Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

It’s cod outside.

[flanl3]

Lister, Rimmer, Kryten, and Cod.

[Matt Damon]

Matt Damon

[bloodteller]

DAMON JUMP- the crew jump to the bottom of a G&T thread and discover the most recent comment is about Matt Damon

[flanl3]

& also by Matt Damon.

[bloodteller]

PLEAT PART 2- kryten finishes off his laundry duties with the most ambitious folding technique ever

[flanl3]

Codbining three opinions into one

[bloodteller]

FEET PART 1: long awaited sequel to the really good fanfilm on the Series VII DVD

[bloodteller]

FEET PART 2: the giant foot monster eats some curry and does a big poo

[bloodteller]

PARALLELOGRAM UNIVERSE- the crew wind up in a dimension where everything is a certain four-sided shape

[bloodteller]

PARKAY UNIVERSE- the crew wind up in a universe where everything is made out of rather crap margarine.

meanwhile, rimmer is whipped, stirred, beaten and oiled until he becomes some lovely thick butter. but was it an accident? no.

[Rubber]

Bummerworld

Lister takes a trip to the mythical ‘Freedom Boulevard’ with a view to go ‘cruising down [it]’ but is horrified to learn that it’s a predominantly ‘bent’ district full of men who keep hitting on him. In his rage and confusion he ends up punching a waitress in the face. It’s not a very distinguished episode of Red Dwarf but it fleshes out the character a bit.

[Dave]

THE ‘LAST’ DAY

After losing a bet, Lister is forced to listen to Rimmer’s James Last record collection for a full 24 hours. They subsequently argue over whether James Last is a real person or just part of Rob Grant and Doug Naylor’s ‘worldbuilding’ for the show.

[Dave]

RED IN THE BACK

Sequel to ‘Quarantine’. Lister examines Kryten for damage, in the wake of being him attacked by holovirus Rimmer. Lister finds a large mark on Kryten’s spinal column. But was it an axe dent?

[Moonlight]

THE LAST GAY

Ziggy Briceman has a big adventure. A big, hard adventure.

[bloodteller]

FAST HUMAN- In order to lose a bit of weight, Lister takes up jogging. Oddly enough, he’s actually quite speedy and can do 100 meters in just under 9 seconds. To further help his weight loss program, Kryten forces Lister to stop eating meals altogether. The dangerous combination of both being fast and fasting kills Lister, unsurprisingly.

Meanwhile, Rimmer falls down an elevator shaft. But was it an accident?

[Ben Saunders]

>The ‘Last’ Day

Meta.

[flanl3]

THE LAST TRAY:

Kryten runs out of trays so starts serving all meals in construction hats. Meanwhile, Kryten finds all the real cloches on fire in the garbage hold, but was it an accident?

[bloodteller]

BASTE HUMAN- Kryten inexplicably keeps pouring meat tenderizer all over Lister while he sleeps. Lister is initially apathetic about the whole thing, but becomes distressed when he wakes up inside the slow cooker surrounded by potatoes, with a massive onion up his bum.

Meanwhile, Cat takes some lessons on road safety. Rimmer mocks him, saying there are no roads in space. But was it an accident?

[bloodteller]

CHASTE HUMAN- Lister declares he’s going to stop having sex. Everyone is confused because it’s not like he really has sex anyway. Kryten sheepishly looks away as Lister reveals that Kryten’s been sucking him off with his groinal attachment twice daily for the past 28 years. But was it all an accident?

Meanwhile,, Cat passes his driving test and gets his first car. It’s a bit shit, but he likes it anyway.

[Ben Paddon]

THREADWARDS:

Basically everything you’ve just read, but in reverse order.

[bloodteller]

CELEBRITIES DISFIGURED PART 2- craig charles goes to a red dwarf convention and shits everywhere

[Ben Saunders]

THE END:

The entire crew of the Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf are killed by a radiation leak. But was it an accident?

[Dollar Pound]

N/A

lister wakes up on his spacebike in uncharted deep space and surmises he has lost starbug to persons or lifeforms unknown and fell asleep for a bit. when he sees a space station he is grateful because he needs a shave. his host is a norwegian in a teal green diving suit and oriental mask who explains he is a cross between heidegger and a quail and has been working on his N/A machine out here in uncharted Deep Space. Lister is non-plussed by the machine which barely seems applicable to anything, fashioned as it was from selotape, a hardhat and some tupperware lids, and decides to jog on when suddenly the machine turns him into a curry.

[Dollar Pound]

THE BUG LINEN

kryten wakes up or whatever and realises that the whole of starbug’s linen is lost to persons or lifeforms unknown. the crew are in suspended animation because there’s nowhere proper to lie down but now they’re onto the vapour trail again. they find a spacestation which is good because they all need a shit. their hosts are deborah meadon and her quails. the machine is supposed to turn them into a curry but it just sets off a small fire. she storms off but her quails lead them to the missing linen. they are so grateful to meadon’s quails that they forgot about the fire and they all die.

[flanl3]

DEFLATION:

Cat, but was it an accident? Not according to you lot.

[Dollar Pound]

ONLY THIS THREAD

now on bbc 2 the crew of the [steals herself] red dwarf discover the only place on the internet where it’s acceptable to write in capitals

[Ben Saunders]

GANYMEDE & WHO

A fansite for Rimmer’s favourite television program devolves into Doctor Who discussion instead. Meanwhile, Lister has to name all the moons of Jupiter or his bollocks will explode.

[Dave]

DAI MENSCH AND JUMP

The crew meet a Welsh bloke who’s a real stand-up guy, and who regales them with a karaoke version of Van Halen’s 1984 mega-hit.

[Rubber]

Hol o’ slip

Lister slips his dick inside Holly and nine months later she has a little baby Hollister. Meanwhile, Cat goes away but comes back the very next day.

[Rubber]

Delighty TV

The crew watch Detectorists and everyone agrees that it’s about ten thousand times more enjoyable than watching Red Dwarf. Meanwhile, Christmas hits Todhunter hard so he has another crack at doing himself in, this time using a hydraulic door-opening mechanism.

[bloodteller]

BRASSBANDRA- The Canaries inexplicably discover the Gangbé Brass Band at the bottom of a lunar sea. Everyone is delighted until they discover that their instruments don’t work at the bottom of the sea as there is no oxygen. Then everyone drowns.

Meanwhile, Todhunter discovers that “Tod” is German for “Death” and all of a sudden Rubber’s jokes make a lot more sense. But was this an accident?

[Dave]

HOLO’REILLY

Basil and Sybil decide to take a short vacation while their hotel is undergoing renovation, but incompetent builders have Basil scrambling to keep their issues from Sybil.

Oh and they’re all dead.

[cwickham]

SYMES-COR-IA

One of the G&T admins reacts when seeing how many replies this thread now has.

[Dave]

SYMESLIDES

A G&T admin goes to the park.

[Dave]

SYMEWAVE

A G&T admin deletes any posts that disagree with him.

[Dave]

OUT OF SYMES

I’m struggling for more of these ideas.

[bloodteller]

SYMESARA: a G&T admin has lots of hardcore sex until he dies.

[Rubber]

J-Hoare

The G&T admin with the sexiest voice buys the JMC and starts wearing a lot of white.

[Rubber]

Krytee TV

Peripheral character Max Branning gets more lines than series regular ‘The’ Cat.

[cwickham]

SYMESIS LEAK

[This description omitted on grounds of taste.]

[Rubber]

Can of Symes

A G&T admin is ejaculated from a female [actually, was its biological gender ever confirmed? I forget] polymorph, piped inside Danny John-Jules and left to gestate for an unspecified period until he pops out of DJJ’s anus or urethra as a hedgehog wearing a top hat sitting inside a tiny wickle shopping trolley. Meanwhile, Kryten anaesthetises Kochanski, amputates her eyelids and times how long it takes until her eyeballs become unbearably dry and she starts screaming in pain.

[bloodteller]

SINUS LEAK- All mucus and phlegm starts coming out of Lister’s nose and he can’t stop it. Kryten comes round to help, but a particularly violent sneeze results in the both of them drowning.

meanwhile, Hollister decides to pack it in and goes back to selling crap t-shirts

[Rubber]

Minus Leek

Wales gets independence from the rest of the UK and the fancy new pound coin has to be redesigned. Meanwhile, Todhunter adjusts to having lost the entire left side of his body after being sliced vertically in half by that door during his latest suicide attempt, and is pleased to find that a single bunk is now as roomy as a double bed.

[Rubber]

Quaaaarrrrrggggh!

Holly blacks up and screams at the crew for a week for a bit of a laugh

[Ben Saunders]

ACCIDENT

But was it an accident?

[Hamish]

WHAT ACCIDENT?

Rimmer ask Cat a question.

[Hamish]

BACK TO EDIT:

The edit button on the forum gets fixed and I and everyone else gets to fix all those posts we did not proofread properly.

[Dave]

HEN OF HONOUR

When Lister and Rimmer become stranded together on a snow-planet in Starbug, Lister’s grip on reality starts to loosen to the point where he refuses to satisfy his hunger by eating a chicken, as he believes said animal to be an important foreign dignitary.

[Moonlight]

STAR KNOT

Rimmer fails his astro-navs yet again when he can’t remember what a star knot is.

[Author]

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