodog]

BECOME A DOG

Lister critiques the increasingly stupid plots given to Kramer in Seinfeld’s disappointing eighth season, rather hypocritically.

[cwickham]

ME CHOC RACY

Lister invents a chocolate bar in the shape of a naked woman.

[cwickham]

TERRORNORM

The crew of Red Dwarf crash-land on a planet shaped by Norman Lovett’s endless moaning about wanting his ball back.

[Warbodog]

PAELLAFORM

Series five episode three of Spanish Red Dwarf, every episode of which is naturally based around a stereotypical aspect of their culture.

[Warbodog]

MY HEAVENS, I’M HEAD HEAD

Holly is recast again again with Anthony Head, who shows his commitment to the role by getting decapitated. His last thought after the axe falls is how apt his name now is. This isn’t even the worst version of this I wrote.

[Warbodog]

TIMEWAVEWAVE

Remixing clips from a 2017 episode of Red Dwarf with lift muzak and anachronistic VHS effects becomes a perplexing YouTube meme.

[Warbodog]

CREST OF A TIMEWAVE

The Red Dwarf Shop attempts a relaunch with a misguided Ziggy tie and blazer badge combination pack. A few fans are convinced that this is a further clue that Timewave was an elaborate joke at our expense.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I WANT NAMES, I WANT PLACES, I WANT DATES

John Hoare, Manchester, sometime in 1989. Rob and Doug demand to know who stole their precious bunk room set.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE SETS

John Hoare successfully steals enough of the Series I-II bunkroom set to recreate it in his living room.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SET OUTS

Despite his hours of pouring over set details for G&T reports, John Hoare completely fucks up the building of series I-II sets, putting everything in the wrong order before it all collapses

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE SKIP

John Hoare goes rooting around in an old skip he thinks might have some old Red Dwarf sets in them.

[cwickham]

TWENTICA UNCHAINED

Dave Gorman attempts to travel around a version of America where all technology is banned without buying from any corporate businesses.

[cwickham]

TWENTICA UNCHAINED

Dave Gorman attempts to travel around a version of America where all technology is banned without buying from any corporate businesses.

[cwickham]

TWENTICA UNCHAINED HOLE

The Dwarfers encounter a space-time phenomenon that makes the same idea for an episode appear twice in a row.

[cwickham]

SILICONIA UNCHAINED

Dave Gorman attempts to travel America without buying from any corporate businesses after being turned into a mechanoid.

[Dave]

UNCHAINED MALADY

A poster in the ‘idea for an episode’ thread gets a holo-virus that makes them keep posting the same idea.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

UNCHAINED2

Forum user cwickham boots up an identical idea for an episode from a back up disc and immediately starts to regret it

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IT’S A SMEGGING GARBAGE POD

John Hoare think’s he has struck gold when a large container arrives which promises to house old sets from the very first series of Red Dwarf. He is upset to discover it was destined for landfill after struggling to remember the sets looking anything like a roast chicken.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HAVEN’T YOU ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS HOGWASH? I’M USED TO THE BEST

John Hoare arrives 20 years in the past on the hunt for Red Dwarf sets. When someone offers him the sets from series VIII, he gets quite angry.

[cwickham]

IT’S A SMEGGING GORMAN POD

An escape pod containing Dave Gorman arrives on board Red Dwarf.

[cwickham]

IT’S A SMEGGING GARDEN POD

An escape pod containing one of the Goodies arrives on board Red Dwarf.

[cwickham]

IT’S A SMEGGING GARETH POD

An escape pod containing a celebrity choirmaster arrives on board Red Dwarf.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IT’S A SMEGGING TIDE POD

Rimmer is aghast when Lister reveals the extra ingredient he adds to give his kebabs that extra kick.

[Warbodog]

BITSA SMEGGING GARBAGE POD

Children’s TV presenters show you how to make your own Red Dwarf Garbage Pod from scratch in three minutes using a vacuum forming machine and household waste.

[Warbodog]

THEY ALL DIED OF ART ATTACKS

Rimmer’s relatives all try to outdo each other with extravagant and ultimately fatal art projects.

[Warbodog]

WE’RE THE SMART ARTY

The gang escape from prison by cleverly disguising themselves as Neil Buchanan’s character from ZZZap!

[Dave]

POLY MORPH

Multiple versions of Tony Hart’s plasticine pal are discovered to have been safely sealed in the hold during the accident that wiped out the crew of Red Dwarf.

[Warbodog]

DOLPH’S CARTOON CLUB

The Hitler droid is reprogrammed to believe he’s another evil historical figure.

[cwickham]

SOME MECHANOIDS DO ‘AVE ‘EM

Spin-off where Kryten and Mechanoid Camille get married, and Kryten’s frequent attempts to hold down a job end in disaster.

[Dave]

“BUM.” I NEVER HAD A BUM

Kryten’s maudlin ramblings become increasingly implausible.

[Dave]

“THUMB.” I NEVER HAD A THUMB

Kryten’s maudlin ramblings lead his crewmates to break off his thumbs.

[Dave]

“EEEH BY GUM.” I NEVER HAD EEEH BY GUM

In an attempt to regain his sobriety, Kryten switches to spare head three.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SON. I NEVER HAD A SON.

In an episode very reminicent of Star Trek: The Next Generation’s ‘The Offspring’, Kryten constructs an adolecenst son to experience parenting. Someone is about to reach for the phone to call their lawyer, when James O’Brien helpfully points out that Data wouldn’t exist without Kryten anyway.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NUN. I NEVER HAD A NUN.

Kryten bemoans the fact he was assembled in a factory rather than raised in a religious convent.

[Warbodog]

THAT’S BETTER, THAT’S TETLEY THAN LIFE

Lister receives a free total immersion video game in the post, sponsored by Tetley. Refusing to learn from their mistakes, the guys plug in to the game, which has mutated or gone insane or something, and are forced to drink copious amounts of tea against their will. Fortunately, Kryten figures something out and they’re alright.

[Warbodog]

PGDNA

When Robert Llewellyn announces his retirement from acting, Kryten is permanently turned into a talking chimpanzee by a DNA modifier. Having learned from the Entangled fiasco, Doug relocates production to Thailand so he can make a real animal perform for our amusement for as long as he needs and no one gives a shit. When the animal performer dies during a long location shoot inside the mask and suit in the tropical heat, production returns to England, Doug persuades Bobby to come back and they all have a good laugh about it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ENGLISH BREAKFAST IN THE RED

The imminante collapse of a popular brand of tea has the crew worried that they’ll have to start drinking coffee instead.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TWININGSTEACA

The crew follow a group of exponoids back in time to 20th century Britian, where tea is outlawed, resulting in the defeat of the British by German invasion forces during World War 2, changing the future forever.

This series long story arc sees Hitler return in a reoccuring role, and eventually a lawsuit from Amazon owing to the inevitably drawn similarities to ‘Man in the High Castle’.

[Warbodog]

ROOIBOS FROM THE DWARF

Lister gives Kryten grief when he catches him steeping South African tea bags, in reference to the apartheid that ended more than 150 years before his birth. He improvises an angry poem while Kill Crazy sets about demolishing the sleeping quarters with his head.

[Warbodog]

CHAMOMILLE

Kryten rescues a single-use Teabag GELF who was genetically engineered to taste like whatever flavour of tea the drinker desires. The guys admit that they’re not big tea drinkers, but Lister suggests chamomile because it might help his joints. Camille informs him that chamomile isn’t a tea, actually, it’s an infusion. They put her in the hole with the other smart-arse sentient consumer goods.

[Warbodog]

YOU’RE A TOUCH-TEA

Lister unknowingly wears a uniform with an insignia indicating that he’s able to dip his fingers into cups of tea. Things get tense when Howard Rimmer presents a cup and asks for a demonstration, but he manages to bluff his way through.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TUH, TUH, TEA SHONE SHEET

Rimmer visits his younger self with a really crap and unthoughtout idea for a get rich quick invention

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TEA KA TO RIDE

The team travel back to the 21st century in search of a Ford KA Powered by tea so Lister can relive his youth and go for a joy ride.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KRYTIE TEA PEE

Annoyed with the advise Lister gives him regarding the female reproductive cycle, Kryten pisses in his tea.

[Dave]

MILITARY EARL GREY

Rimmer sets about altering the type of hologrammatic tea that other-Rimmer drinks, changing it from Military Earl Grey to the almost imperceptibly different Ocean Earl Grey.

[Dave]

A SAWN OFF SSSS SHOTGUN

Kryten invents a shotgun filled with snakes.

[cwickham]

OUT OF IDEAS FOR EPISODES

The posters on the first page of the “Idea for an episode” thread are visited by their future selves from three years in the future, but fail to take their threats to destroy them seriously because nobody seriously believes this thread will end up thirteen and a half pages long.

[Author]

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