Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Warbodog]

DEVOURED GOODALL

Hey, look. Howard’s being eaten.

[Dave]

HOWARD GRIDDLE

Upon waking up to check G&T on a Saturday morning and being dismayed to see so many insulting jokes about him, conceited symphonist Howard Goodall consoles himself by fixing up some bacon and eggs.

[Dave]

“NOW…” HARD, GOODALL

When egotistical recitalist Howard Goodall attempts to act out a passage of Richard III from memory, he finds it tougher than he expected.

[Dave]

BROW CARD GOD OAR HULL

A collection of words that almost look like a pun on the name of respected composer Howard Goodall, if you really squint.

[Warbodog]

SCOURED GOODALL

Someone plays a prank on Howard Goodall by replacing his loofah with a scouring pad for pots and pans. The amiable composer manages to see the funny side through the pain.

[Warbodog]

TOWARD GOODALL

Howard Goodall’s ego expands to such vast proportions that it exerts a gravitational pull.

[Warbodog]

LANDAUARD GOODALL

Howard Goodall peels off his mask to reveal he was really Rollin Hand from Mission: Impossible all along.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FOUL WORDS GOODALL

Upon hearing the news that his music cues won’t be used in series XII, jaunty jingle composer releases a string of highly emotive expletives

[cwickham]

SOON YUL GET BRYNNER

Taylor Swift is hired to perform all the music for Red Dwarf following Howard Goodall’s departure, and starts by recording a cover version of the Munchkin Song.

[Jawscvmcdia (2)]

MUSIC HALL BLUES

In an effort to relive the good old days of the past, an episode is produced where all the cast sing old music hall songs for the whole family to enjoy.

[Warbodog]

MUCKRAKERACY

Rimmer’s election campaign showcases his sensitivity to women by raising awareness of a pointless non-news story no one is talking about concerning a long-dead celebrity making a sexist remark ages ago. Kryten accesses the ship’s CCTV logs and comes up with a feature-length counter-proposal by lunchtime.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PREETWEE

To compound the problematic issues of Fathers and Suns further, a re-edit is produced replacing Rebecca Blackstone with John Pertwee, speaking in exclusively objectifying language.

[Dave]

RED DWARF/THREE

Red Dwarf gets a bold visual overhaul in its third series, crossing over with the adventures of the Third Doctor in a series arc based exclusively around objectifying women. Episode 1: Rimmer teaches Jon Pertwee the art of elbow-titting while Lister calls someone an absolute slag.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PREEWEE

A candid 30 minute behind the scenes complication video of Rebecca Blackstone having a wee is featured on the Red Dwarf 50th anniversary 8k boxset, raising questions surrounding privacy in the ladies loos at Pinewood studios, the the whole of GNPs involvement in blatant hidden camera voyeurism.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PREE-QUILL TO NANARCHY

In an online comic chronically the events leading up to the crew losing Red Dwarf, it is revealed that psychotic AI computer Pree, and physics teachers/last of her kind alien Miss Quill from ‘Class’ are actually responsible for stealing Red Dwarf and turning it into an arctic moon.

[Warbodog]

IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU [TUGS CHEEK THREE TIMES AND DOES WET, CHEWY SOUNDS]

With Confidence’s help, Lister works out that Rimmer’s hidden his “jazz” mags in the solar panels outside their sleeping quarters. Rimmer admits defeat, but gets Lister to agree that, if he wants to “strum his guitar,” so to speak, he should put on an Outland hand-me-down spacesuit and do it in outer space.

Lister finds his coveted “rhythm” magazines and becomes instantly aroused, but is unsure how to proceed. Confidence tells him he’s hot and that he should take his helmet out, but his own demonstration results in his cock going all stretched before exploding like he’s from the film Outland rather than real life.

Lister settles for humping the side of the ship until he ejaculates inside his suit, then he feels much better.

[Dave]

WANKS FOR THE MEMORY

The crew erase all of their memories of the above episode.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WANKS FOR THE MEMORY 2

Lister wakes up in a cold sweat realising that all his memories of Lisa Yates he gave Rimmer would include all the memories he has of knocking one out to photos he has of her.

[Dave]

BLEEPING MUTTON

Lister’s DVDs of Shaun the Sheep: The Next Generation are edited to censor all the swearwords.

[Dave]

CREEPING MUTTON

Lister has nightmares about being stalked by the curry monster from DNA.

[Dave]

PEKING MUTTON

Lister enjoys his favourite Chinese delicacy, only to be told by a vending machine that it is racist.

[Dave]

XI JINPING BUTTON

Rimmer declares Xi Jinping to be one of his favourite political leaders of all time by wearing a badge with the former Chinese president’s face on it.

[Warbodog]

XII JINPING

Lister says he thinks Xi Jinping’s successor had a better run overall, despite that unforgivable controversy in the middle.

[Warbodog]

BACK TO EARTH JINPING

Xi Jinping has to change his name to X Jinping when it’s confirmed that one of his predecessors doesn’t count after all.

[Warbodog]

PIN NUMBER OF THE BEAST

Rimmer runs into the Drive Room with the great gag he’s been saving up for post 6,666, having finally worked out how to incorporate references to their adventures, only to find that Lister threw the opportunity away on borderline racism.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE GOODALL

Howard Goodall is sacked from Red Dwarf for spreading a moronic conspiracy theory about the BBC on social media.

[Veni]

69 6000

Holly has sex with Hilly

[Dave]

YOU’RE GOING TO GO SPARE – YOU’RE GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY SPARE

At the annual Red Dwarf ten-pin-bowling tournament, Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister and predicts that Kryten will knock down all ten skittles, but it will take him two bowling balls to do it.

[Dave]

YOU’RE GOING TO GO SPARE HEAD – YOU’RE GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY SPARE HEAD

Deleted scene from Tikka To Ride in which Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister and predicts that Kryten will soon be forced to swap heads by a currylust-deranged Lister.

[Dave]

YOU’RE GOING TO GO BARE – YOU’RE GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY BARE

Deleted scene from Pete Part One in which Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister and predicts that, due to some stupid plot contrivance, they’re probably both going to end up stark naked.

[Warbodog]

YOU’RE GOING TO GO AIR – YOU’RE GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY AIR

Deleted scene from Polymorph in which Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister while Lister’s being strangled by his kebab, and chokes out a prediction that Lister will probably be breathing normally again before too long as events unfold.

[Warbodog]

YOU’RE GOING TO GO WERE – YOU’RE GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY WERE

Deleted scene from the beginning of Out of Time in which Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister and predicts that Lister will end up sporting a wolf’s head at some point today, as unlikely as that sounds now.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BORED

Forum user bloodteller sets about trying to cure boredum by resurrecting lots of old, boring people and telling them to just do stuff to stop being bored, like watching porn or look at the stock market. Cat finds this all so incredibily dull that he shoots her in the face.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’RE GOING TO GROW HAIR – YOU’RE GOING TO GROW ABSOLUTELY HAIR

Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister and cuts his dredlocks off, before trying comfort him with the knowledge that hair will grow back. Which it inexplicably does by the next episode.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’RE GOING TO GO CLARE – YOU’RE GOING TO GO ABSOLUTELY, CLARE

Rimmer swaps bodies with Lister and predicts the re-casting of Kochanski in series VII.

[Dave]

YOUR GONG TO GO BONG

Stage direction for Mr Rat in the script for Skipper.

[Dave]

WE HAVE TO GO! spare WE HAVE TO GO! absolutely spare

Bodyswap is inexplicably edited to include Kryten shouting from The Inquisitor and Back To Reality.

[Dave]

IMDb TRIVIA

IMDb users exclusively reveal that in all of Chloe Annett’s scenes in Red Dwarf, she was stark bollock naked underneath her clothes.

[Warbodog]

THEY TOOK THE BABBLE LITERALLY. ANNETT AND STEVE, THE NAKED AND THE APPLE ENTHUSIAST, TOOK IT WORD FOR WORD

The naive boy from Smeg Outs who believed Holly literally had computer rashes in Parallel Universe grows up to edit Red Dwarf trivia on IMDb, TV Tropes and the Tongue Tied wiki.

[Warbodog]

HOW’S LIFE IN FRUSTRATION? FOULED IT UP YET?

When he’s not serving Hollister drinks, Rimmer’s forced to spend his off-hours inside the giant Pop-O-Matic dice container of the Tank’s sadistic human Ludo game, getting thrown around the walls and splattered in his own accumulating bodily waste.

[Warbodog]

HOW’S LIFE ON PROBOSCIS? FILED IT DOWN YET?

Hollister decides that the giant statue of himself that towers over the cavernous Floor 14 needs a nose job. He appoints Rimmer.

[Dave]

YOU ARE SPACE CRAZY

Rimmer gets annoyed with Lister for parking his big stupid space-bike across two parking spaces in Red Dwarf’s parking lot, despite the remaining 1,167 spaces being unoccupied due to the rest of the crew being dead.

[Dave]

YOU ARE FACE CRAZY

Cat makes a bit of a gaffe when Legion’s mask falls off and his face looks all warped and ugly and that.

[Dave]

YOU ARE KILL CRAZY

First-person choose-your-own-adventure spinoff book in which readers play as the titular deranged Canary.

[Warbodog]

YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SPAYS CRAZY

In the Tank, Lister informs Rimmer about a future echo he’s seen, where Rimmer was amputating the homicidal Canary’s testicles. Rimmer reluctantly picks up a pair of pliers and sets out to fulfil his unavoidable destiny. (Lister was lying).

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU ARE MACE CRAZY

Rimmer confronts Cat in the corridors of the ship, after discovering the liquid he is spraying over everything isn’t purfume, but in fact an incredibily dangerous eye irritant.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU ARE BASS CRAZY

Rimmer confront Kryten when, during a mid-life crisis, he rebuilds himself to include sub-whoofers in his body, pumping out club tunes.

[Dave]

WOOFERS AND TWEETERS

Danny John-Jules takes to Twitter to spoil in advance all the best gags from the upcoming Red Dwarf special.

[Warbodog]

SONIC BOOMERS

Doug Naylor actually makes Jawscvmcdia (2)’s idea for an episode.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SONIC BOOMERS SIX

Manchester punk rappers meet thier future selves and get really angry at how old and conservative they have become, resulting in them taking them out with laser cannons

[Author]

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