Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

KRAKEN IN THE RED

The crew of Red Dwarf find out that the Despair squid has somehow got onto the ship and is hiding in the water tank.

[Dave]

KRAKEN KIN IN THE RED

The Despair squid’s offspring is also on board.

[Dave]

CRACKIN’ KRAKEN KIN IN THE RED

Wallace from Wallace & Gromit approves of the previous episode.

[Dave]

CRACKIN’ KRAKEN KIN KING IN THE RED

Wallace continues to enjoy watching as the squids on Red Dwarf implement a rudimentary system of monarchy.

[Warbodog]

MCKRACKEN AND MCCRACKEN ON CRACK AND ON KRAKENS ‘KIN CRACKS IN THE RED

Zak McKracken from the 1988 adventure game and Deborah McCracken from the Sonic the Hedgehog 1992-94 Mega Drive game credits smoke crack and ride Krakens that take turns bumming each other in Red Dwarf’s landing bay.

[hudson123]

That’s great and awesome, That is very useful and informative.

[Jawscvmcdia (2)]

ARNOLD RIMMER: ALL AMERICAN HERO

Rimmer is the captain of a ship in the 15th century, voyaging across the Atlantic Ocean in search of unexplored land. Lister, Cat and Kryten are all his crew mates. Eventually, after much exploration they stumble upon the Americas, but Rimmer being the pompous oaf that he is decides to name it “Rimmer Land”.

[Warbodog]

BLOBBYCOP

Concerned that Timewave’s ironic awfulness might be too subtle, despite all the dead giveaways, Doug replaces the Crit Cop character with Mr Blobby from ‘The Red Dwarf A-Z.’ When Cat calls Mrs Blobby a “blubber-ass whore,” Mr Blobby goes berzerk, endlessly repeating his name in distorted guttural screams as he knocks down the set, pushes over security guards on his way to the exit and stumbles through the Shepperton lot until he collapses by some bins, the head of the costume falling off to reveal a sweaty and delirious Johnny Vegas inside muttering “blobby… blobby… blobby” until he falls asleep and the end credits play silently.

[Warbodog]

WHELK RYE TEA, TODAY’S THE DAY

Lister can no longer postpone the unappetising medicinal drink prescribed by Kryten.

[Warbodog]

DICKED SOUP

Lister plays an unhygienic culinary prank on the Cat.

[Dave]

GAZTOPSHOW SOUP

Rimmer guest-stars on ’90s ITV scattershot educational series How 2, as part of a segment on soups that are served cold.

Meanwhile, Carol Vorderman mistakes Holly for Fred Dinenage.

[Warbodog]

DID YOU SEE ANYTHING REALLY WILD IN THAT MIRROR?

Lister’s reflection is momentarily replaced by an apparition of Terry Nutkins feeding an otter.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’M WRITING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FATHER IS DAD

In an attempt to undo one of the better episodes of the Dave era, Rimmer received a letter from his mother insisting that Rimmer’s dad really is his bio-father, and that the holotape about Dungo the Gardener was just his dad playing a horrible practical joke that he was only meant to see if he made it as an officer

[Warbodog]

BADDIEL AND SKIPPER UNPLANNED

David Baddiel sits alone on a sofa and does live reactions to the same Red Dwarf episode every week. A member of the audience is chosen to serve as ‘secretary,’ keeping note of the topics Dave has covered to prevent repetition across the series. If Dave does repeat an observation, or goes too far off-topic, an alarm sounds and he gets gunged.

[Warbodog]

BAR DEL AND SNICKER UNPLANNED

Lister strongly contests Rimmer’s claims that David Jason falling through the bar on Only Fools and Horses and the guards in Life of Brian corpsing over ‘Biggus Dickus’ were actually mistakes that they decided to keep in because they were funny.

[Dave]

SHOOT ME A CLAPPER

A production photo is taken on the set of the new Red Dwarf Special.

[Dave]

SHOOT ME A CLAPPER, PART TWO

As part of making the making-of documentary for the Red Dwarf Special Blu-Ray, the documentary camera crew makes sure to get a bit of footage of audience members applauding during the cast introductions at the start of the show.

[Dave]

SHIT ME A CRAPPER

Deleted scene from Fathers & Suns in which the racist-sounding vending machines try to pronounce the above two ideas for an episode.

Coincidentally, this was also the working title of Pete Part Two.

[Warbodog]

SHITTISH “COMEDY” AWARDS 2019

Regulars of G&T’s Idea for an episode thread host a low-budget gala to celebrate their vandalisation of the website for another year. Despite Dave and quinn_drummer’s tireless efforts, bloodteller wins Best Pun for ‘YOU’VE JUST UNPLUGGED THE CON’S HOLE,’ because the phrase pops into Warbodog’s head every other day.

[Warbodog]

CLAPPER

Rimmer finds a vintage 1998 clapperboard bearing Paul Alexander’s signature that transports him through various unrealised perversions. He gets gonorrhea just from observing.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SLAPPER

Lister goes on a dimension hopping joy ride to find his very own lapdancing wife

[Warbodog]

KAPPA

A leaked set photo reveals Rimmer’s controversial new tracksuit look.

[Dave]

PARAPPA

Lister’s new costume includes an orange beanie hat with a picture of a frog on it.

[Dave]

ROB GRANT

Due to an obscure JMC regulation, the ship’s computer offers Lister a financial subsidy for stealing things. He therefore ostracises his crewmates by nicking everything they own out of a selfish impulse to increase his own wealth.

(‘Lost’ episode from Series III that is obviously a trenchant satire on Thatcher’s politics and the capitalist culture of the ’80s etc. etc.)

[Dave]

DOG NAILER

When Kryten malfunctions and starts crucifying canine corpses, Cat finally starts to like him.

[Dave]

EDD BUY

Rimmer wastes all of his dollarpounds by bidding on ebay for an exact replica of Edd the Duck, to replace Mr Flibble who was fried to death in an unfortunate hex vision incident.

Now penniless, Rimmer is forced to get a job as Lister’s butler just to make ends meet.

It is only in the 27th minute of the episode that Rimmer realises that, with no other humans alive in the universe, it can only have been Lister who bid against him on ebay, and it must have been Kryten or Cat who sold the item in the first place.

Luckily, with only seconds left of the episode there isn’t time to explain any of this adequately.

[Dave]

COWARD GOURD ALE

Rimmer hides from this week’s villain and drinks beer out of a container made of dry plant skin. He is suddenly inspired to write the theme tune for Red Dwarf.

[Warbodog]

HOW³

Howard Goodall is revealed to be the idealised ‘High’ version of Baby Cow co-founder Henry Normall, who had an accident with a triplicator in the late 1970s. (This explains why he’s so nice). Unfortunately, the accident also produced a ‘Low’ version in the form of series six director, Andy De Enommy.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOWARD BAD Y’ALL

Doug adopts a Texas drawl to explain why he chose not to use Howard’s cues in series XII

[Dave]

ONLY THE GOODALL

To mollify Howard Goodall after the Series XII debacle, Doug Naylor writes the Red Dwarf Special as a ‘silent’ episode with no dialogue or sound effects, meaning that the only audio content is the specially-commissioned score.

[Warbodog]

HOWARD FUCKALL

Doug spitefully refuses to use any stock Goodall music in the new special, including the theme, and tries to start a rumour about the composer’s extreme promiscuity.

[Warbodog]

FUCK OFF ALEX

To try to tempt Taskmaster back to Dave, the Red Dwarf cast and crew take a break from filming to fly a gigantic Alex Horne blimp through the middle of London.

[Dave]

SCORED

The boys from the Dwarf stumble across a mysterious facility whereby great composers of the past have been cryogenically frozen by a sinister wheelchair-bound professor.

After enjoying dinner with Beethoven, Mozart and Bach, the crew happen across a pod containing pompous preening prima donna Howard Goodall, who throws his toys out of the pram because not enough of his music got used in Series XII. Cat therefore immediately shoots him in the face.

[Warbodog]

BOOMERS IN THE RED (PRACTICALLY FUCKING DEAD)

When users of a Red Dwarf forum mock Norman Lovett’s natural ageing in an ironic manner, this empowers other users to question whether the old fogies should just call it a day, since they are not getting any younger, and to describe 37-year-old Chloë Annett in Back to Earth as “old” like they live in Logan’s Run.

[Warbodog]

CLARE GORGON

The role of Kochanski is not recast in 1997 with a much younger actress, meaning we have to look at a 46-year-old boomer hag’s face in Back to Earth, urlgh!!!

[Dave]

G-CORP

A new library music corporation takes over Red Dwarf Series XII and immediately makes any tunes composed by Howard Goodall inaudible.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR GOODALL

Viewers of Red Dwarf Series XII listen in vain all series for snatches of new music composed by self-regarding musical luvvie Howard Goodall, who mobilises an irate army of fans once they realise his musical contributions have been so ill-treated by GNP.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THANKS FOR THE MONEY

Howard Goodall laughs all the way to the bank with the money he is paid for music cues that are ultimately not used.

[Dave]

THERE ARE NO SOUNDS TO HEAR

Trumped-up posturing tunesmith Howard Goodall becomes incandescent with rage when he finds out that 0.45 seconds of one of his original pieces of music was cut from an episode of Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

THE TAPE MUST HAVE GOT TWISTED

Doug Naylor offers a barely-plausible unconvincing excuse to tone-deaf plinky-plonk glorified jingle composer Howard Goodall to explain why the majority of his score for Red Dwarf XII was not used.

[Warbodog]

THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN

When the producer of the Red Dwarf retrospectives raises concerns that having two Howards might be a bit confusing for viewers, Howard Goodall reluctantly blacks up to make them easier to tell apart.

[Warbodog]

SHOWERED GOODALL

Documentary in which various celebrities express over-the-top admiration for the telly composer and one ex-lover talks candidly about his sexual kinks.

[Warbodog]

PROWERED GOODALL

An infantile Red Dwarf fan draws some of the production team as if they were Sonic characters, in felt tip on lined paper.

[Warbodog]

FLOURED GOODALL

When Howard Burden turns up to the retrospective recording with a deep suntan, it’s decided that Howard Goodall’s original skin tone would work better for contrast after all. When the boot polish refuses to budge – and with cameras ready to roll – the make-up team has to improvise.

[Dave]

COW-HERD GOODALL

Dismayed by the treatment of his score for Red Dwarf XII, highfalutin session musician Howard Goodall decides to become a shepherd instead.

[Dave]

BLOWHARD GOODALL

Grandiose minstrel Howard Goodall dismays his fanbase by endlessly carping about how his score for Red Dwarf XII was largely unused.

[Dave]

EMPOWERED GOODALL

Bolstered by the support of his obsequious fanbase, puffed-up busker Howard Goodall renews his dedication to endlessly complaining about how much of his score for Red Dwarf XII wasn’t used in the final product.

[Dave]

LOWERED GOODALL

With everyone growing sick of his endless moaning about the score for Red Dwarf XII, haughty instrumentalist Howard Goodall is slowly lowered into molten steel like the end of Terminator 2.

[Warbodog]

HOURED GOODALL

With no new Red Dwarf project to support him this year, Howard’s electricity gets metered.

[Warbodog]

HARDWOOD GOAL L

Howard Goodall switches trades again to carpenter. He’s hired by a local football club to build some bespoke goalposts, which he makes from unnecessarily high-quality timber and spends ages on. When he finally attends a game, he’s dismayed to see that they didn’t even use one of the sides.

[Author]

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