Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE BOYS, FROM THE DWARF

The crew begin investigating corrupt superheroes and plot to take them down.

[Warbodog]

OH BUGGER THAN LIFE

Unlucky Alf from The Fast Show returns home after spending what remained of his life savings on the total immersion video game, Better Than Life. He sits down in his armchair, looking forward to leaving his depressing life behind for a while. Though knowing his luck, he’ll probably get trapped in a self-destructive nightmare fantasy and slowly wither away. Still, it can’t be any worse than what reality has in store. He doesn’t get the chance to find out, as he accidentally snaps one of the electrodes, rendering the system useless. Oh, bugger.

[Dave]

THE DWARF FROM THE BOYS

Warwick Davis stars in a new sitcom in which two young brothers conjour up a magical Leprechaun. With hilarious consequences.

[Dave]

THE BAIZE FROM THE DWARF

Lister installs a new pool table.

[Dave]

THE BAES FROM THE DWARF

Camille’s nickname for the crew.

[Dave]

THE BUOYS FROM THE DWARF

Holly ejects all the flotation devices from the ship, as they are next to useless in space.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THEYDON BOIS FROM THE DWARF

A town in the Epping Forest area of Essex is revealed to have derived its name from a group of time travelling settlers who, from some 3million years in the future, find themselves stuck in a heavily wooded part of what will eventually become a commuter town in North East London, in the 12th century.

When asked By surrounding villages who they are, they answer with “The Boys from the Dwarf”, which centuries of linguistic shortcut and evolution and has reduced itself to Theydon Bois, by which the town in now known.

[Warbodog]

QUARALFTINE

Unlucky Alf from The Fast Show has bought some luck virus from t’chemist, hoping he can balance out his misfortune somewhat and see what the average person’s life is like. That’d be a nice change. Still, knowing his luck, t’bottle’ll break before he has a chance to try it. He sits down in the old man pub and swigs it down successfully. Then the chemist enters and informs Alf that he accidentally gave him sexual magnetism virus instead, as the hoary regulars all leer in his direction. Oh, bugger.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CHANNEL 27, THEY HAVE HOLOGRAM PETER SISSONS READING THE NEWS

A line in Future Echos is re-dubbed and a scene from Better Than Life is digitally altered to posthumously insert a deceased BBC news reader into the show.

[Warbodog]

BALFANCE OF POWER

Unlucky Alf from The Fast Show is preparing a roast dinner to impress the widow next door. He went down t’butcher’s early to get the best beef cuts they had, but knowing his luck, he’s probably overcooked it. He opens t’oven and takes out what looks like an unappetising grey cake. Oh, bugger.

[bloodteller]

IDEA FOR AN EPI SODA

Kryten comes up with a new concept- a soft drink that gives you a nasty gastrointestinal disorder. The idea is quickly dismissed as rubbish by the posse, but Lister later spikes Rimmer’s whisky with it to see if it really works. Long story short, it doesn’t, it gives Rimmer IBS instead.

[bloodteller]

IDEA FOR AN EPIC CHODE

Lister shoves fireworks into Rimmer’s urethra to make his penis more appealing towards the opposite sex. Unfortunately due to Rimmer’s lackluster sex life, he is given little opportunity to try out his enhanced gonads. Lister becomes bored and decides to just set the fireworks off anyway just to see if it works. Long story short, it doesn’t, it gives Rimmer IBS instead.

[bloodteller]

IDEA FOR AN ESPER ‘SODE

The rarely-mentioned lost episode for Series 5 where the crew all develop psychic powers is finally made. Lister gets pyrokinesis, which he decides to test out by setting Rimmer’s arse on fire. Unfortunately Rimmer happens to fart at the exact same time, and the resulting explosion gives him IBS.

(In all seriousness, how come this never gets discussed when lost episodes of Red Dwarf come up?)

[Dave]

GROUT A LA CREME

Cat is disgusted to receive from the vending machine a lump of wet cement in a creamy sauce.

[Dave]

SNOUT A LA CREME

Cat snuffles his nose into a bowl of warm cream like a fucking animal.

[Dave]

TROUT A LA GRAEME

Graeme Garden materialises on Red Dwarf and boasts about having had sex with Rimmer’s mum.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

JAKSZYK?

Lister questions Cat’s choice of word to play in Scrabble, claiming it isn’t a word. Cat then proudly corrects him, “of course it is. He’s the current guitarist in the band King Crimson”

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THAT’S COMPLETELY WACKO JAKKO

Lister voiced his praise upon hears Jakko Jakszyk’s new guitars dubs on previously discarded recording sessions from 1969 of King Crimson’s seminal ’21st Century Schizoid Man’.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KING CRIMSON

Lister coins a new nickname for Rimmer when he starts wearing a red uniform.

[Dave]

DROUGHT A LA CREME

The vending machine runs out of Trout a la Creme.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’M AN ENLIGHTENED 23RD CENTURY SCHIZOID GUY, SPEAK TO ME

“I want to talk to you about King Crimson”

Newly humanised Kryten has already found a witty nickname for a giant manhood

[Dave]

CUSTER KIT, TITAN

Rimmer buys a plastic self-assembly model of General Custer – an extra large version.

[Dave]

POUT A LA CREME

Nirvanah Crane takes her coffee with cream.

[Dave]

GOUT A LA CREME

After years of eating rich food from the vending machines on Red Dwarf, Cat succumbs to gout.

[Dave]

DOUBT A LA CREME

A poster in the ‘idea for an episode’ thread gets a nagging feeling that we’ve done all these ‘Trout a la Creme’ puns before.

[Dave]

TROUT ALLAH CREME

Doug decides to apply the satirical skills honed on ‘Timewave’ to the thorny issue of Islam.

[cwickham]

FATHERS AND SIMMS

New version of Fathers & Suns where the Medi-Bot and Taiwan Tony are played by John Simm.

[Warbodog]

OH BUGGER IN THE RED, PART 1

Unlucky Alf from The Fast Show is a pound short for the bus and has to walk home in t’rain, when he spies a shiny pound coin in the mud. Blimey, that’s a turnaround. Still, knowing his luck, it’ll probably just be one of them chocolate coins, or his back’ll go out when he bends over and a bird’ll do its muck all down his neck. Any road, he decides to risk the inevitable calamity and bends over to pick up the coin, then a miniaturised Starbug rams up his arse and carries him off. Oh, bugger, literally in this case, he says.

[Warbodog]

BACK WARDS

Six-part prequel series covering Lister’s uneventful six weeks in traction, being openly laughed at by Rimmer, informed of the fun he’s missing by Chen (Mark Williams not available) and failing to meet any other kooky orthopaedic patients because none of them can move.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KEEP AN EYE ON THAT LAMB

When Rimmer goes on an animal torture rampage, he tells the Skutters to leave one eye intact on the lamb he is currently have torn apart limb by limb so that he can see the psychopathic pleasure in Rimmer’s face as it bleets for mercy.

[Warbodog]

SPROUTS MAKE ME CHUCK

Lister turns into incoherent Yorkshire comedian Charlie Chuck whenever he eats the unpopular vegetable. Donkey, bowwow.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT CROMBLE

Rimmer gets into the work of Robert E. Howard and names a dish in honour of the Cimmerian deity.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT TRUMBULL

The majority of series VII’s FX budget is spent hiring legendary special effects supervisor Douglas Trumbull to provide unnecessarily high-quality motion control of a sprout, ultimately unused because the characters don’t like sprouts.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT BUMBLE

Lister and Cat invent a sprout-based version of Bizzy Buzzy Bumbles that makes use of everyone’s least favourite vegetable.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT CUMBLE

The holovirus-afflicted Rimmer raids the ship’s sperm bank to add a little something extra to Lister’s thrice-daily dessert.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT QUMBLE

Alternate version of Quarantine where Chris Barrie affected a babyish voice for evil Rimmer. They ultimately went with a more threatening take.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT MUMBLE

Alternate version of Quarantine where every mention of sprouts is made deliberately inaudible. They ultimately went with a clearer take.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT TUMBLE

A sprout rolls off a shelf. No one notices or cares. Best episode ever.

[bloodteller]

TROUT A LA PHLEGM

Cat sneezes on his fish supper

[Warbodog]

ROTTER ZWERG

Infamous interview on German TV where the young Red Dwarf cast express their contempt for host Wilhelm Gründiß using an interesting blend of crude and Beano-style phrasing.

[Warbodog]

KEV, ANY TRE PAS’ LICK?

Kevin Sorbo, star of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, has run into hard times and is catering a Czech Red Dwarf convention. Green Day drummer Tré Cool nonchalantly wanders in and samples a few Cornish pasties with his tongue, decides they’re not for him, and unhygienically leaves them in the tray for Kevin and his team to sort through.

[cwickham]

MOOMINOCRACY

The Dwarfers have a vote to determine their favourite character in Tove Jansson’s books.

[cwickham]

THANKS FOR THE MOOMINERY

Lister gives Rimmer all his Moomins memorabilia.

[cwickham]

MOOMINED

Lister gets stuck in AR with Moomintroll.

[cwickham]

POLYMOOM

The Polymorph returns, in the shape of Moomintroll.

[cwickham]

MOOMIN-CORP

Red Dwarf is bought out by Moomin Character Ltd.

[Dave]

MOOMIN THE RED

Three-part special in which all of the Moomins are recreated by nanobots.

[Warbodog]

MOOMINS MOVE?

Lister is sceptical about Rimmer’s claim that the Moomin books were adapted into several animated series.

[Dave]

PASSED A SORT OF REDDY MOOMIN A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO

In an SOS video, Lister attempts to use his hand to describe the shape of a Moomin, but in doing so accidentally makes the controversial ‘OK’ hand gesture and thus reveals himself to be a racist 8chan-loving white supremacist.

[Warbodog]

ARNOLD J. KWAK

The translator for the Dutch dub of the Rimmer munchkin song somehow gets it into their head that Rimmer is a young duck having edutaining adventures. Despite its awkwardness, fans who grew up on the Dutch version naturally prefer it.

[Author]

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