Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

SEE YOU LATER

A pre-accident Rimmer walks back into the bunkroom and contemplates the fact that he will almost certainly have his evening astronavigation revision interrupted by having to watch Lister take a curry-fuelled evening dump right in the middle of their shared bunkroom on the revolving toilet, like they’re caged fucking animals or something.

[Warbodog]

OK BOOMER

Red Dwarf USA finally gets green-lit.

[Warbodog]

IT’S A GARBAGE CRATE

New Red Dwarf crate subscription service for actual smegheads, containing commonly available food items referenced in the show (such as curry ready meals, Pot Noodles and alphabet pasta shapes) at an exorbitant markup.

[Warbodog]

IT’S A D’ARB-AGE POG

Lister finds a cardboard disc toy dating back to the period of the 1990s when Josie d’Arby was a CBBC regular.

[Dave]

OK IS NEVER A THREAT, NO MATTER HOW MANY BOOMERS YOU PUT ON THE END

Rimmer gets irritated by Lister’s pseudo-woke bandwagon-jumping mindless ageism, especially as there’s less than a decade between them.

[Warbodog]

DON’T GIVE ME THAT ‘STAR WARS PREQUELS ARE CRAP’

Lister calls Rimmer a “boomer” when he voices what turns out to be an unacceptable old-fogie view on the Star Wars prequels, despite there being less than a decade between them. Rimmer deals with the confusing experience by writing it up as a kind of strange fan fiction.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF III: THE SAME GENERATION GAP

Extended Wilma Flintstone scene. Rimmer exposes his olde-worlde views again when he says he’s got bored of watching The Flintstones these days, not realising that this is another sacred cow.

[Dave]

OH MY GOD, THERE’S THE LAST JEDI – I RECOGNISE IT FROM RIMMER’S BLU-RAY COLLECTION

Rimmer dares to suggest that The Last Jedi may be the best-made film of the Star Wars sequel era and argues that it actually dares to introduce new concepts and challenging ideas to the saga, much to Lister’s chagrin. Lister then educates him about how problematic the film is and insists that he mindlessly adopt the received wisdom that it is an awful film and had ruined Star Wars.

[Warbodog]

YOU PARADE UP AND DOWN WITH A STRAP-ON CAT AVATAR, CALLING YOURSELF ‘DOG’?

A forum user realises that criticising other people’s interest in anthropomorphic animals is a bit hypocritical.

[Jawscvmcdia (2)]

Note to self, do not Google search the term “anthropomorphic animals”.

[peas_and_corn]

HE’S A GEORDI

Lister asks Star Trek’s Geordi LaForge if his nipples get hard in cold weather

[cwickham]

ONLY THE GOOD AND HORSES…

Nano Rimmer’s spirits are lifted when Batman turns up to save the ship from the chameleonic microbe, but are dashed when he realises it is really Del Boy in a costume.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SORRY DAVE LISTER, SHIPS SIRLOIN

After 3 million years of radiation and mutation, a sentient steak apologises for interrupting Lister and introduces itself.

[Warbodog]

I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE

When Rimmer gets too much into his antagonist role, flying off the handle over innocuous comments to make conversations unmanageable and cackling like a cartoon villain when he’s exposed as no-substance troll, Lister fucks off, what’s the point.

[Manbird]

BEYOND THE WOKE

A Back to Earth-style episode where a small but vocal group of Synthetic Justice Warriors complain that fictional characters absolutely MUST share their personal values or end up being denounced as racist, sexist, homophobic, trans phobic, etc [delete as appropriate] because they believe the audience can’t be trusted with morally fallible protagonists and/or complex ideas.

[Dave]

OH, SIR, YOU’VE GOT ‘IT’ IN YOUR JACKET!

Kryten notices that Lister is carrying around a well-thumbed paperback copy of the famous Stephen King novel.

[Dave]

OH, SIR, YOU’VE GOT SHIT IN YOUR JACKET!

Kryten notices that Lister hasn’t discovered what shirt tails are for.

[Dave]

OH, SIR, YOU’VE GOT TITS IN YOUR JACKET!

Kryten notices that Lister has put on a bit of weight around the chest area.

[Dave]

OH, SIR, YOU’VE GOT IT IN YOUR JACKANORY!

Kryten notices that Craig Charles has smuggled the dead-alternate-Lister’s-hand prop onto the set of his episode of the now-defunct children’s-storytelling TV programme.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OH, SIR, YOU’VE GOT IT IN YOUR JACKSIE!

Kryten notices that Lister is secreting the dead-alternative-Lister’s hand up his bottom.

[bloodteller]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED ON THE OREGON WITH THE RABBIDS?

The show does a subtle crossover with that really annoying Rayman spin-off.

[bloodteller]

OH SIR, YOU’VE GOT MITTS IN YOUR JACKET!

Kryten notices Lister has a pair of warm, hand-knitted mittens in his pockets.

[bloodteller]

OH SIR, YOU’VE GOT MINTS IN YOUR DAD’S SHIT!

Kryten notices Lister keeps dropping candy down the toilet after he does a turd to disguise the smell, as opposed to just flushing it like a normal fucking human being.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED ON OREGON WITH THE RAPIDS

Hollister reminds Lister of the dangers of smuggling contraband aboard a ship by referencing a previous smuggling fiasco when a crew member snuck some white water rapids aboard the Oregon so he could canoe at speed down the ships corridors

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED ON OREGON WITH THE RABBIS

Hollister reminders Lister of the dangers of smuggling rabbis aboard a ship without the correct quarantine clearance.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED ON OREGON WITH THE RAREBIT

Hollister reminds Lister of the dangers of smuggling Welsh cuisine aboard a ship without the correct quatantine clearance.

[Dave]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OREGANO WITH THE RABBITS?

Captain Hollister relates the cautionary tale of the time he was unable to make a decent spaghetti bolognese because his herb garden was ravaged by a load of hungry bunnies.

[Dave]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORANGEMEN WITH THE RABIES?

Fresh from the success of Timewave, Doug decides that his next Red Dwarf script will tackle the thorny issue of Irish politics.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ‘ORNYMEN WITH THE RABBITS

Hollister, adopting a cockney accent, warns against bringing pets aboard a spaceship, in case any sex starved crew members get any funny ideas.

[Dave]

TOTTI, TOTTI, TOTTI

Rimmer tries to cheat at Red Dwarf’s fantasy football league by choosing the same player three times.

[Dave]

TODDY, TODDY, TODDY

Kryten hands out some nice hot bedtime drinks to Mr Lister, Mr Rimmer and Mr Cat.

[Dave]

TITTY, KITTY, TITTY

Cat dreams about being sandwiched in between a cleavage you could ski down.

[Dave]

TOTHUNTER

Dave desperately tries to think of more puns on this theme to fill up the Idea For An Episode thread.

[Dave]

BISCOTTI, BISCOTTI, BISCOTTI

Red Dwarf/Frasier crossover.

[Paul Muller]

HOTTIE, HOTTIE, HOTTIE

[Paul Muller]

ARGH! ROB OR ROSS?

The crew get into a heated argument over which Kryten actor they prefer.

[Paul Muller]

AHHH…ROB OR ROSS

The argument is resolved when everyone agrees they’re both great in their own way.

[JamesTC]

Backwards Forwards Backwards

[Pete Part Three]

OUR OB OR OS

Deep in production for the Red Dwarf special, Doug weighs up whether to do an outside broadcast or build an operating system, based on what has been scrawled on the side of a box. The man from Baby Cow looks slightly concerned.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DELICATELY PUTT, SIR

The Lister and Kryten replacements in Inquisitor find time for some golf and Kryen comments on Lister’s gentle golf technique

[Dave]

YOUR LION

When Lister adopts a lion cub, a whiny Kryten grows increasingly upset about it.

[Dave]

URE LYING

Kryten is amazed to open one of the stasis beds on Starbug and find perfectly-preserved Ultravox frontman Midge Ure reclining in it. He communicates this discovery to the rest of the crew in suitably whiny fashion.

[Dave]

SHE’S LYIN’

Cheeky northern actor and musician Jimmy Nail shows up on the set of Red Dwarf, gives an impromptu rendition of his minor hit Ain’t No Doubt, and then promptly shits in a bin.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YOU’RE DYIN’

130 years in the future, Kryten sits next to Lister on his death bed. He tries to hold it together, but eventually breaks down into his a whine he has supressed for over a century.

[Pete Part Three]

YOU’RE THE TIME PARADOX OFFSPRING OF YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND AND YOURSELF THREE MILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE SO MAKE SURE YOU TIME TRAVEL BACK TO DROP YOURSELF OFF TO ENSURE THE HUMAN RACE NEVER BECOMES EXTINCT

Alternate-universe name for Ouroboros, and written on the box Lister was found in.

[cwickham]

BARRY IN THE RED

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Barry Cryer showed up to write some jokes for the Series VIII scripts.

[Dave]

WHERE DO ALL THE CALCUTTAS GO?

Kryten compares English-language maps of India produced in the 20th and 21st centuries and wonders why the name ‘Kolkata’ was introduced.

[Offline]

EVERYONE’S REPEATED, DAVE

Doug Naylor subconsciously rewrites and amalgamates classic scripts and calls them Series XI and XII

[bloodteller]

OH SIR, YOU’VE GOT LINT IN YOUR JACKET!

Kryten does some laundry

[bloodteller]

OH SIR, YOU’VE GOT FLINT IN YOUR JACKET!

Kryten is overjoyed to find some small pieces of rock in Lister’s pockets

[Author]

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